I help Lily step up into the back of the SUV, and we make our way to her apartment building as has become our routine at my insistence. As we pull up, I run out and offer my hand so she can take her time putting weight on her knee. Her hand is small and soft in mine.
"You look pained, Yoongi. Are you OK?"
"I'm a bit embarrassed, but do you mind if I use your bathroom?"
"Oh, of course! Why don't you come up and stay for dinner?" She smiles as she sets herself down gingerly on the pavement.
"I can't impose." I shake my head. I don't want her to think I was expecting dinner.
"Oh, don't be silly. Actually, it would be nice not eating alone for a change."
Lily seems so genuine that I agree, and I make arrangements to call my driving service later.
I pull my mask high on my face and pull my hat down as we head up to her apartment. When we arrive there is a vase sitting in front of her door filled with red roses. She looks surprised and checks the name on the card that confirms they are for her. I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks, and I have to check myself.
Am I jealous?
When inside, I take in her little apartment. It is tiny but well-appointed for such a small space. It is decorated with a Swedish design aesthetic. Everything is streamlined and tastefully decorated in crisp neutral colors. There are a variety of small green plants dotted around the room, and I imagine her watering and caring for them in a way that seems so authentically, Lily.
And even though the design is fairly minimalist, it doesn't feel stark, it feels cozy, and I am thrilled to take a look into her world. I note that she doesn't have a couch, just her bed, which isn't uncommon for small spaces like this, but, for a moment, it makes my mind drift off as I think about her laying in that bed every night.
I recognize her wall of records and books, and I see that she has a full 88 key keyboard sitting proudly on a stand on the opposite wall, complete with headphones. I imagine she puts them on and plays at her whim without disturbing her neighbors. Her acoustic guitar is hanging on the wall, and it makes me smile. Lily just radiates music.
She points me in the direction of the bathroom. When I come back, she is in her tiny kitchen, retrieving a package of steak and some vegetables and placing them on the counter while she gets a cutting board and frying pan out. I don't know why, but her standing there in her t-shirt and jeans feels like the most beautiful scenery I've had the pleasure of gazing upon.
"I will cook this," I announce. "You cut the vegetables."
"Yoongi, I invited you. I don't expect you to do any of the work."
"Nonsense. We will work together." and I see a corner of her mouth turn up a bit. I like that I can make her smile.
She puts on some music lightly in the background, and we work in comfortable silence except when I ask for ingredients or items I need to locate. I've cooked for the guys with Jin when we tape different shows, but this is so different. No cameras, she's not asking to snap pictures, not that she could anyway, but I casually looked her up on social media and noticed that she isn't very active. Those things really don't seem to interest her, and I love that about her. It's just the two of us at the moment doing something that normal people do every day, and it feels nice.
When she excuses herself to use the bathroom, I notice the card from the flowers is open on the counter. I know I shouldn't, but before I know what I'm doing, I slide over and read it.
Lily,
Welcome to the team! I hope we meet again soon so I can see you NOT drink an Americano.
How about a drink and dinner sometime? Here is my number xxxxxx.
Minjun
I quickly slide back over to the pan and pretend as if nothing has happened.
Ugh, I hope she doesn't like that asshole.
When she comes out of the bathroom, her strawberry blond locks are up in a ponytail, and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to press my lips against her neck.
After eating dinner at her little two-person table stuffed in the corner, I notice she has a bottle of whiskey on a tiny cart.
"You like whiskey?"
"I do! I don't drink it every day, but I like to have some, listen to records, and try and get my mind to slow down after a long day. Sometimes I have a hard time allowing myself to relax. It's like I'm never satisfied unless I'm working. You know what I mean?"
I nod at her in awe. We seem cut from the same cloth.
"Care to have an after-dinner drink with me?" She says eagerly.
She seems excited by the prospect, and even though I should be heading out for the night, I accept. She expertly pours two whiskeys on the rocks, handing me one as she carefully limps over to her record player.
"Sorry, I don't have a couch, but you can sit here," she says as she pats her bed. It's not supposed to be sexy, and I know she just means to use it as a place to sit, but the sight of her sipping whiskey and placing a record on the turntable makes me warm all over.
I sit down, and I don't recognize the music.
"The album is called Grace. The artist is Jeff Buckley, he passed away years ago, but I am totally in love with this album. He was such a unique talent."
I muse about how she writes and produces some of the biggest pop hits in Korea, but her personal tastes are so varied. Her personality is layered, and I like that.
"So, Mi Hi said I only have one or two appointments left, and then she thinks I don't have to go to physical therapy anymore either. It looks like we are both going to be free!" She says excitedly, I can't help but be taken by her smile. This woman has no idea how pretty she is. I've seen grown men almost walk into walls admiring her, but she is completely oblivious, and it's very charming.
"Well, you can count on my driver taking you to and from your remaining appointments. I don't want you limping around Seoul," I say with a warm smile as I take a sip of my whiskey. It slides down my throat and warms my stomach.
"That's really not necessary, Yoongi!" She says with surprise, but she looks pleased with my gesture.
"It's settled. I am arranging it." I reply, and she gives me a shy nod.
When she sits down, she spills the contents of her glass onto the floor, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, if I had a brain, I'd be dangerous!"
"Why would you say such a terrible thing about yourself?" I question as I grab a dishtowel from the kitchen to help wipe the mess.
"Oh, it just slipped out. My mother always said that to me." Her words trail off, and she seems lost in a memory from long ago.
"No one should ever speak to you that way."
I refill her glass, and we sip whiskey and tell each other about our parents. Lily's parents were not nice people, and she's done a great job of raising herself along with the help of her friend Jae and her family. It bothers me that this kind and intelligent soul went through her life basically being verbally abused and mostly abandoned by her parents. She speaks matter of factly like it's a story she's telling about anyone else but herself. Her strength is alluring, and as she speaks, I think about what it would be like to run my hand down the length of her soft, silky arm.
I tell her about my family and the struggles I faced when I told them about my dreams to make music. We both have had our problems. We both know what it is like to struggle and not know where our next meals are coming from before we landed in our current careers. It's nice to have a real conversation with someone.
She keeps pouring whiskey into our glasses as the night goes on, and even though I know I should be home sleeping, I just let her keep filling our glasses. I don't even think she realizes that she keeps pouring, she just seems a little tipsy and happy to be visiting, and I am enjoying everything about this moment.
As the night grows later, we are laughing and joking, telling each other stories, and I notice we are sitting so close to each other I can feel her thigh brushing against mine. My heart is pounding, I know I am in dangerous territory here, but I don't move. I'm not sure I really want this moment to end.
Am I falling for this woman?
------------------------------
In the early morning hours, before the sun touches the sky, I open my eyes and realize Lily and I have fallen asleep in her bed. She's lying down with her head on my chest, and I have my arms wrapped around her.
Holy shit, did we spend the whole night holding each other?
My head is aching from a whiskey-induced hangover. I look at my watch, and it's 4:30 in the morning.
I gingerly slip her off me, watching as she instinctively turns in her sleep and cuddles a pillow. I get up and collect my things. Putting myself back together in her bathroom, I arrange for a ride.
When I get the text my car is downstairs waiting, I pull my hat down low and my mask up high again as I need to sneak out of here completely undetected.
I quietly leave sleeping beauty to rest a bit more.