I'm not dead yet! Yay! (sorry, trauma humour, that was meant to be funny, not disturbing I promise) I spend the vast majority of this year in hardcore therepy for my PTSD, some of witch was in hospital. My doctor is awesome, and I'm doing loads better.
This is a new chapter, last one for a while. So when I got out of hospital the second time I realised I had a few glaringly problematic plot holes meaning a re-write was nessisary to keep the story moving. I have done a total re-write and have written the rest of the book. It just needs editing and proofreading. Problem being I now have over 500,000 words to edit and proof read. As a dyslexic proofreading it to a standard that is reasonable is an incredibly time consuming and stressful task. It takes me the better part of a week to proof a single chapter and I'm up to about 110 chapters. I've edited up to 15 so far...
If anyone is good at or enjoys picking out/correcting spelling and grammar issues and wants to help, (even if it's just for a couple of pages) please let me know. Help would be very much appreciated, I'm downing in words 😄
I know a few of you have offered before, and I either ignored your kind offer or turned you down. No offence was meant, I was (and still am tbh) a somewhat traumatised hermit that can't really people, lol. I wasn't ready, the idea of anyone seeing any of my work unfinished, not perfect work basically freaked me out pretty badly. I have a had history with spelling mistakes and criticism of it and my Dyslexia. (Therapy has helped, has all of your kind support and encouragement)
So at some point I am going to re-upload each of the current 93 chapters then the new content. But it means there will be a bit of a delay in getting new content out.
Thanks for you patience and all your support, encouragement and kind words about my book!
ONTO THE CHAPTER!
Fred and George brought interesting tidings to the kitchen that night over dinner. They'd had double transfiguration that afternoon. Instead of being taught by McGonagall, it had been taught by Dumbledore. Apparently, no one had seen McGonagall all day. Fred and George regaled them with wild and outlandish rumours circulating as to why she was absent.
Harry wondered if it had anything to do with Professor Snape and Flitwick taking her to Gringotts. No one could remember the stern Professor ever skipping one class, let alone a whole day. Maybe she had been fired, Harry wondered. Though at least Professor Trelawnies offhand prediction about a cat being ill made sense now.
"Dumbledore's not a bad teacher," Fred said.
"-a bit weird and eccentric," George added.
"Very different style from McGonagall, Fred explained.
"He wasn't too pleased by our efforts to lose points," George added darkly.
"The house has defiantly noticed how many points-"
"You're gaining for them-"
"-that we're now losing-"
"-and then some,"
"They seem right pissed off about it too." Fred finished.
"So they finally realise how much they took you two for granted," Neville said to Harry and Hermione.
"And you," Harry said, "you got them 60 points alone in herbology this morning. for answering all those questions and helping everyone."
"They tried to give us a good hexing for it this morning," Fred added gleefully.
"We have them a good duel," George added, sounding pleased.
"Hexed them silly and even lost a boatload of points. Though we now have detention with Filch too-"
"-but it was worth it to lose the points for duelling."
They all laughed. There was silence for a while as Winky brought over the desert. They dug in with gusto.
After a time, Harry asked, "Do you think she was taken to Gringotts on the weekend to be checked over for magic?"
"You think other people have been magical?" Hermione said, alarmed, "I guess it would make sense."
"Yeah," Harry said slowly around a mouthful of chocolate pudding, I do." He carefully did not mention Snape.
"She didn't seem at all out of character, just sterner, meaner," Neville added in.
"If she is, though, does that make it okay-" Fred asked.
"-how she's treated you and let us down?" Finished Goerge.
"No." Harry said automatically, "it doesn't excuse it at all. Unless it was something like imperious taking away all her autonomy and free will, she was still at least partially responsible for her own actions."
"But if it was something like I had," Hermione said, "just heightening certain traits... maybe she wasn't able to see her actions were wrong."
Harry huffed, feeling too resentful toward the women to think about it objectively.
Hermione seemed to sense this and said, "I'm not excusing her if she was magicked, and we may never know. But maybe there were more factors in play."
Harry thought of Snape. Something similar had been done to him by the sounds of it. Not taking his control away entirely but his ability to judge his actions. Fuck. It didn't excuse the man, he was still at fault for being a colossal dickish ass-hole, but it wasn't entirely his fault. It made Harry feel less resentful, knowing it wasn't Snape's hatred and dislike alone that had him treat Harry so poorly. He didn't forgive Snape, but it explained it and eased that hurt-anger-resentment in Harry's soul.
If something similar was true for McGonagall, why did Harry feel so much more hurt and let down? He felt far more resentful of McGonagall, he realised. Perhaps because McGonagall had been meant to be on Harry's side from the start. She was his Head of House. Snape was never meant to be on his side. But she had meant to be and had betrayed him. At least with Snape, he'd never expected anything.
*
The following morning in transfiguration, McGonagall had been back in class. She looked pale and drawn as if she had aged several years overnight. She also couldn't seem to bring herself to look at Harry. But the most alarming thing was her emotional auror. There was a thick sense of guilt, resigned defeat and betrayal, and grief. It had been so profound it made Harry's head throb until he reinforced his occlumency shields.
One thing she did do was hand him a note with his homework. He wanted to ball it up. He had no interest in anything she had to say. Especially if the impression he was getting off her was correct. Screw her guilt and remorse, screw what she had to say if she couldn't even say it to his face.
But he didn't burn the note because he was curious, Hekate, damn him. He was curious. It had better not be another bloody detention.
The note was a formal apology for all the detentions and for not being there when he was un-housed. It was also followed by a postscript saying, "Potter, your owl is rather cross with me it seems and refused to take this to you, as did the house-elves."
Harry waited long enough to be out of sight of the classroom before he gave in to his urge to rip it up and burn it.
*
That afternoon in potions, Professor Snape stalked into the classroom with a bang, making all of them jump. Harry bearly restrained a flinch and winced at the Professor's apparent dark mood.
Professor Snape surveyed the fourth years with his usual harsh gaze. His eyes came to rest on Harry, and Harry fought not to squirm. Whenever the Professor looked at him like that, Harry always felt that the man had assessed and found him wanting.
Harry felt less afraid of the man now, but he still didn't like being under the man's harsh gaze.
It was not the anger in Snape's glare. Now Harry was looking for it though, he could tell Snape was suspicious and irritable but not nearly as furious as his arrival had implied. However, what was making Harry twitchy was Snape coming to stand in front of Harry and his friends and looked at them closely. Harry suddenly wished they hadn't made a habit of sitting in the front as he watched Snape's eyes narrow as he looked at their hands.
Why was he looking at their hands...?
Harry's arms were covered, he hadn't rolled his sleeves up today, but there were still a few burns visible on his hands coloured green from the dittany. Despite having been replying dittany regally, the burns were proving slow and sluggish to heal.
Harry's heart sank, and he got the sneaking suspicion that they'd just been busted.
"Mr Potter detention!"
Harry winced. They hadn't been caught the previous night. How on earth did the man know it was him, just from seeing burns on his hands! The man was a ninja! Harry frowned was not used to adults noticing or caring.
As if to drive the point home Professor Snape continued, "for being out after curfew, again. Longbottom and Granger can join you. See me after class."
Harry frowned; that would leave him just enough time to finish his runes class after dinner and get to detention if he was quick.
"Getting caught, Hadrian," Nott murmured from the row next to Harry, "tut, tut, sloppy work."
Harry had to stifle an amused snort and hurriedly pulled out his potions book, ready to start. He'd have to work out how to tell if the wards were set to alert Snape when they went off. He wondered if that was something Hogwarts would tell him. He wanted to disable only the alert but not the wards themselves.
"Now take out your books and turn to Page 263," Snape called, catching Harry's attention, "this week, we will be looking at a straightforward but rather involved potion called...
*
"Potter, stay after class; we need to discuss your detention." Professor Snape called as the bell went.
Harry sighed but waited as the rest of the class filed out, leaving Harry, Neville and Hermione alone with Snape.
"Well, let me see them," Snape ordered expectantly.
Harry blinked, surprised, "um, sir?"
But Hermione seemed to know exactly what he meant as she was already rolling up her sleeves and holding her hands out for him to see, nudging Neville to do the same. The nervous boy had been standing slightly behind her.
To Harry's surprise and incredulity, Snape just lit his wand and peered closely and the small dotted burns over their hands and arms before flicking his wand at a cupboard. The cupboard door opened, and a jar came flying out. Harry stared dumbstruck. He'd expected a lecture, not concern and healing!
"You've been lucky," Snape said, moving his wand over their arms so he could peer closely at the burns, "very lucky, they are small and not nearly as bad as they could have been. They will scar. If you had come to me straight away and had it appropriately treated sooner, it may not have." Professor Snape said, starting to apply the cream to their burns, "do not make such a foolhardy choice again. You should all know better than ignoring potion burns!"
Harry flinched despite himself when Professor Snape applied the cream to each of his burns. It was thick and slimy, an odd yellow-grey colour. But it smelt okay, oddly enough. The burns had failed to a dull throb, and Harry had easily pushed it to the back of his mind. But the relief of the cream was instantaneous. It was cool and soothing. It felt amazing as it leached the magical heat out of the burins.
Harry felt himself relax despite himself and felt a wave of gratitude to the man that confused him. He tamped it down but said quietly, "thank you, sir."
"You were extremely foolish to brew illicit potions at night unsupervised!" Professor Snape said in a hard furious voice, making Harry and Hermoine wince and Neville all but cower.
"This one was obviously difficult and dangerous and from the magic in these burns. You had no business attempting one this advanced! There is a reason certain potions are left only for the upper-year levels! One of them is that they can often cause complex burns at best if they go wrong that need specific treatment! You could have been badly hurt. These sorts of magical burns will scar. You could have been permanently harmed." The man went on, picking up speed, as he explained in excruciating detail just how bad it could have been.
"I'm glad you're brewing," he said, apparently finished with his lecture, "and doing it in a lab with safety wards. But I would prefer you to use one of the open labs during lab time when it is supervised... It is safer. That is what they are there for, and that is why there are sign up sheets. It is so you can be safe, and someone is on hand to assist when things go wrong, or you get hurt."
Harry just looked at him and nodded, his throat oddly thick. Still, he'd just have to be careful not to get caught and learn how to set those wards himself unless he can stop them alerting Snape. Suppose they did use one of the open labs. How would he explain that he was trying to brew an illegal veritaserum antidote?
"We will be serving detention here after dinner; I will look at your burns again then. Depending on how they heal, you may need another coat of the cream tonight."
"Yes, sir," they chorused.
"Good, you may go," he said, dismissing them.
Despite his eagerness to leave, Harry couldn't help asking, "Sir, how did you know?"
"The wards on this classroom are set to alert me to any injury. If you are injured in my classroom, I will know. If you enter my classroom injured, I will know."
Harry paled. How was it that he'd not known this before? And how had he managed to hide his summer injuries from the man then? Was that part of the magic he'd been under? How had the man not noticed all the little things Harry had had to put up with due to corridor hexing.
"The ward is a new acquisition," Snape said, guessing the boy's thoughts. Bill Weasley had found the ward for him after Severus had confided in him. Never again would a student enter his classroom and be able to hide abuse. Never again would Snape be blind to it.
*
That evening at dinner, Tonk's reply to Harry's letter arrived in his mailbox.
"Hey, Kiddo,
What on earth are you getting up to that you want to brew an antidote to veritaserum?! That stuffs not legal to have! Let alone brew! It's heavily monitored! The correct antidote and the recipe for veritaserum itself are protected knowledge and very hard to get your hands-on, so don't bother trying. Even I don't have access to the recipe, and I'm part of the DMLE. That's how protected certain potion recipes and things are. The recipe in the restricted section in the library is wrong for precisely that reason.
That aside, no one will use veritaserum on a minor. It doesn't even work on minors! Though that isn't widely known either. You have had to reach your magical majority for it to work properly. If anyone slips you veritaserum, you'll just puke your guts up and get a frightful migraine. It messes with the unstable magic of an immature core. Your body automatically expels it. Don't ask me why. I bearly passed potions as it is.
Thanks for the Malfoy tip. Do I even want to know how you know this?
Don't answer that. Plausible deniability and all that ;P
I'm not sure we have enough evidence for a warrant to raid the place from a tip alone, but I'll let the boss know we've had an anonymous tip from someone who heard Malfoy junior bragging and see what we can dig up. The secret room would explain why they didn't find anything before.
We'll see what we can dig up. He was in the inner circle, so it may prove useful to your research project. I'll let you know.
Occlumency?
Jeez, Kiddo, you don't do things by halves.
Don't let it get out that you're asking those sorts of things. It's sort of a taboo skill. But yes, Aurors all get taught occlumency, and some of the higher rank Aurors know basic legilimency. Mostly if a legilimence is needed we get in a specialist, usually one of the unspeakable.
Do you know anything about what happened to your parent's gravestone?
Tonks
PS
Metamorphic tip of the week - get yourself a copy of some anatomy books. You need to know what's actually in your face and what you're trying to change if it's going to work. You can't just guess it all. There's only so much instinct can do, especially for very specific or advanced changes. Don't forget if you want to make your nose look like a pig snout. You have to remember that the nose is made of cartilage too. It's not just the outside that needs to change. The internal structure has to be moved too; otherwise, you end up with a sagging sack of flesh, not a nose. This was not fun to work out!
PPS, the Gringotts box's are safe but maybe use that nifty spell of Bill's to protect your letters. I know you know the one I mean."
"Well, that was enlightening," Hermione said, reading over Harry's shoulder.
So it really was a bluff, Harry thought, his mind reeling as he re-read what Tonks had read about the veritaserum. That did make him feel much better. Both about the possibility of being poisoned with it and about the reassurance that Snape had been telling the truth.
No wonder they had kept screwing up the potion. The recipe was wrong.
*
Hermione, Harry and Neville report to the dungeon classroom a little before the end of dinner. While they know what this is about, Harry didn't want to risk being late; it was Snape, after all.
They were chatting about the latest batch of hate mail under their usual silencing charm when the Professor arrived, raising an eyebrow at the use of a privacy spell.
The look he gave them seemed to be a cross between 'a bit paranoid, aren't you,' and possibly something impressed and maybe even proud. But Harry couldn't be sure.
"In," the man ordered.
"How did you know it was us?" Hermione blurted. They hadn't left any proof.
"Well, let's see," the man drawled, "few people are as good at evading me as you," he looked at Harry, and Harry was pleased to see he'd not called him Potter again.
"Very few others know the dungeons as well as me, and even less would willingly live down here."
Hermione shot Harry a sharp look, but Snape went on, "That alone alludes to the idea that if anyone, it will be you that was down there after curfew rule-breaking."
Hermione winced.
"Add that to the fact that all my Slytherins know to use the upper dungeon potions labels, and the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuff's all book lab time when they want to revise, and that very few Gryffindors do extra potions at all, it makes perfect logical sense that it was you."
"oh," Hermione said, "that does make sense."
"It does, especially when I called a house-elf to check on your wellbeing and didn't get a straight answer about you. So I have no hard evidence, but I know it was you brewing dangerous potions and breaking curfew to do it. So while I am not tutoring your classmates, you will each also be serving detention for your rule-breaking."
Neville quailed.
But Harry wasn't really worried about the detention. He was more worried about how Snape knew he slept in the dungeons! If he'd been found, he'd have to find a new place to live. And he didn't want to find a new place to live! He liked his cupboard.
He'd had no idea Snape spent time down there too, or that he knew it so well. In hindsight, though, of course, the man did.
Had the Barron ratted him out?
His confused anxiety must have shown on his face as the Professor sighed and said, "the Barron did alert me to someone down there but did not give me a straight answer as to who. I admit you did well. It took me a little while to work out."
That didn't really make Harry feel any better, especially when Hermione then mouthed, "the dungeons? Really?" at him in disbelief.
"Longbottom, you are here for remedial potions. I think that alone is probably punishment enough for the both of us," Neville pinked but managed an earnest nod in agreement.
"Granger, you will be scrubbing cauldrons. Rules exist for a reason, often for your own safety. I am disappointed in your behaviour, see you don't do it again."
Hermione blushed scarlet, "sorry sir," she said, and Harry realised there what just the act of saying he was disappointed in her was a very clever punishment. Hermione hated disappointing those she respected and looked up to. It would go a long way to making sure she either didn't do it again or, more probably, just ensure she didn't get caught. It was very clever.
The Professor nodded and pointed to the sink, and she turned to the cauldrons and rolled up her sleeves.
"You," he said, turning to Harry, and Harry was relieved again not to be called Potter, "you will be writing an essay on why what you did was a stupid idea, focusing specifically on the fact you put yourself in danger and why that is stupid. You are worth more than that. I also want you to include in the essay what you should have done instead."
Harry gaped at him. Why on earth would the man want an essay like that. But then Harry took a moment to think about it. He almost smiled as he worked it out.
This wouldn't be like the other detentions, and it wasn't like the Dursley's punishments. Snape couldn't get Harry to prep ingredients or clean, as it wasn't really an effective deterrent. He did it at the Dursley's all the time. But an essay on why he should not have placed himself in danger, why he was worth more, would be hard. the essays would teach him something. While also not being overly pleasant, thus a good incentive not to do it again. Harry had a hard time seeing his own self-worth, and the fact Snape saw was alarmingly telling as to how astute the man was.
Harry took a seat next to Neville to keep the nervous boy company while Snape set some ingredients before Neville and started reviewing the basics of ingredient preparation.
*
It took 10 minutes for Severus to work out that the boy's problem, other than a near-crippling fear and lack of self-worth that was. It was the boys magic. Like Hadrien, Longbottom seemed unable to properly control the flow of his magic into his ingredients. The boy also had had no idea how to properly use his potions tools or what the difference between crush, grind and powder was and what the difference between slice, shred dice, and cube was.
That was easily fixed, the magic aspect not so much.
He dismissed Longbottom after an hour. They were both frustrated, but the boy had made progress, and Severus had an idea of what the boy needed to work on if not yet sure how to teach the boy to moderate the flow of his magic into his ingredients. He wasn't sure whether it was too little magic seeping into the ingredients to activate them or too much. Usually, students didn't have a problem with this unless they were highly attuned to the feel of magic or highly insensitive to it. He wasn't sure where Longbottom fell on the scale yet. But maybe the answer would also explain why the boy was apparently so abysmal at spell work. He'd have to let Filius and Sprout know so they could help the boy. He really desperately needed a new wand.
But at least Longbottom could prepare ingredients correctly now. He'd set the boy homework of making notes and reviewing the differences between basic ways to use the tools, what they were for and different preparation techniques. Hopefully, that would help the boy remember. He'd have to test the boy the following week to see how much the boy had retained.
He worked with Granger next after Longbottom had gone, casting a silencing charm around the two of them for privacy while Potter kept working in one of the desks. He had a feeling both of them would be more comfortable if the other was in the room.
"We will be starting off gently working on the outer mind and working our way in as you get more proficient." Professor Snape explained. "I will not go easy on you, and I expect you to work hard. But we will work our way up."
Grander nodded eagerly and promptly answered all his questions about what she knew and her progress. Always she listened to his instructions with rapped attention. She seemed eager for the lessons and seemed to trust easily enough. He had a feeling Potter's lessons would not be as straightforward.
He started testing Granger's rudimentary outer shields first. He was pleased to note that, like Hadrien, she had her outer mind clear and had basic shields around it. The shields around her inner mind were poorer, though. While he only pushed against her shields and didn't actively try to get into her head, he could tell her mind was both busy and loud as thoughts tended to leak through.
They practised until he could sense that she was tiring. Her shields are starting to bend. He stopped and handed her a potion. She was young and new to this. There was no doubt she'd have a headache.
She was on the right track. She just needed practice clearing her mind and strengthening her shields. A few tailored meditation exercises and some shielding exercises would keep her going for a little.
"A good start Ms Granger, no more occlumency tonight. Work on cleaning your mind before you sleep, and start those exercises. We will revise next week."
Hermione nodded with a tired but proud smile as he dropped the silencing spell. She accepted the offered headache potion with a grateful smile and hopped up onto one of the nearby desks. He turned to Hadrien, who had finished his essay and was starting to twitch nervously.