Still feeling shell-shocked, I found myself sitting next to Jennie at the large oval table in the dining room, surrounded by gravy, green beans, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and mashed potatoes.
Alan Kim carved the turkey and tilted his head at Jennie. "Thigh or breast?"
Jennie nearly choked on a sip of water. Red-faced, she started coughing. "Dad, I'm a vegetarian. You know that."
"But it's not red meat," Alan said. "Why don't you try a little? Thigh or breast?"
Jin grinned at Jennie from the other side of the table. "She tried to convince me that she has recently developed an interest in breasts, right, sis?"
Now it was my turn to nearly choke on my water. I glared at Jin.
For that comment, you deserve to be tricked, my friend.
"Breast, then," Alan said. Not waiting for an answer, he put a large piece of white meat on Jennie's plate.
What are they doing? I shook my head. She's a vegetarian, for heaven's sake!
Then Alan moved on to me. "Thigh or breast?"
"I'll take Jennie's breast." Heat shot up my neck as I realized what I had just said.
"I mean ..." I peeked over at Jennie and found her just as red-faced. "She doesn't eat meat." As casual as someone who had taken food from her lover's plate a thousand times before, I leaned over and pierced the turkey breast on Jennie's plate with my fork.
Our shoulders brushed, and I caught a whiff of Jennie's perfume.
My eyes closed for a moment, and I hummed with pleasure.
"Smells nice, doesn't it?" Claire said.
My eyes shot open. Christ. Stop daydreaming in front of her parents! "Um ... yes. It smells fantastic." Thank God Jennie's mother thought I was talking about the turkey. At least I hope she does. I tried not to give myself away by looking like a deer caught in headlights and shoved a piece of turkey into my mouth.
The stuffed bird smelled and tasted good too—of thyme, sage, apple, and cranberries. Memories of my last Thanksgiving rose. My mother had already been sick, but she had dragged herself out of bed and prepared our turkey as she had since I could remember.
"Hey," Jennie said close to my ear. She rubbed my back. "You okay?"
I blinked, embarrassed to be caught daydreaming again. I looked up and met Jennie's compassionate gaze. "Yeah."
"You miss your parents, don't you?" The soft touch at my back didn't retreat.
How does she know? Was I that easy to read, or did Jennie know me that well already?
I sighed and nodded.
Jennie rubbed my back again, making me lean into the soothing touch.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jin watches us with a wrinkle on his forehead.
For a moment, I wondered if Jennie had noticed him watching and was acting for his sake but then decided that Jennie probably wasn't even aware she was stroking my back. She really cares about how I feel. The thought made happiness flow through me like warm honey.
When Jennie took her hand away, I shivered.
Silence ruled while we ate, interrupted only by polite requests to pass the mashed potatoes or Mrs. Kim's retelling of her latest art exhibition. No one asked Jennie how she was doing or where she had met me.
"Try some of the wine, Dad," Jennie said. "Lisa brought it. She has her own vineyard and makes the best wine in the state."
Again, the compliment was probably meant to convince Jin that Jennie was smitten, but I still felt my stomach warm with pleasure.
Mr. Kim lifted the bottle and studied the label. "1996." He glanced at me. "A good year?"
"The best," I said with a decisive nod.
Jennie looked up and met my gaze. "That's my birth year."
"I know." I smiled at her. "Like I said: the best year."
A hint of red dusted Jennie's cheeks, but she didn't lower her gaze. She looked into my eyes as if searching for something.
I sat caught in that gaze, afraid to even blink and interrupt our connection. Something's happening between us, isn't it? That almost-kiss yesterday wasn't just a fluke.
A cough made me look up.
Jin held out his glass. "Can I have some of that wine, please?"
"Sure." I took the bottle from Mr. Kim and filled Jin's glass to the brim. Maybe if we get some alcohol into him, we'll have an easier time convincing him that we're a couple. I sighed. Yeah. Convincing him. That's what this is all about.
The crown of whipped cream on my piece of pumpkin pie looked inviting, but instead of eating, I twirled my fork through the white substance.
Thanksgiving dinner was drawing to an end, and I still hadn't accomplished my goal. I glanced over at Jin.
He leaned his head on his hand and pretended to listen to our father's recounting of this afternoon's concert. As soon as the pie was gone, he would help carry the dishes to the kitchen. Then he would leave to catch the football game since our parents didn't own a TV.
This was my last chance.
I took a deep breath. I slid my right hand into my pocket, where the now familiar moonstone rested, and laid my left hand on top of Lisa's on the table.
Lisa jumped, but no one else reacted.
Maybe Jin didn't see. I need to make it more obvious.
Tenderly, I stroked my thumb along the back of Lisa's hand. For a moment, I became distracted by the fine lines crisscrossing Lisa's knuckles. The tendons beneath her fingertips flexed. When I looked up, Our gazes connected.
Lisa stared at me through wide eyes.
Is this making her uncomfortable? Lisa looked so vulnerable that I wanted to lift her hand to my lips and press a reassuring kiss to her knuckles.
The thought caught me by surprise. I jerked my gaze away from Lisa's. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jin watching us.
He made a face and then returned his attention to our father.
It's no use. My shoulders slumped. You could French-kiss Lisa and... My gaze veered to Lisa's lips, and heat rushed to my face. I rubbed my knuckles across my own cheek and shook my head. Even then, he wouldn't believe it.
My mother reached for a second piece of pumpkin pie. "Jennie," she said while she piled whipped cream on the pie, "wasn't there something you wanted to tell us? We're all together now."
"What? Oh, no, I—" But then I paused. I had tried showing physical affection for Lisa. I had held her hand and leaned close every chance I got. Nothing had convinced Jin. Maybe I needed a new strategy. "Yes," I said. "I've got something to tell you."
Lisa's hand tensed beneath mine.
"Jennie," Lisa said. "I don't think that's a good idea. Not in front of your parents."
But I wasn't worried about my parents. They probably wouldn't react to the big news anyway. They never did. All that interested them was art and music. But was it fair to put Lisa in this situation?
"Why would you say that?" My mother frowned at Lisa. "Jennie knows she can tell us anything."
I suppressed a snort. Oh, yes, I can tell them anything. But getting them to listen is another thing.
Lisa turned her hand and squeezed my fingers. "It's your decision."
Okay, here we go. I clenched my right hand around the moonstone and said the first words that came to mind. "I'm in love with Lisa."
My mother's fork clattered onto the plate. Spatters of whipped cream hit the tablecloth.
I pulled my hand out of my pocket and gripped Lisa's fingers with both hands.
Lisa tightened her hold on my hands too. Now we were clinging to each other like two people holding on to a lifeline.
Deep lines furrowed my father's brow. He leaned forward and, without saying anything, opened and closed his mouth like a carp out of water.
Even my mother, who normally took everything in stride, stared at me. "Did you just say ...?"
Part of me wanted to back down and admit it was all a joke, but despite the shocked expressions on my parent's faces, I raised my head and nodded.
My mother looked at Lisa as if she needed the visual reminder of who Lisa was. "But ... but you've never fallen in love with a woman before."
"I've never fallen in love with anyone before," I said. The words were true. Was I really just acting? I wasn't sure anymore.
"Then why now?" my mother asked. "Why with," she threw an apologetic glance at Lisa, "her?"
I searched for a convincing argument, but my head came up empty. There were so many things I liked about Lisa, but none of them really were the reason. It had just happened.
Just happened? I let go of Lisa's hands and pressed my fingertips to my temples as if I could squeeze the thought out of my head.
"Jennie, are you serious? You and ..." my father opened the top button on his starched shirt as if it had become a noose around his neck. He glanced at Lisa and then back at me. "You're ...?"
A lump formed in my throat. I couldn't speak. I couldn't look at my father. Oh, God. What am I doing? This is not a game. Lisa means too much to me to use her like this. I searched Lisa's gaze. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Lisa captured both of my hands in her own again and gave them a squeeze. "Mr. Kim ... Alan—"
"Oh, Jennie," my mother interrupted Lisa's attempt to explain. With a quick glance to Lisa, she said, "When you were younger, I remember talking with Richard—Jin's godfather, who is gay—about what it would be like if one of our children turned out to be gay." She looked at me and shook her head. "I never thought it might be you."
"What?" Jin smacked both palms onto the table and jumped up. "What's that supposed to mean? You didn't think I might be ... Mom, that's ridiculous! I'm not gay—and neither is Jennie! She's no more in love with Lisa than she's a Wiccan witch!"
"Sit down, Jin." Our father's baritone rumbled through the dining room.
Jin remained where he was, towering over the table. "Oh, come on, Dad! Can't you see it? This is all a charade. They're not a couple. They're just doing this to get back at me."
"Jin," our mother said. The usual light tone was gone from her voice. "How could you think something like that about your sister? She would never pretend to be in love with a woman just to get back at you for something you did." She regarded me with a tender gaze. "Your sister is in love. That should make you happy," she turned back to Jin, her expression growing serious, "not suspicious."
Oh, God. Why does she have to defend me now of all times? What little I had eaten of the Thanksgiving dinner sat like lead in my stomach. I hung my head, unable to face my mother.
"I know this must be a shock to you," our mother said to Jin. "It's a shock to all of us. But it doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on your sister or to belittle her relationship."
She reached across the table, about to pat my hand, and then withdrew when she found Lisa's hands covering mine. Her brow furrowed, and she stared at our entwined fingers for a few moments before she swallowed and looked back at my face. "No matter what choices you make in life, we love you, Jennie. Your ... Lisa will always be as welcome as Jin's girlfriends."
What? Did she really just say that? I slumped against the back of my chair and stared at my mother, then at my father, who nodded. My thoughts swirled at a high speed, like a tornado that was about to rip apart my world. In the thirty years of my life, I had never heard words like those from my parents.
Now that they had finally told me they loved me, it was all based on a lie.
Is it really?
I shoved the thought away, wanting to focus on one issue for now. I pulled my hands from Lisa's and curled them into fists. Tears burned in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.
"Why now?" I choked out.
My mother stared at me and then sent my father a helpless glance. "Umm ... what do you mean?"
"Why did this," I described a circle that included Lisa, Jin, and me, "have to happen for you to finally tell me that you love me?"
"What are you talking about?" my mother ran her hands through her disheveled hair as if that would help her understand.
"You don't even realize that you never told me that you love me, do you?" I wasn't sure whether my parents' lack of awareness made things better or worse.
"That's not true, Jennie," my mother said. "I'm sure we told you that when you were a child."
I pressed my lips together and shook mt head. "No, Mom, you didn't. Not even once."
At his wife's imploring gaze, my father jumped into the conversation. "You're exaggerating. Just because we don't always tell you doesn't mean we don't love you. Sometimes actions speak louder than words."
Leaning forward, I stared at my father. "Which actions, Dad?"
"What?" he asked.
"Which actions were supposed to make me feel loved?" my father fingered the cleft in his chin. "Jennie ..."
"Tell me." I looked from one parent to the other. "Did you show me your love by standing back when the other kids at school made my life a living hell or when Jin played stupid tricks on me?"
"Oh, come on," Jin said. "It's not like they had to protect you from me. It was harmless."
I ignored Jin's interruption and just kept talking. Now that I had started, a lot of suppressed emotions bubbled up and couldn't be held back any longer.
"Or by giving me paintings and concert tickets for every birthday and every Christmas, even though that's your interest, not mine? Do you even have any clue what I'm interested in?"
My parents looked at each other like two contestants in a quiz show who had just been asked the one-million-dollar question without any joker left.
"Books," my mother said. While my father added, "Work."
"Then why don't you ever ask what I'm reading or how work is going?"
My father frowned. "I ask you all the time."
"No, Dad, you don't. Not really. Even when you do ask, you never seem very interested in the answer. You're my parents, and you don't know anything about my life. I tried to pretend not to care, but I do." I exhaled sharply and rubbed my breastbone. "It ... it hurts."
They stared back as if they had never seen me before.
"Wow," Jin said into the sudden silence. He reached across the table and nudged Lisa's shoulder. "What did you do to my sist—"
"For once in your life, fucking shut up!" I said without bothering to lower my voice.
Jin blinked and then opened his mouth again.
I jerked around to glare at him. "I swear to God, if you make one more stupid comment about me ..."
"Whoa!" Jin leaned away and held up both palms. "Calm down. No reason to get so emotional."
"No reason? I've got plenty of reasons!" I wanted to get up and pummel my brother until he stopped belittling me. "You don't even realize what you did to me, do you? You started an emotional landslide by setting me up with Lisa!"
"But ... but it was just a joke!" He gestured helplessly, nearly toppling over his half-full wineglass.
I smashed my hand onto the table. "My life is not a joke, Jin! When will you finally grow up and realize that not everything is just fun and games?"
"That's not what I—"
"You can't just go through life and have fun at everyone else's expense. Your actions have consequences." I dug my fingernails into the table cloth. "If you continue to play with my emotions, I swear I'll ... I'll ..." I stopped and shook my head. Tears trailed down my cheeks. One drop fell, and I watched it being absorbed into the table cloth.
Oh, God. My chair scraped over the floor as I pushed it back, jumped up, and fled to the kitchen.
Shocked silence stayed behind.