Kanina pa natapos ang birthday party at nandito ako ngayon sa kwarto ni North ─ kasama sina Jade at si South.
Hindi ko malaman kung saling-pusa ako o ano.
Ang weird makitang naka-pajama si Jade dahil hindi naman niya hilig ang ganoong pantulog, sabi niya nightdress ang trip niya. Pero wala naman talaga akong say basta comfortable siya.
Itong dalawang magkapatid naman ay parehas lang naka-loose shirt and short shorts like me. Todo-iwas pa akong dumapo ang tingin sa legs ni North kasi ang ano ko naman. May kasama kami edi halatado ako masyado.
Nasa kama kaming tatlo habang si South ay napagdiskitahang maupo sa sahig habang yakap-yakap ang mga tuhod. Nakatingin lang ito sa malayo na parang wala siyang kasama.
While Jade ─ who just announced na girlfriend na raw niya si South ─ ay panay ang paglingkis sa girlfriend ko.
Hindi naman na ako nagseselos, pero, bakit siya ang nakadikit? Ako dapat, eh. I leaned comfortably sa headboard ng kama at nakayapos lang sa unan. Sina Jade naman ay katabi ko, para silang bata.
"Last na 'tong magiging ganito ako ka-clingy sa'yo, North baby," Panlalambing ni Jade na ikinatawa ko kasi nakanguso ito tapos nagpapanggap pang umiiyak. "Ayaw kong magselos si South..."
Napalingon tuloy sa kanya ang bagong kasintahan at parang may irita sa mata nito. "Masyado kang assuming, Ma'am."
"Girlfriend mo na ako, anong Ma'am?"
Her blue eyes bore into Jade's. "Maingay ka."
"Kita mo, North baby? Nagseselos na yung kapatid mo sa atin."
"Eh, kung umaalis ka kaya sa tabi ko?"
"I'll miss you ─"
"Gusto ko yata magbawas ng kaibigan ─"
"Biro lang naman." Jade laughed it off. Ang hyper niya kung kailan late na masyado. Tinaas ko ang dalawang kilay nang titigan niya ako. "Sure ka dito ka sa kwarto ni North? Awayin ka nito, nangangagat ito tsaka nanghahagis ng kutsara pati picture frame. Gusto mo tabi na lang tayo ─ aray ko!"
Napangiwi si Jade dahil kinurot siya sa tagiliran ni North. Naiiling ito sa kaibigan namin. "She's not like you. Of course I won't do those things."
Eh, nangangagat naman talaga siya. Ilang beses na nga. Hindi ko maiwasan hindi maalala yung mga inabot kong pang-aasar kina Jean at Yuka dahil sa mark ko sa balikat. Hindi ko naman din alam na ganoon kadiin yung kagat ni North to the point na bumakat iyon at halos mag-bruise.
"So, special nga ako. Huwag kang ganyan, baby."
"Jade, isa."
"Sorry na."
"South, sure ka ba no'ng tinanong mo ito maging girlfriend mo?"
Tumingin ang kapatid sa kanila. Ilang segundo niya rin tinitigan si Jade. "I wonder."
"Oy."
"She's kinda an idiot but I hold her dear close, Ate North."
"Ay, nagb-blush!" Natatawang puna ko kay Jade nang mapansin na natahimik ito. Kahit kasi ako parang kinilig para sa kanya. Jusko. Akala ko kasi walang ka-warm-warm sa personality ni South pagdating sa ibang tao. Kaya naman pala niya maging malambing ng kaunti.
Kaso hindi ko talaga ma-imagine kung paano niya inaya itong si Jade maging girlfriend niya. Parang ang weird. Lalo na't mas nakatatanda iyong kaibigan ko. Mas mukha pa siyang teenager umakto.
Bumangon si Jade at nilapitan si South. Hinila niya ito patayo at walang imik na sumunod naman ang isa.
"Inaantok ka na ba, Bata?"
"A little."
"North, hatid ko lang kapatid mo sa kwarto ─"
"Ihahatid lang. Don't sleep on her room."
"Pero ─"
"Not on my watch, Jade."
I shook my head when I saw Jade pursing her lips in displeasure pero wala naman akong nakitang pagkontra.
Hindi nagtagal ay umalis din sila at kami na lang ang naiwan, I even heard the doorknob clicked, it was now locked. Nagkatitigan kami at nagkangitian na parang ewan.
"Cute ni Jade ma-in love." nasabi ko na lang.
"She is. So I'm glad they're finally able to do something about their feelings." She chuckled. "It's cute, you know, how all of us are involved with a woman."
"Yung kambal din?" Napatango siya. She tapped the space beside her so I found myself scooting close to her. Lumunok ako nang gumapang ang braso niya sa baywang ko. "Seryoso?"
"They're so cute, I just didn't realize we're all the same. I mean, I don't really think that I'm not straight, I've never liked anyone else except you." Humalik siya sa pisngi ko. "One of West's friends, Valeen, opposed me when I said that I'm straight. It's funny and scary, lakas ng gaydar niya, if ever that really exists."
"Ayaw mo bang umamin?"
Natawa siya. "I still find them cute. I want them to be surprised once we come out."
Hindi ko maiwasang maaliw sa kanya. Para kasi itong bata na nagp-plano manggulat ng kalaro. She's really cute sometimes, you'll never expect how teasing she can be if she wanted to.
"I've been wondering for awhile..." Natigilan ako nang maupo siya sa hita ko at iangkla ang braso niya sa balikat ko. She was real close to me, with her fingers gliding and playing with my hair. Parang iba kasi ang dating ngayon ng haplos maging ng titig niya. "Since when did you realize that you're in love with me?"
Napahinga ako ng malalim at napaiwas ng tingin. Ito na nga... Parang biglang nanuyo ang lalamunan ko sa tanong niya. Somehow ay nag-expect ako na magtatanong siya, pero hindi ngayon. "Uh...no'ng 4th year college tayo, when we were about to graduate."
Tumaas ang kilay niya. "And Seth? You really loved him?"
Marahang umiling ako. "Ano, bale...I just asked him to pose as my boyfriend? Although at some point we tried to take it seriously, then we realized that we were just really friends."
"And it went on for three years?"
Nahihiyang tumango ako. Paano pa kapag sinabi kong on the spot lang yung break up eme namin ni Seth no'ng time na nakita niya kami sa cosplaying event? That Seth did the liberty of setting me up just for me to stand up and claim my feelings.
Hindi siya mukhang galit o ano, pero hindi ko rin naman malaman kung anong nasa isip niya. Her eyes were so penetrating it's drowning me, I can feel her warm breath on my lips like she's trying to lure me so I can kiss her. Her hands didn't help either and the proximity between us.
She breathed through her mouth and it sounded like a sigh. Ibinaon niya ang mukha sa leeg ko at parang may gumapang na kung ano mula sa batok pababa sa aking likuran nang bigyan niya ako ng mumunting halik sa leeg pababa sa collarbone ko. That's when I realized that I was already holding her bare legs, tracing it up to her waist, then travelling down again.
"That's a sly move," she whispered.
"Sorry." Parang gusto ko ring saktan ang sarili ko dahil sa katorpehan ko. Sagad na sagad kasi. Alam ko naman na mali ako sa part na 'yon and hindi ko maiwasan makaramdam ng pagkapahiya para sa sarili ko at sa kanya. That was too low of me but it already happened. I can only learn from it but never redo the past. "Galit ka ba?"
Umiling siya. "You're here now. I told you, this is prepared for us."
Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabilang pisngi at binigyan ng mabilis na halik. I wasn't satisfied so I kissed her again, this time, deeper and more passionate.
My tongue probed her mouth, exploring, playing with hers, and I just felt like wanting more when I heard her moan. I sucked on her bottom lip, biting it and pulling it teasingly, before I held her nape to continue kissing her like we didn't have to breathe, like it was our last day and we needed to savor it until the very last second.
I just wanted her this close, I wanted her love. North was too delicate and I craved her soul.
I felt her palms and fingers caressing my nape and hair, the other was on my shoulder. It didn't settle on one place ─ I felt her on my neck, my ears, my collarbone, she's literally trying to feel me up like we're both having the same urge.
Namumula ang pisngi at tainga niya nang maghiwalay ang mga labi namin. Her eyes were darker than usual, her stares were pulling me in, our ragged breath was too inviting to the ears.
"I realized I'm in love with you when we were in our third year of college. I was planning to confess but...your Mom happened." Para akong maiiyak sa nalaman. I didn't know, I never knew. Her voice speaks of struggle I never noticed, the vulnerability she is right now was heartbreaking. "I couldn't dare express my feelings because you're so hurt I can see your rage back then. I thought my love would end up an insult to you if I dare so."
"I-I'm sorry..."
"I'm not trying to make you feel bad," She held my cheeks when I tried to squirm my way out. "I'm letting you see past through me. Don't go, you know you can't because I won't let you."
Unti-unti akong tumango. Hinawakan ko siya sa kamay at marahan iyong minasahe. Paulit-ulit lang niyang pinadadausdos ang daliri sa braso ko pero sa akin lang nakatitig ang mga mata niya.
"I kept my feelings for years, Paris...and when you introduced someone else, it was too devastating that I had to distance myself. Because I can't be your friend, I can't be a friend if I can't be genuinely happy for you."
"Sinubukan mo bang mag-entertain ng iba? O kahit gustuhin sila?"
"I can't." Umiling siya. "I only see you. It's painful, but it's worth it. You're here, you're incomparable to everyone."
Sobrang stupid ko para hayaan masaktan si North ng ganoon katagal. All this time I thought I was the only one suffering, but little do I know, we're sharing the same pain of not being together.
"I was too cowardly to face you," I admitted. "I thought you deserve better, I thought it'll never be me."
"You're so dense, Paris." She smiled. Pinunasan niya ang pisngi maging ang mga mata ko, no'n ko lang napagtantong umiiyak na pala ako. "But I love that part of you anyway."
"I love you."
"Even if I have ugly parts I don't want people to see?"
"They're all beautiful to me."
"What do I do if I want you closer than this?" Natawa ako dahil para siyang nagrereklamo sa tanong. "It's not enough."
"Then I'll meet you."
I once again leaned in to capture her lips, and she willingly kissed me back. Halos wala nang puwang sa pagitan namin dahil hinahapit niya ako palapit na para bang kulang pa rin ang pagkakadikit namin.
Her hands roamed freely on me and I let her, doing the same to her. She gasped through our kiss when my hand found her bare skin underneath her big shirt, my fingers sliding up and down, tracing her waist, her back ─ even playing with the hook of her bra.
I was currently feeling a lot. The room suddenly felt hot, and I could feel the sweat forming on my skin.
I wanted to kiss her more than usual.
We were still kissing when I laid her on the bed, with me hovering above her. I was trying not to put too much of my weight on her but she kept on clinging onto me, as if suggesting that it's fine.
Hinawakan ko ang hita niya pataas hanggang sa kanyang baywang. Muli kong pinadausdos pataas ang palad sa loob ng damit ni North habang bumaba naman ang halik ko sa tainga at panga niya. She was breathing deep, almost panting, as if the sensation was taking her breath away. I couldn't help but think that we both feel the same.
It was too much, but it's hard to stop, especially when North's body reaction was telling me not to.
"Is it okay for me to continue?" I can't help but to still ask for her consent. I just can't touch her more without asking. Because as much as I want to, I don't want this to happen just because of the heat. "Are we feeling the same?"
Hindi kaagad siya sumagot. Bahagya siyang bumangon para harapin ako. "Will you take off your clothes for me, Paris Avegail?"
_____