Everyone was sitting at a large table discussing the schedules and joking around. I just sat there silently.
"Ann? Do you have any comments?" Kat asks. I look over.
"Um not really." I stare at the floor. I was so tired. I felt like I hadn't slept in a hundred years.
"Are you ok?" Shai asks.
"Yea I'm alright, I'm just gonna step outside." I stand up and feel everyone looking at me. I walk outside and sit against the wall.
I layed my head back and shut my eyes but opened them when I heard someone sit down beside me. I look over and see Mikey.
"Hi..." He says while holding his hands in his lap. I respond back with a simple hello.
"You wanna talk about it?" He asks. I look at him with confusion.
"You had nightmares, I know."
"How did you know that?" I ask getting nervous.
"The way your eyes keep falling shut but you won't actually sleep. It happens to a lot of people when they have bad dreams. If you don't sleep then nothing bad will happen, but you're really tired at the same time." I stare at him in amazement.
"You picked all that up from just some body language?" I ask. He nods in response.
"Well?"
"Oh um I just had a dream that I died. It was weird. First I was in a coffin and next I was in bed. Then I died and woke up in a church." I say leaving out a lot of the details, mainly Gerard.
"That's strange... is that one of your fears?" I stare at him. How?
"Um yea... why?"
"Well if you are scared of something you tend to dream about it a lot. For example, Frank is scared of storms and he dreams about them all the time."
"Wow I never thought about it like that."
We both sat there in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable.
"Tell you what, we're all going to a club tomorrow night. You should come." He smiles.
"I'm not 21 yet though."
"I'm not 21 either but we can still get in." He winks.
"How old are you?"
"Same age as you, 19. Frank's only 18."
"Is he the youngest?"
"Yup."
"I'll think about it." I say closing my eyes.
"Great." He laughs.
/
"Dammit!" I say frustratingly. I was trying to fix Kat's small camera that she accidentally dropped.
"I don't know how you are gonna fix that..." Elijah says while drinking some orange juice.
"I don't know either." Kat and Shai were out at the store while the band was sitting on a large couch. They were either watching TV or joking around. Elijah and I were sitting at a table dealing with the camera next to the couch.
"Ugh fuck! All of the pieces are trying to come apart!" I yell. The boys look over at me.
"Breathe." Elijah says. "What's wrong with it anyways?"
"The camera lens is shattered and most of the buttons are gone. I don't know if this can be saved. The good thing is that the memory card is alright."
I had some super glue in my hand and camera replacements but I don't think that the camera is saveable.
I had shoved some camera buttons back in the correct spot but they kept popping out. Elijah saw the anger on my face and quickly grabbed the camera before I could break it even more.
"Alright why don't you just take a break?" He laughed nervously.
I stand up and flop down on the floor. "Why can't I do anything? I can't even fix a fucking camera." I ask nobody.
"It's not the end of the world." He smiles.
"My job is all about cameras though. How can I use one 24/7 but can't put one back together?"
"Its not that you can't fix it, its just that the camera is too broken." He reassures.
I get frustrated by the whole situation and hang my head low.
"I'm tired." I change the subject.
"Same."
I crawl on the couch away from the boys and rest my head in my lap. After a couple minutes I fall into a deep sleep.
/
I woke up and felt someones arm around me. I was still sitting on the couch. I looked up and saw Gerard. He was laughing and smiling like a child. His arm was around my shoulders and my head was next to his chest.
Kat and Shai were back and everyone was laughing and having a good time. Gerard noticed that I was awake and looked down at me. "Well hello sunshine." He smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. He was just too much to resist.
He reached over to the table and handed me a cup. "It's just some tea."
"Uh its not "just some tea", its freaking the best homemade peach tea!" Mikey interrupted.
"Whatever." Gerard giggles.
I laughed and took a sip.
"This is really good. Who made this?"
"The one and only Michael James Way." Mikey bragged as he struck a pose.
Everyone laughed at his behaviour. Gerard looked down at me. "Follow me." He said while standing up. I set my drink on the table and followed after him. We walked out of the building and onto the sidewalk.
"Where are we going?" I questioned as I saw that it was late at night.
"You'll just have to wait and see..." He grinned.
We continued walking for a minute or two until we reached a park, but it wasn't just an ordinary park. There were tons of lanterns and light all around the trees and a circular gazebo with lights hung up.
Gerard held my hand as we stepped on the flooring.
"Wow..." I took in the beautiful view.
Gerard placed his hand on my hip and raised my hand in the air, connecting it with his. My free hand wrapped around his neck gently. I stood still for a moment.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"You know I can't really dance..."
He smiled a little until he lifted me up and placed me on his feet.
"Maybe I could show you again..."
We danced around a little bit and just watched each other. Maybe I was crazy but something about Gerard made me happy. Happier than ever. I kind of forgotten about the concert and the diner. It's in the past, there's no need to bring it up.
We kind of stayed there, swaying back and forth. Without realization, our noses were touching and I could feel him breathing on my lips. His eyes started to flutter close and his hand was on the back of my neck. I was about to close my eyes when we both jumped.
"HEY! WHO'S OUT THERE!?" A random man yelled.
"Shit." Gerard breathed out. "We gotta go." He grabbed my hand and we both ran.
We were running through the woods away from the man. We jumped over logs and ducked tree branches. However, we stopped when we saw a fence. We could hear the man behind us.
"What do we do?"
Gerard looked around. The man was only a few feet away. He grabbed my hand and pulled me behind a tree.
"We'll just wait for him to leave..." He whispered. We sat there breathing heavily.
"Come out, come out wherever you are..." The man teased. We were trapped in a tight space. Gerard's back was against the tree while I was next to him but my legs were in his lap.
"Ugh those damned kids..." He starts to walk away but stops. He lets out a long fart and groans. "Ah yea..."
Gerard and I placed our hands over our mouths to prevent us from laughing. We were happy when the man left because we let out loud laughs.
"Oh my god." Gerard giggled.
We both sat there trying to catch our breath.
"I can't believe we got away with that..." I finally speak.
"It's nothing new." Gerard looks serious. "What happened the other night?" He asks.
"What are you talking about?"
"You seemed pretty off today. Did something happen?" His face had worry written all over it.
"Oh its pretty normal. Just some nightmares..."
"Do you wanna talk about them?" He asks while letting my face rest in the palm of his hand.
"They're not important... I do have one thing. In one of my dreams you said something like 'Now we can walk around the cemetery late at night and run through the woods without getting caught. Just like old times." I quoted.
His hand immediately drops and he looks down.
"That's um really weird..."
"Gerard? What's wrong?"
He responds quickly still looking down. "Nothing. We should go back." He stands up and starts to walk away. I stood up and stayed there for a second. What did I do? I felt a pang of guilt in my chest for no reason but I felt that I upset him. I didn't mean to, clearly.
I started walking behind Gerard, making sure I didn't get lost.
After a few minutes we reached the planning building again. We walked inside and I grabbed my bag as Gerard sat down.
"Where are you going?" Gerard asked as he looked sad.
"I was just gonna head back to the hotel. Its kind of late and I said I would call my mom tonight. So I'll see you guys tomorrow." Before anyone could say anything, I walk out. I honestly just needed to talk to my mom and think. She always makes me feel better.
I don't know what I would do if I lost her.
I made my way to the hotel and to my room.
I set my bag down and sat in my bed with my back against the headboard.
I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom's number. It rang for a few seconds until someone picked up.
"This is Cherie."
"Hi mom." I smile.
"Oh hi sweetie. How are you?" I could tell that she had a smile on her face as she spoke.
"I'm doing fine, its still tough being away from home but I've made some friends."
"That's wonderful." She took a second to cough.
"Are you ok?" I ask concerned.
"Yea I'm fine, I just have a small cough and some heartburn. Its really nothing to worry about."
I didn't believe that it was no big deal but I didn't want to start freaking out.
"Ok well if it gets worse promise me you will go see a doctor."
"Of course, now tell me about the concert and the one coming up." She changes the topic.
I told her all about the memory card fiasco and how some girl stepped on my foot. I also told her about the cafe/bookstore in Seattle. I explained how the people interact here and how fancy the hotel is. After almost 30 minutes we said our goodbyes and hung up.
I love my mom so much. When my dad died she was all I had. We would do everything together. I felt kind of bad though because she had her own life but I was still growing up. She put everything on hold for me and I am in her debt.
I stood up and slipped on some white shorts with a dark yellow tank top. It was the first thing I found and I didn't feel like searching for something better.
I layed down and shut my eyes. I pushed all of today's events to the back of my mind and focused on sleeping. It seemed to work because soon enough I was asleep.
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I've been trying to work on this chapter for days now but I'm really lazy. MY DOG LITERALLY BROKE THE BRACELET MY GIRLFRIEND MADE ME AND I WANNA CRY. I'm really sad. Anyways, later babes.
Listening to: This Is How I Disappear - MCR
Date: 1-12-22
Time: 10:46 pm
Mood: Tired/Sad