January 4, 2016
"Please just let me speak to her Jules" I was standing on the front door of Kristen's house. I can hear the dogs barking inside.
I came early, as soon as I woke up from the stupor Tom forced on me. He was still out when I crawled out of that mess of a house. I made sure not to wake him up, I promised not to go begging to see Kristen for now.
I don't give a shit about any of my promises of course.
"Robert. Listen to me. You have to leave before John catches you here." Jules said as she tried to block my way. I was persistent and half-sober, and I was doing clumsy dodges enough to embarass myself.
"No. No. You don't understand! I have to apologize!" I almost cried out.
"Quiet down! For God's sake!" She groaned and clasped me as I miss my footing and almost fell face flat again. "The neighbors will hear you and we both know that won't help"
"Please Jules...Please" I bowed unable to contain it anymore. I was few seconds from breaking down in front of her.
I hear a sigh and I glanced up from my red-rimmed eyes. She doesn't look any better and I realize that I managed to hurt her family too in the process. I swallowed, embarassment now flooding in.
She just shook her head. "She doesn't want to see you anymore, Rob. I'm sorry."
Her look told me how she actually meant what she said.
She knew after that that I wasn't going to try getting past her anymore. So she calmly turned and left from where I was standing and bolted the front door again.
I looked around. Thankfully I didn't draw the neighbours out. I honestly wouldn't have cared, but I didn't want to embarass Kristen.
I realized I have to leave and not let my emotions take over me here on her front lawn. I cringed inwardly, God, it felt like dying. I don't have anyone to blame but myself.
I half stumbled half dragged myself back to my rented car, praying Tom can deliver another one of his blows to finally knock me out.
It was futile, but I know I'm not going stop until I see her. The only thing that was keeping me sane right now is that assurance. I have to see her again.
I have to talk to her again.
************************
"Kristen?"
I glanced at him from the front porch of his rented house. I was knocking for quite awhile already and I really thought nobody was home. All the lights were out and the curtains down. So it was no surprise as I smelled brandy on Nicholas as he greeted me.
"Hey" I mumbled. Damn it. Why was he drunk? I needed him badly tonight and he has to be drunk of all times.
His eyes narrowed at me as if he was trying to remember something. "Aren't you supposed to be in your--"
"Shut up and just let me in Nic" I grumbled.
He sighed loudly but there was no mistaking that smirk on his face afterwards.
"Somebody needs a touch of my first class Brandy apparently" He joked. I wonder if he now realized why I was here. He knew I was supposed to be married.
I just wish he keeps on this attitude and pretend nothing is wrong after all. It was one of the reasons why I was here at the first place. I wanted to leave the oppressing atmosphere at home. Everybody descended on her like as she was on her death bed or something.
Ahh. Apparently, I'll live to fight for another day, another heartbreak. She thought as she threw herself on his couch.
"So? Brandy?" Nicholas approached with a bottle and glass. I evaded the glass he was trying to give me and grabbed for the bottle instead. "Oblivion it is"
He looked at me worriedly. I glared at him. If he give me another pitying face I'll throw brandy on his face. He schooled his expression understanding my non-verbal warning.
He sighed and sat next to me and sipped from his glass contentedly.
No words were exchanged. As for me, the silence was welcome, the tears weren't missed.
Although, the heartbreak was still suffocating.