Y/n's pov
"Can I come inside now?" Kei asked, knocking on the door.
"No, you can sleep on the patio furniture," I say still slumped against the other side of the door. "I'm mad at you."
"Y/n, I didn't do anything," he sighs. "Just let me in."
"You said that it looked liked I gained weight, right after I finished puking my guts out," I say. "And I was nice enough to let you come to the doctors appointment earlier."
"You're four months pregnant, of course you're gaining weight," he sighs. "It's the baby, that's a good thing okay? And even if you weren't pregnant I wouldn't care how much you weigh."
"Yeah but between me, Azalea and Bunny, I'm the fattest and they are five mounted pregnant," I say. "And it's you're fault."
"How is it my fault?" He asks.
"You got me pregnant and you are too tall," I say. "So now this baby is fucking huge and I'm gonna be even bigger when this ugly baby decides that he wants to leave."
"I can't help it that she doesn't want to me short like you," he says.
"Yes you can," I say. "And don't talk so loud, do you want Kasumi to wake up?"
"I'm not even talking loud," he says. "And if she's gonna hear anyone, it's gonna be you."
"So now you're calling me loud?"
"Are Azaleas and Bunny's mood swings this bad?" He mutters.
"Have fun sleeping outside," I say getting up off the floor. "Loser."
"Just open the door," he says. "If you really wanna sleep alone I'll go in the spare room."
"No, you can stay out there," I say. "It's not even your baby."
"Yes it is," he sighs. "Don't say dumb stuff."
"Why is being pregnant so hard?" I ask.
"Because," he says. "That's how it is and you're doing great."
"Kei?"
"Y/n."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Which hand do you Jack off with?"
"Maybe sleeping outside isn't that bad," he sighs.
"Please, Kei," I say. "I need to know."
"My right," he sighs. "Can I come inside now?"
"That's what he said," I laugh. "And you can only come in if you help me unclip my bra, it's digging into my sides and I want to die."
"Yeah sure," he says. "Now open the door dumbass."
"If it comes between me and the baby," I say as I open the door. "Pick me, okay?"
"Alright," he says.
"I am more important than the baby, we can make another one," I say. "Well assuming I don't shoot myself or something."
"Yeah sure," he says.
Brought to you from my phone in religion class.
-Crouton