My Empire of Dirt

You Make Me a Sinner 'Cause I Ain't No Saint

Johnny blinked heavily as the sound of thunder crashed outside and he groaned, rolling over onto his side and pressed his face into... hair?

His eyes opened and he looked down at the fiery mane, he stared in confusion until the events of the night before hit him like a truck.

'Damnit, damnit, damnit!' He thought as he slid out of bed, careful not to wake Lily up as he hurried out of the bedroom.

Johnny felt sick, he knew this would happen, he knew if he was around Lily for too long he would end up in bed with her once again.

He stumbled down the stairs and stood in front of the window, staring out at the ocean as rain poured down, the waves crashing violently against the shore.

He couldn't do anything right, he always fucked shit up.

"Fuck." He whispered to himself as he dropped down onto the couch, rubbing a hand over his face as everything sunk in.

He'd had sex with Lily... again. Fuck. It wasn't that the sex was bad, it was always good with her, and even if it was bad, that wouldn't be the reason he would beat himself up over.

'You couldn't even make it two days!' His mind screamed accusingly.

It was pathetic, the moment he lost all distractions, and only had this fucking beach house, drugs, or Lily to keep his mind occupied, of course he would even choose the latter.

What if that was Elias' plan all along? What if he knew his self control around Lily was far lower than it ever was for drugs? What if that was why he sent Lily! To distract him while he tried to get clean.

That seemed very manipulative and methodical... so it was definitely what Elias had in mind when he tricked Lily into coming to the beach house in the first place.

Johnny pulled out his phone to call the older man, and turned it on, flinching at his lockscreen of Gretchen. Guilt filled him heart and made bile rise up in his throat, he really needed to go ahead and change it to something else.

He clicked on his label heads number and listened to the dial tone until it went to the familiar voice mail, it was early so he wasn't surprised that he hadn't answered.

Before he left a message, he glanced down at his lockscreen once more, looking at the photo of himself and Gretchen, then it hit him.

"It's me, call me when you get a chance." Johnny said for the message before he hung up, looking at the lockscreen once more, but instead of feeling guilt, or heartbreak, or anything of that sort, he felt something different.

Johnny was single, Gretchen left him months ago.

Why the fuck did he feel guilty? He had no reason to now.

He had been sitting there tearing himself apart about possibly hurting a woman who had already made the decision to end their relationship. He wasn't cheating, for once he had done som that wasn't completely deplorable and vile.

Johnny was a single man who was going through hell, and Lily was a single woman who more than likely wasn't doing to hot either.

As he thought about it, there weren't any reasons for them not to do this. Sure, he kicked her out of the band, but that was a last ditch effort to save a relationship he wasn't even in anymore.

The singer went into his settings and scrolled through his camera roll until he found a selfie he had taken with the band before a show during the last tour.

He was in the foreground, making devil horns with his fingers, and a lazy smile plastered on his face, Nikki was up on Leo's back with her tongue stuck out far enough to make Gene Simmons proud while Leo acted like the weight of her was agonizing even though she couldn't be any more than one-hundred and thirty pounds, Dylan had an arm thrown loosely around Johnny's neck with his drum stick held to his throat like a faux knife, and Vic was standing on the other side of Leo with his girlfriend, Sheva photo bombing in the background (they all had liked her band so much that they offered them opener for the tour, and Vic was more than happy with an excuse to spend more time with her).