~Emily's POV~
A single bright light was stunning my vision. "Ouch." I groan, inhaling a large breath of fresh air. My eyes had yet to register anything. Images were colorful blurs which danced around on a blank canvas.
"Em focus on my voice...come on." A squeeze of a hand comforts me, as someone speaks in a calming tone. My head was spinning with images. The memories from my childhood, simple cons to large scale killings were all cluttering my mindset. One moment my father was by my side before the hallucination shattered like the glass frame around him. Everything went calm. A dream like state surrounded me, no noise to set me on edge, no thoughts to keep me tense. My eyes flutter close for sense of peace, thinking about absolutely nothing before they flicker back open in a soft fashion. A new swirl of images and color great them. Nothing felt real, nothing felt right. I was back in a vaguely familiar room, too fancy and clean to belong to myself.
"Emily? Thank god, you're awake." A soft voice came from beside me. My heart hoped for it to belong to my father yet even in this dream I knew it was not him. My father would never care if I was alive nor dead, he'd expect me to survive and be stronger than any fool. I slowly turn my head to the side, it was Jason. Why was he in my dream? I laugh lightly. He had a concern look on his face. Why was he so worried? "Do you remember anything?" Jason asked looking down at me.
I don't think before speaking which was rare. My mind had a direct connection to my lips as everything I thought spilled out of my mouth, "Yes, I remember a lot of stuff. You were at my house, Kane was waiting for me in the basement so he could make fun of me for -"
Jason expression dropped, seeming horrified with this new information. "Kane was in your basement!" His heart was beating so loud I could hear how nervous it sounded. I tap it lightly, it was like a drum. Boom-ba-boom boom. Questions like why was I telling him this? didn't even come to mind. My focus was not phased by the fact he was not supposed to know about Kane or my other life. Nothing seemed to matter.
"Yeah, but it was-"
He interrupted again, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"because I didn't want you to know." I looked at him with a small sigh. Why did he ask such a stupid question, Jason was smarter than that. "I don't trust you or anyone."
"Why don't you trust me?" Jason appeared to be insulted, "I've been here all along. I already told you I won't hurt you."
"Really? You won't hurt me? Isn't that what all guys your age say?" I rattle off before feeling a tinge of guilt. Then for some reason my mouth opened again to explain myself, answering his question why I didn't trust him. It was as if I needed to answer ever question he asked. "First off, I can tell you're hiding something. No one in Gotham is that nice. Secondly, I don't trust anyone, except my pops of course. It's not that you could hurt me but I you. Imagine all the trouble."
The look on his face softens, he seemed to take pity in me. "You couldn't hurt me."
I chuckle, shaking my head; "You obviously don't know me."
Again my comment gets on his nerves as he crosses his arms. "Not like you make getting to know you an easy task." He ran his hand through his dark brown hair. His hair looked so soft, I found myself wishing to touch it. "Emily was Kane the one who injected you with a needle."
"No." Again the truth slips from my mouth, I couldn't manage it. Why was I acting this way? Not in control of my own mouth. No, No I had to be in control. What would happen if he asked about Enigma, the other side to me and I spoke the truth. I'd have to kill him once Jason knew my connection to the Riddler. My heart sank a bit as reality came crashing down on me. Secrets are like puzzles, meant to be revealed in the end. All you had to do was ask the right questions or find the right pieces and the whole story would come falling down on itself, or at least that was what my dad would say. The heart monitor started to go faster and faster as I worried about the future of this conversation, even if it may be just a dream.
"Em?" He must have thought his question about Kane triggered something because he seemed to forget the conversation. "Calm down." He passed a plastic cup filled with water next to me. My hands tremble as I take a sip of it.
"I'm never calm."
"I can see that. Why are you so uptight all the time?"
"Because if I calm down, I'll be dead. It's how Gotham works, its how life works."
Jason couldn't argue with that. He was a street kid, he must have known better than anyone that I was right. "makes sense..." He spoke slowly, so I knew there was more to his statement."-but that is why we have those hospital things you don't like." He paused for a moment to put the empty cup on the table. His blue eyes had a kind look on them as they gazed down at me. "Why is that?"
"It's obvious doctors don't know what the fuck they're doing. Plus all the doctors I've known in my life have cracked under the pressure and become insane. Not to mention hospitals are crowded in Gotham. Anyone can get to you, hook you up to drugs or even make a stupid mistake. How many doctors do you think cheat and lie to get through med school for the salary purposes?What about Harley Quinn, Scarecrow, Strange? Everyone knows they were all certified to be doctors , all of them. You think I would want that laughing clown to operate on me now? She'd carve my face up before saving a life- " I cover my mouth, trying to hold it close. For some reason I couldn't shut myself up or stop rambling about any topic he would ask me. Truth, that's what was coming out of my mouth. It made sense now why Gordon would give me such a drug. I was in no dream, but a real life nightmare. I had no control of the situation. "This isn't a dream, is it?" Jason began to chuckle as he shook his head no. I panic inside, something I couldn't even hide because of this drug. What if he asks questions about me, my dad.
"Something wrong?" He smirked, watching my reaction.
"Yes" I meant to say no. Just my mouth wasn't listening to my brain.
"Why is that exactly." He spoke in a teasing tone, Jason knew why alright.
"Cause I can't filter what I want to say, I can't-"
"Lie?"
"Yes, lie."
"Is that a major issue for you?"
"What are you my doctor, of course it is a major issue for me." My face turned bright red, embarrassed.
He sat down across from me. Jason was amused by my reaction, "Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"
"Yes." I shuffle back in the bed, leaning against the headboard. Everything seemed really dazey still. I look down holding my head.
"How do you feel?"
"A little hungover-ish. Everything seems in a daze. My heart beat is still abnormal but overall I'm fine."
"So you'd be fine with me asking a few questions." He smirked slyly.
"Physically it won't harm me, mentally it's not something I'm ready for but if you do try it, I'll kick your ass the moment I'm able to move." My face feels really hot as I spoke, as I avert his eye contact. Did I just say I was mentally unstable? Great, just great. Not like this day could get any worse.
"Seems like a simple price for some fun, ready question girl?"
Change that, it got worse. How many questions would it take until the truth about me comes out. "No." My arms feel numb and heavy as I attempt to cross my arms. A part of me was still shocked Gordon's drugs worked, he was no scientist. The other part of me was glad Jason found me, under the drugs. He may look dangerous, but he owes me one. I'll just use this as an even out on favors. A life for a life.
"Where should I start..." He asked himself rhetorically, tapping his chin.
"You're gonna have too much fun with this."
He grinned, not manically or cruelly like most people I know. Just a boyish smile like this was some prank. Little did he know how far my secrets went. Jason needed to be careful, a power of unlimited knowledge was a dangerous thing. A power which I craved to have.
"Were you lying before when you said you were okay with your dad always leaving you."
Why couldn't he just ask me what my favorite color was? I shook my head yes, "You were right, no one gets use to being left behind. I accept it now...his work is much more important than me. I have to earn his respect, his love. That's why I'm doing all this with computers, contraptions and Gotham. Its the only thing I have that I can do with him, connect with him in some way. One day it will be different, once my dad gets over him, once he's gone..." I pause looking down, my hands curl up in fists. Jason tensed, seeing the angry in my tone. I thought about Batman and how the public figure destroyed my life. One man who took my childhood, my father and for all I knew the rest of my family away from me too. Once my father understood how overrated The Batman has become in this city, how easily he is to defeat, then he'd turn back to the normal father. He would be kind, loving, have more time for me. Father might even go as far as to thank me. I sigh, "until then I'll help him, his organization, do anything just to stay relevant."
"I doubt he..." He started to say something before catching himself. Jason and I sat in awkward silence as it draped the room. See what happens when you ask the wrong questions. "What about your mom...what happened to her?" Jason asked, wondering how far he could push the drug. Couldn't he have asked something easier to start with. My face goes pale, hands clammy. I felt my brain try and locate suppressed memories I didn't want to go to. I close my eyes and opened them, trying to calm down. The monitor started to beep again, faster and faster as the stress got to me. My stomach turned over and over at the thought. What happened to her? What happened to her? The question killed me from the inside out as I came up answerless. A girl with a photographic memory could not even remember her own mom. Shame is all I deserved. I found that faded picture yet I have no clue what she looked like. A vague shadow was all I could make out of it in my mind. "I don't know.." The words quietly came out of my mouth as if I was scared to admit it. My feet curled up, bringing my knees up to my chest. I was shaking, Jason held out his hand trying to calm me. In his eyes I could see he regretted pushing me this far. He knew the question was too much. I began to over think, making the situation worse. My head spun faster until I could hardly see. "Em, try to get some sleep."
"I don't even know her name..."
"Emily, calm down."
"I don't know her name..." I repeated, starting to cry. Soft tears fell from my eyes. What am I doing? I'm making a fool of myself, over such a simple topic. He must think of me as a idiot for not being able to answer the most simplest of things. Everyone knew who their mom was. Jason crossed a line and he knew it. He did not know how to react to what had happened with me. Probably not expecting such a breakdown on my part.
"Em." Those blue eyes that greeted me so kindly before looking scared, nervous as my heart rate picked up. I see his hand move, expecting him to slap me out of this panic attack. I flinch, preparing for something that would never come. Instead I'm greeted with a soft pat on my shoulder. He didn't seem to know how to calm me down. Jason lifted my chin, smiling like the fact that I didn't know the answer to something was acceptable. "Hey, you don't need to worry. It's okay. I was just curious." It was okay? No, the lack of knowledge isn't okay. Yet, that look Jason gave me I found myself relaxing a little, trying to calm down at least. "Cheer up...Umm new question...what do you think of me? Huh?"
"Right now?" I spoke quietly looking him up and down. He knew how judgmental I could be, why would he ask me such an open ended question. "I think you're too nice, you're hiding something. You've got to be.. no ones that perfect in Gotham. Otherwise, you're actually pretty smart for a simple minded fool. Not a complete idiot and pretty cute- " He cut me off. I assume he is about to make fun of me for my silly little crush. It was the truth though, Jason had been on my mind a lot. Mostly because he was different from people. Not only did he never bent to people's will, he was smart. Yet, the thing that attracted me most was that glimmer in his eyes. The look I once saw when he became mad, it was danger. I could see a part in him capable to go over the edge and rebel if pushed enough. Maybe I was imagining things, seeing something I wished to see even if it wasn't there. The downside was Jason is normal, believing in good with way too many morals. Hence just a silly crush.
His eyes were wide with a sense of familiarity in them. I didn't understand what I said wrong but I caught him tense up. One word of mind must have triggered a memory of his but what was it? "Where did you hear that expression." His voice turned dead serious, the friendly tone in them fading.
"What expression?"
"Where did you hear that phrase, simple minded fool?"
He took his hand away from my shoulder, staring me right in the eyes. Jason appeared to be trying to remember or place where he heard the words. I tilt my head to the side, not understanding what my choice of words had anything to do about it. At least he wasn't mocking me for the cute thing. "From my dad." I spoke nonchalantly. "He always says that when I've done something foolish. Although it was a more common expression when I was younger. For as a child I had a simple mind compared to his complex brain. It was mostly because I was too foolishly naive and understanding to everything that happened around us. I didn't comprehend things fast enough for him."
Jason calmed down, shaking his head which made his short brown hair bounce from side to side. "You're no fool, your dad is just a dick."
"He is not!" I uncrossed my arms angrily. How dare he say that about my father? Jason rolled his eyes, figuring it wasn't best to fight with me while I was unstable. Who knows how many drugs they pumped into my system.
A confused expression appears on Jason's face, one which I believed to be an act. Thus, confirming my suspicions of him. "You think I'm hiding something?" His voice was soft, quiet, like one would speak in to make the other person stop questioning.
"Yes, so are you?"
He paused briefly which in my eyes meant yes. His voice had this forced calmness to it, only a liar would have. "Of course not."
"Come on everyone has their secrets."
"Everyone?" He smirked slyly, "even you, are you hiding something?"
"Yes I am, from you, my dad, Kane, even myself. I'm always hiding, running, it's who I am. What I do."
"What you do?" Jason repeated not, following.
"Yeah, what I do. I'm not a good person, never was. I'm smart sometimes but that doesn't always save my ass against the people I know. " I look down, not out of guilt for my sins but the fact that this conversation could only get worse. Soon enough my cover would be blown, by Jason of all people.
"Hey, you're not bad, Em. I know a lot of people worse then a girl that runs away and hides from her douche bag of a father." I went to correct him but my mouth hung open. He thought that was the worse of my sins. What about killing a small child, blowing up a market full of people, swapping the lives of school children to the joker's game so I could receive a data chip for my father. He knew not what I was capable of, what I had done. I've twisted a man's words so much he killed himself with a scalpel, and that didn't even make my top 20 killings. "-And you did call me cute."
My attitude lightens as I punch him in the shoulder, "Don't let it get to your head. I was just saying that I like how you're different."
"You specifically said cute, not different." He grinned slyly, "and because everything you say has to be the truth-" I roll my eyes, making his smile widen. Jason seemed relax, the whole room seemed at ease. Maybe it was the drugs but I did trust him for some reason. I wasn't nervous, only calm. "Different how?"
"You're not a pep boy for starters..."My voice trails off, wondering if I should go on. Yet, I forgot this was not something of my choice under the effects of the serum. So my mouth was forced to continue. "You have danger hidden in your eyes. Danger of someone quick on their feet." Jason seems to be unnerved by me stating this, like I was going down a path I shouldn't be on. "You fascinate me by not being what you seem. A mystery. I'm always attracted to things that I can't understand and you're like a puzzle."
He raised his eyebrow confused, "Boring and tedious?"
"No! Fun and intriguing. Haven't you ever done a puzzle before." My face turns really red while Jason appeared amused by my words. Please, it wasn't like he didn't already know I was a geek. I groan, running a hand through my hair. "I'm gonna regret talking, aren't I?"
"Probably." Jason smirks. We both knew how much I would make him pay for this in the morning, and how much he would tease me.
"Great." I sarcastically sigh, sitting up and taking another sip of water. Jason tilted his head, trying to think of a good question he could ask. For some reason I really wasn't too mad at him asking all these questions, I mean it was what I would do if I found him drugged on this stuff. Speaking of which, I've got to figure out where it came from. Just a small enough sample I could use on Batman and Robin, so I could figure out their identities and weaknesses.
"What is your favorite memory?"
"The only one I have with my mom in it." Jason's body tensed, in preparation of my panic attack which never came. By now, I was relaxed, almost too relaxed. The world was starting to calm down before me and I was fine. "Her image is faded in my memory just like the picture you saw back at my home." I tap the table softly, in thought. The images go through my mind like what happened was yesterday. "I can remember her telling me my dad would be home soon as the batch of cupcakes came out of the oven. " One of the few things I've found out about my mother was the cupcake recipe. My dad had left it hidden in a pile of old blueprints. The small faded card was probably long gone but I could still picture her hand writing on it. Listed below on the column labeled filling was a small note which said Nice Try Eddie, on it. My guess? My mom was a woman of her own secrets. I sigh, "Father always came home looking stressed but something about mother always made him leave business at the door. She kept him sane, around me at least." My whole expression lightened up, I smile. Not even noticing Jason as the memory played about in my mind. I couldn't picture it completely, but I had knew what happened. "It's my favorite memory because we were all so happy and relaxed. "
Jason let a small gap of silence take over as we both thought of this. Neither of us came from normal like families. It seemed very strange to think that at one time my family didn't only consist of myself. The idea that my father wasn't busy with work 24/7 was foreign, a myth. I missed days like that one. That's why it was my favorite memory.
"Was this your first time being drugged." Jason asked, breaking the silence.
All I could do was laugh. You know how many times my father worked with Dr.Crane? The man was his ex doctor at Arkham before he too went off the deep end. He was like the closest thing my father had to an friend, if my father had such things. "Of course not."
"That often?" Jason seemed in shock.
"Please, I've been under almost any drug you can think of."
He looked a mixture of confusion and disbelief but let the topic slide, not wanting to get into it any more. "Did you have fun at the gala?"
I thought about it for a moment, the gem, fighting clowns, being saved by the bats, Jason trying to kiss me. It was like a 50/50. Not really fun but not completely boring either.
"For the most part."A painfully cold chill went down my spine and I suddenly began to feel drowsy again. Tiny weights rested on the lids of my eyes, making it a struggle to keep them open.
Jason pulled another blanket up from the bottom of the bed, trying to warm me up. "You look tired."
"Gee thanks," My voice spoke sarcastically, which was a good sign since it proved the drugs were wearing off and I was gaining control on what to say.
"No, I didn't mean it like that." Jason shook his head, trying to sound nice. I always say trying because I couldn't comprehend a way someone would be this sweet. He hardly knew me- well I guess that wasn't so true anymore. He knew more than he should. Only a few people had this much information on me. My dad, my best friend and maybe Kane. His voice felt soothing, a nice calm to it. "These drugs take a lot out of you. Knowing you'll want to be up and out in the morning it's best if you sleep."
"But I don't like sleep." My voice sounded really childish but I didn't really care at this point.
Jason chuckled softly, "Do you like anything?"
I turned on my side, getting comfortable before closing my eyes. "We'll see."