Sadies POV
"She looks so.. Familiar." I told Amy, then blushed a little. "She was so beautiful."
Amy threw her head back in laughter, but I didn't quite get why.
"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.
"It's just.. Ironic, because she said the exact same thing about you.. And she kind of knows all of your social media."
Heat rose to my cheeks in embarrassment. She doesn't need to see any of my stuff. I'm not near as pretty or daring as what Amy makes her think.. She's probably so disappointed after everything she saw.
"I want to see hers." I said, pulling out my phone.
Amy rose from her usual chair and came to sit down by me on the leather couch. You know you're lonely when your only friend is your therapist.
She took my phone and typed in her Instagram name, then handed it back to me.
12.2 million followers?! What the fuck?! I glanced over at the name.. Demi Lovato.
"The Demi Lovato?!" I gaped.
She laughed slightly, "Yeah."
"Oh my." I said, my heart now sinking. A high listed celebrity isn't going to want anything to do with me.
"I think you'd be surprised by Demi." Amy said, "She reminds me a lot of you."
"Of me?" I said, shaking my head.
"Yeah," she continued, "I've always thought that... Just so happened that fate took its toll."
"It's not fate." I rolled my eyes, yet my heart skipped a beat at the thought.
Wait... What the fuck?! What am I thinking ?!
"Wait," I said, dropping the phone in my lap, "Am I even a lesbian? Or, bi? No, I'm straight. This.. This isn't right."
Amy shook her head in amusement. "Accept it, babe."
"Is Demi even lesbian?!"
If I am.. Into girls.. And end up really liking this Demi girl, which is 99.9% impossible because she is indeed a celebrity and I am me and she has better things to do like how would we even start talking? Anyway, what if a miracle happens and I end up really liking her, then she's straight. How tragically heartbreaking.
"If there's one thing Demi doesn't like, it's labels. Like, lesbian. Gay. Transgender." She spoke, "For instance if someone would say, 'Are you gay?' She would say, 'No I'm a person.'"
"Okay, that's sweet and all, but it still doesn't answer my question." I said.
"In her words, 'I'll fall in love with whoever I fall in love with. If I fall in love with a boy, awesome. If I fall in love with a girl, great.'"
That made me feel a little better, I guess. But, I'm getting way in over my head. Shes a celebrity! She could be dating anyone. Beyoncé, Nick Jonas, Britney Spears, anyone!
"Okay, alright. Well, I'm not lesbian. I like guys, therefore Demi and I would never work out." I said.
Amy rolled her eyes, "There you go again with those walls."
"What walls?" I raised an eyebrow.
"You don't want to get hurt again so badly that you're willing to go beyond measures to protect yourself from things that won't even hurt you!"
"There's no walls. I'm just not lesbian, or gay or bisexual. I'm straight." I decided. It would hurt me, anyway.
"No, you're just denial."
I half gasped, "I'm not denial."
"You're being denial about being denial, Sadie." Amy said.
I stood up from my position on the couch and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans, "Well, that was a nice session. Im going home."
Amy shook her head, "Sadie, come on-"
But I was already out the door.
I had a gazillion things running through my head. My parents wouldn't of wanted me with a girl. I can't be with someone. I can't think about someone else while im still fixing myself. I miss my mom. And my dad. I need them. I need them.
I ran into the elevator punching in the number 1, wishing it would just hurry up.
I feel as if the walls are closing in on me. I need my mom. Why did they have to die? Why are they gone? Why am I alone?
My breathing was shortened and my heart was racing so fast, I felt like it was going to come through my chest. I hate random waves of grief.
As soon as the elevator door opened, I took off and bumped into someone. I was too focused on getting to the bathroom that I didn't have time to look back.
I threw open the doors and placed my hands on the edge of the counter, trying to control my breathing as hot, fast tears streamed down my cheeks.
Two fucking years later and I'm not over it.
My breathing was still staggering, but I walked over and yanked a few paper towels out.
My reflection reflected what was inside of me. Eyeliner and mascara were spread across my cheeks as if I were crying black liquid. Maybe I was.
I was halfway finished cleaning up my makeup when I heard the door open. I assumed if someone saw a random stranger crying in a treatment building, they would understand and leave them alone.
But not this person.
I had my head down, wetting a paper cloth when I felt a hand on my middle back and the sweetest, most gentle voice ever, ask, "Are you okay?"
I looked up in the mirror and saw the most breathtaking person. Demi.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, my heart racing once again and my back burning from her touch.
"Here, let me help you." She said, walking over and getting paper towels.
"No, I'm fine. Really, thanks th-"
"I'm helping." She demanded, signaling for me to scoot over so she could wet the paper towel.
I leaned up against the counter as embarrassment took its toll. Demi's already 100x prettier than I am and now she has to see me like this? If there was ever a chance of her liking me, it's definitely gone.
"Here," she said gently.
She rose the towel up to my face and began softly wiping away. Her cheeks were rosy red and she was really concentrating on my makeup. This was so embarrassing. Butterfly's literally swarmed my stomach.
"There you go." She smiled, stepping back.
I turned around and saw my makeup free face and cringed a little, "Thank you so much. I'm a mess." I meant for it to come out as a joke, but neither of us took it as one.
She frowned, "I think you're beautiful."
For a moment, all I could do was stare into her captivating brown eyes. She meant it. She really said it like she believed it 100%.
"Thank you." It came out as a whisper, but I didn't care.
"I'm so late.." Demi said, looking towards the door. "Are you okay? I can stay with you if you want." She said quickly and hopeful.
I shook my head, "No, I should be going."
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"I'm sure."
And before any of us could say anything else, I was out the door.
•••
Hours and hours of watching countless videos on YouTube of Demi. Interviews over her story, and bawling because I can relate so well. Hours and hours of creeping her social media and finding out who she really is.
I decided to make a change to my twitter.
I started un-re tweeting all of my sad tweets. No one needs to be see those. My profile picture was one from a few years ago.. Before the accident.
I rose from my bed and ran to the bathroom, reapplying my makeup and making it more daring and flashy than usual.
For the next hour, took a gazillion of selfies. On my phone, laptop, everything. Finally, I got the perfect one and set it as my icon then found a matching header. Good.
Wait, who am I doing this for? Demi? Yeah, like she's going to give me the time of day after all that I found out about her. She's so down to earth and.. Just everything. She would never settle for me.
After a while, I closed my laptop and laid down in bed, praying for a dream instead of a nightmare. Nightmares are my thing now, I guess. I haven't gone a night without one for.. Two years now.
I was almost drifted away in sleep, when I heard my phone ping.
Out of curiosity, i picked it up.
Twitter
"@ddlovato is now following you!"
It took everything I had not to shit myself before I followed her back instantly.