A/N: Almost done. Five chapters remaining plus epilogue...
[Now Playing: The Man Who Can't Be Moved by The Script]
GHA Chapter 50
I didn't know how long we stayed together crying our hearts out after I snapped myself to stop letting my emotions take over me.
"Where are you going? Ihahatid kita pauwi." Cyron captured my right wrist with his firm hand, then released it shortly after I stopped walking away and noticed his hold.
"I'll book a cab and commute."
"No. You're going to ride in my car and let me drive you home," he insisted, intently watching me while getting his car key on his pants, as if I'd run away or vanish into thin air.
"Sa Areniego ka pa nauwi, 'di ba. Gabi na. Kaya ko rin naman umuwi."
"Sa condo ako ngayon. Malapit lang dito," ayaw patinag niyang sagot. "And, remember. Your father asked me to drive you to your house, and I assured him. I can't afford to lose his trust."
I pursed my lips.
Si Cyron nga pala itong kausap ko. A stickler for vows. He always fulfilled his promises and hated those promise-breakers.
Sumunod na lang ako sa sasakyan niya at hinayaan na pagbuksan niya ako ng pinto. For a split second, natigilan ako. His familiar manly scent welcomed me, and it lingered in my nose as I got inside his car.
Mabilis kong pinasadahan ng tingin ang loob ng kotse at pinilig na ang ulo sa bintana nang pumasok na si Cyron at binuhay ang engine.
He's really neat when it comes to his stuff. Malinis tignan ang loob ng kotse niya at halatang well-maintained. No wonder. From a man who used to commute and walk back and forth, he really knew how to value things he had worked and earned for.
The whole ride I remained silent. Sa bintana lang talaga ang tingin ko. Ramdam ko 'yung bigat ng atmosphere dito at maging si Cyron din siguro dahil nakuha niya nang paandarin ang radyo ng kotse at nagpatugtog.
The song wasn't helping to ease the intense awkwardness at all. Parang nananadya at sumakto 'yung kanta... sa kaniya, sa sitwasyon namin.
Cyron also stayed silent, maliban na lang 'pag itatanong niya kung tama ba 'yung direksyon namin at kapag nasagot ko na, awkward silence would engulf us again. Malamig naman dito dahil sa aircon, ngunit pakiramdam ko kinakapos ako ng hangin.
His mere presence was too much for me to bear. And to think na mabigat ang pag-uusap namin kanina at galing sa iyakan... this is a really difficult situation to endure for a few minutes that seems like an hour-long torment already.
"I can't open the door," I said, demanding him to let me step outside now because I knew he'd purposely locked it even before he stopped the car in front of our gate.
"Mag-uusap pa rin tayo, 'di ba?"
Naninimbang ang kaniyang tingin nang lingunin ko siya.
"You as Engineer Alfante, and me as anak ng kliyente... yeah. Possibly."
He pursed his lips. "We have our own personal business to talk about. Bukod 'yon."
"Our business has ended," I replied in monotone voice. Halata na ang pagod sa akin.
"There is little to no chance of moving on. You probably know that already, Jillian." He stared at me. Those brown orbs were really expressive. It could unconsciously reveal his soul.
Madali obserbahan ang emosyon niya, subalit mahirap naman basahin ang mga iniisip niya.
"I don't want us to be strangers with memories," mariin niyang saad bago binuksan ang pinto ng sasakyan. "I'm serious... and don't say goodbye. Magkikita pa rin tayo."
"Sorry..." ang tangi kong sinabi bago umalis at dumiretso na sa loob ng bahay.
Walang sorry ang sasapat sa lahat ng ginawa ko sa kaniya. Ngunit iyon na lang talaga ang kaya kong sabihin. That's better than giving him false hope.
The whole day was tough and filled with sheer heartache. I just stared at my ceiling and cried myself to sleep.
For the past few weeks, I've been spending my time working in my office. I was tied up in paper work and meetings. Ako na halos nag-handle ng store operations sa lahat ng branch namin kaya hindi na rin ako inabala nila Daddy at sila na ni Xian ang nag-asikaso sa ongoing project. The setup was actually in my favor. Hindi ko kailangan bumisita sa construction site.
I kept myself busy to divert my attention and avoid... him.
"Jil..." I heard my mother's voice. Naalis ang mata ko sa laptop at nilingon siya na nakadungaw sa pinto.
She stepped in, giving me a small smile. Ngumiti rin ako, delighted to see her again. Ginabi na siya ng uwi for preparation sa birthday ni Xian.
There is really an ineffable relief whenever she gets home safe.
Masaya rin ako knowing na fully recovered na siya. We are now okay, too. Kahit may work na siya as online tutor, she'd find time to ask how my day was or if I needed anything.
Umupo siya sa gilid ng kama ko kaya tumabi ako.
"Tomorrow is your brother's birthday," she began. "Sa Areniego gaganapin. I want you to come with us."
I let out a deep breath. Hindi ako nakasagot agad.
"Sige na... pagbigyan mo na ako ngayon. Huling araw na rin bukas ni Manang Trinidad sa mansyon. She really wants to see you before going back to their province."
I was a bit surprised and sad at the same time. Sobrang tagal na ni Manang Trinidad sa mansyon to the point na parte na siya ng pamilya namin at mas ka-close ko pa kaysa sa parents ko.
"Okay. Sasama po ako." Hindi naging maganda ang huling ala-ala ko roon, but maybe it's really time to return.
Hesitant din ako umuwi noon dahil baka magtagpo kami ni Cyron. But at least now, we've done talking and haven't seen each other for awhile. Madalas na siya sa Manila kaya malabo nang magkita kami sa Areniego at sa mismong mansyon pa namin.
"Are you okay, Jil?" Mom asked in a worried tone. Napansin niya siguro ang sandali kong pananahimik.
"Not really..."
"Your eyes tell me the sadness you never shared." Sinipat niya ako. I just hugged her. Marahan niya namang hinaplos ang mahaba kong buhok.
"I'm sorry, Mom..." I mumbled, not knowing exactly what I was apologizing for. Siguro sa lahat. Ang hirap isa-isahin.
"Shh... don't feel bad, Jillian. Allow yourself to be free from guilt, or at least, let yourself be happy again. You deserve that."
I faintly smiled. We stayed that way, and later on, I returned to my work and started preparing my things.
Kinabukasan ng tanghali kami tumulak patungong Areniego. My family got everything set for a double celebration. Binigay ko na ang regalo ko kay Xian bago pa kami kumain.
"Thanks, Jie. Susuot ko 'to agad," tukoy niya sa mga polo shirts na bigay ko. "Jie. Your phone... Kanina pa nailaw."
I immediately turned it off. Dumadagsa 'yung text at tawag galing sa store at sa... iba.
We were all gathered at the dining table. I ate silently while listening to them. I didn't know what to feel, naghalo ang saya at lungkot kaya nang matapos kumain, agad akong napayakap kay Manang Trinidad.
I gave her a forlorn embrace. Niyakap niya ako pabalik at inalo dahil pansin niyang maiiyak na ako. She became a mother figure to me. Mula nang nag-abroad si Mommy, siya na ang kasama ko kaya sobrang mami-miss ko siya.
"B-Bakit ka aalis, Manang?"
"Alam mo naman matanda na ako. Gusto ko na makasama ang mga kaanak ko."
I slowly nodded. "Hindi ko na pala matitikman ang paborito kong carbonara. Hahanap-hanapin ko lagi ang luto n'yo."
Natawa siya.
"Tuturuan sana kita kaso ngayon na lang ulit tayo nagkita, hija. Sayang nga, e. Gusto ko pa sanang masaksihan ka na magka-asawa at anak."
"Baka kahit pumuti po lahat ng buhok ninyo, hindi n'yo pa rin masasaksihan 'yun."
"Maganda ka, hija. Hindi imposible 'yan. Ikaw kaya ang alaga kong habulin ng mga binata."
I shook my head. Niyakap ko siya ulit. Minutes later, hinayaan ko muna siya mag-asikaso dahil may liligpitin pa raw siya. Umakyat muna ako sa kwarto ko upang makapag-palit ng damit.
Memories automatically played in my head. Both good and worse. I snuggled down in my bed and closed my eyes.
"Ma'am Jillian!"
Napabangon ako sa tawag ni Yaya Rosalie. God. I'm really back in this house!
"Why?" I asked, arching my brow. Bukas pa naman ng umaga ang alis ni Manang Trinidad. Then, patapos na ang salusalo sa birthday ni Xian.
"Nakita ko po si Sir Cyron. Nasa labas ng gate. Akala ko imbitado at makiki-kain... hanap ka lang pala."
I inwardly panicked. "Sinabi mong wala ako?"
"Opo, sabi ko wala ka."
"Good."
"Kaso po ayaw maniwala at itinuro ang bintana rito. Madalas daw siya dumaan dito, ngayon lang daw ulit bukas ang ilaw ng kwarto mo," she told, slightly amazed. "Ang observant niya pala, Ma'am Jillian."
I pursed my lips.
"Pumasok sa mansyon?"
"Hindi po. Ayaw niya. Sa labas ng gate lang daw siya maghihintay. Kung puwede raw bumaba ka at mag-usap kayo."
"Pauwiin mo na, gabi na."
Maagap na sumunod si Yaya Rosalie. I drew a deep breath.
Nasa tatlong linggo na rin kaming hindi nagkikita. He tried communicating with me over the phone, but I always declined it. The more na nag-uusap kami, the situation only becomes harder.
I was really trying to be rational. I didn't want to be impulsive again. It must be mind over heart. Conscience over emotions.
"Ma'am Jillian, ayaw niya umalis. Hindi raw siya aalis hangga't di ka nakakausap."
Ano pa bang pag-uusapan namin? I thought it was already settled.
"Let him. Uuwi rin 'yan."
"Pustahan tayo Ma'am Jillian, hindi 'yun uuwi."
Tumaas ang kilay ko. She nervously laughed and excused herself.
Sinara ko na ang kwarto ko at naligo. I was drying my hair when I was tempted to peek out the window. Hindi ko siya mahagilap sa tapat ng gate.
Nasa gilid siguro siya at sa likuran ng pader nakatayo gaya ng dati kong naaabutan.
Pero naulan. Sobrang lakas.
He must be gone.
I shut my eyes. I was having mental warfare again. This was like a business. When things are out of control, your mind must still function and be in control. Hindi padalos-dalos...
Fuck up! This is gonna be an exception!
Sabi ko hindi ko na siya lalapitan. Sabi ko itutulak ko na siya palayo. Ngunit kung ganito siya... Ugh! Cyron! Ever persistent. Ang kulit mo!
Hangga't maaari iniiwasan ko na siya. Ayoko na siyang dumikit sa akin dahil minamalas siya lagi. Ako ang malas sa buhay niya. Madalas siyang napapahamak dahil sa akin. He was jailed, got dropped for a year, beaten, hospitalized, got sick, and forced into a marriage of convenience.
Hindi na nadala. Mas makokonsensya lang ako lalo kung may mangyari pa ulit sa kaniya na kamalasan dahil sa'kin.
"Ma'am Jillian. Teka! Saan ka po? Ang lakas ng ulan sa labas!"
Nilagpasan ko si Yaya Rosalie at tila hangin na dumaan pababa. Hindi ko nakasalubong ang parents ko kaya naging mabilis ang paglabas ko ng mansyon at sinugod na ang malakas na ulan.
My heart started to ache at the sight of him. Cyron is really here, standing still against the wall and against the heavy rain. Nakahalukipkip siya habang nakayuko. He was entirely soaked. Kahit damit niya na kaya batid kong nilalamig na siya.
My god. He was stupidly in love.
If only he had brought his car, he could have stayed in it... No. Mas mabuti na pala na wala. Mas delikado kung magmamaneho pa siya nang ganito ang panahon. Konsensya ko na talaga ang papatay sa'kin kapag may nangyari pang masama sa kaniya.
I walked closer to him and covered him under the umbrella. I really had to extend my hand dahil mas matangkad siya sa'kin.
"Payungan mo sarili mo. I'll call a cab para makauwi ka na." Inabot ko sa kaniya 'yung payong, but instead of holding it, he poured his whole attention on me.
Bagsak na ang buhok niya dahil basa. Nahaharangan na ang mga mata niya, ngunit pansin ko pa rin ang mga tingin niyang walang emosyon. That cold gaze sent a shiver down my spine. Nakaramdam na rin talaga ako ng lamig dahil sa hampas ng hangin sa katawan kong nababasa na ng ulan.
"C-Cyron. Kunin mo na."
"You told me before to enjoy the rain," sagot niya sa mahina at namamaos nang boses.
Umismid ako. "That's not the face of someone enjoying the rain."
Umayos siya nang tindig kaya mas nahirapan akong payungan siya. I firmly gripped it and raised my hand more. But he pushed it towards me.
"I haven't seen you in a while. Naiwas ka."
"Busy."
"Kahit tawag o text. It's my way of making an appointment with you."
"Hindi ko napansin."
"Wala na ba talagang pag-asa?"
I looked up and I noticed his eyes starting to turn red. Tila may punyal na sumaksak sa dibdib ko.
He ran his finger through his damp hair and let out a deep breath. Ilang segundo siyang walang imik, matatag na sinasalo ang pagbagsak ng ulan.
May trabaho pa siya. Hindi siya puwede magkasakit.
"Pumasok ka na sa mansyon habang natawag ako ng sasakyan," pilit ko.
"Uuwi na ako. Basta magkikita tayo bukas," seryosong saad niya. "Susunduin kita rito. May ipapakita lang ako sa'yo."
"I can't." Hindi rin ako sigurado kung anong oras kami luluwas pa-Maynila bukas.
"Just one day. Wala pa sa kalahati ng araw mo ang masasayang. Kahit ilang oras lang..." he said, almost begging.
"Cyron—"
"Titigil na ako, Jillian..."
My lips parted a bit.
He looked straight into my eyes. "That's a promise. I'll stop chasing you. Titigilan na talaga kita... basta pumayag ka."
Cyron Alfante always sticks to his words; always speaks with assurance. When he made a promise, he would fulfill it at all costs.
Humigpit ang hawak ko sa payong. He seemed dead serious this time. I faked my smile and… slowly nodded.
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