"Hey Kei, did you grab those chips from the convenience store?" Akiteru asked from the kitchen.
"Yeah, they are in the bag," Tsukishima says nodding his head, eyes not moving from his phone screen. "And that gross soda you like, don't eat the chocolate, mom wanted that."
"You messaging your girlfriend?" he asked in a teasing voice. "You just saw her didn't you?"
"No, I haven't seen her since I walked her home last night," he shakes his head. "I want to see her today but she says she needs to clean her room, I was thinking about just going over to help... God, I don't even know why I'm giving you a rundown of my life."
He stops himself when he feels he's beginning to ramble.
"Highschool love," Akiteru humms. "It really does just fling-."
"It's not a fling," he murmurs.
"Can't wait for the wedding."
"Can't wait to hire some lady to pretend to be your widow at your funeral."
"And I can't wait for you to-."
"I sure hope we aren't wishing death upon each other again," Akina clears her throat walking into the kitchen.
"No, just talking about post-death," Tsukishima mutters. "Hopefully a premature one at that."
"Hey, I heard that," Akina says.
"You should ground him," Akiteru chimes in before returning his attention back to finding the bag of sweets.
"Both of you can clean the house from top to bottom with toothbrushes," she says.
"Fine, but I'm bringing Y/n so she can harass Akiteru."
"Uh, Kei..." Akiteru pauses. "I don't think this is the right bag."
Then suddenly Tsukishima became the flash with the way he scrambled to the kitchen to scoop up the now unpacked belongings he has recently gotten from his coach's good old convenience store.
"I'm going to Y/n's," he says rushing towards the door face red as ever. "I'll be home tomorrow."
"You're bringing all those condoms with you?" Akina asked her voice barely audible as he was already a foot outside the house. "Does her brother know about this?"
"I'm not doing anything," he says quickly running upstairs and shoving the box into his bedside table before running back downstairs. "The sweets are in the other bag."
"So the condoms Kei, what about them?" Akina asks.
"What?" he asks trying to get his shoes back on.
"..."
"..."
"I'm not going over there to have sex with her!" Tsukishima stutters out, never feeling quite as embarrassed as he is right now. "I um... I... Mom, can I please just go? I told her I'd be there soon."
"..."
"..."
"I just bought them in case y'know? You two are the ones who said to stay safe or whatever, can I please just leave?" he pleads.
But he's painfully aware of what both of them may be thinking at this moment and he truly does not want to have this conversation.
"Y/n and I have never ever done anything like that, I have never done anything like that," he says. "I'm not going over there to do anything like that, they were there and yeah okay? Don't mention anything to anyone... please."
"I have no interest in discussing my son's non-existent sex life," Akina says. "I'm glad to see you taking precautions in advance."
"Thanks, mom, I'm leaving now. I wish I was dead," he says muttering the last bit to himself.
So tired.
-Crouton