When I reach the diner, Matt is already sitting at a table near the window. He has two milkshakes in front of him. He stands up and hugs me the second I come in the door, "What's wrong?"
I plop into the booth and immediately slam my arms down and burry my face. After letting a a stressed sigh/sort of scream, I start crying again. "Why did I do that?"
"Do what?" He says, patting my head awkwardly.
"I was stupid. No, I am stupid, why did I think it was a good idea to see him?"
"See who?" He says, I can tell he's uncomtable because there's most likely staring.
"Ian, I went to see him in prison. Can you call Shawn for me? I need to talk to him." I cry against the table.
I have bleach instead of blood pumping through my heart. Someones sealed a trap door over my throat so I can breath. My stomach flipped three times. Something has shaken my head like a snow globe.
"Yeah, sure." He nods while taking my phone from my clammy hands, afterwhich he dails Shawn's number.
The screen glows, his name-Shawn♡-is blurred from my tears. While I press the glossy screen to my ear, more tears falling on it, I take long breaths to kill my anxiety attack. In two rings he picks up.
"Shawn." I murmur in to the phone.
"Hey pretty girl, what's wrong?" He immediately detected the fear in my voice.
"I-I had another anxiety at-t-tack." My body quivers uncontrollably as I stutter.
"Do you want me home? I might be able to get out of this, try and convince my mum." He soothes, I cry pleas in response. "I'll do my best."He says.
"Th-thank you." I mumble, and hang up. As I set my phone down, Matt is looking-more so glaring-at me. He's many thoughts trying to be free, I can tell. "What is it?"
He whispers something, I make out "I don't..." but that's all. The rest is a mystery drowning in his slurs. He won't repeat himself, it's going to be something he's assuming will hurt me. I am quite fragile now, even with that as a relevant thing: I want to know. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. Right?
"I don't think you should be seeing Shawn." I don't want the words to be what he really said.
"What?" I'm hoping it's simply paranoia getting the best of me.
"Just hear me out. I don't want you with him because, he has sides you don't know about. He's an ass, like me. You'll get hurt, if it's not him breaking your heart then it will be someone trying to get to him. If he makes someone powerful mad, there's no doubt they'll come for you because if you're in pain it will make him suffer. I don't want to wake up one day to find the top story on news that they found your body in a ditch.
Also, what if one day he can't keep it in his pants. So you two decide to do some stuff and you end up pregnant. Do you really think a guy like him, a bad boy, a heartbreaker, is gonna stick around? Most likely not,he wants freedom, he has dreams, he doesn't want to be weighed down by something like that. Especially not at sixteen.
For all you know, he's not even where he says he is. For all you know, he's sleeping with some girl and not thinking twice about how hurt you'd be, if you found out. Don't you get that guys like us can be pretty damn heartless. The poor girls we end up torturing: I don't want you on that list.
Just for my sake, please break things off. I don't want you hurt, or even dead."
"Matthew, do you know something I don't?" I keep my stare fixed on the whipped cream on top of my milkshake.
He shakes his head and tells me it's possible. Obviously I know that, it runs through my mind daily, Shawn could have some girl who's sane. I already knew I could get hurt, I didn't regret that I was with him. Clearly Matt was trying at that, the only thing I regret is asking him to repeat himself. It has shaken me though: the damn reminder of Shawn not being satifsied, of the price of dating guys like this. In a sense, he's told me to stay away from, not only Shawn, but himself too.
The senctence to leave my lips is one proclaiming what he implied. It causes him to throw back his head, frustratedly and repeat it's not what he meant.
"I just don't want it to end up leaving you with a scar."
"I can't really form many more. I mean, both psychical and mental. Even if I could it's not like Shawn could cause them. The only thing he's doing to my scars, is treating them. He's not gonna hurt me. Stop being so protective. He's one of your best friends, don't you trust him? He can keep his hands to himself, even if we did we do that kinda would be smart enough to use protection." I try to keep my voice at an appropriate volume, while holding much anger. Pushing my fists down against the wood, I stand up from the both and storm out the door. My hot hands shove the cold glass door open, making the bell ring but it's drown out by me mentally cussing Matthew out.
My phone blurbs loudly as I throw my purse into the seat of my car. After slamming my door I answer it, only needing the blaring to stop.
It's Shawn. The tonic of his voice, causes calm sensations to crash over me like waves. He tells me that the nearest time I will once again be in his arms, is close sunrise on Valentine's day. He apologizes that's it's awhile longer than could help to calm my racing nerves.
I interrupt him with a whisper of how helpful I found his voice. He chuckles, I could hear him relax
-------------
Soooo, sorry for taking awhile for this update. I didn't get many ideas to write.
But, Handwritten is quite fantastic. Agreed?
What's your favourite song off it? I can't decide tbh.
But also there's only 3 days left until the anniversary of the day Magcon fell apart. It's so weird, I've been in this fandom for over a year now.
But yeah.
Uh, bye.
Love y'all.😘
(please vote and comment)