"Gretchen?"
Lily froze, sitting up when Johnny got off the bed, pulling his sweatpants on and nodding towards the door to indicate that he was going into the other room.
Suddenly she was hyper aware of her nude body, and got up, grabbing one of Johnny's shirts and a pair of his boxers, she moved over to the doorway and stood against the it, straining her ears to listen to the conversation.
Johnny paced around in the living room as he spoke to his ex lover, completely baffled that she had called. "Yeah, I'm not home actually, I'm at the beach house." He explained awkwardly, unsure of what to say to her.
"Oh really? I honestly thought you sold it by now since we never used it." Gretchen replied quietly.
"I didn't, no. I thought about it, but after- uh- we had to push back tour so I figured I'd take some time off until we could go." Johnny said, lying only a little bit. What was he supposed to say? The truth?
'Hey I relapsed and tried to kill myself after you left me, lol!' Didn't seem like the best thing to say, and there was no way to put it that didn't seem like he was blaming her for it.
Johnny didn't blame her at all, those were his choices, she didn't tell him to relapse, she didn't suggest that he try to end it all. Keeping this from her was just easier for both of them.
"Yeah, I saw that. Some issues in the studio, right?" She asked, pacing the bedroom of her new apartment in Columbus. She had decided to start over, she needed to be away from LA and the paparazzi and everything that reminded her of what she had been through. She had missed Ohio, so much.
She started a new job at a local high school, and surprisingly, most of her students didn't ask about Johnny or the band or why they broke up.
Gretchen liked her life, she reconnected with old friends, and even made some new ones, her job was great, she had a nice, cozy apartment, and most of all, she got to see her family on a regular basis; but as she settled into this new routine, she realized something.
She missed Johnny.
Gretchen didn't want to break up with him, she just needed time, and didn't know how to do so without cutting ties with everything and everyone in Los Angeles. Including her fiance... well, ex fiance now.
"Did uh- did Taylor get all of your stuff? I'm not home so I wouldn't know if she did." The singer asked, confused as to why she was calling him.
"She did, yeah. It came in a few days ago." Fuck, this was uncomfortable. She has known him her entire adult life, but now having a conversation on the phone is awkward? "I uh- I haven't talked to you in so long, I just- I guess I missed you." She admitted, at this point, she might as well just be honest with him.
"You missed me? Really?" Johnny breathed, he couldn't believe this, all he had wanted was to hear her voice, for her to tell him that she missed him and wanted him back... but now? The words only left him confused and conflicted.
Those words had a very different affect on Lily though.
She closed the door quietly, a sob threatening to fall from her lips as she slid down the wall and sat on the floor. Lily knew this would happen, she knew she was merely a warm body to curl up to and a place holder until Gretchen took him back.
The bassist fucking hated herself, she let herself fall for Johnny again, only to have her heart broken. Again.
'He was only acknowledging what she had said, that doesn't mean he feels the same way!' Her mind reasoned, but the doubt and insecurities she felt was overtaking her thoughts.
She reached up and pulled the door open again to listen, she needed to hear the rest before she jumped to conclusions.
"You're going to be in LA? When?" Johnny asked, part of him felt butterflies at the prospect of seeing her again, but the rest of him felt nothing more than confusion.
"I am, one of my friends, Kayla is having her baby shower next week, and I have time off because of summer break, so I said I would fly in." Gretchen explained, tracing patterns into the doorway as she spoke. "I- um... I'd really like to see you, if that's ok?" She finally asked.
"You-? I... yeah, I think that would be a really good idea, what hotel are you staying at? We can meet for lunch." Johnny replied, unaware that Lily was listening to every word he was saying to his ex.
That was all the bassist needed to hear.
She stood up, and wiped the tears from her eyes. It appeared that Johnny had made his choice already. She grabbed her duffle bag from the floor, and started stuffing her clothes into it- almost all of it was in there,having moved in to the master bedroom a week and a half ago- before she pulled out her phone, and looked up flights to LA.
She found one for that evening and booked it without hesitation, ordering an uber for herself as well. Lily knew she was probably being brash, and that she needed to hear Johnny out first, and she would... but she wanted a backup plan first and foremost.
She went into the hall to check the other bedroom for any clothes she may have left, and heard Johnny's raspy voice.
"Ok, I'll see you Friday... alright, I- ok, bye." Well he didn't say he loved her, so that was at least somewhat comforting to Lily.
Johnny was in a daze, he was so conflicted and confused. Just five minutes ago, he was ready to completely cut off the past and move forward with his life, but one phone call later left him disoriented.
Was the conflicting emotions actually valid, or were they merely a ghost of what he once felt for Gretchen clouding his judgment.
He walked back upstairs to find the bedroom empty.
'This is probably bad.' He thought to himself, turning when he heard footsteps behind him to see Lily, who did not look happy.
"So you're seeing her." She said, not bothering to beat around the bush.
"Lily, I know what that looks like, but-" Johnny tried to explain, but Lily merely scoffed, pushing past him to go downstairs.
"Lily, just please give me a chance to explain!" He all but begged, catching her hand in his own to stop her.
"Do you still love her?" Lily asked instead, spinning around to face him, but there was no anger in her voice, only hurt.
"I-" Johnny cut himself off, he could lie to her and say he didn't... but the problem was, he didn't know whether or not he did. "I don't know." He admitted, refusing to lie to her anymore.
That stung more than a yes or a no. Lily blinked away tears and turned away from him. "What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" She asked shakily.
"Lily, I just- I don't know..." The singer mumbled, looking away from her.
"Well I guess you can let me know when you do." She whispered, walking into the bedroom, and grabbed a pair of sweatpants to put on, knowing her uber would be ther any minute.
"Where are you going?" Johnny asked, noticing her bag had been packed.
'Shit.'
"Home." Lily said stiffly, going into the bathroom to grab her toiletries. She didn't want to leave, she didn't want Johnny to let her leave, but she needed time to think, and so did the singer, apparently.
Johnny watched the door close, and let out a shaky breath, what the hell was he supposed to say to her? How was he supposed to make up for this or change her mind?
He stared at the floor for a long minute, before he nodded to himself, and left the room, he had already hurt her enough, he just needed to let her go.
Lily came back into the room, feeling tears well up in her eyes when she saw the now empty, and her phone dinged to indicate that her uber had arrived.
She grabbed her bag, and made her way downstairs, stopping in the entryway to look at Johnny, who had just stood in the living room quietly, hesitantly walking towards her, pulling the door open for her.
Lily watched him for a moment, and before she turned to leave, he cupped her face and kissed her gently. They rested their foreheads together for a moment before Lily turned away and walked down the steps, and over to the small Toyota Corolla, getting into the backseat.
"Airport, right?" The driver asked, she looked familiar to Lily, but she couldn't place her.
"Yeah, the airport." Lily confirmed, pulling out her phone to scroll through her socials for a while.
"Say, weren't you in that rock band? What's it called?... the pretty reckless?- no that's not it... the relentless! That's it!" The driver said, her wild eyes meeting Lily's through the rearview mirror.
"No, but I get that a lot." The bassist mumbled, lying through her teeth on the off chance that she saw Johnny through the doorway.
"Oh really? Wow, you two must be long last sisters or clones! The resemblance is uncanny." The woman laughed, pulling onto the main road.
"What terminal am I taking you to, dear?"
"G." Lily replied, digging through her bag until she found her airpods, and pulled them out, sticking them into her ears to listen to some music.
"Alright, we should be there in twenty or so." The driver reassured, turning on the radio.
As Lily sat there listening to a random playlist she found on spotify, Cats in the Cradle began playing, and Johnny's raspy voice floated through her ears, but she couldn't bring herself to skip it, so she sat there with tears blurring her vision as the song played.
She loved him so fucking much.
All she wanted was to tell the driver to turn around and take her back, barge into that house and kiss Johnny like his lips were her only life source, show him how much she loved him so that he would choose her.
'I sound like such a mother fucking pick me girl, oh my God.' She groaned mentally.
If Johnny was going to make a decision, he needed to do it on his own. She was done with the games, she was done with the 'will we, won't we?' Bullshit. She was done.
If Johnny wanted her, he knew where she lived, if he didn't? Then Gretchen was going to be in town on Friday, so it didn't matter anymore.
The ball was in his court now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vivian walked up to the large house, staring up at the massive size of it before she typed in the code Johnny had given her, and unlocked the door, pushing it open and stepped aside to allow Elias through as he carried a few bags inside.
Faith cooed and giggled, wiggling around in Vivian's arms until she sat her down, letting her crawl around on the floor, using a chair to pull herself onto her feet as she explored.
"This place is beautiful." Vivian breathed, looking around the room as she sat her bag down on the floor.
"It is, yeah. Johnny loves it here, just wait 'til you see the view from the pool." Elias said as he walked past her to grab the rest of her things. They didn't have much, so it didn't take long.
"Do you think Johnny would be ok with having the extra crib upstairs in his room? So we could switch off and stuff." The younger mother asked as she pulled clothes out of a bag and folded them to place inside the dresser in her bedroom.
"I don't think he'll care." Elias shrugged, picking Faith up when she tried to crawl up the stairs.
"Ok, I'll take it up there later." She nodded, smiling at Faith when she started messing with Elias' beard.
The older mans phone began to ring, and he pulled it out of his pocket. "Well speak of the devil." He laughed before he hit accept call.
"Hey, Johnny. We're at your house right now moving Vivian and Faith in."
"Oh good, I'll be home Wednesday, so I'll help set up anything when I get there." Johnny replied, laying on his bed as he stared up at the ceiling.
"You're coming back early?" Elias asked in surprise, sitting Faith in her playpen that they had just put together.
Vivian glanced up at this, Johnny had seemed fine when she stayed with him, so maybe he was ready to come home.
"Yeah, we have a lot of prepping to do for tour, and I'm going a little stir crazy being up here with nothing to work on, I've written enough songs for the next five albums and that still wouldn't keep me preoccupied... and I'm uh- Gretchen is gonna be in town and I agreed to meet her for lunch Friday." Johnny mumbled the last part, waiting for the older man to lose his temper.
"Are you shitting my mother fucking dick right now, Johnny?!" Elias nearly yelled, huffing in frustration. This dumb mother fucker!
"Listen, we're just going to talk! I just- Elias, I didn't get shit from her when she left, I just need that closure before I can move on, ok?" The singer explained quickly, he was confused, that was obvious, but he was pretty sure he knew what he wanted, he had already made the choice to be in Vivian and Faith's life, he had made the choice to get sober again, and he-
He wanted Lily, and he just needed to take this opportunity to heal the past completely before he moved forward.
Elias sighed, and sat down on the mattress of Vivian's bed with a huff. "Alright, fine."
"Wait, really?" Johnny asked in shock, he didn't think the older man would simply agree with that.
"You need the closure, and I'm sure Gretchen probably needs it too. Have you talked to Lily about this?" Elias asked, the sigh he received from the younger man made him groan.
"She left this morning and said that when I was ready to make a decision, I knew where to find her." The singer said.
"Ok, well I think you need to make that decision, because you can't keep dragging these girls along, man." The older man told him gently, whether he was doing it on purpose or not, he was only hurting Lily and Gretchen by being indecisive.
"I know, you're right, and that's why I'm going to talk to Gretchen about this." Johnny clarified, running a hand through his hair as he spoke.
"Good, do you want me to pick you up at the airport when you fly home?" Elias asked, smiling at Vivian when she walked by him to get Faith to take her to the kitchen to feed her.
"If you wouldn't mind, yeah." Johnny smiled, standing up to begin packing. "Is Vivian and Faith there?" He asked.
"She is, why?" The older man said, already knowing what he was going to ask.
"Can you turn the camera on so I can see Faith?" The singer asked softly, almost embarrassed to say it, he really needed to get Vivian's number so he could actually call her.
Elias stood up and walked into the other room, fumbling with his phone until it switched to facetime and turned it around to point at Vivian and Faith.
"Faith, your dada wants to say hi!" Elias said in a high pitched voice that made Johnny nearly laugh out loud.
"Dada!" Faith squealed, making grabby hands at the phone until Elias brought it closer.
"Hi, Faithy! I miss you so much, baby." Johnny cooed, his eyes lighting up at the sight of his daughter. "Hi, V. You finding everything alright at the house?" He asked, turning his attention to the younger woman.
"Its great, is it ok if I put an extra crib upstairs in your room?" Vivian asked, grabbing some snacks for Faith.
"Of course, you don't even have to ask." Johnny reassured with a smile.
Vivian grinned and nodded, holding out a handful of puffs for Faith to take.
"Ok, I should probably go, I love you, Faith." The singer said, chuckling when the little girl waved and blew kisses at the phone.
"Bye, Johnny." Vivian giggled, kissing the side of her daughter's head.
"Bye, V. Bye Elias." Johnny smiled, and hung up with a sigh. He was so glad he was going home.
He grabbed his suitcase, and began packing, placing clothes into it, humming a tune to a song that he couldn't remember the name of.
The singer could feel the stress build up inside of him as he thought about the eventual meeting with Gretchen.
He didn't know how to feel about the premise of seeing her, did he still love her, or was he over it? He knew that he loved Lily, that was the only thing he was sure of, but if he still loved Gretchen, was it fair of him to even choose, or should he just end things completely with the both of them, and leave?
He pulled out his phone, and opened his camera roll, scrolling through pictures of himself and Gretchen, some old, some from only a few months ago, one was from when they went to the fair after he proposed.
The photo was dark, just the lights from the rides illuminating their features, Gretchen was pressed against his chest, and Johnny was kissing the top of her head, a smile on both of their faces.
He scrolled back up, and stopped at the photos of himself and Lily, all from the past month, and he clicked on one photo in particular.
They were in the music room together, and he was sitting at the piano with Lily leaning down behind him, her arms wrapped around his neck, and kissing the side of his head, both smiling brightly.
He didn't know how he felt looking at either photo... that wasn't true, he knew how he felt when he looked at Lily, it was Gretchen that made his brain hurt.
That was why he needed to see her, he needed that closure, not only for himself, but for Gretchen.
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