The most awkward thing happened right before our first group started. We were watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles when the counselor walked in during that scene where Neal dropped around nineteen F-bombs. She gave us a look of pure contempt.
"What are we doing for the group today?" Angella asked with a bored expression. I don't blame her; this place sucked.
Certainly not getting drunk...
"Today, we will do an activity to get to know each other better. Have any of you heard of Two Truths and a Lie?" she asked with a synthetic smile. I could tell she hated us deep down; the counselor was the very definition of Lawful Evil.
We all nodded in response, and she asked us who wanted to go first. I tried to get it out of the way as soon as possible, so I volunteered to be the first one to go.
"Okay, so here are the two truths and one lie; I have over a thousand songs on my phone, I experience tastes far more strongly than most people, and I have published a book."
"Clearly, it's the book," Stella replied, laughing.
"I don't know; it might be a thousand songs; who has that much space on their phone?" Thomas asked, squinting his eyes in suspicion.
"Well, I think it might be that he experiences tastes more strongly than other people," Devon said confidently.
"So, which one was it, Clive?" the counselor asked curiously.
"I do not have a thousand songs on my phone; I had exactly 768 the last time I checked," I replied with a smug grin; I knew then that I had fooled nearly everyone.
"Wait, so you actually had your book published?" Angella asked with wide eyes.
"Yup, I used the Kindle Direct Publishing website online. It was a piece of cake. Didn't cost me anything either."
"What is it called? We gotta know, dude," Devon asked excitedly.
"Refraction, it's about this former Olympic fencer who becomes an alcoholic after his career abruptly ends. One day, he gets an idea to write an autobiography so the world can see him from a more empathetic angle. It's basically a book within a book."
"Do you have a pen name?" Thomas asked curiously.
"I do! It's D.B. Wallace." I picked the D.B. part as a reference to both D.B. Caulfield (Holden's older brother) and D. B. Cooper, who committed the only unsolved air piracy in history. I'm obsessed with the D. B. Cooper case, but I fear we will never solve it. As for the Wallace part, I picked it as a nod to Niander Wallace from Blade Runner 2049. You really should give both of the movies a watch; they're outstanding. I especially love that Gaff guy who made origami figures; he was undoubtedly a strange fellow...
"Alright, everyone, let's get back on topic," the counselor said in an annoyed tone of voice. I wish humanity didn't exist sometimes. All we do is ruin everything... I would have killed to have seen a thylacine in real life, but noooo, society had to be a piece of garbage. Rest in peace, Benjamin.
Devon went next, and I honestly expected his two truths and a lie to be extremely easy to figure out, but nope, he made fools out of all of us.
"Okay, here's what I got; I've never gotten a grade lower than an A for a class, I own a snake, and I got to go to the front stage during a David Copperfield show. Let's see how you all do," he replied with a tiny smile. He knew he was going to stump us massively.
"I don't think you've ever owned a snake; you don't seem like the type of person who would have one," I said confidently. It's hard to explain, but reptile owners have a certain vibe to them; a lot of them are just a bit crazy.
"The David Copperfield one sounds like a lie. I mean, what are the odds of that happening?" Stella asked, shaking her head.
"What are the odds of getting straight A's your whole life? Why is no one questioning this?" Angella asked, raising her eyebrows.
"I'm with Angella on this one," Thomas said with a nod.
"So which one was it, Devon?" the counselor asked.
"I have never owned a snake; they scare me," he said with a shudder.
Same buddy, I'd rather be hanged, drawn, and quartered than go near one.
"So you actually got to go upstage during a Copperfield show? What was that like?" Angella asked curiously.
"It was nuts. He took off a giant tarp covering the stage, and a car somehow appeared. I don't know how he did it, but the show was exceptional. My family and I saw him in Las Vegas; it's so beautiful around the Strip."
I went to Las Vegas once when I was fifteen, back when my father was still alive. He took us to the Hoover Dam, and I learned all the history behind it; it was quite an insightful experience. I did, however, have an insanely awkward moment during the expedition. They had this wax figure of John Wayne (not sure why), and I excitedly called out to my dad, "Look, it's John Wayne Gacy!" I remember he raised his eyebrows at my comment and told me, "Wrong John Wayne, Clive." My uncle told me he was neighbors with Gacy at one point and that even as a kid, Gacy gave him the creeps. That's hilarious to me, a sociopath getting the creeps from a psychopath. I wouldn't be surprised if Uncle Dante is secretly a serial killer.
"Alright, Stella, you're next," the counselor said, constantly looking at her watch. It was clear she wanted to get away from us as soon as possible.
"Uh... let me think of something real quick. Give me a minute."
"Of course, take your time," the counselor replied.
About forty-five seconds later, Stella finally said her two truths and one lie. Hers made Devon's look like a piece of cake; she threw us a real curveball.
"I've played the ukulele since I was five, I once saw an alligator in person when I was in Florida, and I'm distantly related to John F. Kennedy."
"You are most certainly not related to John F. Kennedy," I answered confidently. Out of the three, it seemed like the most improbable truth.
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," she replied with a sly smile.
"I don't think you've played the ukulele for that long," Thomas said, sure of himself.
"The world may never know..." she said with a chuckle.
"I don't think you've ever seen an alligator," Angella said, shaking her head.
"I'm with Angella on this one," Devon said with a nod.
"So which one was it?" the counselor asked curiously.
"I have been playing ukulele since I was seven, not five. I got you guys so good," she replied with a smug smile.
"You sure did!" I said with a tiny laugh. If there's one thing I love, it's when the answer is the seemingly least correct option.
"So you're really related to JFK then?" Thomas asked excitedly.
"In a sense, yes, I mean, since it's so distant, it's almost nonexistent. I still find it cool, though."
Lucky, the only famous person I'm related to is Charles II of England. I don't even know the first thing about him...
Angella was the next one to go, and I prayed in my mind that hers would be a lot easier. Of course, the universe had to disappoint me like it always did.
"I once survived a fourteen-story fall, I have seven cats, and I have five siblings."
"Uh..." I replied, completely stumped. At first, the fourteen-story fall seemed like a lie, but I've heard of people surviving even bigger falls.
"I'm gonna go with the fall," Devon said hesitantly.
"Having seven cats sounds kinda impossible; I think it's that one," Thomas said with a heavy yawn.
"I think you're an only child; you have never talked about having any siblings," Stella said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.
"Okay, you got me, Stella," she replied with a sheepish smile.
"Well, looks like it's just you left Thomas," the counselor said, glancing at her watch again. Man, couldn't they have hired someone who actually cared for people like us?
"Oh, right... Well, let me think of something real quick," he replied awkwardly.
"Take your time," the counselor said with an expression that said, "You're wasting my precious time."
Finally, after what felt like forever, he went up. I swear the time he spent thinking about what to say felt like it was several hours long. I'm one impatient guy, let me tell you. If patience is a virtue, then I'm certainly not virtuous. That's the problem with our generation; we want everything instantly. It's like if we don't get something in five seconds, we throw a temper tantrum.
"Here's what I got, I once accidentally bumped into Jack Nicholson during my trip to Los Angeles, I've seen Killswitch Engage live three times, and I can play the hurdy-gurdy. Let's see which ones of you get it," he replied with a sneaky smile.
"What's hurdy-gurdy?" I asked, completely confused.
"It's kinda hard to explain," he replied with a sheepish smile.
"I find it hard to believe you met Jack Nicholson, in all honesty," Angella replied with a look of suspicion.
"What about him playing that weird instrument?" Stella asked.
"I think it's the hurdy-gurdy one personally," I said, ready to be proven entirely wrong.
"I also think it's the hurdy-gurdy one," Devon said with a nod.
"Unfortunately for you all, I do, in fact, play it, and I have bumped into Jack Nicholson as well," he replied with a wide smile. He tricked all of us so easily.
"What was it like meeting him?" I asked curiously.
"It was pretty cool. I asked him to do his Joker impersonation, and Jack asked me if I've ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. He's a legend."
Lucky...
After we finished our group activity, the counselor told us some nonsense about how we should always apply ourselves in our lives and how it's always important to do our best. Ugh, how I hate it when people give me lectures; I get enough of them from my family. "You're always so negative, Clive." Well, I'm sorry, Mom, I just see nothing to be ecstatic about. It's not like Half-Life 3 will come out tomorrow or anything...
With the counselor gone, we debated what we should do next until we all concluded that hearing Stella play ukulele would be the best option.
"I'm so nervous..." she said shyly.
"Aww, why are you nervous, Stella?" Devon asked with a frown.
"I just rarely perform for a crowd; I mostly play alone in my bathroom."
"You play in your bathroom...?" I asked, nearly bursting out laughing.
"It sounds crazy, but the acoustics are amazing there. Anyways, what song should I play?"
"You know that song from Top Gun, whatever it was called?" I asked, scratching my head. I have a habit of forgetting just about everything and everyone. If I ever get married, I'll probably forget my wife's name.
"Do you mean Take My Breath Away?" she asked with a broad smile; I could tell that she really loved that song.
"Ah, so that's what it was called... Yes, let's do that one."
Stella started playing, and I became captivated by her performance; it practically had me glued to my seat. What she would do is she would pull off these melodic high notes at the end of the chorus and sound just like an angel when she pulled it off. I swear I half fell in love with Stella by the time she finished playing. That's my weakness, girls with beautiful voices. I could fall in love with one just by hearing her voice; I don't even have to see the girl for it to happen.
We gave a standing ovation for her brilliant performance. For a moment, I forgot about all the world's problems. That's the thing with distractions; they take your mind off the insanity of life for just a bit.
I guess I'll just have to be distracted for life...