“Stanlly, partner tayo mamaya.”
“Ayoko, and besides ang prof ang mag a-aasign.” I said and continue listening on my earphones. I tsk when she removed the other one and put it on her ear.
Tuwing pumapasok ako kasama siya lagi kaming pinagtitinginan ng nga estudyante. Wala naman akong magawa at ayoko silang kausapin. Bahala na sila kung anong gusto nilang isipin. Hindi ko rin naman kontrolado ang babaeng ‘to.
“Give me some highlighter.” I command her. I forgot the mini pouch. I know it sound girly but all of my pens and other things are in there.
“Don’t you have any?” I asked. Inabot niya sakin ang isang pink na pencil case.
Inis kong binuksan ang zipper. Bakit puro pink at violet? Nasanay ako sa yellow green. I sighed and grab the violet one. Kahina pa siya hindi mapakali sa pag rereview. Baka raw kasi wala siyang maitulong sa magiging partner niya.
Well, good luck.
Our prof entered and everyone fix their things.
She cleared her throat, “so, I will assign you about a certain topic that you must discuss properly. Each pair have 15-20 minutes to present. The deadline is on Wednesday. You will be paired by picking a number. Kung sino ang kaparehas niyong number ay siya ang makakapares niyo sa proyekto.” Inabot niya sa unahan ang isang plastic bowl na may lamang maliliit na papel.
Isa isa kaming bumunot. I heard how Shane groan when she look at mine. We’re not partners. Isa isa kaming pinatayo, well except for me of course. My partner is Pia. While the worst thing is Shane got that alien.
Both of them change seats. I saw how Brian’s eyes smile as Shane sat beside him. I really hate his face, mukha palang halatang may masamang balak.
“We can study and prepare anywhere you want,” Pia said.
“We’ll just go to the library.” She nodded.
After that we had our next subject. A brain storming discussion. Then leave us with a lot of research. Minsan ayoko na din mag aral.
“Faster I’m hungry,” reklamo ko.
“Hindi ako makakasabay sayo. Sabi ni Brian mag paplano na raw kami habang kumakain.” She scratch her nape.
“What?”
“E kasi para raw hindi na kami mahirapan. Ummm mabilis lang naman ‘yun. Sabay pa rin tayo papasok sa next subject.”
Wtf? The deadline is Wednesday! Biyernes pa lang. Kailan pa nag aral ang gagong ‘yon?
“Fine, I don’t care.” I push the button of my wheelchair.
I ate my lunch alone like before. But when those two enter the cafeteria my mood was ruined. May pa punas punas pa sa pisngi kadiri ampotcha.
I just spent the whole break on the library. Mas may mapapala pa ‘ko rito. When it’s already time pumunta na ako sa room. I thought she’s going to sit beside me. But she’s beside that jerk. Hindi ka talaga makakatulog sa kwarto ko, kahit sa sofa ka pa.
I notice how Pia look at the two. She seems bothered. Maybe because she like Brian and now jealous of Shane. She can’t even focus on the discussion. I wonder if what she feel about it?
Hanggang sa makauwi kami ay panay pa rin ang cellphone niya ka-chat lang naman ang pinaka kinaiinisan kong tao. I tried to talk to her but all I get is ‘oo’ or just a nod. Disrespecting bitch.
While scrolling on social media I saw something irritating.
brian01: kasama ko na si crush, ang bango :)
Bakit nandito ‘yan? We’re not even friends.
I throw my phone.
“Sta—uy ano nangyari? Bakit nabasag?” sunod sunod na tanong niya.
“Nabitawan ko.” humiga nalang ako. Nakakabwisit ang mukha niya.
“Hala, hindi na gumagana! Mabuti hindi nasira yung keychain. Gusto mo ipaayos na’tin bukas?” she sat beside me.
“I’ll buy a new one.”
“Sige, ikakabit ko ulit yung keychain.” Ramdam ko na hihiga siya kaya agad kong pinigilan.
“Don’t sleep here. Doon ka sa kwarto mo.”
“Huh? Diba nag paalam ako kanina sayo na dito ako matutulog? Sabi mo oo!” reklamo niya.
“Nag bago isip ko. Leave.”
She pouted, “kainis naman ‘to. Bakit ba kasi?”
Her phone beep.
“Ayoko ng may maingay. Doon ka sa labas makipag chat.” Suway ko.
“Hala hindi. May tinatanong lang. Pero matutulog na’ko promise.” She even did a hand sign.
“No,labas. Ayaw kong makita ‘yang mukha mo.”
“Bakit ba kasi? Mas maganda ba si Pia ha? Kaya ayaw mo na sa mukha ko?” she crossed her arms. I curse under my breath. What the hell is she saying?
“Ano, bakit hindi ka makasagot?”
Bakit parang ako ang may kasalanan dito?
“Bakit, nagayuma ka ba para sabayan ‘yon sa pagkain? Kadiri.”
“Ha? Anong sinasabi mo dyan?” naguguluhang tanong niya.
“Wala, ang sabi ko lumabas ka!” inis na sigaw ko.
“Ayoko nga! Umoo kana kanina!” sigaw niya rin pabalik.
Her phone beep again.
“Takte naman kasi!” inis niya ‘yong binuksan at binasa pero hindi siya nag reply, “tabi na kasi ako dyan!” tinuro niya ang espasyo sa tabi ko, “ayoko sa sofa, nahuhulog ako!”
“Ayoko nga, manigas ka dyan.” Nagtakblob ako.
“Kainis naman e!” rinig ko ang padabog niyang yabag paalis.
That’s your punishment. Shit my phone!
In the morning hindi ko siya pinansin. She look so hopeless. My mother ask again what’s wrong and she said that she doesn’t know. Even on our way I just put my earphones. Though she’s removing it. Pero napagod rin naman siya.
Kaniya kaniya kaming review at research para sa gagawin naming presentation, kahit sabado ngayon. May Saturday class kami ngayon kaya maraming dito na gumawa. Marami ang nasa garden ang iilan naman ay nasa library gaya namin. While Shane and Brian choose to stay in our room.
“Did you see my book?” I asked Pia.
“Uh,no. Baka naiwan mo sa room. Gusto mo balikan ko?”
“No, ako nalang. Just wait for me here.” She nodded.
I made my way to our room. But I stopped when I saw a fucking shit. He was hugging her tightly. I’m waiting for her to push him but she didn’t. Bakit nga naman niya gagawin ‘yon?
I u turn my wheelchair and go back to the library. Pia asked me if I found it I just said it’s not in there. We continue on our presentation. Even if I’m not feeling well. It feels like it’s hard to breath and my chest is freaking heavy.
Nang makauwi ay hindi ko siya pinansin. Wala siyang nakuhang kahit anong salita mula sa’kin. Ewan ko, nawalan ako ng gana. Ayaw ko rin siya makita.
“Can’t you fucking understand?! I said leave!”
Umatras siya at dahang dahang umabas ng kwarto. I closed my eyes. I hate her I swear.
Everything became like a blur. It’s already Tuesday. Me and Pia already finished our presentation. Hindi ko alam ang kay Shane. Hindi ko naman inuusisa.
“Son, the doctor said that mas mainam na huminto ka muna sa pagaaral. Para mas matutukan ang therapy mo at mag tuloy tuloy ang improvement.”
“Mom, I’d rather be like this forever. Ayokong tumigil, pag aaral nalang ang meron ako. Besides kung makakalakad ako makakalakad talaga ‘ko. At kung hindi edi…hindi…” I look away.
“But—”
“Mom, please?”
She sighed and kiss my head before leaving my room. Ayokong tumigil. Kahit hindi ko gusto ang course ko. Pag tumigil ako iikot lang sa therapy ang buhay ko. That’s tiring as hell. Wala rin ibang gagawin sa bahay.
“Stanlly…” she opened the door.
Nilingon ko siya at pinagtaasan ng kilay.
“Handa na ang miryenda…ano, kumakin ka raw sabi ng mommy mo.” I nodded and push the button.
Tahimik lahat kami habang kumakain. Though my mother and Mr. Tori try their best for a conversation. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa. Naubos ko ang ube cake. Matapos no’n ay agad rin akong bumalik sa kwarto. Nag lalaro lang ako sa computer pampalipas oras.
“Stanlly, ayaw mo talagang kumain?” I look at her with annoyance. Nakailang tanong na siya.
“Hindi nga ako gutom.”
“Pero kasi…ano, mamaya pa ako kakain pag tapos mo. Ikaw na ang mauna.”
Hindi ko siya sinagot at nag focus nalang sa nilalaro.
“Bakit ka ba kasi ganyan? Mas gusto ko pang sinusungitan mo’ko kesa hindi pinapansin.” there’s a sadness in her tone, “bati na tayo? Ano ba kasi ginawa ko?” takang tanong niya.
“Wala kang ginawa. Ayaw ko lang sayo.”
She bit her trembling lip. Is she going to cry? Oh please not in front of me…that’s unfair. I was relief when she quietly leave me.
Seriously, what is wrong with me?
-_-