dejavu.
now playing | stage 2.
↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ
status: very unedited
"He's not coming back," Jisung sighed. The boy knew he shouldn't be impatient, and snap as he almost did, she's going through a tough time, he reminded himself, but it was still quite hard to keep his emotions at bay.
He was laid down in the passenger's seat in Aeri's car, one arm layered over his eyes before he continued to hum in a way to fill the tense silence.
"How do you know? For all I care, yesterday was a dream, a nightmare," Aeri was in the driver's seat, her two arms crossed like a small child after a tantrum, and her eyebrows furrowed like a stern teacher after a scolding. She was in denial, but didn't want to admit to you. She'd rather try to prove a point than give into the idea that caused her heart to physically ache.
Jisung wanted to keep her on her feet, and keep her as close to reality as he could. In times like this, it was best to face things head on, but he knew her. She'd say the same advice to others, yet not even think about doing the same for herself. "Aeri, it wasn't just a figment of your imagination," He tried to convince her, but it was no use.
Once the Han was set on something, there was no way of turning her mind back on it.
If this was how she'd cope, Jisung knew it was only best to allow her to do as she pleased. It just didn't feel right though.
"He's gonna come. In 5 minutes his train arrives to the station, and he's gonna be walking out of those doors, a smile etched on his face," Aeri huffed, her eyes darting to the tired boy's direction, before quickly moving her gaze back to the station they were parked in front of.
She wished she was in his shoes, wished she could easily close her eyes and drift off into an abyss of silence, however this was eating her alive.
Aeri was envious, she too, as much as him and more so, was exhausted. After he tucked her in bed, and turned off the lights, Jisung found a place on her bedroom floor and tried to get some sleep. He knew the following the days she'd need him, and he didn't want to drag her down with his own problems.
But despite his advice, Aeri hadn't slept like him.
The dark circles that hung to the skin below her eyes said all, but Jisung didn't dare to comment on it. He noticed ever since breakfast that morning, the way she moved slowly, and how her eyes would try to flutter down unintentionally.
But she was a fighter, and god, he hated that sometimes.
"Aeri," His voice was softer, gentler too, but that didn't stop the woman's voice from coming out harsh itself.
She scoffed, rolling her eyes in irritation. "If you don't believe me, why even bother coming?" She grimaced through her gritting teeth.
She couldn't understand him.
She didn't want to admit it, but she loved that Jisung hadn't left her, because honestly she wouldn't know how she'd be doing, but even though she was appreciative, it didn't mean she was entirely for it.
A part of her wanted him to leave. But one thing she did remember about him, since it quite obviously proved to have stayed the same throughout the past few months they've been working together, was that he was just as stubborn as her.
Jisung wouldn't have left her alone either way.
"So you don't do anything you might regret when this all settles in," He answered nonchalantly, growing too jittery to lay down silently. He quit his shifting, his tossing and turning and finally had pulled the lever to his side, making the back of his seat spring up.
His upper body naturally lurched forward, causing his hands to reach out and grasp at the dashboard in surprise. It was a hilarious sight, how his eyes widened in horro, and his lips parted- almost nearing a shout. If only Aeri wasn't in such a sour mood, she would've laughed her ass off, called him a dummy, and a smile would finally find it's way to the corners of her lips.
But unfortunately, mending her heart and accepting the facts that lingered her in a state of denial wasn't that easy.
If it was, the situation would be different, and perhaps her and Jisung would be as well.
Instead of chuckling and giggling into the palm of her hand, she frowned deeper. "Jisung I know you want me to feel better, but i'm not leaving this parking lot until I see my father," She grunted, staring harshly at the glass paneled doors of the city's train station.
Jisung coughed awkwardly, he retracted his hands and rubbed the back of his neck— thanking her quietly that she hadn't laughed at him. It was a minor incident, however, the tips of his ears glowed pink in embarrassment. "Then i'll wait with you," He whispered, still trying to grasp onto the fact that what happened wasn't so bad.
His childish thoughts were finally put an end to once Aeri had ripped his attention attention away from his internal conflict with himself, her lips moving rapidly as she herself finally bursted.
"Why are you doing this? The next round is in a week, you guys should be practicing? How about Minji? What about her? What about—"
The raven haired's brows fell with his lips into a scowl. They furrowed together in momentary annoyance, and eased up later as he remembered, she was overwhelmed and poor ably didn't mean to come off as harsh. But with Aeri, you could never really know for sure.
Jisung decided to play it safe with his answer, hoping that it'd finally silence her counters and remarks, and she could finally see he wanted to be there for her. "Can't I play my role as a friend?"
In a split second, Aeri's head whipped to the boy sat in her passengers seat. Her bottom lip parted from her other, and she felt her heart tighten beneath the barricades of her tough skin. "I— you can, but not when—" She couldn't help but stammer like a school girl once again.
She saw the look on his face, his eyes were gentle, as if even a glare her way would break her into millions of pieces, which was quite debatable if you ask her. "So allow me to do this for you," No hidden agendas, no tone in which it seemed as though he'd use this as a chance to ask her for a favor after, his voice was nothing but sincerity.
It felt fake to her.
Was it bad that suddenly when she's being treated nicely, she thinks this is all some sick prank? Or was she just overthinking once more and her anxiety had used it against her? Or did she really not trust him at all?
Wanting to avoid the other inevitable in her life, she chose to focus back on the reason why they came to the station. She averted her eyes back to the front doors of the station building, and watched as crowds of people began to pile out of it with backpacks and suitcases. "Okay, um the train just arrived, so it's not gonna be long," She muttered, changing the subject in hopes of easing the quick rate of her heart.
Life is gonna be nice to me, today. She thought, hoping to see her father's face brighten with a smile once he saw the sight of his daughter.
But life couldn't promise her that.
Several hours later, the sun was finally dimming over the city they lived in, and finally the bright blue sky mulled over into prettty colors of orange and pink until it faded to a dark shadow, where the moon made its daily appearance, shining brightly with the little stars that could be seen.
They've been sat in that car for hours, and still, no sign of her father.
"Jisung just go home," She grumbled, the grip on her steering wheel tightening— making the knuckles of her hands turn an unnatural white.
Her voice held a begging tone in it, seemingly close to giving up, but Jisung refused to let her be alone in such a state. "No, I'm not leaving you alone during a time like this," It was his turn to cross his arms over his chest, his lips pursed into a fine line.
"Why," Her head fell, her chin meeting her chest. The slope of her shoulders decreased and shrunk, and as expected, with hours of anxiety overwhelming her small figure, her body was speaking honestly before her lips could.
He saw it. And he knew it was gonna be sooner than later. "Because Aeri, I know you're strong, but you're still human," He gave up on the tough facade he tried to put on, and moved one of his hands to her upper back. As his palm barely rubbed comforting circles to the material of her shirt for only a few seconds, she shrugged him off just as quick as he had placed it on her.
"I can handle this myself," She denied the ache in her bones, and tightened feeling of suffocation, crawling throughout her body. Like any other time, she raised her chin once more and stuck her nose high. She wanted to prove a point.
"No you can't, because if I ask you one question, you're gonna break, but it's not like it's a bad thing. You need to cry, you haven't even dropped a tear since last night, you need to," Jisung, though slightly hurt, he quietly brought his hand back to his lap. He glanced at it for a second before returning his sympathetic stare to the woman on his left.
He watched as she scoffed, rolling her eyes at his words. She didn't believe him. Why would she need to cry? And honestly it baffled her that he claimed to have known her. "I'd like to see you try,"
Aeri glued her eyes to the dashboard past her steering wheel. She heard the raven haired male sigh, and turn in his seat to face her. "Fine, if you need me to help you realize what you're feeling beneath your stubbornness, I'll do as I must,"
"Go on," She urged, challenging him. She didn't know why she was doing what she was, but she really wanted to see if he did know her as he had claimed.
I mean I said I knew him, but obviously that turned out to be a lie. She thought wordlessly.
"Aeri," He called her name, reeling her back from her temporary reverie.
She didn't budge.
"Aeri Han," He tried once more, his fingers taking a light hold of her chin between his thumb and forefinger before turning her head to look at him.
For the first time that whole day, she had looked at him, more than a glance, and a quick look over, but more like a stare. "What?" She whispered, her annoyed tone lodged in her throat, unwilling to spill, as she had previously intended.
"Are you okay?" She could no longer feel his warm hand grasp her chin.
She couldn't hear the honking of cars or the engines that followed the night traffic.
She didn't see past Jisung, and instead her eyes lingered on his— slowly blurring with every second that past.
He did it.
He ripped the band aid off that she refused to even mention. He tore open her wound and made her breathe in the stinging that she had once dulled to a silence to ignore for another day.
Aeri didn't know when she had started crying, but as she had began to come back to her surroundings, she could recognize the wailing and sobbing in her car to be hers.
Her bones rattled, and her skin felt as if it was on fire.
She couldn't breathe, but with the little air and strength she could muster she spoke, "My father's dead,"
She couldn't care any more. Her arms rushed out from her sides, and hooked around his neck, causing the boy to hurriedly lean over the middle console and place his hands to her sides— rubbing his warm palms up and down in a soothing manner.
It was a faint, but Aeri swore she could hear it clearly through her cries as they muffled into the skin of his neck. But she heard it, and her heart couldn't have broken more. "It's okay baby,"
It must've been a mistake, and that's what she hated most.
But she couldn't deny the amenity he brought her.
And suddenly his arms tightened around her waist, and he pressed a friendly kiss to her hair, and just like that, home wasn't the two story building with four walls and a roof, it was a dark haired boy who compared her to the sun, and made her feel golden.
. . .
i honestly really hate this chapter and i believe that i wrote this incredibly poorly, this chapter and the last few chapters have been my worst writing yet