I woke slowly, rising toward wakefulness like a diver surfacing from the bottom of the sea. With my eyes closed, I lay still and took stock of my body. My head felt heavy, but at least the piercing pressure behind my forehead had receded. Breathing was easier too; it no longer felt as if I were trying to swallow shards of glass. I had stopped sweating and then feeling as if I were freezing to death. My hands and feet were warm— especially the hand that was curled around someone else's.
Huh?
I blinked open sleep-encrusted eyes and stared at the unexpected sight before me.
Curled up in an armchair next to the bed was Jennie. Her head was tilted to one side, and the her hair hid half of her face. Her horn-rimmed glasses had slid down a little and sat crookedly on her nose. One of Jennie's arms was wrapped around her drawn-up knees; the other arm rested along the bed. Her right hand lay on top of my left hand, the thumb safely tucked against my palm.
The soft touch felt good against my hand, and I realized that no one had held my hand for quite some time.
I miss this.
If I had to, I could make do without sex for a long time, but just having my hand held by Jennie made me long for those little loving touches in my life again. I missed the brush of a hand over my forearm, the grazing of fingertips against each other, or a light kiss to my neck.
I stared at Jennie, taking in her sleep-softened features, and suppressed a sigh. I wish she was as open to a relationship with a woman as she wants Jin to believe. I shook my head, relieved when that didn't start the hammering pain again.
Be grateful for what you have. She's turning out to be a really good friend.
I had a lot of friends, and while most of them would have willingly played nurse if I had called them, having Jennie take care of me felt special. When I had first met Jennie just four weeks before, I wouldn't have believed that the stand-offish Jennie would drop everything and rush over to make vegetable soup and apply cooling compresses.
Jennie sighed in her sleep. Her fingers tightened around mine.
Seems she's not so stand-offish anymore. With a smile, I rubbed my fingertips over her thumb.
"Hmm?" Jennie opened her eyes and sat up. She groaned, rotated her head, and reached up with her left hand to massage her neck. Only then did she seem to realize that her right hand was otherwise occupied. She glanced back and forth between our joined hands and my face. Hastily, she let go, straightened her glasses, and combed the fingers of both hands through her hair.
"Um ... good morning. How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Better," I said, relieved to find my voice sounding stronger, even if it was still a bit raspy. I pulled myself up to lean against the headboard. "Thank you for staying with me all night. You didn't have to, you know?"
"You had a very high fever, nearly 104."
"Really?" I remembered Jennie putting the thermometer into my mouth. She had also spoon-fed me cough syrup, wiped my mouth, and fetched me underwear—acts that seemed too intimate considering we were still new friends.
Was Jennie now, in the light of the day, feeling as embarrassed as I did? I wanted to impress her and be her knight in shining armor, not a helpless patient who needed to be spoon-fed.
"You don't remember?" Jennie's brow furrowed.
"Last night is a bit fuzzy," I said. "I think I fell asleep."
When Jennie stood and stretched, her T-shirt slid up and revealed white panties and a strip of bare skin on her stomach.
I struggled not to stare.
Jennie laid her hand on my forehead and nodded. "Good. The fever is gone."
Her tender attentions were a surprise—a very welcome surprise. They touched something deep inside of me, but I had a feeling if I voiced my gratitude, I would end up embarrassing myself and making Jennie self-conscious about it.
Instead, I sought refuge in my usual gentle teasing. "You didn't take advantage of my weakened state, did you?"
A blush made Jennie's cheeks glow.
As if it were a scene from a favorite dream, I remembered snuggling up to her, pressing my flushed cheek to the soothing coolness of her neck and chest. Heat that had nothing to do with a fever rose in my cheeks, but I ignored it.
"Oooh, you did?" I slapped the covers with my fist. "Damn, and I missed it!" I continued to tease.
She stared at me with her arms folded as if she needed the barrier between us.
Shit. That was too much.
But when I opened my mouth to apologize for my comment, Jennie relaxed her arms and shook her index finger at me.
"I can see that you are fully recovered and back to your old self." she smiled.
"Thanks to my wonderful private nurse," I said, fluttering my lashes at Jennie. I kept my tone light and teasing, but I meant every word.
Jennie looked at me for a few more moments and then nodded as if acknowledging my veiled thank-you.
"I'll take a few minutes walk. Then I'll come back and make you breakfast." she said.
I sank back against my pillow and watched Jennie go.
One day, she'll make a wonderful wife for someone. Too bad it can't be me.
I let myself into the house after my morning walk with Lego following me from behind.
Upstairs, everything was quiet, but in the kitchen, a cupboard door slammed shut.
I frowned. Lisa should be in bed. What is she doing up? I dropped the keys onto the hall table and rushed toward the kitchen.
Lisa stood in front of the fridge and studied its contents. The hair on the back of her neck was still damp from a shower or a bath, and she was wrapped in a bathrobe.
When Lego entered into the kitchen, his nose to the floor, checking for dropped morsels, Lisa turned. For a moment, she looked like a burglar caught in the middle of a break-in, but then she smiled at me.
If she thinks those sexy dimples will get her out of trouble, she's sadly mistaken. I froze. Sexy? God, you definitely need more sleep. You're just pretending to find Lisa attractive, remember?
Lisa took a step toward me. Her movements were slow, not yet full of her normal vigor, but her cheeks had a more normal color and her eyes had lost their feverish haze.
My gaze was drawn down to the bare skin displayed by the collar of Lisa's bathrobe. Is she wearing anything beneath that thick terrycloth? I flushed and mentally shook my head. Of course I wasn't interested in Lisa's underwear ... or lack thereof. I was just worried about Lisa not staying warm enough.
"Hey," Lisa said, "back from your walk already? Did Lego behave himself?"
"He was on his best behavior. I wish I could say the same about his owner."
"Me?" Lisa pointed at her chest with the box of eggs she held in her hand. "What did I do?"
I stepped into the kitchen. "You should stay in bed." Another step brought me within touching distance. Part of me wanted to reach out, touch Lisa to reconnect and make sure she was all right, but I took the carton of eggs from her instead.
"Damn, I must be good." Lisa wiggled her eyebrows. "My new girlfriend doesn't want to let me out of bed."
Heat shot through my cheeks, but it felt different from before. Lisa's playful innuendo wasn't really what was making me blush; it was the memory of how Lisa's lips closed around the spoon when I fed her medicine, of holding Lisa's flushed body close and entwining our fingers when Lisa started tossing and turning—things a girlfriend might do. It had felt good to do those things for Lisa, but now that I had time to think, I was starting to wonder if helping her when she was sick had changed our friendship—and in what way.
Here and now, in the middle of the kitchen, Lisa seemed to be back to her old confident and witty self, no longer the sick and helpless woman from last night. Or maybe she just used her bravado to hide that she didn't feel entirely comfortable with the vulnerability she had revealed last night.
But it was too late. My perception of Lisa had changed irrevocably. While I still admired Lisa's strength and her wit, I had now seen a softer, needier side of her. Strangely, it made me like her even more.
I wasn't so sure whether that was a good thing. Taking care of her while she was sick had added an emotional undertone of trust and comfort to our friendship that hadn't been there before. Somehow it felt overwhelming. Too much, too soon.
When I felt Lisa looking at me, I raised one eyebrow. Maybe the Spock-like mimic would help me focus and control the confusing feelings that swirled through me.
"Your new girlfriend," I formed quotation marks with my fingers, "wants you to stay in bed for a very good, very non-erotic reason. You were really sick last night."
"I'm fine now," Lisa said. She stuck out her lower lip like a pouting child.
I raised my eyebrow higher.
"Really. It's always that way for me. One day, I run a fever and look like I'm on my deathbed. The next day, I'm fine." Lisa shrugged. "Guess the fever burns away the germs."
Considering she looked much better today, she was probably right, but I couldn't help worrying. "Still, you shouldn't risk a setback." I put the eggs on the counter and led Lisa to the door.
When she glanced down, I realized I had wrapped my fingers around her arm. Somewhere between last night and this morning, touching Lisa had become automatic.
I let go of Lisa. "Come on. Why don't you go back to bed? I'll make you some scrambled eggs with toast and bring up a tray once it's ready."
"Breakfast in bed." Lisa smiled dreamily and winked at me. "You know, I really like being your girlfriend."
I crossed my arms and then consciously relaxed them. Why do you react like this to her teasing? She doesn't mean anything by it. Probably does it with every woman she meets, gay or straight.
The thought caused my stomach to tighten with an emotion that felt strangely like jealousy. Okay, now you're really starting to lose it. Get her back to bed and out of your head.
I gave Lisa a mock glare. "Go before I decide to burn your toast."
Laughing, Lisa lifted her hands and walked backward. "I'm going, I'm going."
* * *
I sat on the chair next to the bed and watched Lisa devour her breakfast.
She ate as if she hadn't eaten in weeks. She chomped down half a piece of toast in one bite and washed it down with tea.
"Slow down, or you'll get sick." I said.
"I am sick," Lisa mumbled through a mouthful of toast. "And this is too delicious to eat it slowly."
I narrowed my eyes. "It's just toast."
"Maybe." Lisa smiled. "But it always tastes better when someone else makes it." She wiped a few crumbs off her hands, leaned back in bed, and regarded me with a warm gaze. "Thank you for making me breakfast. And for taking care of me last night."
I nodded. I didn't know how to respond to Lisa's gratefulness, so I gazed around the bedroom in search of a conversation topic. Again, the archery trophies caught my attention.
"Are those yours?" I pointed at the trophies.
"Yeah."
The sadness in her tone made me look toward her. Instead of forming a proud smile, Lisa's lips were compressed into a grim line.
I tilted my head and studied Lisa but hesitated to ask.
"I used to be quite good at it." Lisa's gaze seemed to see through me and into a time long gone.
"And now?" I asked. I made my voice gentle. This seemed to be a painful topic for Lisa.
"Now ..." She sighed. "I only touched a bow once since last winter."
Last winter—that's when her mother died.
I wanted to reach out and squeeze her hand but held back, not sure if she wanted to be comforted by me.
A sad half-smile settled on Lisa's lips. "My mother was the one who got me into archery." She lowered her head and rubbed her eyes. "After she died, I just couldn't ..."
I couldn't hold back any longer. I leaned forward and rubbed Lisa's shoulder. "You don't have to talk about it if you —"
"No, it's okay." Lisa reached up and squeezed the hand resting on her shoulder, pressing it more tightly against herself.
Lisa's hand was warm, as was the skin of her shoulder, noticeable even through her shirt. I felt the muscles beneath my fingers flex.
"I tried to get back into archery this summer," Lisa said after a few moments of silence. She dug her teeth into her bottom lip and shook her head. "It was a disaster. I couldn't even hit the target. It was as if I had forgotten everything my mother ever taught me. I felt like ..." She blew out a trembling breath, and her grip on my hand tightened. "Like another piece of my mother was lost forever."
The raw emotion in her voice and the pain in her eyes cut me to the core. My eyes burned. I stared at Lisa. How open she is with her emotions. I could never do that.
I rubbed my thumb over Lisa's shoulder, back and forth in a soothing rhythm, while I searched for something to say.
"But maybe you ... maybe it's not lost forever. I'm sure it'll all come back to you once you've had some time to grieve."
Lisa stared at the wall. "I'm not so sure about that."
"Hey." I rubbed Lisa's shoulder and gave her an encouraging smile. "What is it that you always tell me about negative assumptions?"
Lisa grinned and turned her head to look at me. Finally, the tension in her muscles receded and her eyes cleared. She patted my hand.
"You've been hanging out with me for too long." she smiled.
I smiled back and shook my head. Too long? Not possible. The thought made me lift my eyebrows at myself. In the past, I had never felt the need to be around one person for too long, but I liked hanging out with Lisa. Not knowing how to say that without embarrassing us both, I got up and lifted the tray off Lisa's lap. "I'll do the dishes. You should try to take a nap."
Lisa groaned. "I'm not tired."
The childlike expression on her face made me bite back a grin. "Then at least close your eyes and rest for a while."
When I walked to the door and looked over my shoulder, Lisa was already breathing in the deep, even rhythm of sleep.
"No," I whispered and smiled, "not tired at all." I balanced the tray between my arm and chest, closed the door behind me, and tiptoed down the stairs.
* * *
When I returned from my second walk around the lake, I fed Lego, then cleaned and refilled his water bowl.
"There you go, boy." I set the bowl on the floor and watched Lego lap up water as fast as he could.
Lisa might be thirsty too, so I made a cup of peppermint tea and went upstairs to check on her. I opened the bedroom door and tiptoed toward the bed. Lisa was on her side, rolled up like a sleeping child, with her back to me.
The ringing of my cell phone nearly made me drop the teacup. Biting back a startled yelp, I set down the mug while I reached for the phone with the other hand.
"Yes?"
"Do you have any plans for tonight?" the caller asked.
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking, Jin."
"Why are you whispering?" my brother asked.
I tiptoed to the door. "Because Lisa is sleeping and I don't want to wake her up. We've been up half of the night."
Silence from the other end of the line made me reconsider what I had just said. I was about to explain when I stopped myself. If he thought I had spent the night with Lisa, it would only help our plan.
"You're trying to trick me," Jin said after a while, but he didn't sound totally convinced. "You're not at Lisa's."
As if she had heard her name, Lisa sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes.
Yawning, she looked at me. "Who's that?"
"My brother." I answered.
Lisa patted the bed next to her and waved me over.
When I settled on the edge of the bed, Lisa repeatedly pressed her mouth to her own forearm, producing loud kissing sounds.
I stared at her, then realized what Lisa was trying to do. After giving her a conspiratorial grin, I gasped as if Lisa had just nipped at my earlobe and let out a long moan.
"Uh, Jennie ..."
"Oh, sorry, Jin, I forgot you for a moment," I said. "So why did you—Lisa, stop it! You can't do that while I'm on the phone with my brother."
Lisa pressed a hand against her mouth to muffle the sound of her laughter.
I grinned at her and spoke into the receiver, "Why did you call?"
"To ... to ... Fuck, Jennie, what the hell is going on?" Jin slightly raised his voice.
"Going on?" I repeated in my best I-don't-have-the-slightest-idea- what-you-are-talking-about tone.
"With you and Lisa. You're not really ...?"
I nudged Lisa's blanket-covered knee. Yes! We're finally getting to him! "We're not what?"
"Forget it." Jin growled. "I called to ask you if you have anything planned for tonight. I have this friend who would love to go out with you, but he's only in town for tonight and —"
"Out of the question. We agreed that you would never set me up with one of your friends again, remember?"
"Yeah, but Leon is totally different from my other friends. He's a banker, and you've got so much in common. I promise you'll like him." he insisted.
I rolled my eyes. He had said the same thing when he had set me up with Lisa. "You know me. I never date two people at the same time."
"Two people?" Jin paused. "Oh, come on. You're not seriously dating Lisa."
"Why not?" I asked. "You were the one who set us up."
"But you're not —"
"Good-bye, Jin. Have a nice Sunday too." I ended the call before he could say anything else.
Lisa threw her arms around me in an enthusiastic hug. "That was great!"
For a moment, I stiffened in the unexpected embrace, then relaxed and smiled. "Yes. Jin is finally getting a taste of his own medicine."
"Oh, yeah. If we keep it up, he'll really think twice before he ever plays a prank on either of us again." She let go of me and sat back in bed.
I smiled and got up. "You go back to sleep. I'll keep Lego company for a while longer."