[Jungkook]
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Jimin was centimetres away from me and even though it pained me all over my body seeing him kissing that silly girl I was glad how things spanned out. I was so jealous and just wanted to pound on something. I darted out of there but then Molly had rushed me and pulled me into her arms.
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"I heard you were looking for me," she gasped and even though I had no clue as to what she was talking about she held on to my head and planted her lips on mine.
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It was when I heard the front door close that I realized what was happening. Then I saw him watching us. NO!!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT!!! I wanted to shout out but everyone around were looking and howling at Molly and I like primates. I was so embarrassed that I needed to put some distance between us. Oh fuck! What the hell just happened? Did I allow Molly to kiss me because I saw Jimin locking lips with Amanda? That was a real fucked up thing to do.
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But afterwards Jimin talked with me and I found myself melting in his eyes and presence. Jimin didn't even have to say anything just the smell of his aroma made me calm and feel good again. Life made sense again. I knew he wanted me to have a better social life which included interacting with my peers but I was having a hard time finding a connection with people who were just like sex-crazed Gucci cavemen. Jimin was different though... so different. But unknown to him, my connection with him happened long before I registered to his university.
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Both my parents were born in South Korea. My dad was from Seoul while my mom was from Busan. They were both studying to be educators and in their final year of university, they both applied to be exchange students in the Teacher's College in the US. So after living all their lives in the same country they met in a foreign land and fell in love with each other and their new living environment. The school where they did their final teaching practice was so impressed by their teaching styles that they were both given the opportunity to work there for a year. So after going back to South Korea to get married, my dad and my pregnant mom moved and settled in the US. Suki my sister, was born and three years after they had me. My brother Jon came five years after me.
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While most of my classmates would have a big celebration and party for their sweet sixteenth birthday, I was burying my eleven year old brother. Jon loved riding his bicycle and would always want the newest additions for his beloved bike, Lucy. He was a fan of Charlie Brown and had Lucy stickers all over his bike. I would tease him whenever he hopped on Lucy wearing his yellow striped t-shirt. I told him finally Charlie was riding Lucy and he would always get mad at me.
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We argued a lot over a lot of shit but that was just our brotherly love. While my delicate sister had a room for herself, I had to share my space with my little brother. God that was stress especially when we had totally different interests. I was into sports, art and music while he was a total book worm. He loved the Sciences and wanted to be an astronaut when he got bigger. I would sometimes think now that he was flying in space. Enjoying riding the planets and stars being the eternal astronaut.
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I was thankful that the last time I saw him alive that even though I teased him about his dick caressing Lucy's seat, I had told him that I loved him and he smiled at me and said he loved me too. It was the 4th of July, Independence Day and we had plans to pig out in front the television and watch the movie 'Independence Day'. He was going to the shop to buy some more snacks when a truck driver lost control of his heavy duty vehicle and slammed straight into my brother. I heard the commotion and immediately I got a bad feeling. Jon hadn't returned home and when I heard the sirens I cussed to myself. I thought he stayed back watching whatever was going on and got distracted so I went down to find him.
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The image of my brother's body bloody and broken on the ground with Lucy covering him will never-ever leave me. I made out the Lucy stickers on the bike and saw the blood. Later on I wondered if she tried to protect him from the impact. Sweet Lucy... The fire department kept onlookers away from the site because the truck was unstable. I yelled out Jon's name and began screaming. An officer held me back and started asking me questions that were totally inaudible to me. Finally the shop keeper came and told the officers that I was the victim's brother. He said Jon had just left his shop and was happy for the holiday to spend time with his big brother. I cried and cried and cried. Somehow the officers got my cell phone and contacted my parents. They came as the officers were moving Lucy and Jon's mashed up body. I heard my mother's screams and my dad was sobbing as he held on to us trying to keep us from seeing their child and my brother in that horrific state. When I saw the blood over the yellow stripes of his t-shirt I screamed out again.
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I was never the same after that. I went through days of not eating, giving everyone the creepy silent treatment and having terrible nightmares. I was a zombie for the wakes, funeral and for months after. The psychiatrist assigned to me and my sister eventually had to give me medication to get me to sleep and told my parents if I didn't improve she would have to move me from my home into a mental institution to ensure I had 24/7 supervision. The goodly doctor thought that I was suicidal. Then one night I was fighting my sleep watching television when a Charlie Brown commercial came on. I bawled and bawled out. My parents and sister ran and hugged me. Then I finally dozed off in Suki's arms with her singing a lullaby to me. That night I had a dream of Jon.
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It was of our last interaction. Jon was smiling at me telling me he loved me and I heard the voice of the shopkeeper saying nice things about Jon's last visit to him. Then I saw a bright figure coming at me and staying with me. The figure put his arms around me and I felt an ease. He told me that Jon was happy and he and Lucy were riding the skies just as I had imagined. Then I saw Jon laughing riding Lucy and I began to laugh with him. Then Jon came and hugged me and I heard his voice, "Jungkookie my big brother. I love you." I cried and he wiped my tears and told me that Lucy loved me too and that he and Lucy were going to be okay. I woke up the next morning with tears streaming and a smile. Suki was lying next to me sleeping too. I reached out and hugged her. She got up and touched my hair.
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"Hello..." I whispered to her.
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"Hello..." She whispered back.
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Suki smiled when she saw my smile and I told her that I saw Jon. I told her about my dream and she cried in my arms. My parents came in and when I told them what I saw they were comforted too. Mom even shared that she too saw Jon in her dreams of him laughing in the clouds. After that divine intervention I began to live again. I lived for Jon and for Suki, our parents and for myself. I focused on my school work and was able to improve my grades and continued doing what I loved as well. I visited Jon's grave and placed Charlie and Lucy dolls instead of flowers. I told them to keep him company until my next visit.
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After my brother's untimely death, I had become even more of a recluse but after coming out of my zombie-comatose state, I focused on my studies and on my art, sports, dancing and singing. When I was in my final year of high school, my mother gave me additional lessons to pass the exams. Which I did, getting in the 90% for the first time in my school life. I felt like Jon not only gave me his love but he blessed me with his brain and love for studying too. I felt like I was making him proud.
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At age 18, I decided to do the SAT's and apply for colleges so I would look through the periodicals and magazines that my dad would order from various universities. In one of them there was an article on the famous The Elite University. Attached to the article was a large picture of two handsome guys: Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin. They were dressed in the school's official formal dress attire. And although Taehyung was a handsome guy, it was the blonde guy next to him who captivated me. Jimin's skin was so clean and smooth, his bright light brown eyes held me, his cute nose and his lips. God they were just juicy and so inviting. The next page had a picture of him with more students from the students' guild at a family fun day. My eyes immediately found Jimin and I knew I was done for. He was holding a cat in his arms and he had one of the biggest smiles ever. My heart began beating a different tune.
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I never knew why I didn't feel the same way my ex-girlfriend felt about me. However, when I looked at Jimin's photo I finally understood. My relationship with Barbara, my ex, was just for convenience and I felt that maybe it was time for me to have a girlfriend. I only agreed to go out with her because she was really a nice person. When she asked me to be her boyfriend I was cool with it. We were already hanging out, studying and going out with each other so why not. When she kissed me, I honestly didn't feel anything. My sister Suki said when she kissed her boyfriend she felt fireworks lighting all around and inside of her body. I felt nothing. Even her lipstick had a crayon feel to it. Almost cake-like but not in a sweet way. I was disappointed and after doing that for about a month we eventually broke up. We separated on good terms though but she did confessed to me that my kisses weren't off the charts for her. Plus I hadn't moved to second base with her and she was becoming impatient. Go figure!
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However when I saw Jimin's face in that photo I felt my insides light up like a bright star. I was amazed that a picture could cause me to react so sensually when my physical girlfriend couldn't. I had my first real boner and my first release of semen from his photo. The good thing was that I didn't need porn or dirty magazines in my room like my other friends. All I needed was to keep the magazine with Jimin's photo with me to get myself in that special place and feel that heat that made me feel like a real man.
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I got a 1425 in my SAT scores and told my parents I wanted to attend The Elite University. It was going to be hard on them financially but they saw the drive in me and they took the money they had saved for my brother and add it to my own little account. Plus my grandparents, aunts and uncles pooled and sent their monetary contributions to help me too. The school also had a scholarship programme for students who were struggling financially. I applied and because of my high SAT scores and my sporting skills they were very impressed and gave me a full scholarship. So I left my home and went to do my very best at The Elite University.
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As I entered I heard the booms of the drums and trumpets sounding from their marching band. Their orientation was like a family day with booths of their various clubs. I was determined to find Jimin who was a senior now but that would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Well just like my fictional hero Ironman, I was going to bring a magnet to this game to find my needle. I quickly went to the information booth and said that I was interested in joining the 'Adopt a Brother' programme which I read about in the magazine. They showed me where it was and I felt like a magnet finding the opposite poles of Jimin's magnet. When I saw him my heart dropped. He was so much more handsome in real. When he laughed, I giggled with him and I found myself stuck to the soft grass below. There were quite a few volunteers helping out in his booth and even though they became available I just waited for Jimin.
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It was then that I saw Taehyung watching me. He was sitting next to Jimin. His eyebrow arched as he took in my body. I never had a guy look me up and down like this dude. What's his fucking problem? Then I saw him pucker his lips but Jimin had moved to go and get something to drink. My eyes followed and stayed with Jimin at the cooler. Then I saw as Taehyung waved at me and motioned for me to come to him but the soft smooth grass wasn't releasing me just yet. Sorry Taehyung... The grass doesn't want me to move... When Jimin was moving back to his seat my eyes diverted back to him. Taehyung realized. FUCK!!! My eyes gave me away.
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Then Taehyung bent his head and whispered something to Jimin. I saw as Jimin leaned to look past the person in front of him to look at me. SHIT!!! I was fucking nervous. Jimin was looking at me. I saw as he looked directly at my eyes and then back to the table. Jimin didn't look at my body the way Taehyung did. I was both relieved and disappointed. Relieved that he wasn't a creep but disappointed that he didn't seem interested.
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Then I felt like I was getting a heart attack as Jimin stood up and came out of his seat. I was in a daze seeing this gorgeous angel walking towards me. Where are his wings? Are you my fallen angel, Park Jimin? Then he sealed the deal when he came up to me and whispered the one word that brought comfort to me:
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"Hello". All I could think was, 'You had me at hello...' I smiled as the word 'hello' came out of me and Jimin smiled back at me. And that's how our beautiful friendship began.
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Meeting and interacting with Jimin was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was spending more time with him as his 'Little Brother' with Jimin helping me out with class schedules and trying out for the various sports teams. Even our study periods I made sure that I met him for that quiet time of going through assignments and researching. It was during those private moments that I took time to fully observe him. Jimin's body was slim but fit. Where I would go to the gym and workout so my muscles were big enough to fill out the football uniform, Jimin's body was rock solid in a slim fit way and he looked amazing when we would go to the pool together.
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Actually my favourite times were when we were at the pool doing our laps. We'd race each other and see who could do more laps in the fastest times. One time I almost pulled him into my frame to fucking have my way with him but I fucked up instead. We were resting after doing a 50 lap marathon and Jimin was floating with his eyes closed and a sweet smile on his lips. I was sitting on the edge of the pool watching him. Then the setting sun's rays came through the window and rested on his body. I swallowed my saliva as I felt as though I tasted him. The drops of water that clung to his body glistened in the light. I wanted to put my lips on his pecks and I swallowed again. Then he started to hum and I felt my dick stretching out. Fuck. I was getting hard. I bent my head back and grunted in anguish but when I looked back at Jimin, he was treading upright and his eyes were open as he was watching me with an intense stare.
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OMG! Fucking shit! He heard me, saw me or worst yet was he seeing me getting hard while watching him. Very much embarrassed, I quickly got up and grabbed my towel and headed towards the washroom. I heard him calling me but I ignored him and continued to head to the showers to calm my ass down. Or really to get my dick down. Shit! I had to move fast. Images of Jimin lying in the water and his eyes watching me kept flashing but they weren't helping my current situation. Just breathe... I quickly took off my swim trunks and entered the showers. It was still early for closing time but the place was quiet and empty. We would usually use the pool after training was finished. Our swim coach would leave the keys with us giving us permission to do more laps so we usually would lock up within the hour. The place was quiet and empty so I knew when I heard the door close and footsteps I knew it was him. Who am I kidding? I knew it was him because I smelt his intoxicating peach scented shampoo.
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I bent my head down and imagined holding his hair in my hands and putting my nose deep in his strands just before lifting his head and taking his lips in mine. Fuck! My dick was in cahoots with my brain and I had to cover my mouth when Jimin took the shower next to me. The small partition that covered our private area didn't do anything for me because his eyes were full and bright searching to see my face.
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"Jungkook... Are you okay? You just left. I thought we were staying longer but if you want to leave now we can. Is that what you want to do?" He asked softly but my dick was aching to answer him and show him exactly what I wanted to do with him. I was going to explode.
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I was really trying my best to hold on to whatever pride and reasoning I had left. I couldn't do what I really wanted to do. 'I want to kiss and fuck you Jimin' I was screaming in my head but only my heart and dick heard me. Then he called me and I couldn't... I just couldn't hold it in...
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"Hey..." Jimin had put his hand out to touch my shoulder but I pulled back fast.
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"Don't touch me!!!" I yelled at him.
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If he had only touched me I was going to pull him into my shower and fuck him and fuck him hard. Fuck being a virgin. I was ready to give him that too. However Jimin didn't see my pull away like that. He was hurt. Shit! I was being a prick. I yelled at him but it was for his own good. It was for my own good too. Then he just nodded and turned off his shower and left. I heard him zipping his bag and I thought I heard him grumbling but I couldn't make out what he was saying.
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He called out that he was going to make sure it was safe to close up and then he slammed the door shut. FUCK! He was pissed and I made him mad. I was still in the shower and I began to relieve myself. I was angry for pushing him away but I couldn't let him know how I really felt about him. We were close but not that close. I was worried that my true feelings for him would jeopardize our friendship and our brotherhood bond.
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I was in a turmoil that day and it did put a little dent on our friendship especially when the very next day I ended our brotherhood. I told the admin that I was okay now and didn't need someone to help me with my transition into university. Truthfully, I knew it was unfair that I took up his time when he could've been helping someone who was really needy. I was taking up a space for someone who genuinely needed help. Plus with the way I felt about Jimin I knew it would only be a matter of time when I would really explode on him. Jimin however was very mad about my decision. All my classes were finished for the day and as I was about to enter my car, I saw Jimin marching up towards me. He was so cute when he was angry and I couldn't help but smile a little. He came up to me by my car and yelled in my face.
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"What the fuck, Jungkook? Admin told me you removed yourself from the brotherhood programme. What is wrong with you? Why did you do that?" He looked at me with such fury and my heart melted. Here he was biting off my head for the cowardly decision I made and all I could think of was having him in my arms. I bowed my head instead.
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"I don't need your help Jimin. You should be helping someone who really needs you," I said to the top of my shoes. I couldn't look at those golden eyes I knew I would've melted like butter if I did.
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"JEON JUNGKOOK!!! Ugh! Why are you so stubborn? Didn't you think that maybe I was training you to help someone too? That's what we do. We help others so when they're better they can help other people to overcome similar situations too. Sigh... Jungkook, can you please look at me?"
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I couldn't but yet I still found my head raising and looking up at him. But I couldn't hide from him. Jimin knew immediately something was wrong. He held my face in his hands and I closed my eyes as the tears fell. He immediately took me into his arms and I buried my head into his neck and everything came out. I held on to his waist and cried in his arms. His hands were behind my neck soothing me, his soft whispers calming me and his smell comforting me. When I finally calmed down, Jimin whispered in my ear,
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"Jungkook, don't you lie to me again. I know you need me." It was then that I realized how much I was in love with Jimin.
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He didn't ask me what was wrong again but he took me to an ice cream parlour and we ate our treats together. He began to talk about the fun times he had in high school and some embarrassing moments when he used to bombard his dad's sets in the studio. He made me feel at ease and used himself to make me happy. He was doing it again. Putting other people's happiness ahead of his own. Jimin was special to me and I needed to help him be happy too. He said he was training me to help others but I only wanted to help him. I made it a mission to find out what made Park Jimin happy. Once we were back to being good again, I re-joined the 'Adopt a Brother' programme and Jimin was happy again.
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Tae's party wasn't a total bust after all. It led me to where I was right now: In Jimin's car, parked in front of his apartment building with Jimin sleeping in the front seat. The a/c blew his hair in front his closed eyes and I took the back of my hand and brushed it back. I was literally contemplating the motions of kissing him but then he stirred...
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"Hmmmm.... Jungkookie..."
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I froze. Did he just call my name in his sleep? I needed to get him inside. I shut off the car and walked around to the front passenger door to take him out. I held him as though he was my bride and I was taking him over the threshold. I locked the car with the alarm, put the keys in my pocket and carried my friend/brother inside his building. Jimin had the penthouse, his dad insisted, and all I needed was his finger to press the button. I was amazed that he remained asleep. As we were going up the elevator he snuggled up more into my arms and then I froze and almost hit the roof... Jimin's sleep mode betrayed him. His soft voice whispered confirming him calling me in his sleep earlier but this time he revealed more to me.
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"Jungkookie I want you... kiss me..."
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My arms began to shake and I looked at my reflection on the elevator doors. Jimin wanted me. Was I hearing right? I shifted and fixed my arms holding him. I was going to pass out. Everything became so heavy, the shaft got smaller and I felt my head getting so lighter. I looked down at his face. I was holding an angel in my arms. I called his name softly and he hummed.
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Christ... I was about to unfold and lose it. Why was this elevator taking so long? As I said that the bell pinged and the doors opened. Usually he would have his attendant there to help him but Al wasn't there tonight. Not that he needed Al but again, his father insisted. Jimin didn't fuss. He didn't want to be responsible for someone losing his job so he allowed Al to do little things for him like attend to him when he entered etc. However tonight looked like Jimin gave him the night off. Al wasn't anywhere in sight. So I carried Jimin into his apartment. Another thumbprint ID and we were inside.
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"Jimin..." I tried waking him but he only clung to me tighter.
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I walked into his bedroom. I had been in here many times for study nights and even to hang out but never like this. Jimin was usually a guy who had his senses up and alert but tonight he let his guard down. He wanted me. He called me by name... 'Jungkookie I want you... kiss me'. I heard his words in my head as I laid him down on his king sized bed. The white sheets on his bed hugged him like fluffy clouds and the word 'angel' slipped out from my lips. He turned in the sheets and hugged his pillow. Fuck! I was jealous of a god-damn pillow. Then a beautiful sigh left his lips. God! I wanted nothing more than to roll in the sheets with him but instead I reached down for his shoes taking them off and resting them where his other shoes were. I looked at him again and even though I was tempted to take a picture, I snapped a shot in my brain and etched it into my heart.
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I called a cab and left his apartment. I don't know if I was proud of myself for not doing anything with him or disappointed with myself for not doing something with him. It's not as though he was drunk and out of sorts. That's why his words shocked me. Did he really feel that way about me? I reached to my apartment and went into my bedroom and laid on my bed. I took off my shoes and remained in the clothes I had on and curled up just as Jimin did on his bed. I didn't feel aroused just contented. Jimin wanted me... then I thought of his words:
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'Jungkookie I want you... kiss me' and I wondered if I misinterpreted him. Maybe he wanted me to do something for him. 'I want you... to move a box; to pick up some stationery'. Then I thought, "Did he say kiss or miss? Miss me???" God! I was going crazy. The fact that hounded me though was that Jimin was asleep and not of sound mind. I decided to sleep on it myself and in no time I fell into a dream.
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I dreamt of white fluffy sheets like the one Jimin was laying on. Then I saw white fluffy clouds and my late baby brother Jon flying with Lucy under him. Laughter... but then I saw Jimin sitting on the cloud next to me. His blonde hair blowing in the wind. He was topless with his swim trucks and his legs were crossed in Buddha style in front of him. I copied him and sat looking out as we watched Jon doing tricks in the sky. Then I felt as Jimin's hand rest on top of my leg. I looked down and it was palm up with his fingers slightly curled. Instinctively I placed my hand into his and we interlocked our fingers. He looked at our hands and then up at me. I felt his other hand caress my face as he smiled at me. Heaven...
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Then I saw another cloud and on it was a woman and a little girl. Jimin turned to look at them too. They were smiling at us. The woman was beautiful with stunning sharp blue eyes and long black flowing hair but it was the little girl who caught my attention. She was the splitting image of Jimin with his hazel brown eyes but long flowing dark hair like the lady behind her. They smiled and waved at us but Jimin's face was serious as he looked at them. Then the lady began combing the girl's hair making two long plaits. Jimin's hand tightened in mine and he came into my arms and I felt him sobbing. I held on to him and when he looked up at me this time, I saw that his blonde hair was now black. He still looked gorgeous and I kissed his forehead. Then our cloud started to move away from them. Jimin held out his hand almost to bring them back but we kept going backwards further away.
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Just as they popped out our sight, I woke up gasping. I sat up in bed and went into the kitchen for a drink of water. What did I just see in my dream? Jon, Lucy, a beautiful lady and a girl. Me and Jimin holding hands. I immediately went for my sketch pad and drawing pencil. I began to draw the lady and the girl. Art helped me through my recovery period with coping with Jon's death. I drew the pictures of my dreams whenever I woke up. I had a few paintings and drawings of Jon riding on Lucy, some from memory, some from dreams and one from an actual picture. Mom loved them all but the one with him in the clouds would always have her emotional. She would cry first but then smile and say it was her favourite.
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The lady in my dream was relatively easy to draw but the little girl. Every time I began to make the lines and curves of her face it kept coming out like Jimin and I kept erasing it. Finally I decided 'fuck it' and I completed it. When I held it out I was beyond amazed. She was the exact image from my dream but also an exact image of Jimin. I had never seen any actual images of Jimin's dead mother or sister before but I felt that what I saw and drew tonight, was actually them.
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Then I drew Jimin when he had locked our fingers and he smiled at me. He was really gorgeous and he really looked like the girl but then I thought of the Jimin with black hair. The Jimin I knew and loved was always blonde but this Jimin tonight was something that I wouldn't even think of in real life. I just thought maybe his mother was a blonde or if he dyed it that he was sure that no black roots ever came out. He didn't even have any facial or chest hair or under his arms. It's like he got rid of all traces of them. The lady in my dream had steel blue eyes but Jimin's eyes are hazel brown. The girl had the brown eyes like him. I was mesmerized when I completed the drawing. Jimin was gorgeous. Then I had a thought. I quickly drew the image of him when he looked up at me while he was crying in my arms. I used the black pastel to darken his hair and instead of giving him brown eyes, I used the coloured pastels to colour his eyes blue like the lady.
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OH FUCK! I couldn't believe it: now he looked just like her.
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