"This is it," Elijah announced.
They'd driven four whole miles to get to Elijah's apartment. That's how close he'd been to her the last two years. There was a fair chance they even used the same grocery store.
The apartment looked exactly how Madeline would expect a thirty-year-old single man's apartment to look like. Bare white walls, mismatched furniture, a couple of empty pizza boxes, no dining room table. The bed wasn't made, the toilet paper roll on the holder was empty, while another sat on top of it, trash bins were full.
On the upside, it was clear he hadn't been in a serious relationship since he'd moved there, as not one female touch could be found throughout the apartment. On the downside, Madeline felt like an asshole for considering that as an upside.
"Do I have your permission to make this place less...drab?" Her mom asked.
Madeline laughed at her mom's forwardness. "That's how you know my mom thinks of you as her own son. Open judgement is truly a mother's tradition. You should have heard the crap she had to say about my place when I first moved in."
Elijah placed his hands on her mom's shoulders. "If it'll make you feel better, go for it. I'm fine the way it is now, but I want Maddie to want to visit me. If I have to be around her roommates every time I want to hang out with her, I'll lose my shit."
"They're not that bad," Madeline defended.
"Eva slapped my ass when I walked past to go to the kitchen," he told her. "I guarantee the quiet one's undressing me with her eyes, and the redhead openly asked me what my favorite sex position was, then asked if I had any kinks. Yes, Maddie, your roommates are that bad."
And now Madeline was wondering what his favorite sex position was, and if he had any kinks. Not that she knew too much about either. She had the internet of course and a sex-drive to go with said internet, so she knew some. The blossoming of their rekindled friendship would be the death of her, unless she ended up in prison for killing her roommates.
"Some effect you have on women there," her dad said with a laugh. "So, how in the hell are you single?"
Elijah glanced over at Maddie, then at her father. "By choice."
His answer told her absolutely nothing. If Madeline wanted to blindly shrink him, all she'd have to do was think back to his letter, which she'd memorized after two and a half years of reading it. Elijah didn't let anyone get close enough to see him, scars and all. While women enjoyed the challenge of an emotionally unavailable man, eventually the intrigue died off, and it left them with the realization that it takes so much more work than they wanted to put in. Then there's that minor issue of the emotionally unavailable, not wanting or fearing to meet them halfway.
Elijah was open about his struggles in that letter. He kept his friends at a distance, letting them see only what he allowed them to. He worried that if he let anyone get close enough to see all of him, they'd see him as damaged goods.
But as he also said he'd never been able to hide from Madeline. She never allowed him to. It made her feel special, but her heart also ached for him. Elijah lived such a lonely life; the fear of rejection keeping the world at arm's length. The fear of being worthless after years of his father's wrath.
It was so much like this apartment. Despite living there for two years, there was nothing personal to be found. No pictures of friends, no particular taste being shown. When her mom opened the cupboards, there'd only been two plates, two glasses, and barely any silverware. It was like he couldn't bring himself to put down roots.
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Madeline asked him.
"We'll just wait for the two of you outside." Her mom asked, grabbing her dad by the hand to lead him out of the apartment.
Once the door closed behind them, Elijah looked at her with narrowed eyes. "What's up?"
She walked straight over, wrapped her arms around his waist, and stared straight up at him. "It's my new life mission to make sure you realize just how incredible you are."
A smile played at a single corner of his mouth. "Oh yeah? And why is that?"
"Because you told me once that I was the only one who's ever been able to get fully into your heart and mind, but both places are absolutely beautiful. As great as it makes me feel, knowing I get to go where no one else can, I know it's because you feel like if people see all of you, they won't like what they see. But Elijah, there's not one part of you that isn't beautiful, even the parts you think are broken.
"You openly told me you hide from people, not letting them see who you really are. You think you have something to be ashamed of, but those parts you're scared to show are the best parts of you. It's the survivor, the strength, and the perseverance.
"That pain and anger you still feel? That comes from being made to feel insignificant. But if that's what you truly were, I wouldn't have been missing you all these years. I wouldn't have spent my life wishing I could have you back, even for just a day. My parents wouldn't have done what they did to help you escape if they didn't feel you were worth absolutely everything.
"You're single by choice because you think if someone gets close enough to see everything, they won't want you anymore. But I've always seen everything, Elijah, and there is nothing about you that isn't worth loving. I'm willing to tell you that as many times as it takes for you to truly believe it. You said you could never hide from me, and you're right. You can't. Because I will never let you. I see you for exactly who you are, and all I want is for you to see yourself through my eyes."
His smile had long since faded, but a new one returned; full of melancholy and apprehension. Elijah's touch was gentle as he placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her head to lay flat against his chest. "And here I thought I wasn't able to hide from you because of how observant kids can be. But you aren't a kid anymore, and you still have no problem with seeing right fucking through me."
"I guess it was just a 'me' thing," she told him. "I still won't take no for an answer, and I still won't let you sweep all your issues under the rug, because those issues are pieces of you that help make up the entire picture. You never stopped being my favorite person in the whole world, Elijah. Even on the days I hated you for leaving me, I still loved you. I'll always love you. All I want is for you to love yourself."
"I'll work on that," he told her.