A/N: I can't tell you what to do.. But I will kindly ask you... Please listen to the song All My Ghosts by Lizzy Mcalpine.. I wrote the last chapter, and then I had listened to the song for the first time and my mind was blown... and it made me write this chapter.. So enjoy, and listen to the song if you love or care about me.
Also, be prepared for an overload of cute. That's all. Ily, now read.
SCARLETT:
He knew exactly when it was and I don't... Yesterday after we talked we stayed in bed the rest of night. He ordered a pizza, and brought it upstairs, and we let the sun go down with the blinds up. We couldn't get close enough to each other at all last night, and that's a feeling I'll never get used to... But after we ate, and I forced him to turn on The Vampire Diaries, he fell asleep.. He sleeps really peacefully. He barely moves, and he looks pretty.. And I started thinking about what he said. Him knowing when he fell in love with me.. It was so early into knowing me. He fell in love with me before he barely knew me, and I don't know if he knew it when he did or he looks back now, and knows it, but I can't think of my time.. I can't think of what it could have been for me, the moment I knew I was in love with him.
His was at the 7/11. In the parking lot with our free slushies.. I remember how I felt that night. I remember not wanting to be around anyone, and he explained it as neither of us did, but the reason I left everyone else was because I wasn't feeling happy, or social. I wanted to be alone, and he followed along. I didn't know him well enough to be a complete asshole, and back then I cared a lot more than I do now. But back then, I let things get to me a lot more.. I still had that same mindset, the one I do now. I knew Harry was far too good, and far too nice for me even though I didn't know much about him.. That was obvious.
Those thoughts held me back so much back then.. All those years ago.. I have dove head first into my memories of us so long ago.. I remember when we were in the old 7/11 and I got my slurpee, and he got his, and both were free.. I remembered that it lifted my mood.. Him being there lifted my mood almost enough for me to forget about all the other things that were weighing me down, but they were still there, and I know he knew that I wasn't completely okay.. I think that drew him to me, because obviously he wasn't either. Neither of us were.. I remember feeling like I could spend more time with him, that he would be good for me despite knowing I would be no good for him... I knew that.
I remember watching him under the fluorescent lights outside of that 7/11 and seeing how pretty his eyes looked. I would have been blind to not see how attractive he was.. He had longer hair back then, not as many tattoos, but still a lot.. He had the same sage colored eyes that made my heart melt though, and they looked so vibrant under those fluorescents. I remember how cold the pavement was when we sat on it.. I even remember what we were wearing. I was in a red dress with a white floral pattern. It tied at my waist, and I had on white vans. My hair was my natural brown back then, not the red it is now. I even wore red lipstick. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans like he always did back then, and then a button down, I never felt it but it looked soft, and silky, and it fit him perfectly.
He fell in love with me then, and I guess looking back I can see it. I can even remember the look on his face from that night. The way he held his slurpee in one hand, and rested his head on his other that was closed into a fist. He had a small smile on his lips ,and he seemed to be happy, and content. He listened to every word I said, and he never even tried to look away.. Nothing could have distracted him.
After that we spent a lot of time together.. Our friends actually started to think that we were hooking up or dating because we spent so much time alone, and without them, and we constantly shoved them off, and told them we weren't.. I remember him and I joking about how weird it would be, but he always seemed to hesitate. I know he did, and I don't know when we both decided on a friendship but we settled on that. It was unspoken, but we did. I think it was easier to start there than to start with the mess of a relationship.. If we had started out that way there's no way we would still like each other now... Especially considering how unstable I had been back then.. She'd be proud of me now.
I remember how we'd sit in his apartment bedroom. He'd lay across his bed, and I'd lay my head on his stomach. We would study like that for hours.. Or talk.. I had never heard him laugh around anyone else like he did when he was with me, and I was selfishly obsessed with that thought.. I remember that his roommate wasn't home much after we started hanging out because he got a girlfriend so he was gone a lot. I remember we used to cook together, or try to... I remember months after our 7/11 adventure, there was one night I had almost kissed him, and I remember I... That... That was it.. That night.
FLASHBACK:
"Well if you're hungry then cook yourself a meal dipshit." I shove Harry to the side, and he stands up fully, and lifts me up over his shoulder, carrying me from his bedroom, straight to the kitchen. He places me on the ground right on my feet, sending shockwaves through me.. Not only because of the cold tile flooring, but the lingering of his fingers on my bare skin. I watch him, seeing the purpose behind his movements, and then I turn away.
"Why don't we have a drink, and then cook something?" He asks, and he shouldn't even ask. I don't think I have or ever would turn down a drink.
"Okay, you make it." I wave him on, and open his pantry myself, digging through the shitty college kid food inside. Does anyone here eat anything that isn't processed? I shake my head, and take out a microwave mac and cheese bowl, ripping its lid off right away. "I'm eating this." I tell him, and use the faucet to put water in it. I fill the water to the line, and then put it in the microwave. I turn around, and raise an eyebrow at him in confusion. "What the fuck are you doing?" I ask.
"Making Sangria." He tells me, and I shake my head.
"Are you dumb or stupid? Because you're going to fuck it up." I tell him, and he scoffs, dropping his jaw.
"You're an ass.. How about you help me instead of insulting me?" He asks, and I roll my eyes.
"What fun would that be?" I ask, and push him to the side with my hips, stepping in front of him. I take an orange, and cut it in half, squeezing the whole thing into the pitcher, pulp and all. I take my mac and cheese out of the microwave, and let it cool, and then I mix everything, Harry helping, and then I pour us both a glass.
"Cheers mate." He holds up the glass.
"You know sometimes you try to say things to sound more british... As if the accent isn't enough.." I remind him, and he flips me a middle finger as he takes a sip. I watch his face scrunch, and then go back to normal as he forces himself to swallow. "How is it?" I ask.
"Great.. Super tasty, you should try it." He tells me, and I furrow my brows.
"You're a fucking liar." I laugh, and he shakes his head.
"Am not. It's yummy. I'd drink a gallon." He lies straight to my face, but I take a sip anyway, and I gag.
"Yeah, fail. Dump it all.. That could poison someone." I shake my head, and he laughs. I take my cooled mac and cheese, and take a bite, and feel exactly how not cool it is, opening my mouth to try and breathe some cool air in. "Hawt.. Ha.. Haaa." I speak with my mouth open, trying to fan it, and then I drop it all, the mac and cheese splattering all over my shirt, and my pants, and Harry doesn't even look at me. He has his back turned to me as he hears my second fail of the night and he just laughs.
"I guess I should make something for us?" He asks, and I sigh, cleaning up the mac and cheese.
"Or we could take shots, and order pizza."
"This is why we're best friends." He tells me, and turns over his shoulder at my silence. He smiles at me, showing off his dimples like a trophy, and I smile back. "Right?" He asks, and I hesitate, and then nod, telling myself not to stare.
"Right." I agree, and use a dish towel to try and wipe off my pants.
"You have mac and cheese on your pants if you didn't know.." He tells me, and I roll my eyes.
"Thanks captain obvious." I mumble, and he laughs. "Pour me a shot, and then order pizza, but lets order it after we're drunk.. It'll be more fun to pick the toppings." I tell him, and he agrees, opening up the liquor cabinet.. I love college. He pulls down his favorite, and I go along with it, not caring what it is. We drink, shot after shot.. Only a few between the two of us, but it's enough to where we feel it, and I notice his eyes continually trailing to the mac and cheese stain on my pants. I raise my eyebrows at him when I catch him and he sighs.
"It's bothering me.. Let me help you please." He speaks out, and I shrug.
"Fine. Don't care." I kind of agree. Before he says anything else he takes me by the hips, lifting me onto his countertops in the horribly lit kitchen. It's a warm yellowing light above the two of us, but he looks golden and warm. I probably look like a simpson. It's fine.
"Stay here." He tells me.
"Damn.. I was planning on going literally anywhere else, what a shame."
"Fuck off."
"No thanks." I speak as he grabs another dish towel, and takes dish soap as well as some water.
"You're such a smart ass."
"Aww.. Thank you." I put my hand on his chest, and he smirks, looking down at my leg.
"May I?" He asks, and I nod.
"If you insist." I sigh. He holds my other thigh, and stands between my legs as I sit on the counter. He's looking down, pressing the wet cloth to my other thigh, trying his best to get the stain out, and I'm looking right at his face. He's got a few long curls escaping his messy hair that's thrown up into a messy bun right now.. He's.. He's pretty. I know that, but he's also looking at my leg light it's the most important thing in his life right now, and I've never really felt more important..
He cares. Like a lot.. Like a lot more than anyone in my life besides Sierra. He's humming to the music, and he's trying to get the stain out of my pants in his kitchen. He's glowy, and sweet looking, and it smells like alcohol in here which is gross, and not romantic at all.. Just like me, not romantic at all, but I could be.. I think.. I think he's perfect.. Not just in this sense.. But he's a perfect human I think.. He'd be a great boyfriend.. He can cook, he's clean.. He's smart, and he's so fucking kind.. He's a good fucking person... and.. And I think he likes me, and maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's me, but I think I like him.. And I think.. I think I want to kiss him... I could do it, touch his jaw, and do it.. But if he does like me.. And we both go into this, he wont like me anymore.. But a kiss is a kiss... And now he's looking right at me.
"What?" He asks, a childish grin on his face. His cheeks are turning red now, rosy, and red, and it just adds to the intensity of his golden color. He smiles at me, and I don't look down to his lips because I know It would be too obvious but dear god he's looking at me and I feel just as important now as I did a few minutes ago, and I want to kiss him.. But then I think about the context. I'm broke, and I'm drunk with a mac and cheese stain on my pants. I know how many girls throw themselves at him on this campus, and I know he could have any of them.. He should, some of them are just as perfect as he is.. And there's far too much wrong here for him to uncover in a romantic way so I look down.
"I.. Nothing." I laugh, and tilt my head. "Why.. Why did you stop?" I ask, trying to clear my head.
"I.. I um.. I got the stain.. The stain is gone.." He nods his head down, but he doesn't take his eyes off of me. He just watches me, and then he does it.. He looks at my lips, and I feel my stomach clutch and then flip, and I know I need to tell Sierra all about this, but I can't because I don't need anyone thinking I have these feelings.. Think I feel for him the way I do because that's not in the cards for us, and it can't be.. But sitting here right now I do not have enough willpower to stop him so I need him to stop looking at my lips.. To stop looking at me the way he is right now, and to stop staring at me because I won't be able to turn him away like this.
"Thank you." I whisper as he presses his hands to the counter on each side of me. I haven't looked down to see if he's telling the truth.. There could be a stain the size of mount rushmore on my pants and I'd never fucking know because I'm too busy staring at his eyes and I cannot look away. I'm stuck. I'm frozen. I like him.. I do.
"Aren't you going to look?" He asks, the same softness in his voice that was in mine. He looks down again, his head tilting slightly as he does, and I need to move.. I am so next level fucked right now, but what the hell do I do? Kiss him.. And not try to move because if I do it'll make a bad situation worse. I stare at him, my lip shaking, and I think of everything that could come of this.. The wedding of the fucking year.. He'd cry as I walked down the aisle, and Sierra would be my maid of honor, probably my only bridesmaid.. We wouldn't have many people there because we don't like many people but we could...
"Knock, knock!" I hear the voice of his roommate as the front door opens, and just like that the fantasy is broken, and he's no longer facing me but beside me, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed.
"We're in here!" Harry calls out. He walks in the kitchen with his girlfriend, and looks around.
"Did you guys cook, or should we order something?" He asks.
"Pizza.. We were going to order pizza." I speak, and Harry nods.
"What she said.. Tell me what you want, I'll order all of it." Harry tells the two of them as he gets on his phone, and I really hope for my sake he never mentions, or asks what the hell just happened.. And I hope more so for his sake that he never tries it again either..
END OF FLASHBACK.
"Scar?" I hear Harry's voice from downstairs, and I stand up from the bed, my legs tangling in the sheets. I fall to the floor once again, smacking my body to the hardwoods with a loud groan.. I really need to coordinate myself more because I really don't think I will survive another fall from this bed.
"Ow.." I speak to myself, and hear footsteps up the stairs. I roll onto my back, yarn now spread out on the floor from the cardigan I was working on, and sheets halfway on the bed, and halfway tangled around my body. I sigh, accepting defeat as the door opens, and I see Harry standing in the doorway.. Well from my view he looks like he's hanging from the ceiling. "Your bed is really high off of the ground." I speak in a pained voice, and he holds a bag in his hands. I know it anywhere though, I've seen it a thousand times. "What's that?" I ask, turning around so I can see him upright.
"I bought something..." He tells me, and he hands it on the half empty clothing rack. I watch from the floor as he unzips it, the most luxurious and beautiful dress. It's simple, but elegant, and somewhat casual depending on the person.. It's beautiful though. He pulls it out slightly, the yellowish gold material, and I feel a small gasp leave my lips.
"That's a very pretty something.." I tell him, looking up to him.
"It would look really pretty on you, don't you think?" He asks me, and I untangle myself from the sheets on the ground so I can stand up. My head reaches his chest right now since I'm not wearing any shoes, but I still move to him, wrapping my arms around his torso.
"Is it.. Is it for me.." I ask shyly, and he nods, acting just the same as me, somewhat hiding away as he turns to look at the golden dress.
"I thought you could wear it tonight.." He tells me.
"Harry it's.. It's beautiful, but I know you bought this from the Vogue vault.. Meaning it was probably ridiculously priced, meaning.. Meaning I can't.. Wait.. Tonight? What's tonight?" I ask him, looking at the dress, and back up at him. He places both of his hands on my shoulders, my hands still wrapped around him, and he smiles shyly, his glasses perched on his nose, his curls sloppy across his forehead. He's more casual today, a button up, and striped slacks.
"I.. Well I realized I had never taken you on a date.. Now that we're actually.. Together for real I thought we could go on a date.. I mean I could take you on a special date if you're okay with that.. And you can wear this.. And don't mention anything about money ever again around me, or I will just kiss you to shut you the hell up because as I said millions of times before.. I don't care about money so it makes me happy that I get to spend it on you.. Especially because the first time I walked into the vault I saw this dress from a few seasons ago and I imagined you in it every single time.." He speaks so many sweet things into the world, and I swoon internally but externally I sigh, and look at the dress.
"So what kind of person would I be if I didn't make your dreams come true and wear it?" I ask, and he smirks.
"Exactly.. What kind of person?" He asks me.
"I'll wear it, but where are we going?" I ask.
"Somewhere really special, and something I'm really excited about too.. Something your sister and Birdie helped me with.. I let Birdie off early today to set it up for me while I worked.. But that's all you get to know.. I'd like you to get ready though, and wear that dress for me please... And that pretty pair of heels.. The ones that you made with the gold details.." He tells me, and I love that he remembers the clothes I made.
I nod, feeling like a child, getting giddy over a silly date, but he's right.. This is our first date technically.. Because we've never in our life been able to admit to what we have but now there's nothing holding us back.. And I get to go on a special date, in a pretty expensive dress with my best friend in the entire world.. Who also happens to be the love of my life..
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A/N:
WHERE IS THE DATE GOING TO BE....
ARE YOU EXCITED.. FIRST DATE FIRST DATE FIRST DATE YAY!!!!!
I'm excited, now go listen to All Your Ghosts thanks.
New chapter coming very soon ily guys so so so much. *virtual hugs*