I've been busy all week with the members coming up with ideas and talking about our project. So today, I'm holed up in my studio playing with sounds and beats, seeing what speaks to me.
I brought my acoustic guitar in, the piano is really my forte, but I'm decent enough with my guitar. She's (my guitar is definitely a she) a beautiful deep blue color with opal inlay in the fretboard. I'm starting to string some chords together, creating a simple sound while singing some of the lines from the notes I've been collecting from the guys all week. I know I will feel it when something starts to click.
The members are due any time now, and we are going to work in my studio for a bit today. When everyone arrives, they have to pull in folding chairs because my little couch can't fit everyone.
"We need to get you another couch," Yoongi mutters as he shifts in his seat.
"Hyung, come sit here," JK says without hesitation, and he's already up and switching seats before Yoongi can have an opinion. I love that JK is always aware that he is the maknae and holds the elder members in respect. He doesn't complain; he just selflessly does what he thinks is right. It may come with some friendly play punches to his hyungs, but his boyish charm is alluring.
I'm mindlessly strumming chords together while they settle in when Hobi asks, "Lily, is there anything you can't do." I look at him, and he is absolutely ethereal. I don't think any person on the planet takes better care of their skin. I mean, there isn't a flaw on him when you see him up close. Bare-faced Hobi is actually even more beautiful than you can imagine, and it takes my breath away sometimes.
"Oh, there are tons of things I can't do." I chuckle. "So I have been thinking about song structure, and I know a lot of the time you switch off taking turns singing, there will still be some of that, but I want the vocal line to sing a good portion of the chorus together."
"Together. All together at one time?" Jimin questions.
"Yes, I want you to harmonize, and I want you to be able to do it so well that you can sing the chorus acapella at the drop of a hat by the time you hit the interview circuit in the States when we start marketing the song. If an interviewer mentions the song, I want you guys to be able to sing the chorus on the spot. Basically, I want you to shove your talent right down their throats. Throw receipts like confetti!"
"Lily, the vocal line all have very different voices and styles. We usually all take different parts...." Hobi starts to explain, and I love that he is trying to protect his brothers, who collectively are beginning to look nervous with me suggesting a different approach to their previous songs.
"I know, Hobi, but I promise you. We can make this work! You have plenty of songs with harmonies. It's similar to what you usually do but on steroids. Also, I am going to want you to sing too."
"Me? Lily, I'm in the rap line, and I even had to be taught to do that. You know I'm really a dancer at heart. I sing a bit but not as a lead."
"Hobi, you are one of the most amazing dancers I've ever seen. I mean, 'Black Dior, Hobi' umm, holy shit! Not to mention, I've listened to Hope World! I've done my homework!"
Hobi smiles and looks down for half a second, but his confidence shines through. He knows he owns the stage when he performs.
"But let's be honest, you became a fantastic rapper, you slay on stage, and you absolutely can sing. I just need you to do it a bit more than you are used to. I've seen videos, and I can hear that you have a sweet tone."
"I don't know," he says with uncertainty.
I'm quite taken back that Hobi is showing some insecurity as I haven't experienced this side of him before. I've seen him be a bit wishy-washy over deciding on what to eat or small insignificant decisions, but otherwise, he seems pretty secure in his talents.
"Well, I know, and I also know I've seen footage of you and Jin singing a lyric from Feliz Navidad backstage, and the tone was excellent! I'm going to need that tone to fill out the sound in the chorus. I need you to muster up that confidence you have on stage and bring it to me. I have absolute confidence in your abilities."
He nods, and I can see he is lost in his own thoughts, and I desperately want him not to worry.
"Come, slide your chair over here, Hobi," I say, waving him gently over, and I pull down the mic I use informally with my DAW, so it is hanging between us.
"Look, we aren't even in the sound booth. This is nothing. Right? Listen to the line I sing, and then don't overthink it. Just copy me."
I play a few chords and sing a bluesy riff from deep in my gut, "I'm standing on the edge, without you, I'm slipping away..." with my eyes closed.
But I'm welcomed with silence. I open my eyes, and I feel seven sets of eyes staring intently at me.
"Li, Lily, you sing...beautifully." Hobi stutters sincerely with wide eyes.
"Oh Hobi, you are way too generous but so sweet. However, this is not about me!"
"I can't follow that!" he exclaims.
"Listen to me. Forget everyone in this room right now. It's just you and me here." I pick up his hand and place it over his heart and then gently place my hand over his. I swear I can still feel his heart pounding underneath our palms.
"Close your eyes with me. I need you to stay with me and stop thinking. Now I will start, and you follow me this time. Don't leave me this time. I need you. Stay with me!"
Never moving my hand away from Hobi's, I sing my line, and when I finish, I gently squeeze his hand to signal him to repeat, and he does. The sweetest tones escape his mouth, his tone is soulful and earthy and I'm lost in the moment gently swaying my head back and forth, not daring to open my eyes.
When Hobi finishes his line, I finally look up, and our eyes meet. I sweep both his hands into mine, "That was absolutely beautiful Hobi, do you trust me now?" I ask quietly, keeping my eyes trained on his.
He just nods at me, and I notice a tear starting to slide down his cheek, and I don't even hesitate to wipe it away and we stare into each other's eyes for a moment. We've both been making music in the industry so long at this point that sometimes it starts to feel like a business transaction. However, what just occurred between Hobi and me was one of those wonderful intimate moments where you make a real connection through the music. I carefully let go of his hands and swing around to my workstation.
"Give me one minute." I take the recorded vocal track, quickly layer it over a guitar track I had recorded earlier, and then play it to the room.
"Woah!" Hobi says, and I hear some agreements from the other guys.
"Wait until we actually start recording a real song!" I say excitedly while I keep tweaking the track. I realize I'm getting way too into this experiment, and I swing around and face the members. I can't decipher what they are thinking, but it feels like indifference.
"What's wrong? I'm sorry I know I can get a little carried away when I start mixing." I say apologetically. "Are you guys, uh, are you OK?"
"I think I can speak for everyone when we ask, why the hell are you not making your own records?" RM states.
I double over in laughter, "Again, not about me!" I say, rolling my eyes.
"Hobi is the real MVP right now! Listen, I think we should break here for today. My brain is going a million miles an hour with ideas right now, and I'd love the time to put them together and bring them back to you when I have a clear vision. How do you all feel about that?" I say while I scan over everyone.
"We trust you, Lily," Hobi replies softly, and it seems as if the entire room agrees.
I nod and smile as they begin their departure. JK gives me a knowing smile. RM gives a slight bow with his dimples showing. Hobi still seems quiet, but Jimin throws his arm around him in support and flashes me his smiling eyes. Tae reaches over and gives my arm a squeeze, and throws me a thumbs up. Jin makes me promise I will eat later, and then it leaves just Yoongi and me alone.
"Mr. Min Yoongi, what can I do for you?" I question, but it's only because I can't seem to enjoy a moment of silence when we are alone because I'm so nervous around him.
I quickly look him over. He is wearing a black cap, a long sleeve white t-shirt that hangs well beyond his waist, casually covering quite a bit of his black skinny jeans. He looks so casual, and I am far too attracted to him, I know I have to fight it. I'm attracted to them all, but it's different with Yoongi.
He leans back with his arms folded, "You are talented. Do you already have ideas for more lyrics? I like what you sang earlier," he says thoughtfully.
"I mean, the ideas are coming. I have all of the notes from our last brainstorming session. I actually have more written than I let on because I don't like to present song ideas when they are too rough. I can be a bit of a perfectionist, much to my own detriment. You want to stay and work on it with me?" I offer, trying to sound like the thought of working alone with him isn't intimidating.
"I'd like that. I have ideas too."
"Good, because I know RM will want to write his part, but I need you to write yours also. I would love it if you rapped the entire bridge."
"In English, right?" he says, looking slightly deflated.
"Oh hell no, the main lyrics and the chorus I need in English; however, I need you to be you, it has to be in Korean. Is that OK with you?"
"You think I can do that, and we can still get nominated for a Grammy?" he replies, looking completely unconvinced.
"Trust me; I have a plan." I smile, and we proceed to hunker down in my studio to work on crafting the song, and I'm relieved to find that working with Yoongi seems completely natural.
I wish he wasn't so good at this. It makes it impossible not to have a bit of a crush. Stop, Lily, just stop.