A couple of weeks later the of them, with me on Facetime, were on Jeju Island, standing in the foyer of a modern beach mansion. Our beach mansion. It was huge. Bigger than I had realized. It was in really good shape too, there wasn't much that we needed to do. But of course, there were things we wanted to do.
Minhyuk walked through, showing me all the rooms as they each picked their room. There were 8 bedrooms and a couple of bonus rooms. One would be a music studio, one an office, and one an art studio. One of the bedrooms would be for the baby. There was also a gym area already. It just needed equipment. There was no pool, but there was a beach. That would only be good in summer, but that was ok. Beachfront. Mansion.
As "we" walked through, we each made suggestions of things to change and how to decorate the common areas. I asked Min a few times to show me something closer or to go back to certain things. It amazed me how the guys were able to agree on things even with such distinctively different styles, albeit with some arguments involved. But they had lived together for so many years that they had learned to compromise... mostly. There were some minor cosmetic repairs and a couple of things they all agreed needed to be completely removed or redone.
Since I was part of the family now and there was a mini-Minhyuk on the way, they asked me to make some decisions as well. I had some ideas already, but I needed to think about it a bit more, especially since I was only seeing it through a phone. I also thought it would be good to keep it neutral for everyone. Kihyun promised to go through and film each room of the house and the cottage for me.
I called Nikki after we hung up and told her how big the place was and reminded her that she would be coming to visit us there after the baby was born. It was at that moment I realized our house would be empty for a few weeks. We hadn't planned on this when we invited them to stay, but it would be perfect. She and Tori could stay in the house while we were here. We would all have our privacy, but she would be just a short plane ride away. Plus, she would have to show her around.
It wasn't quite how we had thought things would go, but I felt it was a good plan. She agreed that it would probably be better this way, and it would give her plenty of time to find a place... or decide to stay with Kyun for a few months. I didn't mention that. I was staying out of his business, even though I wanted to tell her. It was hard keeping secrets from your best friend, especially when it involved her boyfriend.
I wanted so badly for her to be happy. I wasn't sure what that looked like for her, and I don't think she did yet either. She told me she cared deeply for him and that he had made her feel things that only Robert had before. She also confided how she felt guilty for having those feelings for someone else. "Nik, I am pretty sure that is normal. It is also okay to feel them," I tried to appeal to her sense of logic.
"I know that. I really do. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel it. Robert was my world, Sunny. When I lost him... I didn't think I would survive. If you and the kids hadn't been there, needing me too... well I might not have pulled through it." I heard the pain in her voice. It had been five years, but she hadn't stopped loving him.
"You don't think he would want you to be lonely forever, do you? Do you really think he wouldn't want you to be happy? You don't have to remarry. You don't have to be in a relationship. You just have to let yourself live again." This wasn't the first time we'd had this same conversation, but it was the first since she had started dating Changkyun.
"No, he would not want me to be lonely. He would want me to be happy. I know he would. Damn it Sunny, why does Changkyun have to be so amazing? I need to be sure he is the real thing. That what I feel is the real thing. I am so scared that I am just projecting my feelings for Robert onto him." That was the first time she had said that, and I wasn't sure how to respond.
"What does your heart tell you?"
"My heart can't make up its effing mind!" we laughed, and the mood was a little lighter.
"Maybe just go with it and see where it leads. When the time is right, you will know. I can tell you that Changkyun is sincere. Whatever he has said or done, he is sincere. He feels things deeply and cares deeply for those he loves. I have learned that about him since I have been here. He is moody and intense, but sincere."
"I have definitely seen all of that. He is one of a kind, Sunny. He is absolutely nothing like Robert, and not like anyone I have ever met. I like where things are right now. But sometimes I want more. That is when the guilt kicks in. I will be there in two weeks. Face to face with him. I need to have some idea of where I am before that."
"Maybe when you get here... out of that house with his ghost, you will see things more clearly."
"You are probably right. Robert is everywhere here. His memory, his ghost as you said, is here." She sighed loudly and paused. "I have been thinking about selling the house."
"What? You said you would never move from that house! You told the kids they would have to bury you in the back yard. I remember that night. They looked at you like you had lost your mind."
"I know, I know... and that makes me feel more guilty. Sunny, I don't know what to do. I am so confused right now."
"Have you talked to Robert about it?" Nikki would talk to his photograph when she needed comfort or advice. Somehow, it always helped.
"No. It involves another man. I haven't been able to do it."
"I think you know what you need to do then."
"Yes. You are right. I do."
When we hung up, I wanted to cry for her. My emotions were still all over the place, so it didn't take much to set me off in any given direction. Nikki was the kind of woman who relied on facts and evidence to make her decisions. She makes up her mind and does whatever she needs to get it done.
Sherman came to my side and whimpered softly as he put his paw on my leg. It was as if he were comforting me. Or maybe he just wanted attention. Either way, it was a welcome distraction. I reached down and petted him. He wanted in my lap, but there was no room for him there. I shifted on the couch, and he jumped up and cuddled in beside me. I scratched his ears as I picked up my book to read.
My head kept dropping and I could not keep my eyes open. I laid the book down and leaned back against the pillows on the couch and Sherman moved up higher right by my face. We fell asleep. The next thing I knew, Minhyuk was standing over me, brushing my hair out of my face. Sherman raised his head and got down to say hello to his daddy, so Min sat in the spot he had been laying.
"How are you feeling, Jagiya?" He asked softly.
"Mmm, I feel sleepy. Do I have to get up?" I replied lazily as I stretched my arms over my head.
"No, you don't have to get up. Why don't you go back to sleep? I will put the food in the refrigerator."
"Oh no no, food now. Sleep after." I awkwardly pushed myself up. He put his arm around me and pulled me against his chest.
"My girls are hungry," he giggled.
"Yes, we are. Almost always, it seems. What yummies did you bring us tonight?" I reached for the container on the table in front of me. "Ooh, jajangmyeon. She likes jajangmyeon." He handed me a pair of chopsticks and started opening the rest of the bowls. I stirred my noodles and took a big bite. They were delicious. Min fed me some kimchi, and then some other bites like he always does with the members. That was one of the things that I fell in love with about him before I even met him. He was always taking care of the others.
It wasn't long before I was ready to crash, so I headed to bed. Min took Sherman for a walk. He had been outside several times, but we had not gone for a real walk since we had gotten home from the gallery. I didn't even know when he came to bed. I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The next two weeks were a blur of getting the Jeju house ready without even setting foot in it and getting ready for springtime events at the gallery. The weather had begun to get a bit warmer during the day, but the nights were still chilly. I had not been able to fly to Jeju Island to see the new house yet, so everything was done by video.
I cleaned as much as I was able to at our house and then trailed behind our cleaning lady in preparation for Nikki and Tori. She would get annoyed and shoo me away. Things just didn't feel clean enough. I imagined this was how Kihyun felt all the time.
Finally, the day had arrived. Changkyun wanted to ride with me to the airport, but I asked him not to. I was afraid they would be spotted. Nikki did not need that right now. They all stayed behind, and Jun drove me to pick them up. We parked while we waited since we were early. They each had 2 large suitcases and a carryon bag. Nikki had shipped a couple of boxes over a few weeks back with warmer weather clothing and shoes. They were set for the short-term.
Nikki texted they had landed. I got excited and started bouncing in my seat. Well, sort of bouncing. Jun laughed at me, and I didn't care. A few minutes later, she texted again that they were at baggage claim. Jun drove to the main pick-up area and I to the I gathered the bouquet of flowers that I had brought for them. He pulled up to the curb and I and got out of the car. I leaned against it as casually as I could. The breeze was a little cool, but the sun was out, and it felt warm on my skin.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, enjoying the warmth of the rays on my face when I heard a squeal in the distance. I looked up and spotted Tori almost in flight, running toward me, with Nikki on her tail. Tears were streaming down all our faces as we had our reunion hug.
Nikki pulled back to look at me and started crying harder. She looked at my stomach and put her hands to her mouth. I started crying too.
"Sunny, I ever dreamed I would see this! You look amazing!" Her hands went straight to the baby. She placed one hand on either side and talked to her. Tori was still hugging me. The baby kicked and Nikki laughed. "I can't wait to meet you too!" Tori then had to have her turn.
Jun loaded the bags into the car and then we loaded ourselves into the car. They were tired from the long flight but wired. We went home to drop off their luggage and to give them a chance to freshen up, and then we headed to Halmeoni's house. It was almost time for dinner, and we were going to eat together there. There was plenty of time for sightseeing later. But we did take a moment to show them the house. They were especially crazy about the baby's room.
I gave Jun the night off and Minhyuk drove us to Halmeoni's. She was excited to see Tori. Her "granddaughter" had grown quite a bit since she was there before and Halmeoni could not get over how tall and beautiful she was. The guys had not arrived yet, so we girls sat down to catch up while we waited. Min was talking to Harabeoji.
We didn't have to wait too long. I was anxious to see the interaction between Nikki and Changkyun. Would it be awkward? Romantic? Passionate? I watched Nikki as Kyunnie entered the room first. Her eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across her face. I relaxed a little. Kyun reacted the same way. He made a beeline for her, and she stood up to greet him. He moved faster as he got closer. He wrapped his arms around her and spun her around. She giggled. He laughed. He held her face, looked into her eyes, and kissed her. In front of Halmeoni, Harabeoji, and everyone.
Halmeoni clapped her hands together with delight and the guys hooted. Minhyuk gave me a hello kiss and then got in line to hug Tori. We gathered in the kitchen and ate delicious food together. I caught Changkyun feeding Nikki the way Min feeds me. She looked truly happy. I hoped that she had come to terms with her feelings of guilt. We hadn't gotten to talk too much lately, so I wasn't sure where things stood.
Sherman could not decide who he wanted to hang out with, so he went back and forth between us all. He seemed especially smitten with Tori and spent more time with her than anyone else. When he finally wore himself out, he went to the bed that Halmeoni kept for him and took a nap.
Sherman had only encountered cats during our walks or when one wandered into the yard. He didn't chase them like he did squirrels. He wanted to be their friend. I was sure he would have been fine with Simon, but Nikki had decided to leave him with Bobby. Between living in a new country, Tori and her new adventure, and the baby, she felt letting him stay with Bobby was best. Simon was one less thing to worry about. Besides, Bobby asked her to let him stay. She couldn't say no to him.
I was disappointed because I missed him very much and had been looking forward to seeing him, but it was for the best right now. If the 6 months turned into a longer run, she would reconsider then.
Halmeoni insisted that Tori stay with her as often as she wanted. Tori giggled and said that she would. That night though, they were staying with me. When we got home, they unpacked and then we caught up over some hot chocolate. Sherman watched patiently in anticipation of the many pets sure to come his way. Anytime. He was sure. It was going to happen.
The guys had gone to the company to practice and left us girls to catch up. They had planned a mini concert for their debut anniversary and were releasing a new single in a few days. The baby was due soon too, and Minhyuk was relieved to have someone to be with me. I have to admit that I was too. My due date was May 22. It was the middle of April. I was feeling like a complete whale. I was glad he loved whales.
After the girls got settled, we moved to the couch. Tori cuddled up beside me and Sherman wedged himself in between her and the couch so he could touch us both. Soon Tori was asleep. Nikki reached out and patted her leg softly so she would not wake her.
"She has been so excited and so nervous about this," she said quietly. "I think she understands just what it means and how much the next 6 months will affect her future. She feels the pressure and wants so badly to succeed."
"I hope this is all that she wants and more. I know she has the talent."
"She does, but so do the other 20 kids at that agency, and the hundreds of others."
"True, but she is driven. And she has all of Monsta X. Those men will support her and encourage her more than you or I can. And we will 110% support her, but it is different coming from them."
"That is true. She really looks up to them. I am thankful for the role models they have become for her. She has missed having a father figure. Bobby doesn't quite fill those shoes. He is too close to her age. She needs the guidance."
"She has had a strong mother. She could not have asked for a better one." Nikki smiled and patted my knee.
"I don't always feel strong. There were so many times I thought I was going to fall apart. Remember when I would take those late night showers? I was crying and trying not to lose my shit. I didn't want you or the kids to see me like that."
"Why didn't you ever tell me? You saw me fall apart plenty," I fought tears thinking back to that time. We were both in bad shape and had to be strong for each other.
"Sunny, you were struggling too. I felt like I needed to hold myself together so you could. And the kids... they had a hard enough time without me falling apart."
"Nikki, you are the strongest woman I have ever met. I would not be here if it weren't for you. I mean that. I felt like I needed to be strong for you. That is how I kept my shit together." We laughed so that we didn't cry. That had been a dark time for us both and we kept each other sane.
Tori began to stir and blinked her eyes at the unfamiliar surroundings as she sat up. She saw me and smiled. "Aunt Sunny, I was hoping this wasn't a dream. We are really here with you, aren't we!"
"You sure are. Now let's get you to bed." I patted her hip and she shifted, causing Sherman to slip down lower. He looked confused and then managed to straighten himself. Tori stood up and he followed her. I knew my snuggle buddy was lost for a while. He was completely in love with Tori.
She kissed us both on the cheek and said goodnight. Nikki asked if she needed her and she started to say no but stopped. "Well, I wouldn't mind if you helped me get settled in." I saw Nikki's eyes soften. She looked over at me and then went to tuck her daughter in. My eyes teared up and I smiled, thinking about how I would be able to tuck my daughter in at night.