Tami 🦋
I was currently sat on my bed in my pjs not knowing exactly how to respond to derin's text message. He just found out that I lied to him, I've never lied to him before and I don't know how to make this any better.
It feels like I just cheated on him and I couldn't help but feel extremely guilty.
"What am I going to doo??! God! This is so messed up.." I groaned into my pillow feeling really frustrated.
Should I reply him? What can I say?
"If I don't reply him now, he'll know that I really lied to him and thinking about this now nothing I say could make this any better".
I immediately took a screenshot sending it to Kemi not knowing what to do my heart beating really fast. She immediately responded with a shocked emoji her type bubble showing on the screen.
"Tami? What did you do?" She sent..
"I might have lied to Derin that I was taking my grandma to the hospital just to get out from hanging out with him and he caught me in my lie." I replied
"Why did you lie?? You could have just said you aren't down to hang out with him" she typed back.
"I know.. and now I regret lying.. I didn't think he'd find out or that Sayo would post a picture of us together.." I replied
"Aww that's so sweet of Sayo, but now you're in a bit of a pickle with Derin"
"A bit?!!!" I sent freaking out
"Okay relax.. just explain to him that your grandma went with someone else and Sayo just showed up in front of your house so you had no choice but to go with him" she sent
"You mean lie again?" I asked
I can't lie again to Derin, that'll just end up more messed up that it already is.. I'm just going to man up and tell him the truth.
"Well it's not like you have a choice right now tami"..
"I'm just going to tell him the truth" I replied
"You sure?? He seemed pretty upset that you lied tho" she said
"I know.. but if I lie again I'll just mess things up more.." I sent with a sigh
"Alright babe, if you say so.. good luck okay.." she replied
"Thanks.."
I immediately went offline going to my contacts and dialing derin's number. It rang for a while before he finally picked up.
"Hey" he answered softly
"Derin, look I .. I can explain.." I stuttered nervously..
"Why did you lie tami? You've never lied to me before" he said sounding hurt and upset making me feel more guilty.
"Derin I'm sorry, believe me I didn't want to but I was scared you'd flip out again if I told you I was going out with your brother" I explained softly
"That still doesn't explain why you lied to me tami.." he repeated sounding upset.
"I know nothing I say can make me look better in your eyes but I'm really sorry.. I didn't think you'd find out, please don't be upset with me.." I begged softly my voice breaking.
He was silent for a while before I heard him speak " Do you like my brother that much that you'll ditch me and then lie just for him?" He asked
"Derin.. c'mon it's not like that, you know I'm not like that" I explained
"You're starting to look like that tami and honestly I'm so upset.. I don't even wanna talk to you right now" he answered causing my face to fall into an expressionless look.
"Are you seriously kidding me right now Derin?? It was just one date! Am I not allowed to go on a date with a guy??" I asked starting to sound furious
"Not if that person is my brother tami.." he answered causing me to scoff in disbelief.
"You know what, I don't care.. I'm tired of walking on hot coals with you.. you just keep making things so complicated Derin! I don't.."
"Tami, just stop.. please.." he answered sounding irritated.
Are we about to fight again? Derin has never been irritated with me before.. why's he so upset that I went out with his brother..
"Why are you so upset about this?" I asked calmly
"I'm not upset you went out with Sayo, I'm upset that you lied to me tami" he answered
"And I already said I was sorry and explained the reason why I lied" I replied feeling frustrated.
"Just forget it tami, I really don't care what happens between you and Sayo" he said his words hurting me exceedingly
"What?.." I said my voice breaking..
"I'm tired tami, goodnight" and with that he hung up.
I didn't even realize that I had already started crying, the tears dropping down my face as I cleaned my face lying face flat on my bed letting the tears fall freely as I felt my pain fade away...
************
Today was Sunday and I was dressed in a simple Ankara knee length gown and platform heels as we all went to church. My mum was a church worker so I had to be in church pretty early with my sisters, it was currently Sunday school service and as much as I was interested to learn about faith my mind was pretty much else where.
Derin refuses to talk to me and it's been over a week now since we had that argument over the phone. I also didn't try reaching out to him because I was so pained when he said that he didn't care about what happened between Sayo and I.
He's supposed to care! We're best friends.. I've always cared even with how many times he's dated so many girls but he's mad now that it's my turn?!
So what if the guy's his brother?! What's wrong in that?!
"Tami.. Tami.." Charles tapped me on the shoulder bringing me out of my thoughts about Derin.
"Yes?" I answered..
"You're asked to read a bible passage for us.." he answered making me nod my head in realization as the group of people gathered for the study looked at me in confusion.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered in embarrassment quickly reading the Bible verse.
After I was done, the minister continued with the explanation before I felt Charles whisper in my ear.
"Tami, what's wrong? You've been out of it since you arrived this morning.. are you okay?" He asked me looking concerned.
I just gave him a small smile mouthing the words " I'm alright" but he didn't seem fully convinced with my answer.
I immediately stood up taking an excuse from the minister as I left the gathering for somewhere quiet to breathe. My mind wasn't in the right place, the fact that Derin and I were falling out was seriously affecting me. I took in a deep breath closing my eyes when I felt the presence of someone standing next to me. I opened my eyes only to be met with concerned looks from Charles.
"Tami.. what's wrong?" He asked
Charles and I were currently in a the basement of the church, no one rarely went there and it was a very quiet place to think and talk without anyone giving us weird looks. I could always talk to Charles because he was a good listener and one of my closest friends.
I sat down on one of the empty chairs as he sat next to me holding my hands in his, his warm eyes encouraging me to talk to him.
"Charles.., I had a fight with Derin" I said finally
Charles knew about Derin and didn't really like him much, he said Derin was a spoilt brat who had everything handed to him easily and also a player. Back when Derin attended our church they never seemed to get along and would always fight each other, Derin usually called him stuck up and a prude.. and most times I'm usually the cause of their fights.
Although Charles doesn't know about my unrequited love for Derin, and Derin doesn't know that Charles likes me and I'll like to keep it that way to avoid anymore outbursts but Charles always wondered why I was so close to Derin.
"What was the fight about?" He asked calmly
"I lied to him about something and he found out about it and he's pretty upset with me and refuses to talk to me" I explained
"Well does he know why you lied?" He asked
"Yes I explained to him and apologized but then he said some hurtful things to me and I can't stop feeling guilty" I said with a sad sigh.
"Tami.. don't overthink it, honestly on my part derin's just overreacting. I mean you already apologized didn't you?" He repeated
"Yes I did.."
"So let him be, he'll come around when he wants to tami but please don't think about it anymore and just put a smile on your face." He encouraged giving me a warm smile causing me to blush shyly.
Charles was good looking no doubt about that, but he wasn't the boy I wanted. I gave him a hug thanking him for listening to me before he released himself from me giving me a wink.
"C'mon tami, let's go back up before they start wondering where we went to.." he said causing me to give a short laugh.
"Yeah you're right.."
**************
Sayo and I were currently in his room watching a movie. Even with how Derin and I have been ignoring each other for a week now, that didn't stop me from texting Sayo and meeting up with him.
Just cos' Derin wants nothing to do with me currently, doesn't mean I'll put my life on hold cos of him.
Derin wasn't around, and apparently he went out with his girlfriend which hurt a lot when Sayo told me. Sayo doesn't know about my fall out with his brother, or he does know and is pretending not to care. Earlier this morning before I went to church I got a text from Sayo saying I should drop by at his house so we can Netflix and chill and I had nothing important going on so I accepted his offer.
The movie played on the tv screen but my mind wasn't on it, all I could think about was Derin. Jealousy coursed through me as I imagined Derin and Naomi in different loving scenarios and the more I thought about them the more I got furious.
"Tami!" Sayo shouted snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Yes?"I answered
"Where's your mind?? I've been calling you for over a minute now.." he said sounding a bit annoyed with me.
" I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit sick lately" I answered softly.
I wasn't wrong though, ever since Derin and I had that argument I've not been myself for a while. I've been unable to sleep properly, plus been getting tons of headaches.
"Come here baby, what's wrong?" He said pausing the movie and resting my head on his chest as I felt him stroke my hair which was oddly soothing.
I gave a sigh to that before I started sobbing into his shirt surprising him a bit before he relaxed petting my head softly.
I don't think Sayo and I could be anything more than friends.. I'm in too deep with his brother..
"Sayo why won't he talk to me?? Does he hate me that much for lying to him, I already apologized.. I don't understand why he's doing this to me.. it's hurting me badly" I said crying badly soaking up his shirt.
"It's Derin isn't it?" He asked softly
"Yeah.. he's being ignoring me for over a week now. Not saying anything to me, walking past me when he sees me. Giving me blank expressionless looks making me feel so guilty and unhappy" I answered truthfully.
"It's alright tami, don't cry because of my dumb brother. He's not worth your tears at all" Sayo cooed softly petting my hair.
"I honestly don't want to, but I can't help it Sayo. He's making me feel so bad for what I did, I don't know why he's making it such a big deal I mean it was just one date and I already apologized" I explained as I choked on my sobs..
"Everything will be okay tami, I promise.. please don't cry anymore" he said with a sigh causing me to raise my head up from his chest cleaning my eyes.
"I want to go home sayo" I said my voice breaking and sounding sad.
"I'll drop you off" he offered as we both climbed down from his bed walking out of his room.
"Thanks"
Sayo went to get his car keys from his parents room while I stood in their large furnished living room subtly cleaning my tears as I waited for him. Derin walked in looking attractive as ever with a smile on his face as he pressed his phone and I felt my heart jump at the sight of him.
At least he looked happy.
He hadn't noticed me yet, but my eyes were still on him as I watched him smile happily into his phone making me feel more pathetic. His eyes suddenly looked up as if feeling like he was being stared at before they met mine. He looked surprised for like a minute probably wondering what I was doing in his house before he masked it with an expressionless look causing my heart to break.
Is he still mad at me??
I was about saying something before I heard Sayo call my name as he climbed down the stairs. Derin looked at me and his brother before he gave a dry chuckle in realization.
Is he really doing this right now?!! I just finished pouring my heart out and crying like a pathetic loser in front of his brother who might like me just because of him and he's acting like a jerk.
I couldn't take it anymore, I felt the anger flood my veins directed all at him. I unconsciously picked up one of the couch pillows flinging it at his head causing him to freeze in shock, Sayo looking at me in surprise wondering why I flung a pillow at his brother.
He turned to look at me giving me an annoyed look as I stomped up to him, my hands in fists my blood boiling in rage standing right in front of him before I screamed.
"I hate you Derin!" I said in anger and hurt my eyes glassy as I watched his eyes turn into that of shock and hurt before he masked it with his usual blank look.
I've never said that to him before.
"I said I was sorry! What more do you want from me?!! If you hate the fact that I hung out with your brother then why's it bothering you so much?! Why do you keep ignoring me?! Are you already tired of me?! Is that it Uhn?! Just because your brother found me pretty you ignore me? And act like I don't exist?! You're such a fucking jerk Derin! And I hate you so much!!" I screamed in his face hitting his chest before walking out of his house the tears streaming down my face.
"Tami, Tami.." Sayo called me worriedly rushing to my side before I felt him engulf me in a tight hug as I cried harder into his shirt.
"It's okay tami, everything's going to be fine.." he cooed softly petting my hair.
"I feel so pathetic, I'm such a fool.. he obviously wants nothing to do with me now" I said sobbing harder..
"Derin's just a blockhead..I promise you tami that he still cares about you, he's just really bad at expressing his feelings" Sayo answered
"That's what I thought Sayo, but now I've finally realized the truth and what your brother thinks of me and honestly I'm done! What ever I feel for Derin now is over, I can't do this anymore" I answered releasing myself from Sayo wiping my face with the back of my hands.
"I'm sorry bout him tami.." Sayo apologized softly
"It's okay.. I'll take my leave now"
"At least let me drop you off" he offered nicely
"No, I'll take a taxi.. let's not give your brother any more ideas" I said hailing down a taxi and getting in.
"Text me when you get home Okay" Sayo said giving me concerned looks.
"I will... bye" and with that the taxi drove off.
Authors note
Okayyyyy... that was just very crazy..
And who else thinks derin's extremely toxic to himself and Tami..
Sayo and Charles are honestly tami's knight in shining armor.
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