It's been four days since James sent me that message and I still haven't responded. I feel terrible for not responding but after loads of thinking, I have no idea what to do.
My heart is telling me to go for it, but my head is thinking logically, knowing that if I do go for it, there's a chance of me getting hurt. And there's no way I will be able to handle getting hurt again. Not after everything that's happened.
I roll out of bed and head downstairs where Em has left a note on the bench.
Marcus and I have gone out on a road trip for the day, Mya is with us, call or text if you need anything love Em x
"Road trip, lucky them." I say walking over to the coffee machine, turning it on.
I guess I am a bit envious of Marcus and Em's relationship and how through everything, they managed to work out. It goes to show that both of them would go to infinity and beyond to try and save their relationship because of how much they love each other. And that, is something that I want.
Obviously I am super happy for my brother, and for Em, but seeing them so happy just makes me sad because the truth is, I'm alone. And it hurts because for the first time in three years, I feel alone. I hate the feeling. The emptiness I feel, coming home and knowing that no one is waiting for me. Marcus and Em obviously are but, no man is waiting for me. It's like I get home from work and am greeted with my brother and gorgeous sister in law, but there's no one really waiting for me, no one excited to give me hugs and kisses and all the cliché love shit I want to experience again. I want to experience the good times I had in my past two relationships again. Just obviously not a Dunks or Steele.
But it's kind of hard when you have trust issues and run away from every man that looks in your direction. It's like an alarm goes off in my head that screams danger and I run away. I don't even give them a chance when I know I should, but I'm so scared of getting hurt. So scared to the point where I put my guard up and become a bitch, shutting them out, afraid they're going to use me, or do something to emotionally hurt me.
Maybe I'm dwelling too much on the past, but Steele cheating on me, and Josh leaving me for his ex, basically squashed all the trust I had in men. But hey, maybe it's third time lucky right?
I finish making my coffee before I walk over to the couch, taking a seat and turning on the tv, flicking through a couple of channels before I settle on one of the music channels. The news is depressing, and with the mood I'm in currently, I don't need the news to add to it.
I take a sip of my coffee, enjoying the bitter, but sweet flour dissolve in my tastebuds when the doorbell rings and I groan, placing the cup on the table and slowly making my way over to the front door.
I yank it open and Ariana stands there smiling.
"You're here so fucking early." I say and she chuckles.
"Thought I'd come spend the day with you, so you're not alone." She says, and I smile at her as she takes her shoes off and then makes her way through to the lounge room.
I shut the door, locking it then making my way over to the couch and taking a seat next to her.
"So, you have any plans today?" Ariana asks and I shake my head.
"Nope, was thinking of relaxing today, maybe go in the pool if it warms up later."
"Good, you need a day where you can relax." She says and I smile.
"Obviously you came from Caleb's house, that's why you came this early." I say and she sighs.
"Is it that obvious?"
"Well yes." I say then I frown. "Did something happen between you two?"
"We had an argument and I stormed out on him."
"Probably wasn't the best idea, Caleb hates conflict and wants to sort shit out straight away."
"I know Tahls, but I was so worked up I just had to get out of there."
"I understand how you feel, but after here you'll go back and have a chat right?"
"Of course, I just texted him saying that I'm at your house to cool off and I'll be back in a couple of hours."
"Okay." I say and she smiles.
"Anyway, enough about me. Did you respond to Worps?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I just can't." I say groaning and Ariana shakes her head.
"But you can, you're just scared." She says then sighs. "Look Tahlia, it's up to you but I know you'll regret it if you don't text him back."
"I know."
"What do you have to lose?"
"Everything." I say and she sighs, grabbing my hand and squeezing it.
"James Worpel is no Jack Steele, or Josh Dunkley. James Worpel is a kind, caring, gorgeous man who knows how a woman should be treated." She says and I smile.
"You're right."
"Come on Tahls, this is a no brainer."
"I know, I know." I say sighing.
"Do you still have what I told you to write saved in your notes?"
"Yep." I say and Ariana nods.
"Look, I'm not going to pressure you into sending anything, but just do it, you two would be cute together." She says and I sigh. "It's either him or Naughts."
"Alright, I'll text James." I say and Ariana laughs.
"Knew that would work." She says as I pick up my phone.
"It's too early to do it now, I'll do it later." I say and she nods.
"Alright, just as long as you do it." Ariana says and I nod.
"Of course. I will, whether it's today or tomorrow."
"Uh no, today missy." Ariana says and I laugh.
"Okay, sure." I say picking my coffee mug back up and taking a sip before turning my attention to Ariana who is blabbering on about a function she has on the weekend.
The next few hours pass with Ariana and I talking and laughing about random things. Mostly things that weren't related to relationships because that's a touchy topic for me.
Ariana leaves at around 3pm, knowing it's time for her to go and sort out whatever issue she has with Caleb.
Once she's left, I pick my phone up, tapping on James' name before starting to type my reply. I am halfway through responding when I backspace it all and turn my phone off, sighing to myself at how much of a pussy I am being right now.
"Just fucking send him a text, it's not that hard." I say out loud to myself.
I force myself to pick the phone up again, pressing onto his name before typing a quick reply and pressing send, throwing my phone across the room.
Tahlia:
Hey Worps, it has been a while hasn't it? I'd love to see your cute face again sometime xx.
It's done, it can't be undone now. Somehow I feel relieved that I have finally sent the message, it's like a massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders as it was doing my head in for the past couple of days.
Now that I've sent it, and I can't unsend the message I just have to deal with whatever James says next. Knowing him, he won't even care that I took four days to respond.
I decide to distract myself by putting on one of my favourite movies, She's the Man. Obviously Channing Tatum is a good distraction.
I grab out some papers to mark, whilst watching the movie or else it'll never get done, especially on a day like today where motivation is something I am struggling to find.
Halfway through the movie, I am interrupted with the front door opening, and the sound of three, very loud voices and I groan, turning around to see Em, Marcus and Aaron walk through the hallway and into the living room.
"Hey, we picked up a visitor on the way back from our day trip." Em says and I smile at her.
"How lovely." I say looking at Aaron who just smiles.
"Come on Tahls, you love me."
"Unfortunately." I say as he jumps on the couch next to me, pulling me in for a hug which makes me smile.
"Uhh Tahls, why is your phone all the way over here?" Marcus asks and I sigh.
"Oh I was getting distracted by it so I chucked it there." I say and Marcus nods, picking the phone up and turning it on. I watch his reaction closely to see if James has replied, but he simply just hands the phone over to me with no reaction.
He must be busy... I think.
"So how have you been bestie? No Noosa trip for you?"
"Nah, Dunks and Tippah wanted the house to themselves so none of us bothered going up there." He says and I nod.
"Typical Josh." I say sighing and Aaron gives me a sympathetic look.
"It's been two and a half years, I can talk about it." I say and Aaron nods then sighs.
"I just wish he never did what he did to you, you two were awesome together."
"Yeah I agree. But we can't take back what's happened."
"Nope, we can't." He says and I smile.
"Hey what did you guys wanna do for dinner?" Marcus asks from the kitchen and both Aaron and I look at him, and smile.
"How about we make Pizza's?"
"Like from scratch?" Em asks and I nod.
"Yeah, it'll be fun. Plus I have this mad pizza dough recipe, it's so good."
"Alright, do we have the ingredients though?"
"I'm sure we do." I say getting up and walking over to the study where there is a massive filing cabinet. I open up the top draw which has all the recipes I've kept from over the years. I take out the folder before closing the draw and walking over to the bench.
I flick through the plastic A4 pockets, finding the recipe and pulling it out so I can walk around the kitchen with it.
I open a cupboard which stores all the ingredients needed for baking and cooking things from scratch such as flour, caster sugar etc.
"Yep we have the main ingredients of Flour, water, caster sugar, yeast olive oil and salt." I say grabbing all the core ingredients out and placing them on the bench and Marcus nods.
"Cool we probably don't have toppings though."
"Yeah probably not." I say as Aaron walks over to where I'm standing.
"Why don't you two head out to the supermarket and buy shredded ham, mozzarella cheese and the other ingredients we need to make a pizza whilst Tahlia and I get started on the bases?"
"Alright, well let's go." Em says grabbing the keys and walking out the front door with my brother reluctantly following her.
"Just.. don't burn the house down please."
"Uh we're not five Marcus." I yell as I hear the front door slam shut.
"Alright so what do you want me to do?" Aaron says and I smile.
"You can get all the cooking utensils ready so like trays, measuring cups, all that." I say and Aaron nods heading over the the cupboards and drawers, opening and closing them.
"So guess who texted me the other day." Aaron says and I turn around to look at him as I'm pouring flour into a measuring cup.
"Who?"
"Worpel."
"Worpel?"
"Yeah. You know him, the guy you were all over in Noosa two and a half years ago." Aaron says smartly and I roll my eyes.
"I know who Woprel is." I say then I frown. "What did he want?"
"Well, he told me that he texted you, and you hadn't responded to him. He asked me if he should be worried because you always respond to texts." Aaron says and I sigh.
"Well when you haven't seen the person for virtually three years and they randomly text you out of the blue how the fuck did you expect me to react?"
"I totally get that."
"So what did you tell him?"
"I said that you're probably busy and that you don't even respond to me sometimes, calmed him down a bit." Aaron says and I smile.
"Thanks for that."
"You're welcome. But why haven't you responded?"
"I responded before. It's just that I had no idea what to say to him."
"That's understandable. What did he say though?" Aaron asks.
"He said: Hey! It's been a while... you wanna catch up or something?"
"Okay, so he obviously wants to see you, what did you say back."
"I said: Hey Worps, it has been a while hasn't it? I'd love to see your cute face again sometime xx."
"Good reply." Aaron says with a smirk.
"I know I'm just too good." I say and Aaron smiles.
"See, I don't know why you are so worried about dating again, you know not all guys are like Steele and Dunks."
"Like who exactly?" I ask as I mix all the ingredients for the dough in a bowl.
"Me, Worps, CD, Croz, Jaydo and others."
"Point taken." I say and he smiles.
Aaron is right. There are plenty of guys who have a good heart, and have the right intention, I just have to find him...
***
Third chapter of Summer Love is officially done!
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