dejavu.
now playing | nothing but.
↠ⁿᵉˣᵗ ˢᵒⁿᵍ ↺ ʳᵉᵖᵉᵃᵗ ⊜ ᵖᵃᵘˢᵉ
status: very unedited
There was a moment, where nothing moved. Nothing, not even the wind of the night breezed phased the pair. Aeri felt her whole body malfunction. Her heart froze and her knees locked in place— everything that he had just enveloped her with— the butterflies, the fuzziness, the fast beat of her heart it all silenced. It was as if he flicked off a switch.
"Loved?" Jisung might have misheard and misunderstood entirely, but for a split second— he swore with his whole being, he saw a look of disappointment flash in her eyes. He wasn't the best at reading people, he left it to Aeri to do that, however in that moment— his fingers underlined and stroked the delicate pages of her book, flicking through the numerous papers of words to close off this chapter. And he himself, thought for once, he could comprehend such a difficult beauty as Han Aeri.
Even the way she spoke the five character word, with the confusion lacing her thick tone, it did things to Jisung that he would have thought to stop after they broke up numerous months ago.
And with every sentence exchanged, every answer, every question, their relationship kept getting more complicated than it should be.
"I don't know, but you get what I mean," He muttered, because genuinely he didn't know what willpower had controlled him to speak an honest truth or what could have been an exaggerated lie.
I don't know. It was always I don't know with him. Did he not want her so much to know that it was her he need? Or did he not want to admit it? Or simply? he just did not know?
It would explain the uncertainty in his dark abyss like orbs.
But, Aeri wouldn't let him off that easily. There has been countless "I don't knows" and no forward straight answers. She knew her worth, she knew she deserved something. Something that wasn't abstract and made her think til she couldn't feel her head, something that would be spilled from his tongue and instantly she would understand.
There was that burning in her chest again as she parted her chapped lips.
Instinctively, his eyes flickered down warily before unnoticeably returning his gaze to her level. The least he could do was listen, she had been listening to him all night, speaking what she believed to be was bullshit.
"No I don't, Jisung. Explain it to me, you can't just say something like that. I don't know can't always be a crutch for you," She urged, coming off a bit harsher than what she had intended. Aeri didn't like pushing people, not one bit— being a victim of a few situations before— however she couldn't help herself.
She watched as he gulped down her words as if they were brittle walks— coating the inside of his throat— scratching it like a fine sand paper.
At some point, someone need to call him out, confront him. Jisung's been good at ignoring the conversations that lead up to this point, drowning them out and white noising them, however he knew it was about time. He had expected it, yet the boy was not even the slightest prepared to speak.
He couldn't help but to blurt whatever came to mind first. At least it was better than overthinking it and making a larger fool of himself, he thought. "Aeri, I don't know what you want me to say," He gapped, his pupils shaking to dart towards every feature of her face— hoping to see an ounce of reaction. "You're my first love, and i'll always hold feelings for you whether they're romantic or turned friendly. But that's not important right now,"
Aeri's head felt like exploding. She ignored the sense of amenity that washed over her, hearing the chance of him loving her in a romantic manner, and turned to focus on what she needed to hear.
"Then tell me what is? What's so important to you right now?" She questioned seriously, poking a firm index finger to his chest, making the boy take an uneasy step back.
As Aeri inched closer to him, closing the distance, Jisung felt his whole body burn. Unknowingly, her body was lit aflame too.
Swallowing the shakiness in his vocal chords, and the feeling of something squeezing his chest, he mustered up all the strength left in him. And he answered. "All of us, the boys, you and me. We don't care if you return to the band or not, sure it'll be great— we get the music dream together, but we want you to be friends with us again," Before Aeri could reply, she saw him shake his head violently, going back on his words. "No we want you to want to be friends with us again,"
She stepped back, her pointed finger falling and retracting to her chest. She wavered slightly in her place, glancing at the tall figure in front of him. It clicked, and she didn't know whether to jump in glee at the fact that she discovered, or to pull away further because although he looked like it, and acted the same way, he wasn't hers to be excited about.
It was all because he was sounding like, her Jisung. The high school teenager who would do anything and everything for her. The boy who unknowingly knew how to speak the exact words to make her feel as if she was his all.
It was senior year of high school and the two 18 year olds had decided to skip their individual practices and lay atop the their neighborhood park's field of grass. They laid on their backs, each of them with their eyes firmly closed as they soaked up the daylight that beamed down at them warmly.
"I love the spring sun," Young Aeri muttered dreamily, smiling as she felt the rays coat the rosy apples of her cheeks.
Jisung chuckled lowly from beside her. She could feel his shoulders shake from their close proximity, and she frowned.
"What?" She turned her head to left, glancing to his side profile, noticing that his eyes were still closed.
"Why do you like the sunlight so much?" He questioned her curiously. He felt her shrug— the sleeve of her shirt brushing against his, along with the soft grass.
"I don't know, I mean I really like sunrises and the sun in general. They're just really beautiful especially during this time of the year," She cooed, turning to face back up to the sky.
"What do you like about them?" He continued to interrogate her. At first Aeri found it odd in his sudden interest of her's of the sun and sunrises, however she just thought that maybe it was another excuse to listen to her speak. As he previously mentioned that he loved her voice.
"I honestly can't explain it. Maybe their presence? All I know is that it makes me happy, and always manages to make me smile," The teenage girl rambled and as soon as she noticed she laughed at herself. She felt dumb talking about something as simple as the sun as if it was her favorite thing, but it truly was one of them. "Jisung, why are you having me talk about the sun?" She grumbled in embarrassment, feeling her cheeks turn a brighter shade of red.
The male laughed quietly. "Y'know how you described the sun and sunrises?"
"Yeah?" She didn't know where he was going with this.
"You just described how I feel in your presence," Her heart thumped loudly in her ears as he revealed his reasoning. No one has ever compared her to something as beautiful as the sun or it's sunrises. She felt taken aback, and completely and utterly loved.
It was far different from the love she felt from her father, her grandparents and even her friends.
It consumed her in such a warm bliss that suddenly the world didn't consist of scary singing teachers, high school girls that teased her, or exams and preparations for the larger part of their life, and all the scary things that the world had to offer. Her reality only contained herself and Park Jisung.
Aeri's whole body vibrated in relief and fear. It wasn't a good mixture of emotions, and Jisung could tell from the way she blinked back the glossiness in her eyes. "I don't trust you, what if you guys pull something similar again?"
"You don't have to, we all can work our way back up to that. And if we do, you're free to leave. I— we don't want to hold you back as much as we did before," His voice was soft, as if he spoke in his regular tone she would completely crumble.
"I don't know," It was ironic that she was the one saying it this time.
"Come on Aeri!" A familiar voice shouted and immediately the woman whipped her head to behind her, glancing to the side bushes of her backyard. A blush instantly blanketed her cheeks as everything dawned upon her.
Staring with wide eyes, she caught sight of a group of five men, standing with their knees in the bushes. She squinted through the darkness of the night and recognized each of them.
"What? You guys have been in my bushes this whole time?" She shouted at Mark, Jeno, Donghyuck, Jaemin and Chenle.
"Maybe," Mark shrugged nonchalantly.
"But we'll treat you better!"
"Yeah, way better than Renjun and Jisung combined,"
"That's kind of a low bar, but we'll treat you wayyy better,"
They all shouted with determination and an ample amount of sincerity, leaves and small twigs attached to their clothes and bird-nest like hair.
"uh-huh," She nodded, not entirely convinced. She ignored the presence of Jisung come closer to her back, hovering from behind. Instead she forced herself to focus on the others, biting down on her lower lip.
"Come on, Aeri, I miss the girl that eats the pickles off the burgers I order from our favorite dinner,"
"And the girl who always has my little pony bandaids for when we do something stupid,"
"We miss the girl with the ugliest laugh—"
"Don't you think it's too soon to joke like that again?" Aeri deadpanned at Donghyuck who sheepishly grinned at her.
"What he meant to say was, we miss the girl with the prettiest smile, who has a name that starts with an A and and ends with an I," Jaemin corrected in a grimace, elbowing the boy's stomach making the Lee falter slightly, hissing in pain.
They walked out from the plants and to the open grass area of the yard, where unexpectedly they dropped to their knees. Aeri could feel her face flush up more.
Jeno smiled, seeing the appearance of a small grin on her lips, though she tried her best to hide it. "We're on our knees for you,"
"We're beggging, begging you, put your loving hand out baby," They sang perfectly, arms outstretched as if it was some choreographed performance. Immediately after they brushed out into giggles and loud chuckles.
She couldn't help but to roll her eyes, and allow her grin to break out from her forced frown. It didn't help that she could fee Jisung's chest vibrate with laughter.
"Oh how I hate that we all can sing," She grumbled, shaking her head as she joined them in their fit of laughter.
"You love us!" Donghyuck screamed, making a heart over his head with his arms.
"Yeah sure," She tsked.
"So, friends?" Chenle asked hopeful that somehow, maybe a miracle had happened, she'd accept them maybe not entirely but at least partially.
The group silenced as they waited for an answer, their anxiety sky rocketing. "As long as you don't use me to sing some dumb duet, not yet at least,"
"Of course, because our Aeri only deserves Solo stages from now on," The only other bruised male quipped, bowing down to her both childishly and seriously. The brunette rolled her eyes at Lee Donghyuck once more.
"Flattery isn't getting you points," She grumbled through clenched teeth.
"But it might bump me up to best friend status again?"
Her lips softened into a delicate smile, and finally they could feel their hearts beat again, seeing her grin ever so kindly in their direction again. "You'll always be my best friend,"
"Awh Aeri—"
"Don't pucker your lips at me like that hyuck, oh wait—Someone's calling me," The loud noise of a ringtone interrupted the small reunion, forcing Aeri to pull her phone out of her pocket, and bring it up to her ear. "Hello?"