"Come to bed elskede, I'm begging you" Loki sighs, watching as you remove the remaining makeup. You have used way to much time on it. Honestly you spend most of the time thinking about Steve. It was as though your heart had been ripped out once again.
"Give me a few more minutes" you scoff. As you look up at your reflection. You remove the masacra stain on your cheek, it was only a reminder of one of many tears you've cried.
"Y/n, if you don't get over here in the next thirty second, I'm carrying you myself" he groans. Slowly sitting up.
You don't answer him, you don't even look at him. You keep rubbing the cotton pad against your skin.
Suddenly Loki stands behind you grabbing a hold of your hand. He forces your hand open. You've been digging your fingernails into the palm of your hand all night.
"I told you to stop that" there's both pain and frustration in his voice.
"It was either that or blow something up" you chuckle nervously.
"It's always the second option"
"I'm sorry"
"Me too"
He grabs onto you carrying you into bed. Placing you gently on top of him. Embracing you tightly.
"You know I would do anything to make you happy right?" He mumbles, while he's stroking your hair. Comforting you as best as he can.
"You shouldn't have to"
"But I will, Whatever it takes" he leaves a small kiss on the top of your head. You look up at him connecting your lips with his. As soon as you kiss him, your mind gets quiet. Everything stops hurting. His love was a drug, addictive, safe. Probably unhealthy in some ways. But it numbed the pain. His love is a drug... and you're deeply addicted.
"I want to go see his grave"
"Okay.. ? When do you want to go?" He asks.
"Now?"
He laughs at your answer, until he looks down at you face realizing you're serious. He sits up, and you do the same.
"Now?" He repeats.
"Yes. You don't have to come" you assure him as you get up.
"If that's what you want I'm going too."
You grab onto the nearest pairs of sweat pants, and one of Tony's old t-shirts. Putting on the first pair of shoes you find. You look back at him. He's worried about you, and if he's inside your head he has every right to be. It's one giant mess in there. You're not thinking clearly, you just know you have to go. If you're gonna get the closure you need. It has to be tonight. In one month you're getting married. You can't do that before you've said your final goodbye. Letting all of your past rest, let it stay in the past.
Your minds a ruin min elskede, are you sure it has to be now
You grab his hand.
I have to say goodbye, I have to let him go
He nods understandingly, as he grabs the car keys on your desk. And follows you into the garage.
—
It was already 5 in the morning when you took the car. It was gonna be a long ride to reach Arlington National Cemetery, from upstate New York. More specifically four and half hours. You were clearly too drunk to be behind the steering wheel, so Loki had to drive. Which wasn't a pleasant experience.
You couldn't stand the silence, but you couldn't find something to say to him either. He was going through so much trouble just so you could say goodbye to your ex boyfriend. If that doesn't give him the fiancé of the year award nothing does. You let your guard stay down, since you couldn't talk to him, you could at least show him that you trust him.
As you see the sign Baltimore. You feel yourself starting to panic. Loki quickly grabs your hand. "I'm pulling over" he sighs. Driving off the highway at the first exit possible. As soon as the car stops you open the door. Taking in all the fresh air you can. Stumbling out of the car. You were definitely having an anxiety attack.
"We can go back"
"No I can't, I have to do this. If you want to go home fine. I'm not backing out" you stammer.
He kneels in front of you cupping your face. As he looks into your eyes. They're twitching every now and then a glimpse of purple shines through.
"I'm not letting you drive in that condition"
"What condition" you hiss. He flinches as your powers begin forming around you. "I'm sorry" you say. Taking a deep breath trying to control it again.
"Get in the car" he says coldly. Getting back into the driver seat. He's closed you out of his head. Probably because he's mad at you. You get it. You're mad at yourself too. You get back inside without protesting.
After an hour you finally arrive. You stay in the car looking out over the cemetery. Some of the most honorable people are buried here, and now Steve is too. Of course he is, he's the most honorable person you've ever known. And although you want to go there, you can't. Your body is frozen.
"Take your time" Loki says kindly. You're in shock at how much patience he has. You've been a jerk the whole night. And he's still being supportive.
"I'm ready" you're lying, but you have to do it.
He opens the door, walking with you hand in hand. The cemetery is enormous. But Loki knew exactly where he was resting.
And there it was, still covered in red, white and blue roses. Teddy bears. Candles. Notes from loving fans of Captain America.
Steven Grant Rogers
Captain America
Brooklyn
July 4th 1918 - April 25 2024
World war ll
Battle of New York
Battle of Sokovia
Battle of Wakanda
Avenger, SHIELD agent, US soldier
You run your fingers over the grave stone. Captain America. He was so much more than an avenger, an agent.... A soldier. He was a man, beyond that shield. Looking down upon all the gifts from his admires. You notice the small dog tag around one of the teddy bears..It's Buckys military tag. Nat left a bracelet he had given her on her birthday. She said she never wore it, but secretly she loved it. Tony had left a letter. Very Tony of him. Not to much sentiment, but something with meaning. You went through your bag searching every inch of the bag. And there it was. You pulled out a beautiful golden ring. You dig a small hole just beside the stone, kissing the ring as you burry it in the ground. Looking up at the morning sky.
"Was that?" Loki mumbles.
"He never asked, he gave it to me after our fight that night. He was gonna propose" you say sadly. "You know we talked about running off. Starting a new life somewhere." You explain. "I'm sorry I don't why I'm telling you this"
"No keep going, you can tell me."
Loki sits down next to you on the grass.
"I was not as in love with him as he was with me. He often talked about kids. And marriage. He had our entire future planned out." You continue. "I never wanted any of that, Not until now at least"
Loki looks at you with a big smile on his lips. "You do?" He asks.
"I do, in under a month we're gonna be married. We could get our own place. A small cabin like my parents did." You get butterflies just from the thought of it.
"What else?"
"I don't know, maybe we could have kids.. perhaps it's crazy bu-"
"Kids?" Loki lights up. "I can't wait to have a mini you walking around"
"Yeah it's probably gonna be a mischievous little witch" you smirk.
"I can already imagine all the trouble it could accomplish with my help" he chuckles.
"I'm so in love with you, and thank you for all this." You say looking back at Steve's grave. "I really don't deserve you"
"Y/n you are the most beautiful, outstanding, smart person I've ever encountered."
"Don't I can't take it"
"Deal with it, because I'll tell you till the day I die"