After having time to reflect on yesterday's events, I'm currently heading to Finn's house to apologise for my actions and hopefully be given the opportunity to explain to him my reasoning behind divulging that information to my dad. Am I confident that he'll give me his time? Absolutely not!
I've had to sneak out the house to go and see him as my dad is at work and due to the fact I am grounded, this is the only chance I'm going to get before I'm put back under house arrest. I should be fine as long as I can visit Finn and get back home before the end of the school day and in time for when my dad gets home.
Strolling up the hill, I passed some very modernised looking houses along the side of the street until I eventually found the one that belonged to Finn's family. It looked very similar to several others in this neighbourhood, except for the two empty parking spaces in the driveway, confirming to me that he was, yet again, left at home alone and both his parents were away working.
I stood at the bottom of the concrete steps for a moment, pondering whether coming here was a good idea or not. He is still obviously really hurt and angry at my actions but I knew that I had to be given a chance to explain everything and that he couldn't ignore me forever. Taking a deep breath in, I climbed the steps upto the front door, my knuckles tapping against the solid oak surface before stepping back, praying that he answered.
A pane of glass was a feature of the door, giving a small insight into his home if you looked close enough. Through it, I could see his figure approaching, the door opening seconds later to reveal him. He was dressed in a plain white t-shirt and some black joggers, both of which were slightly creased as if he'd slept in them, his eyes sunken and hair a dishevelled mess. Our eyes fixated on each other for a matter of moments, neither one of us wanting to speak but eventually, Finn broke the silence.
"Mr. Byrne sent you here to spy on me, has he?" He asked harshly, not even bothering to acknowledge the fact I was stood at his door. "Helping him write his little report to Social Services?" He added, allowing me to shake my head.
"No, he doesn't even know I'm here." I truthfully replied but all he did was scoff. "I'm here to explain myself if you'll let me." I admitted but part of me still knew that he would difficult to get around.
"Save it! Just go!" He exclaimed, beginning to close the door but I managed to slip a foot inbetween the door and its frame, the motion of the door stopping as it hit my foot.
"Please Finn." I pleaded, still staring at him.
Hearing him sigh, I was shocked to see him pull the door open again, motioning for me to walk inside. I stepped over the threshold into the hallway, following the corridor down to his open-plan kitchen and living space. My eyes immediately fell onto the amount of takeaway cartons and empty bottles of god knows what strewn across the work-tops. I also happened to notice a rather hefty load of unopened letters in a pile on top of the coffee table. If my dad ever discovered that these were Finn's living conditions, it would be an instant call to Social Services. However, that is not the reason I'm here. I want to make this situation better, not worse.
"Got a problem?" I heard Finn's voice say from behind me, startling me somewhat.
I turned around to face him, his body frozen with his arms folded across his chest. I knew the amount of mess was none of my business but I couldn't stop myself from bringing it up because it's not normal for someone to live in these conditions.
"How long have your parents been away Finn? There's like weeks worth of mail and takeaway cartons here. When was the last time you tidied the place?" I asked, using my hands to reference to the extremely messy living space I was currently standing in.
"That's none of your business!" He scolded. "If you are here to criticise the way I live...you can get out!" He yelled angrily, making me hastily walk over to him.
"I'm not here to criticise you. I'm here because I'm worried about you." I confessed, reaching out to touch his arm but he shrugged me off.
"When will you realise that I don't need you or your dad showing me concern? My parents never do!" He cried, forcefully moving away from me and I knew that I would have to tread very carefully around him if I was going to get anywhere.
I watched as he took a seat upon the sofa and rubbed his hands over his face. I felt it would be best of me to stay where I was for the time being because I wasn't going to make the situation worse.
"What's this really about Finn?" I questioned, not detracting my gaze away from him. "You're clearly angry about something." I commented, hearing him groan.
"Do you ever give up Lindsay?! Have you ever wondered whether you may be the issue here?" He quizzed, rendering me speechless.
I remained silent, realising I had overstepped the mark. I watched Finn hunch forward, his chin rested in his hands. He refused to make eye-contact with me but I wasn't that naïve. I knew he was hiding or regretting something.
"I'm sorry." He muttered all of a sudden, confirming that my instincts were right and that he was obviously in the wrong. "I know you are only looking out for me." He confessed, his eyes finally making contact with mine.
I studied him for a while, recognising a hint of sadness and seclusion in his expression. Right now, he needed a friend and that's what I intended to be. Without hesitation, I headed over to the sofa and took a seat next to him, placing a hand to his back as I began rubbing comforting circles onto it.
"Please Finn..." I begged. "Let me help you." I pleaded, knowing I would do anything to put things right.
Once I'd finished speaking, I noticed drops of water falling to the ground. He was crying! Have I finally had a breakthrough? Will he now open up to me? Without even checking if it was okay, he cuddled into me, sobbing onto my chest as I felt my t-shirt become soaked with his salty tears. Running my fingers through his hair, I comforted him, hearing his sobs and whimpers continue. There is definitely something bothering him and before I leave here today, I intend to find out what.
****
"Cheers." He whimpered, taking the hot mug of tea from my fingertips, replacing them with his own.
I smiled as I resumed my position next to him on the sofa, clutching my cup of tea tightly. I took a sip of the boiling liquid before setting it down on the coffee table in front of me, being extra careful not to spill any over the heap of mail. I watched Finn do the same before he sunk back against the sofa, placing his head against the wall behind him.
"Look Finn, I'm not going to force you to speak to me but I've learnt that it's never good to bottle things up. If I'm not the right person to speak to though, I understand." I told him but he shook his head immediately.
"No, I want to..." He admitted, looking at me, making me smile. "Truth is, I'm lonely and I have been for ages." He declared, the human emotion in me feeling sorry for him.
"When did your loneliness start?" I questioned in reluctance but was relieved when my question wasn't taken negatively.
"I suppose I've felt a sense of loneliness all my life but it's gotten worse ever since Sam died..." He told me, leaning forward to take another sip of his tea.
"If you don't mind me asking, whose Sam?" I quizzed, mainly for the reason that I had never heard that name being mentioned before.
"Sambuca was my girlfriend. She passed away from brain cancer last year. We were only together for a few months but we were inseparable. I just really miss her." He confessed, leaving me shocked.
"Oh Finn!" I cried. "I'm so sorry." I mumbled, feeling totally awful about the fact he's had a tough few months.
"That's the reason why I push people away who try and get close to me because whenever I feel a close bond with someone, they end up leaving me." He admitted, wiping away a single tear that fell. "That's why I've been pushing you away..." He whispered, looking at me again, his brown eyes fixating on me.
Having this talk with Finn has made me realise how much he just wants someone to care for and look after him and honestly, I've seen him in a completely different light. In school, he comes across as the Joker of the group and aims to make everyone else feel better when in reality, he is the one who needs cheering up. I wonder if Lauren and Josh were aware that he felt this way? I wasn't going to be insensitive and ask Finn because I didn't want him to think that I am meddling again.
"Finn, I'm really sorry for discussing your home life with my dad. It wasn't my place and I was out of order. He was just constantly questioning me about why I stuck up for you about the whole drugs thing and it just slipped out. My dad is very persistent and I just couldn't lie to him but please believe me when I say, I would never cause you or your family any trouble intentionally. I guess I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut." I told him, acknowledging in that moment how much my behaviour can affect other people.
"Thank you for apologising and admitting you were wrong but if anything, you have probably done me a favour in the grand scheme of things." He spoke, looking at me, my face showcasing a confused expression. "Maybe the best place for me is with a family who actually do care about me." He suggested, turning his attention to what was happening outside the window.
"Now you know that's not true!" I exclaimed, triggering him to look back at me again. "Deep down, I know that your parents care and love you. I just don't think they are aware of the way you feel inside." I told him, my gaze on him intensifying.
"I've tried to tell them but they just don't want to listen!" He yelled as he stood up from the sofa, clearly narked by my previous comment.
"Then make them listen!" I shouted back as I grabbed his wrist gently and turned him to face me. "You don't have to do this alone Finn. I'll help you speak to them if that's what you want." I confessed, slipping my hand into his and gazing into his dreamy brown eyes.
"Why do you care so much?" He asked in disbelief but still kept his hand firmly locked in mine.
"I like you Finn." I declared, feeling a little embarrassed that my true feelings were out in the open. "I think you are an amazing guy with his heart in the right place but has lost a sense of who you are. However, with a push in the right direction and a good friend by your side, you will soon get that Finn Sharkey charm back." I revealed, my eyes still firmly fixed on him, my face carrying a beaming smile.
I watched him smile back at me, however, his eyes were getting caught up in mine. His gaze shifted down to my lips, his tongue darting out to wet his own. "I really want to kiss you right now..." He whispered and within seconds, his face was inching closer to mine, and as much as I wanted the same thing, I knew it wasn't the right time. Not after confessing to me that he still misses his ex-girlfriend.
To stop him from coming any closer, I placed my hand to his chest, his eyes immediately darting back up to my face. To be honest, we've kissed before so I can understand why he is rather confused as to why I've stopped him this time. "However, you are not over Sambuca yet. I'd love to become more than friends with you Finn, but I'm more than happy to wait until you are ready." I announced, continuing to smile at him.
"Has anyone ever told you that you're amazing?!" He exclaimed, placing a swift kiss to my cheek. I'll take that I guess!
After standing in his living room, grinning like a pair of idiots at the realisation that something romantic could potentially come out of this friendship, I couldn't help but look back again at the mess surrounding us.
"Now, how about I help you give this place a good tidy up before I leave?" I asked which led to Finn nodding his head.
With that, we didn't hesitate in waiting around and began tidying up the heaps of rubbish taking over the whole of the kitchen space. You know what they say...a tidy house results in a tidy mind!
****
Realising that there was only thirty minutes left until the end of the school day, I took that as my cue to leave Finn's and head back home, not wanting my dad to notice I had snuck out without permission. The two of us headed for the front door, me opening it slightly and stepping outside, turning around to face Finn.
"I'll text you." I smiled, somewhat giddy over today's revelations.
"Not if I text you first!" He joked, his grin growing wider as his eyes lit up majestically.
I giggled before I placed a kiss to his cheek and headed down the steps, joining the pavement near the main road. I heard the click of the door to Finn's home closing behind me, making me smile knowing that I've left here with a positive outcome.
Deciding I wasn't that far away from home, I thought I would take my time walking, using the time I had to reflect on the outcome of today. I am really happy that I have managed to rectify my mistakes with Finn and I can't wait to see where we could go in the future.
Finn's P.O.V
Once Lindsay had left, I headed back into my living room, feeling a sense of relief because it was finally tidy! I have to admit, it must have taken Lindsay a lot of courage to come here today and admit to her mistakes and for that, I admire her. Furthermore, it was rather a surprise to find out that she also has some romantic feelings towards me because if anything, I feel the same. She is an absolutely incredible girl and the fact she is prepared to wait for me to be ready to move on means the absolute world to me!
I regret judging her too early because my original judgement couldn't have been further from the truth. There is no way I am going to screw this up!
Not if it could potentially mean me losing Lindsay.