"How could you?" I exclaimed, rushing into the training room where my mother, Clary, and Simon stand, already facing off.
But I wasn't going to let her get away with it this time.
"Cam" My mother sighs, closing her eyes momentarily as I come to stand beside my sister, the both of us practically exuding rage.
"He's our brother, he's your fucking son... and you tried to shoot him?" I cry out, the disbelief at what I'd heard scratching at my throat and thrumming in my veins.
"You don't understand" She reasons, reaching for my arm, though I barely let her within an inch before I yank back, too furious to even look at her.
"You're right," Clary says, "We don't understand, we don't understand how you could try to kill your own child".
"Because your brother is not who you think he is!" She screams, her voice booming, taking me back to my childhood years and being scolded for skipping school.
"Girls, please" She sighs, her voice quietening, "There's so much you still don't know".
"And who's fault is that" Clary sneers, folding her arms.
"Okay... maybe we should all calm down a little" Simon steps in, rubbing his neck awkwardly, not used to the tension in our family.
"I'm a victim here too" My mother whispers, her eyes fogging over as she looks back up at Clary and me "When I was pregnant with your brother, Valentine drugged me- he injected Jonathon with demon venom".
Holy shit.
"What?" I mutter, the word barely escaping my lips and as I turn to Clary, I notice the same exasperation on her face.
"He thought it would make our baby strong- but it made him evil instead" She sighs, her hand unconsciously running through her hair.
"No- "I stop, shaking my head "Even if that was true, Downworlder's have demon blood and they aren't all evil and this is Jace we're talking about. He's as harmless as a fucking kitten, especially to us"
"Cam, listen to me" My mother pleads, coming forward to grip my hand "I loved your brother, he was my baby. But I saw what he was capable of". She steps back silently and raises her sleeve and with her stele, she runs over a rune on her forearm, before clinging onto Clary and me.
Suddenly, we're transported into a memory.
One where my mother is young and just as beautiful as she is now. I watch with bated breath as she kneels in the field of a garden, holding an adorable and tiny, blonde baby boy.
Jonathan.
"Look mommy's cutting some pretty flowers" She hums, her hand snipping away at the lilies and sunflowers gathered before her and Jonathan.
The scene seemed normal until it wasn't.
I nearly shriek as I watch Jonathan's eyes transforms, that beautiful blue melting into a pitch and endless darkness of black and suddenly everything around him seems to die.
I stare in utter terror as the flowers began to decay and rot and fall apart as if life and happiness had been drained from them.
"Jonathan" My mother exclaims, a sob rising up her throat as she looks between her beautiful baby boy and the destruction before her.
I stumble back, ripping my arm from my mother's hold, moving closer to Clary, the both of us huddling together in shock.
"And it wasn't the last time something like that happened." She frowns, clutching her stomach "So I went to one of Idris' most powerful warlocks, Ragnor Fell and he warned me that, in the future, your brother would only leave death and destruction in his wake."
***
"Alec, are you okay?" I ask, tentatively walking into the smaller sparing studio.
I watch, nervously, as Alec spars with the pad. His body was ferocious, and I could feel the fury leaking off of him. His body was glistening with sweat, his hair matted down to his forehead and his eyes zoned in as he punched again and again.
I turn my head, nodding as Clary and Izzy walk-in also, both matching my confusion and concern for Alec.
"Alec?" Clary calls, hesitantly moving to stand before him.
I unconsciously gnaw on my lower lip as Alec's movements stop and his eyes, dark and terrifying, lift to Clary. "You've got some nerve showing your face here" He scowls, his eyes narrowing down at Clary.
"I'm so sorry, please let me explain" Clary pleads, though it doesn't seem to appease Alec who merely shrugs off the matt and walks towards her, barely acknowledging anyone else in the room.
"Alec, I want Jace back as much as you do. I... I am not my mother." She explains, desperation filling her voice as she stares at him with wide eyes.
"How well do I even know you?" He asks, rhetorically. His movements are slow as he advances on Clary. "I mean, you show up out of nowhere, you convince my brother, you convince me to search for your mother. And the next thing I know, Jace is gone. And your mother is the one trying to kill him."
"I had nothing to do with that, Alec." Clary scoffs, "I would never hurt Jace."
"Since you've arrived, you've caused nothing but problems. My family lost their birthright. Izzy was almost de-runed. And now Valentine has my Parabatai. And it's all because of you." He sneers, his body looming over Clary, and I can't help the fury that ignites within me.
"Alec," Izzy exclaims, her voice rising in a warning.
"I'm sorry," Clary whispers, her voice stuttering as she maintains eye contact with Alec, her guilt evident.
"Alec, this isn't her fault." Izzy scolds, though that doesn't seem to deter Alec, whose eyes remain locked on Clary, his hatred and anger suffocating.
"When are you going to realize you don't belong here? You never have." The words cut into me as he whispers down at her, the words so menacing and cruel, I feel like he's slapped me in the face.
Angel only knows how Clary must feel.
"Back the fuck off, Alec" I hiss, moving forward and stepping between their two bodies. His eyes flicker to me momentarily, recognition glaring.
"Don't you dare act like Clary did anything but do what she thought was right" I slam on his chest with light pressure, and though it wasn't forceful he still steps back, airing the space out between them. His eyes fall to me, chaos reigning in them.
"Just like when you helped Lydia and was willing to take Meliorn to the Silent brothers. Remember, when you thought you were right then?" I say, my words harsher than I intend, but the anger I feel at Alec's actions don't allow me to sympathize with the frown overtaking his face.
"Camilla- "He starts, though I don't allow him the privilege to continue.
"No" I snap, stepping forward, "I don't care who you are, and I don't care how I feel for you, don't ever talk to Clary like that again." The room is enveloped in silence and even Alec stays quiet, his eyes wavering on me, the realisation set in.
"We all want Jace back," I say, my voice cracking slightly, "Difference is that the rest of us aren't willing to tear each other apart, because we know that doesn't help." My breaths come out unevenly, my heart hammering as I watch him.
Though he knows there's not much to be said.
"Cam" Izzy says, her voice soft " There's a briefing starting in the Ops centre now".
I rip my gaze from Alec's, discarding the deep need in me to console and fix everything. I grab Clary's hand and in silence, we both stalk away, moments later followed by Izzy and Alec.
"Your job is to stake out the potential targets and catch the Circle members when they try to abduct them," Lydia states, her voice loud over the low murmur of the crowds gathered at the foot of the steps. "We capture a Circle member; we have a shot at Valentine."
Aldertree steps beside her on the landing, his arms clasped behind his back, and he nods his head in agreement as Lydia speaks.
"You have your orders. Dismissed." She states swiftly and with that everyone scatters.
"Come on" I mutter to Clary pulling her in the direction of Lydia as she walks down the stairs. "Lydia" I call, stopping before her as she comes to me.
"You're going to need all the help you can get, let us help" I plead, my eyes narrowing on the impending and stalking figure of Aldertree behind her.
"Absolutely not" Aldertree states simply and I can't help the growl that emits in my throat in annoyance, "Your lack of training is a liability and besides you're too close to his", looking between the both of us.
"I've been training with Alec, sparring hand to hand, with a seraph blade and I've gotten down my bow and arrow technique perfectly," I argue, stepping forward in demand, though he merely shakes his head, swiftly walking away with Lydia and my mother in tow.
"Bastard" I hiss lowly, turning back with Clary.
"Iz" Clary calls, "You wouldn't want to be benched on this, let us help".
"Did you not hear me before?" Alec glowers at Clary, "There's no place for you here".
"Fuck you, Alec" I snap, shaking my head in disbelief as Clary and I walk away, not having any reason to stick around here.
***
"Isn't it crazy how we've been drawing these runes and demons for literal years even when we knew nothing about this life?" Clary asks, one earbud dangling across her chest as her chalk covered fingers moved across her canvas, blurring the image.
"I guess being Shadowhunter's is just in our blood, subconsciously we always knew. I did anyway, I knew something else was missing in our lives" I sigh, flicking through our old art folders, my eyes dancing over the runes and symbols and all the crazy shit we drew that finally now makes sense.
"I felt it too, I just always figured that missing piece was dad" Clary mutters, rolling her eyes.
My eyes lift from hers, taking in the sunlight streaming in through the floor to ceiling windows and how it encased the entire room and all the pieces of art around the room.
Being back at the Brooklyn Academy of Art felt safer than any other place in the world right now.
"You know, I really don't want to be the one to get between you and Alec," Clary says, frowning, her hands pausing over her drawing. I sigh, dropping the portfolio back onto the table and I pull out a chair beside Clary.
"You're not getting between Alec and me. Alec and I are getting between ourselves" I close my eyes, frustration building. "He's scared and he's lashing out and he will apologise again and again but he just can't seem to let me in. He promises we'll solve it together but when it comes down to it, he's adamant to suffer on his own"
"I think he's used to it being that way" Clary replies, her hand coming up to touch my own, soothing my nerves quickly.
"I know, I understand that. I do" I lean back, shaking my head " But how can we ever move forward together if we keep dragging each other back. I mean, we haven't even talked about what we are, let alone us helping each other" I laugh hollowly, confused.
I want Jace back, not just for me but for Alec too. Maybe then things won't be so damn complicated.
"I swear if he was any other guy I would have given up by now. This hurts, more than it should" I exhale harshly, my hands coming up to rub at my face. "Why don't I just give up?"
"You love him"
"What?" I ask, my eyes snapping back to Clary, a small smile playing on her lips. We stare at each other for several seconds, my heart hammering in my chest as the silence speaks, her brow-raising, almost in astonishment.
"You haven't told him to fuck off because you love him" she states simply, as if I were blind "No matter how difficult or painful or confusing, you are in love with him and deep down you know it and your willingness to fight for it"
"I don't know what to say to that" I whisper, the breath caught in my lungs.
Why would she say that?
And was she right?
"Hey, kiddos"
Clary and I both simultaneously jump at the voice and we turn to the entrance noticing Luke walk in, and our mother not far behind him. I roll my eyes, and turn, hearing Clary scoff and do the same.
"You have to come back to the institute, it's not safe" Mom sighs, stepping beside Clary and me. I scoff and Clary pulls out her earbud, shifting to face Luke.
"So you're on her side now?" She asks, scowling.
"This isn't about sides" Luke sighs, his hand reaching out to hold Clary's arm, his eyes pleading as he looks between us.
"So what, you agree with her attempting to kill her own son?" I snap, standing up to walk before him. "Filicide sounds like a good idea to you?" I retort, sarcasm dripping from my tone.
"I didn't say that" Luke amends, shaking his head "But your mother is right- it isn't safe out here"
"We can't help Jace- we don't have enough training and even if we did, nobody trusts us," Clary says, her eyes narrowing down as she folds her arms, coming to stand close beside me.
"For years you lied to us about who we were" I laugh hollowly, looking to my mother "and this" I look around the studio "This could've been our life but now? We aren't mundanes but we sure as fuck aren't Shadowhunter's either". I feel the familiar ache behind my eyes and I exhale, shaking off my mother's attempts to touch me before walking out.
Clary follows swiftly behind me and we quickly find ourselves storming out the front door and down the steps. I hear my mother and Luke calling for us but before I know it a figure appears before us.
"Dot?" Clary exclaims, stepping forward.
She doesn't say anything and my mouth widens in shock, noting the dark veins covering her face and the emptiness of her eyes. Clary steps closer to her, her hand coming up as tears spill from her eyes.
"Dot, what happened to you?" I ask, my voice quivering, pained by how empty and depraved she looked.
What did Valentine do to her?
Dot remains silent and I can't help the unease in my stomach.
"Clary, I don't think-"
Just as the warning escapes my lips, I hear my mother and Luke erupt out of the building.
"Clary, Cam DON'T!" My mother yells, running at full speed.
Within seconds, Dot has hold of Clary's arm and a portal of utter terrifying darkness appears behind her.
"NO!, Clary!" I run forwards to grab her but I'm detained as Luke's arms wrap around my waist, holding me to his chest. "No, let go!" I sob out, thrashing against his hold, watching as Dot yanks Clary into the portal, her wide and terrified eyes locked onto mine as she disappears.
The portal closes shut, leaving the three of us behind.
"No" I whisper, falling limp into Luke's arms.