Delilah Lavigne
"Thanks for driving me back." I reach for the door handle to Harrys car and the slam the door shut and head into my building.
Without looking back, I get into the elevator and head straight to my door.
I unlock the door, get into my apartment and slam the door shut and lock it. I lean up against the door and try take a deep breath.
I cant breathe.
Trying to catch my breath, I go to my bathroom to splash some water onto my face. "Deep breaths Delilah come on," I mutter to myself while leaning against the bathroom counter.
I look in the mirror for the first time after I got home and see my makeup all smudged from earlier, I don't even look like myself right now.
Why can't I just fucking breathe? It's not that hard.
"Come on don't be little bitch, suck it up," I say out loud while trying to hold it all in.
I can't, don't you get that? It hurts. It brings too much back.
"Shut up don't say that," I slide down the bathroom door and put my head in my hands.
Why aren't you crying? You haven't cried yet.
"I cant, I won't." I mutter in my hands.
What the hell is wrong with you? Tonight was a shit show and you cant even cry? It was traumatic.
"Shut up! Just shut up!" I yell, putting my hands up to my ears to shut the voice out.
I abruptly stand up from the floor and go to my room, changing into comfortable clothes and lay down in my bed. Nicks is already curled up at the end of my bed fast asleep. Must be nice.
I try to fall asleep but I can't. Why cant I just fall asleep? It's usually so easy for me.
I keep tossing and turning in my bed trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep but I can't, I check the time on my phone and see that it's 4am. I was laying in my bed for almost 2 hours just now? That's impossible, it felt like 10 minutes.
What the hell is happening to me right now? My mind won't shut off.
I cant even ask anyone for help on what to do right now, nobody would get it. I'm going crazy, aren't I?
My mind just keeps going back to that night. I haven't thought about in months.
You should do it right now, you know you want to.
"No. I'm not doing that again," I press my pillow to my ears.
Why not? It helps and you know it. Just do it, maybe you can get some peace in your mind.
"No! I'm not fucking doing it!" I yell.
You look so pathetic right now. Do it, everyone would be happy if you did.
"That's not true. You don't know anything," I say through my teeth.
Oh, but I do. Nobody truly loves you. Remember that night? You fucked up. You ruined everything. That's why you had to move and start over, not because you wanted to but because you had to.
"Stop! I didn't mean to do it I swear!" I scream through my tears.
You're crying. You're fucking welcome.
Through my sobs I mutter, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I jolt in my bed, did I fall asleep? I check the time on my phone and see that I slept for almost 6 hours. I don't even remember falling asleep.
I get out of my bed and go to my mirror, I look like shit. My face is puffy, my eye bags are worse than ever and I have a pounding headache.
It's almost 10am so I have to get ready for work, even though that's the last thing I want to do today.
I pick out an outfit and just decide on a black crop top, baggy blue jeans, a flannel, a black sweater and my converse.
I may feel dead but I won't ever look like it when it comes to my outfits that's for damn sure.
I decide to just skip on doing my makeup today and just brush my hair out, grab my bag and walk out of my bedroom.
Nicks is following behind me, knowing he's about to get fed. I put food in his bowl and head out the door. I get into the elevator and press floor 1.
After staring off in space, I jump from hearing it ding and walk out of the elevator.
"Morning Delilah!" Nora says.
I smile her at her, "Hi Nora."
"Are you okay sweetheart?" She gives me a saddened look.
"Yeah I'm good, I'll see you later." I force out while walking out of the building.
I get into my car and plug my phone into the aux, playing Creep by Radiohead.
After about 20 minutes, which only felt like 5, I pull into the parking lot of CAIM.
I get my keys out to unlock the door, but as I push the key in, I notice the door is already unlocked. Hesitantly, I push the door open and walk in.
"Hello?" I call out. I'm probably about to get fucking murdered. Just my luck.
I turn around to face the door to make sure I'm not being followed, "Hey," I hear. I jump and turn back around to see Finn standing in front of me.
"Jesus christ! What the hell is wrong with you?" I hold my hand up to my chest to catch my breath.
"Sorry, you were late so I opened the shop up myself." He tells me while putting his hands up in front of him.
"What do you mean late? It's only 11:15." I get confused.
"No it's not, it's 12:30." He pulls out his phone to show me the time.
"That's impossible, I swear to god it was just 11." I run my hands through my hair.
"Are you okay?" He looks me up and down.
"I'm fine. I guess I'm just a little out of it today, do you have any clients soon?" I change the subject.
"Yeah in about 30, are you sure you're okay? You look a little," he points at my face, "Yes Finn, I'm fine." I cut him off, "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go to my desk."
I hear him mutter "Okay then," but I just ignore it.
As I'm sitting at my desk, my mind keeps wandering to last night. Who the hell were those people? I literally watched a man get murdered in front of me and it was by Harry.
Holy shit. Harry murdered him.
I see a hand waving in front of my face and I jump, "Holy shit!" I say while holding my chest.
Why the hell is everyone trying to scare me today?
I look up to see who it was and widen my eyes.
"Zayn?" I mutter.
"Are you okay? I was standing there for like 5 minutes trying to get your attention." He points to the door then back to me.
"Really?" I ask, he nods. "Sorry, um w-what are you doing here?" I stutter.
"I wanted to come check on you, see how you were doing." He leans against the desk. I look him up and down and see that he's wearing sunglasses, a black crewneck and jeans.
"I'm fine, why?" I ask.
"Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I don't know what the hell happened, none of us do." He tells me while taking his sunglasses off.
"Are you sure about that? Because you all seemed to have known something." I cross my arms.
He raises his eyebrows, "What do you mean by that?"
I shake my head, "Nothing, just forget it. I need to get back to work."
"Delilah, I mean this in the most respectful way, you look like complete dog shit. So when you say you're fine, I don't buy it." He tells me.
"What the fuck Zayn?!" I furrow my eyebrows.
"I said I meant it respectfully!" He raises his arms.
"I don't know what you mean by that but you need to leave, like now." I stand up and point to the door.
"If anyone should be leaving it's you. Go home and get some rest. I don't know what's going on in that head of yours but it doesn't look too good." He gives me a worried look.
I see a figure coming into the front of the shop and look over to see Finn, "What's going on?" He asks me. He looks over at Zayn and widens his eyes, "Oh, erm what are you doing here?" He asks quietly.
"Came to talk to Delilah." Zayn shortly says while looking at him with narrowed eyes.
"Do you guys know each other?" I cut in as they both look at me, "No." Zayn spits out before Finn can, "Okay.." I drag out with furrowed eyebrows.
"Well I'm going to go back, just wanted to check on you, Lilah." Finn says while walking away.
Well that was fucking weird.
"I'm serious, go home. I will text you later to see how you're doing, okay?" He starts walking backwards towards the door.
I nod. "Again, I'm really sorry about last night." He says while walking out.
I decide to listen to him and go home, just because I feel like shit and time doesn't even feel real right now.
"Finn, I'm gonna head home for the day. Leo should be coming here in like 20 minutes, are you gonna be okay without me?" I ask while leaning against his doorway.
"Yeah we'll be fine, what was that out there?" He asks.
"It was nothing. He just wanted to come in and see me, why?" I question.
"No reason," He purses his lips with a head shake, "I'm gonna set up for my appointment that's about to be here. Feel better Delilah." He says while turning away from me to set up. Why is he being so weird?
Walking out of CAIM and into my car, I plug my phone into the aux and turn on Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex.
I get to my building after about 20 minutes, with shaking hands I get out of my car and head into the building. I didn't see Nora, assuming she's probably out for lunch. I ride the elevator up to my door and unlock it.
Walking inside, I see a figure across my living room and jump. Shooting my head up I notice it's Harry, "Jesus! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
Sitting there with his arm on top of the couch in black jeans, a simple white t- shirt and all of his tattoos on display, he just crosses one leg over the other and stares at me.
"Hello? What the fuck are you doing here?" I wave my hands trying to get his attention.
"Came to see you." He continues to stare.
"How did you even get in here?" I turn around to look at my door as if that will give me any clue.
"You didn't lock it. That's dangerous, you know." I turn back to face him and see him standing up. I always lock my door, although I may be a little out of it today so it's a possibility I forgot.
I just continue to stare at him waiting for him to give me any incline on why the hell he's standing in my apartment right now. He looks intimidating right now with his long hair and that weird ass face he makes.
"I need to talk to you about last night." He finally says.
I raise my eyebrows, "And why is that?"
"You saw too much. Need you to keep quiet about it, think you can do that for me?" He crosses his arms.
"Harry, I watched you kill a man last night. He may have been trying to hurt me but it's not something I can just let go and forget about." It truly was scary, from the minute the man launched at me until the minute I saw him laying dead on the floor, I can't get it out of my mind.
"People die everyday, I don't see you moping around over that." He argues.
I furrow my eyebrows, "Are you kidding me? That is not the fucking same and you know it. Also, not to mention, I thought you guys were in a band and I don't know many bands who walk around with guns and kill people for the hell of it so what do you do?"
He stares blankly at me, "You my love, ask too many questions. Do you have anything to drink? I'm a little parched" He changes the subject.
Parched? What is he 60?
I point to my fridge while still standing by my door, "I just have water, have at it."
"Water? No soda or even alcohol?"
I raise my eyebrows, "I only drink water and coffee every day, sue me."
"I heard Zayn payed you a little visit today. He told me you were super out of it." He says while grabbing a water bottle out of my fridge.
"I'm fine, he just startled me is all." I lie.
He hums, "You look like you haven't slept in like a thousand years."
"Why the hell does everyone think it's okay to point that out? I have eye bags oh my god it's not the end of the world" I exclaim.
"That and your eyes are all puffy." He stares into my eyes from the kitchen.
Changing the subject I say, "Harry if you're just here to talk about my lack of sleep I suggest you leave."
"I came to talk to you, like I said. I know we got off on the wrong start and I've barely said two words to you so I also wanted to apologize." He walks towards me.
Apologize? Never thought this man even knew what that word meant.
"You came to apologize?" I point at him then cross my arms.
"Yes. Now forgive me and let's move on." He urges.
"I'll think about it." I walk towards my bedroom.
I see him furrow his eyebrows as I walk past him, "You'll think about it? What the hell does that mean?"
"It means exactly what I said, I'll think about it." I open my bedroom door and turn the light on with him following behind me.
I turn around to see him in the doorway admiring my bedroom, "It's nice isn't it? Pretty proud of myself for this one." I sit on my bed.
"It looks exactly how I imagined your bedroom to look. All grunge and dungeon vibes." He says.
I laugh and shrug my shoulders, "Yeah I get that a lot."
"What the fuck is that?" He asks. I turn my head to look at him and notice he's looking at the floor. Nicks is curled up on Harry's leg pawing at it.
"It's a cat, Harry. Ever heard of one?"
"That's the ugliest cat I've ever seen." He scoffs.
"Oh, now you're shaming my child. Do you want me to punch you?" I stand up.
"Your child? Jesus Christ." He shakes his head and pushes Nicks away with his foot.
"Alright, you came to talk and apologize and you did just that so why are you still here?" I question. He may be acting all nice and shit but I know an act when I see one.
"Yeah, erm you're right I'll just go." He scratches the back of his neck, "But don't forget about what we talked about, I'm serious."
I nod at him with a blank face, "Oh and lock the door on my way out, can't have someone breaking in again." He adds.
"What the fuck? So you did break in you bastard!" I yell as I walk towards the door. He turns around and smirks at me then continues walking down the hallway.
I scoff but decide to just drop it and close the door and lock it.
Heading into my room, I change into comfortable clothes, check the time on my phone to see that it's only 3pm and lay down in my bed to take a much needed nap.
Today was fucking weird so sleeping it off sounds like the best plan.
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I found so many memes on twitter from a scene of euphoria and just thought I would share one of them