I don't want to be here
In the depths of my mind
I don't want to lie awake at night
Thinking of the worst times
I don't want you on my mind
Yet throughout each day recently
Memories of our time together
Sneak up behind me
I'm still not fully healed
From the heart you broke
I've got hundreds of scars
That I'll never show
I can't place how I feel
Or why you won't go away
For some stupid fucking reason
You're on my mind, day after day
You showed me what love is
Even if it wasn't the love I deserved
I can't forget that feeling
Now I'm left feeling hurt
It was rare, to be honest
For you to make me feel that way
I always told you and showed you
You could never do the same
Our relationship base was the trenches
It's where you preferred us to stay
You would always yank me back down
I never realized until that day
I had the voice in my head
The tinge in my heart
Telling me to leave you
To give myself a fresh start
I kept ignoring those thoughts
I pushed the feelings further down
Even though I knew I was too good for you
I refused to let anyone tear you down
The love that I gave you wasn't easy
It drained me down to my bones
I just kept giving myself to you
I just wanted you to know
I wanted you to see your worth
To feel proud of who you were
All you needed was support
You never had any before
As you slowly let me build you
Taking pieces from my soul
You realized you can do this
By this I mean reach your goals
You were never one to have good things
Whether it was family, clothes, or friends
So I made sure to give you everything
No matter what, until the end
I showed you how to be yourself
How to breathe when there is air
I pulled you out of the trench
I proved that someone cares
I gave you the key to living life
One that can make you smile
Even if the days aren't all good
You can still stay for a while
All I ever wanted was for you to see it
Your true potential
So now that you aren't blind
Why am I in this hole?
Some would say I got myself here
By ignoring all the signs
But fuck I just wanted to love you
Every day that you were mine
When I read those texts that night
The ones that proved my gut was right
I realized that I gave you too much power
I let your ego grow too much in size
So when my battery was empty
Because I let yours charge all night
You stabbed me in my back
Then buried me alive
I think that's why I think of you
Even though you're no longer mine
I saved you when your light was gone
So a piece of me wants you to thrive