Not proofread
just a draft that has been collecting dust
Warnings: heavy angst, violence, swearing, angst to fluff, food mentions.
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I crawled into bed once again, to an empty cold spot next to me. I pulled the covers over my chest and huffed as I stared out at the lightly dimmed hallway. Across from our shared room was Quackity's office. Where he's been spending most of his time in, locked away not accepting much food or sunlight. I've tried telling him to at least spend five minutes outside to get some fresh air, but I'm told that work is more important than that.
I pull my feet under my cover so I don't get cold and sigh. We don't even sleep together anymore, he comes to sleep when I'm already deep asleep. As soon as I wake up, he's gone straight to his room. I miss spending time with him and it pains me to see him overworking himself to the brink of malnourishment. Any time I voice my concerns for him, I get dismissed and told that "how will our bills get payed? Who would put food on our plates?" Yet, I'm also working to provide for both of us. He hasn't had the time to even ask me how I'm doing at all.
I pulled the blanket closer to me, closing my eyes feeling the familiar closing of my throat indicating I was going to feel blue. Tomorrow was going to be another day, same routine, same emptiness, same horrible feelings. I finally let my mind calm itself, knowing I have work in the morning and don't want to keep myself more up than I was.
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The sounds of bird chirping could be heard from our window as my eyes fluttered open. My eyes felt incredibly heavy and it took me a while to actually get up. "God...my head hurts" I said as I rubbed my forehead softly and sat up. I looked next to me and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. Alex was sleeping soundly next to me. He was turned towards the other side, snoring quietly and his hair quite disheveled. I stood to get ready, making sure my shirt was tucked in correctly since I always get called out on that. For work, I work as a car salesman. I recently got a promotion but I haven't been able to celebrate it with alex yet. I looked to our mirror making sure my tie was well placed and walked over to get my phone and keys. I walked over to alex and kneeled down, with a small smile.
I pulled some hair off his face but as soon as my hand left his face his eyes fluttered open and almost popped out when they met mine. "H-hi, didn't mean to wake you up-" i apologized as alex groaned loudly and rubbed his eyes with his left hand. "What time is it?" He asked not leaving his hand off of his face, right over his eyes. I quickly looked over at the alarm clock and read the time. "Just about to be seven" alex then shot up and threw the covers off of his body. "Woah! Where are you going?" I asked stepping back a bit nervously. "Have to go finish this video I'm editing" he said not looking at me at all and slipping on some sweatpants and a new shirt. He didn't even head to the washroom or spare me another glance and started making his way to his office. I was fed up and as soon as he was going to shut his door, I kicked my foot in as he stared right at it as well.
"Alex, we need to talk" i said not wanting my anger to control me. "About?" He said as he tried closing the door since I felt the pressure on my shoe pressing on me. "You can't keep doing this. Living in this horrible room" i said trying to look inside as he stood in the crook of the door to avoid me doing so. "(Y/n) this is my work. I can't just abandon it" he said rolling his eyes. I sighed in heavily and threw my hands to my sides. "But you can't keep hauling yourself in this room for hours! You don't even give me a goodbye kiss anymore..."I said frowning at the memories. He used to beg me to wake him up as soon as I left so he could give me a big kiss on my forehead before work.
"Yeah yeah, I don't have time for that anymore (y/n). You have to understand, I'm working hard for both of us" alex pleaded as I shook my head. "I don't give a fuck about that! You haven't been here for us at all! You don't even know that I got a promotion! I make enough for both us" I said raising my voice a bit more. "Huh? Since when? Why haven't you told me?" Alex said staring at me with a confused look. I furrowed my brows and ran a hand through my face. "What do you mean I haven't told you?! You don't even let me give you fucking food! You sit on your ass here eating some cheap cup noodles for fuck sakes!" I shouted finally breaking in anger.
"Sitting on my ass? Sitting on my ass?! You don't know how many hours I have spent working until I'm beat to produce nothing but perfection!" Alex shouted back, finally pulling the door open in order to stand his ground. I peaked in and felt horrified. The room smelt nothing but of cup noodles and energy drinks. His futon he had in there wasn't kept neat at all. The floor was littered with food wrappers and crashed cans. "Oh my god! That smell!" I said as I covered my nose and quickly backed away. "You see this shit! All of this is because I love you. I'm working until I'm nothing but bones to make sure I can provide anything you'll need" alex said pressing on his chest to make his point clear. "You're fucking nuts! This isn't love! Denying quality time, affection and even support for your partner isn't love" I said feeling disgusted by the second. I felt my chest tightening as my fear started to consume me. "I feel so neglected. You don't let me kiss you anymore. I can't cook for you because you end up not eating my food. I can't even watch a movie with you because you're stuck in this god forsaken room and for what? To work to get money that I don't need" alex was taken back and was going to start arguing once more but I rose the front of my hand as if to silence him.
"I'm going to be late to my job, we'll talk later" I went back into our room to get my work suitcase but alex stood in front of the steps, stopping me from going down the stairs. "What are you-?" I began but he pushed me back with both of his hands. My eyes widened by the sudden push coming from him. "You don't just leave after what you just said" he said crossing his arms against his chest. I felt like crying, I wanted this argument to be over as soon as possible. "Alex like I said, we'll continue this later. I need to get to work" I tried walking past him but he placed his body in front of me once again.
"Please-" I begged but he shook his head to me. "What do you want from me? An apology? What should I even be apologizing for?!" I frustratingly shouted, pulling my hair back, slightly tugging it at the end. "You now understand why I stay in that room this long. So apologize for the way you've been acting. You should be understanding at most but yet you cause an argument" alex said raising a finger at me. I wanted nothing but to burst into tears. I wasn't being heard, I wasn't being listened to. I was getting spoken over, and by the man I presumed to be loved by. I placed my hands over my eyes, feeling my tears soak my hands and spill over the edges. "Are you crying? Why are you crying?" Alex asked walking close to place his hands on me but I wanted anything but to be held by him. I pulled away and finally let my hands fall.
I sniffled hard and sighed. "You're not listening to me. You know how frustrating that is?! I had a promotion, meaning I have a higher pay then before. I can take care of myself and extra needs if I want to. I don't need you working this hard if I can maintain us both. So please, let me go to work before I say something I'll regret" with that I pushed him aside, making sure I didn't hurt him and went to brew some coffee seeing I'm already late for work. My boss is very friendly though so he'll understand. I heard alex's feet walking down the stairs and standing by the entrance of the kitchen. I had both of my hands stretched out on the counter with my head held low trying to catch my breathing.
"I'm going to back to my office after you leave, but can I give you a goodbye kiss?" Alex said as that simple sentence drove me to my breaking point. I went to stand back up and went to turn to look at him. "So what? You're going to pretend this is okay? Give me a kiss to make it all better? As if I have revived anything from you these past few months?" I snapped at alex as he nervously looked down to his feet and sighed. "Well, I don't know what to do right now" he said avoiding my glare. "I understand, so why don't you start by reflecting on this whole situation we just had" with that my coffee finished brewing as I placed it on my to-go cup and sealed the lid tightly.
I gave him one last look and it pained me deeply to not engulf him in my arms. I closed my eyes and sighed as I turned around and went to the front door. I have to stand my ground and let alex think about what just happened between us. "I'll be back around seven, make sure you eat some real food" with that I closed the door and quickly got in my car. I started it as quick as I could, placed my seatbelt in and got on the road to my work. I stopped at a red light as I finally breathed out from my nose and the tears fell like a waterfall. They kept falling and falling like loose water as it pattered down my suit pants. Drops were imprinted but I couldn't care less. My quiet sobs were the only music in my car that kept the car ride not silent.
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Alex debated whether to get into his office or do something else. He stood by the kitchen thinking deeply in his mind. He was doing all of this for his lover he loves dearly. He wants him to live comfortably as possible but it seems all of his hard work was for nothing. He shook his head and went to grab some orange juice from the fridge. He opened the fridge door and his heart gave a subtle jump. There were takeout containers inside with yellow sticky notes plastered all over. He took one out to observe it a bit better. 'Here's some Chinese for you, there's soy sauce in the back!' He knew it was (y/n)'s handwriting since he always wrote his 'i' a bit small. Alex's hand started to shake softly as he reached for another container. 'Remember to eat slow! This one's a bit spicy' he put the container back and bit his lip.
He grabbed the Chinese takeout box and heated up whatever was inside and held his head up high. He didn't want to start bawling his eyes out but he's starting to realize that he was probably in the wrong for even letting an argument happen between them. "Ugh! Why couldn't I just been quiet and let him speak?!" Alex said aggressively putting his hands through his hair. "Fuck! What if he thinks I'm being so unfair? What if he thinks he doesn't want to do anything with me anymore?" Alex voiced out his concerns as his anxiety tried to spike but the alarming sounds of the microwave finishing heating up his food snapped him out.
He took a fork and took some orange juice he originally wanted and went to sit in the living room. He looked around and was confused on why it looked so different. "Why is there...so many decorations all of a sudden?" Alex said. When they both moved into their home, decorations were just flowers in vases and miniature glass animals in weird clothing combinations. Yet, now when alex turns his curious head around, his eyes are met with beautiful paintings of art that look like they belong in a museum. There was a rack that held multiple pots of plants as alex quickly stood up and walked over. There was a sticky note plastered on the side of the rack and read it. 'Feeding time: 9:00 am'. Alex looked at the clock that was in the kitchen and realized it was past nine.
"I'll feed these little guys" he said as he went to put his drink and food down on the table in front of the tv and grabbed the canister beside the rack and filled it up with water. He held the canister with both hands since it was a bit overfilled and gave a few imperfect ratios of water but while doing this task, alex had a permanent smile stuck on his face. He was enjoying watering the simple plants and when he was done he placed it back down beside the rack. "They're so small yet so big" he said as he went to touch a petal and felt the nice sensation on the tips of his fingers. It was smooth yet rigid.
Alex went back to his dinner and put a random video on the tv to watch while he ate. He went on his phone and looked towards Twitter. A few dms of his fans asking him when he's going to release a new video or content. He bit his lip and scrolled a bit more. A few videos popped up of his content creator friends and sighed. He really wanted to some content for his fans and viewers to not leave them hanging but he looked around. He was possibly at the brink of losing the one person who has shown him nothing but love from the beginning. And it was all down to him to decide. To keep pushing forward and letting some work alone and to love his lover once again or leave it all behind for the sake of his career.
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I sighed feeling myself exhausted after a good day at work. I get overwhelmed a bit from social interactions easily. I parked my car into our garage and grabbed the bags of fast food and got out. I stood in front of the entrance of our home and mentally prepared myself to what was going to be on the other side of the door. Part of me hopes to see alex outside of his office and the other part of me knows he's going to be in there. I closed my eyes with hope in my heart as I unlocked the door in a quick way. "Hello?" I asked out loud hearing my own voice echo. Nothing. No response or no noise of acknowledgment.
I placed the bags of fast food on the kitchen counter and placed my keys down as well. I walked around slowly looking around to see any sign of alex anywhere. I looked towards my plants and my eyes widened. "Shoot! Forgot to water you guys-" I began but noticed their damp soil. I pushed that to the side and went to go change, feeling uncomfortable by being in my suit for too long.
I made my way up the stairs and noticed the lights to alex's office were on and my mood immediately dropped. I began to remember the argument we just had this morning and felt defeated. I sluggishly made my way to our room and untied my tie. My hands wouldn't stop shaking from hurt and pain. I closed my eyes not wanting to feel hopeless as I stripped myself and got into some shorts and a shirt. I looked down on it and felt my bottom lip quiver. It was merch of Alex's first merch drop he ever did. I tried pulling it off but strong arms came from out of nowhere and tightened themselves against my torso. I looked behind me and saw alex with a pained smile. His hair was swept nicely under his beanie and he looked like he has been crying.
Silence grew between us I felt nice being held by him for once. I've missed him so much as he started to rock us back and forth. "How was work?" Alex asked softly against my back as I only mumbled in response not wanting to be let go. "'Was fine" I said as he mumbled in response as well. "Can we talk?" He asked after a few more moments. I nodded as he let go of me, feeling myself almost fall forward by the lack of pressure. "By the way, I wasn't in my office the whole day" alex said as he took my hand and led me to his office. I was skeptical on entering but he insisted. I stepped inside and noticed the tremendous change inside.
The carpet was cleared from wrappers and trash, even his futon was removed from the room. "I took you here to show you that I'm not working as extensively any more" alex said as he showed me his planner that was on his desk. "I'm only will be working three days a week and no longer than eight hours a day" alex said flipping around in his planner as my smile grew wider and wider. "And I wanted to formally apologize to you for the way I acted this morning to you. I've just been so used to working hard and being the one to provide for others" alex said as he took my hand again and brought us back down stairs.
"And I know that's not a good excuse and I'm not trying to make one I just.." alex said as I grabbed our food and made our way to the tv to eat in front of. "I understand alex, I know how it might be frustrating" I said as we both sat down and started to eat our respective food. I teared open a ketchup packet and smeared a small dab on my burger wrapper and dipped a fry in. I held it towards alex and offered him it as he happily ate it with a smile. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea alex" I said as I took a bite from my burger and wiped my mouth. "What do you mean?" Alex asked, growing nervous by the second.
"I love you dearly. I don't see myself with anyone but you" I said giving him a smile. I saw him physically fall down against the couch. "But I did feel unheard and neglected these past days alex" I said as he nodded. "I'm so sorry for doing that to you these past days, I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was doing what was right but I was wrong in the end" alex said dropping his head on my shoulder softly. "What matters now is that you fix that you unlearn that mentality but you won't be alone, I'll be here" I said reaching for his hand he isn't using to eat and gave it a squeeze. "You mean so much to me and I just didn't want to lose you to some chum with more money than me" alex said quietly as I nodded and laid my head against his. "You know I don't care about your money. I love you for who you are" I said lifting my head up to look at him. He stared back at me with a lovesick look I've never seen before.
I used my index finger from the hand I wasn't using from eating and lifted his chin up to be at same eye level. "You are so beautiful to me" I said seeing the tips of his ears grow in color and him fighting the urge to smile. "Awe why don't you smile? I love your smile so much alex" I teased as he broke out in a giggle fit as his eyes crinkled. I couldn't help it and I dove right in and peppered his face in multiple kisses making him laugh even looser. "(Y/n)! Stop! I'm gonna piss myself!" He shouted in protest but I only kissed him longer enjoying his laughter like it was symphony for me. I stopped tormenting him letting his catch his breath a bit. His beanie was half off his head as a smile was permanent on his reddened face. He held onto his stomach tightly and looked at me funny. "W-what? Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked growing in nervousness.
I leaned forward and held my lips a few centimeters from his with a smile. "Can I kiss you?" I asked lowly as alex gulped nervously as he positioned himself a bit closer to me and pulled me down with him. I grabbed the couches arm rest in order to not fully fall on him harshly. "Woah-" I said and our lips met graciously as my eyes fluttered closed almost instantly. I felt alex pushing up to me as his tongue danced with mine with fury and a fire inside of him. I kept trying to keep up but as I tried to slow down or catch a breath he pulled me closer and closer. I couldn't help but moan against his lips as it gained him access and explored my mouth like a wild beast. I gripped the couches armrest trying to keep myself composed as Alex's hands roamed around and caught the back of my hair. He gave it a tug making me instantly pull away as we breathed heavily.
"I've never...we've never done that...before" I breathed as alex nodded trying to catch his breath as well. I laid my forehead against his and smiled softly. "Can we finish our food and then cuddle?" I asked as alex quickly nodded making me grow in excitement. We haven't cuddled or snuggled at all for the past days so to finally be able to sleep properly with the man I love in my arms made my heart warmer and warmer. "Better finish your fries before I do" alex teased as he grabbed one of my fries and munched on it. "No! My fries!" I cried out as we both ate quickly with a few giggles escaping left and right. Alex and I aren't perfect but what does is the ability to bounce back from mistakes and learn from them.
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so rushed I'm so sorry :,(