Song:
To Wish Impossible Things (The Cure)
"But now the sun shines cold. And all the sky is grey. The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears. And all I wish, is gone away."
MAY 1979
Callisto woke up in the middle of the night, the repetitive noise of a beak hitting the glass window echoing in the room. Remus was still well asleep by her side, one arm draped over her, and she could hear the low volume of the TV from the living room, where Sirius had been sleeping.
The protocol said that in case of unexpected letters, more than one person were to handle them. It could be cursed, or it could be a portal, delivering you right into Voldemort's bony hug the minute you touched it. But, Remus looked peaceful sleeping under the covers and the full moon was fast approaching. He needed all the sleep he could get; waking him up just for a persistent owl would be heartless.
The owl tapped on the glass again and Callisto stood up, opening the window. The moment the white folder fell inside the room, the owl flew away, leaving Callisto behind with a sense of deja vu. She had seen that owl before, although she doubted it had delivered letters to her.
She picked up the two envelopes, getting under the covers again and lit up her wand tearing hers open. The other had Sirius' name on it, and it was placed on her nightstand. A picture landed on her lap, three faces looking up at her.
The picture had been taken during Easter of 1977, when Narcissa and Regulus had stayed with her. They were all on the floor, Narcissa holding the camera towards them with a wide grin, while Regulus looked distraught by the muggle object shoved in his face. She could see herself squished between the two, trying to keep a straight face at Regulus' horror.
I couldn't bring myself to throw it away.
Regulus' neat handwriting was enough to bring tears to her eyes. There had been no correspondence from any of them, and that one time she had seen Tobias on a mission, he had apparated away the moment he spotted her. The lack of communication was killing her, and even though she was grateful for the picture in her hands, she couldn't shake off the paralyzing fear in her chest.
Something was wrong.
She opened the folded letter.
Dear Callie,
Chances are that if you are reading this letter, I am dead.
There's nothing you can do, no way to save me or to help. I wish there was a way to comfort you, but I can't find the right words to make you feel better.
Just know that I died for a good cause. If everything went according to plan, Voldemort is one step closer to his death. Do not look more into this, you will find nothing. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I would be a weapon he would use against innocent people, against people like you.
All I ask from you is that you remember me. I don't want you to wake up one day and think of me just like another one of your classmates, or Sirius' little brother. I have always been defined by this, and it's unfair. I want you to remember me for me.
I really do love you. You're my best friend, forever and always.
I'm sorry for everything.
R.A.B.
Callisto quickly opened the second piece of paper hiding in the folder, hoping it would clear that awful prank up. Yet, tears were already streaming down her cheeks, as she tried to read the second letter. The letters seemed to twist and turn in front of her eyes, only causing her to become more distressed by the second. She hadn't registered Remus waking up next to her, alarmed by the muffled screams next to him as she bit hard on her palm.
"Listo," He called, his eyes widening as he saw her. Her knees were brought closer to herself, a piece of parchment on her hands, almost torn up from her tight grip. Her head was bumping against the headpost as she cried, her expression more panicked than he had ever seen it.
His eyes fell on the picture lying on the bed, chills rushing over his body as he saw the three Slytherins together.
"I can't read it." Callisto choked out, her head banging against the headboard more roughly. Remus tried to take the letter from her hands, only to be pushed away, her grip on the paper becoming stronger.
He didn't try to take it away from her this time, instead putting a hand behind her head and bringing her closer to him. The paper was stained with tears, the ink pooling in some places and making the obscure handwriting almost illegible.
Master Regulus said I should deliver these to you if he doesn't return.
~ ~ ~
Unlike Callisto, Sirius hadn't cried, nor banged his head on the wall. He had just left the house, completely disappearing for the entire day and coming back the next morning, barely able to stand. He reeked of alcohol and smoke, blood covering his broken knuckles. It was the look in his eyes that had scared Remus; something inhumane burning behind his dark grey eyes as he shed the first tear.
James was immediately called on site, bringing Euphemia with him.
Remus was stuck between the two rooms, the bedroom where Callisto had secluded herself in, and the living room. Her door was closed and locked shut, no noises coming out of it, except for when he really tried to listen. Her crying was faint, but still as heartbreaking, the door remaining closed no matter how much he knocked or pleaded for her to let him in.
The door stayed shut for three days.
Three days, during which Callisto had felt like dying. In fact, if she could die, just to give him back a few more happy moments, she would. She didn't know what was more messed up; the fact that Regulus Black was younger than her, yet dead, or the fact that she could do nothing about it.
Memories seemed to plague her mind, her body unable to get up and do something just so she could
forget. She was submerged in grief, her head hurting from thinking too much, her eyes red and always glistening with tears, and her body so heavy, she could barely lift a finger.
She didn't have the energy to eat, but she couldn't sleep, instead being stuck in the middle, with her thoughts as her only company.
It didn't help that she could remember everything.
She could remember the first thing he had said to her, as well as the last. She could remember every single facial expression that would take over his features when he got happy or annoyed, his subtle mannerisms that Narcissa would mock. She could remember every single talk and sleepless night.
It hurt, and there was nothing she could do about it.
There was nothing to calm her down, no cure, just that overwhelming pain in her chest that was only accentuated by her lack of medication.
The day she came out of the room, it was strictly because she couldn't stop her hands from shaking.
Remus was right outside her door, seated on the floor with his head on the wall, sleeping. She almost cried again, mostly because of how bad she felt for having him sleep on the floor for two evenings straight.
"Remus." She murmured, shaking him slightly. "Go sleep, love."
His eyes fluttered open, and he shot up, engulfing her in a hug. Callisto reciprocated the hug, almost falling on him from the exhaustion. For better or for worse, he didn't notice, kissing her forehead.
"I'm all awake, don't worry."
Perhaps he was taking advantage of the fact that she was too tired to argue, because she nodded, heading for the living room.
Sirius and James were sleeping on the couch, Callisto's heart clenching at the sight of the older Black. She had always thought their resemblance was something unimportant, but now, she struggled to distinguish between the living and the dead.
She filled a glass with water, not even caring for Remus' gaze on her as she downed three pills, letting the glass back in the sink.
"Do you want to talk?"
"No."
"Is there something I can do?"
"Can you bring him back?" She asked, her voice hoarse. Remus didn't reply, instead shaking his head slightly. "Then no, you can't."
"I wish I could." He sighed. "For both of you... and for him too."
Callisto looked away, biting her lip.
"You should go to sleep."
Remus just nodded, and headed to the room. It was obvious she wanted to be alone.
~ ~ ~
When Callisto received a second letter, she had refused to open it. Sirius was the bravest out of the two, finally opening the white folder just to pull out a handwritten letter by none other than Narcissa Malfoy.
An apology for what had happened at the wedding (Sirius hadn't questioned that), and an invitation to Regulus' funeral, addressed to both of them.
"Thank you." Sirius had said, before they left, taking her hand. "For taking care of him. You were a better sister to him, than I ever was a brother to him."
It's my fault he's dead.
"I failed."
"We all did." He murmured, as they both apparated to the location Narcissa had given them. The woman had hidden a lot of details, namely the fact that the only guests were Andromeda Tonks, Tobias Nott, Callisto, Sirius and herself. No other family, no other friends, just six people, dressed in black from head to toe, gathered in a small clearing by the sea.
Sirius immediately walked over to his cousin as Callisto embraced Narcissa, the smaller woman's arms wrapping around her tightly. Tobias stood by politely, with a far-off expression in his eyes, hugging Callisto for a brief moment before he returned back to staring into nothingness.
Callisto avoided his gaze for the rest of the funeral. There was emptiness behind his eyes, a lost expression that was so unsalvageable, she never wanted to experience it. He looked completely broke, as if he was a living and breathing corpse. Regulus had stolen his life the moment his own had ended, and he had left behind nothing but a hollow shell of a man.
Was that how she would feel if something happened to Remus?
She shuddered at the thought, immediately pushing it away.
It soon became clear that the funeral wasn't something Regulus' parents had decided on. Callisto was sure that they would turn up, but when that didn't happen, she visibly relaxed next to Sirius. There was no body to be buried. Narcissa and Tobias had just gathered some of his belongings in a box; just some pictures, his Quidditch jersey, the sweater with "Regina White" plastered on the front, and some of his books. Callisto had left her copy of his favorite book by the grave, while Sirius had left the ring that was always on his ring finger. Andromeda was holding on a dark green blanket for dear life, until she left it with all the other items.
The box was safely buried under the ground, covered in soil. Instead of a tombstone, Tobias had charmed a rock to fall on top of the grave, the initials R.A.B engraved on it.
Tobias didn't stay much longer, leaving immediately after the 'funeral' ended. Sirius was talking with Andromeda a few meters away, leaving Narcissa and Callisto alone.
The two women stayed silent for a bit, until Narcissa spoke.
"I'm sorry."
Callisto didn't reply.
"I didn't really think it through." She continued. "Callisto, I can't be alone."
"You're not alone."
"I am alone; or at least I feel that way. I just-I miss you and I don't really care about what happens anymore. I want to be able to go out with you, and invite you for a fucking drink in my house and then send you back to Lupin when you get tipsy." She rambled on, wiping her eyes. "I am locked inside for walls. It's like I'm carrying the fucking plague."
"Narcissa-"
"It's unfair of me to ask you that, but I just miss how things used to be so, so much and I-"
"Narcissa!"
"I just wish I could turn back time." Narcissa continued, completely oblivious to Callisto calling her name. That was until Callisto placed a hand in front of Narcissa's lips, muffling her voice.
"We're having dinner together on Friday." Callisto stated. "I'll send you the address to my place. Burn the letter the moment you get it."
Narcissa's eyes widened in concern. "Are you both okay?"
"Both?"
"You and your annoying boyfriend."
"Remus. It's okay, you can say his name." Callisto teased, a tired smile on her lips. It physically hurt to smile at such a time. "He doesn't bite."
Narcissa smiled innocently.
"Oh, but I thought he was a werewolf."
"One night every month." Callisto casually responded, Narcissa's words not settling in her head for a brief moment. Her eyes widened the moment she realized what the blonde had said, her head snapping to her direction.
"I'm not an idiot." She stated. "He- Regulus told me about Damocles Belby. I know for a fact that you wouldn't have done something like that, unless someone you cared about was in trouble. All roads lead to Rome, Callie."
"Narcissa, you-"
"I won't tell a soul." She swore. "I haven't told a soul."
"Regulus knew too." Callisto said, her eyes trailing over to the grave. Andromeda had left a makeshift bouquet of flowers on the ground, while Sirius had his head resting on the rock.
"Regulus always knew too much for his own good." Narcissa sighed. "Perhaps that's why he never left any of that knowledge behind. He didn't want us to end up in the same situation he did."
"Do you know who did it?" Callisto asked, her voice breaking. "Someone-something, must have done it."
"The Dark Lord."
"But, Regulus was-"
"Regulus wasn't. He never convinced him, he never convinced anyone." Narcissa harshly said. "Voldemort did it, one way or another."
"And now?"
Narcissa's eyes were burning with anger when she turned to look at Callisto.
"This is just the beginning."
~ ~ ~
I'm sorry.