I knew it was a bad idea to go back there but I still went ahead and made an excuse to myself. I’m such an arse. I thought I was okay.
It has been a year since she left the café and The Riff… a year since she… left me.
“AJ, are you listening?”
I looked over at Alastair who was waiting for me to answer.
“Yeah, I mean no… sorry.” I said to Alastair.
“What is wrong with you? You’ve been distant these past few days. Is it Sam again?”
I frowned as I puffed my cigarette. I don’t like it when I hear Sam’s name, much like thinking about her.
Alastair noticed me frowning while sipping his cup of coffee, “Not again, AJ. I’m done with this relapses of yours. Aren’t you tired? ‘Cause I know I am! She’s not coming back. She left you, okay? For God’s sake! Let’s not do this again, AJ and would you please stop pushing people away? Aunt Carol has been calling me non-stop to ask if you’re okay. Why aren’t you picking up your phone, huh? Put yourself back together, mate!”
Alastair leaned back, crossed his arms and looked away. I know I shouldn’t be like this but I can’t help it.
Alastair James Kingsley is my twin brother, we’re fraternal twins and he’s a bit taller than me. He has a dark wavy hair, he’s eyes are also blue, he’s is kind of petite and has a white skin complexion. Some say my brother looks like my mum and I look like my dad. We’ve been inseparable since we’re kids, we do all sorts of things like playing outside, bike riding, making a stage play for our parents, we both failed our first driving lesson, went to the same elementary school until high school, he is the first person I confessed to that I was gay, and wouldn’t you believe it, he also confessed he was gay as well.
However, after Sam left me, I shut myself out to the world. I seldom spoke to my brother and aunt. Yes, it was rather lonely. I tried to go out sometimes, but whenever I do, I would lose interest and just lock myself in my apartment.
“AJ, we need you back in the production company. I can’t do this on my own. There’s another Broadway project that Mr. Webber wanted us to produce. We should accept it. Meeting starts on the forth night. What do you say?” proposed Alastair.
I looked down and said, “I don’t know, Alastair. I don’t think I’m ready.”
“God damned it, AJ! You’re literally wasting your life! Did you think our parents raised you to be a pathetic loser while Sam is out there having the time of her life? Can’t you just look at your life for me please? We worked so hard to get this far. We’re a team, remember? Forget Sam I beg you!” Alastair shouted.
“Pipe down. People are starting to stare.” I whispered.
“Let them stare! I don’t care if they hear how pathetic you are!” Alastair shouted even louder.
“Okay, fine! I’m in! Just shut up!”
Alastair’s face changed suddenly into a smiling face. He knows me too well on how to say yes on things like this. He would just shout until every living thing can hear us and would eventually stare at us. He knows I hate people staring at me. My brother is a big lunatic.
“Great. I’ll ring up Greg and tell him the good news. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled when he finds out you easily said yes! What a great day!”
“Yeah… awesome.” I said lazily.
“So it’s settled then.” Alistair stood up with his coffee cup, reached for his wallet, took out ten dollars, placed it on top the restaurant table and hanged his body bag over his shoulders. “I’ll call you later. Answer it okay? Or else I will go to your apartment and I’ll punch a hole on your door.”
We both smiled and he went on his way.
Here I am again, alone and cold. My brother is right, I am pathetic. I should start living my life. I just don’t know how yet. Five years with Sam is not a joke. My father died 7 years ago from cancer and then 5 years ago my mom killed herself by drinking a lot of her anti-depressant pills. My brother and I were devastated but I took the hardest blow. We have nowhere else to go. So my Aunt Carol took us here in New York to start a new life. Then I met Sam. Samantha Hailey Parker. I could never forget that name. She was a staff in my aunt’s café and at nightfall she was a dancer/singer at The Riff. She was a tough one to crack but she said she loved me at the end. She was the only one I can turn to, she gave me strength to carry on with my life, she was there all through out. She helped me heal and forgive my mum from leaving us like that. She was the one. She made me happy. So how could I just forget the girl who saved me through my darkest times?
I sighed and left the restaurant. It’s getting cold and dark.
As I walked home, I remembered Sam would hug my shoulders as we walk through the streets of New York. We would talk about anything and everything. She was the one who introduced Gray’s Papaya to me, it’s a hot dog restaurant, she even said, ‘If you haven’t tried it, you haven’t lived’…
I sighed because I was about to cry again. I blinked my eyes to stop my tears from falling. I’m so stupid. I’m punishing myself again.
When I got to my apartment, I showered quickly, got dressed and prepared my dinner. I sat on my sofa and turned on the telly then I started eating.
After supper, I washed the dishes and then I went straight to bed.
I was about to sleep when suddenly I heard my cellphone ringing. Good Lord! Who could it be?
Alastair.
I’m too lazy to pick up his call. I’m getting sleepy. He called me three times and I did not picked up my phone to answer it.
Then, he called me again the fourth time. This time I decided to answer it.
“What the fuck are you doing, AJ? I’ve been calling you three times! Why won’t you pick up? Didn’t I tell you I would punch a hole on your door if you didn’t pick up your phone?”
All of a sudden I heard a knock.
“Alastair, you don’t have to punch a hole in my door. Why are you here anyway?” I said scornfully.
I headed through the door.
“What?” asked Alastair.
“What do you mean ‘what’?
Then I opened the door and…
“Here’s your handkerchief. I already washed it so it’s not gross anymore. I think you need it more than I do.”
Kristina…
I stood there looking at her with no reaction at all.
“THE HANDKERCHIEF”
TO BE CONTINUED…