My forehead creases even more. Oo nga, Jassy. Why would your ex wants you to go home? He is already over you! He has someone else to make his heart filled with nervous excitement, ecstasy, and joy.
"Uhmm... Can you give the phone to my sister? I only called for her," I murmured the last sentence.
"You called for her... But you dialed my phone number," he said sarcastically.
I got irritated. Bobo ba siya? Malamang siya ang tatawagan ko dahil malapit lang si Fatima sa kan'ya!
"It's because she's living with you! Let me talk to my sister, Nehemiah. Give the phone to her."
"I can't... You can't talk to her today."
Tulayan na akong nainis sa kan'ya. I sighed in frustration. Kung makaasta s'ya ay parang siya na ang kapatid ni Fatima. I get it, his family took care of my sister. Ha have the rights to her but he can't just take away my sister to me. I'm still her real family!
"Bakit ayaw mo, huh? Bakit hindi pwede, Nehemiah?
I heard the door of my office opens, but I only ignored it. Sigurado akong si Jel lang iyon.
"She's not living..."
Hindi ko na narinig ang sumunod na sinabi n'ya nang may pumalupot na mga braso sa bewang ko. I accidentally muted the call.
"Babe..." Andrew pressed his head on my neck and kissed my left shoulder.
I sighed and returned to the call.
"I'm sorry. What are you saying again?" I asked Nehemiah who's now quite on the other line.
"Who's that?" Andrew asked.
I smiled and distant myself a bit from him, hinayaan n'ya naman akong makalayo sa kan'ya ngunit ang braso n'ya ay nanatiling nakapalupot sa akin.
"An old friend..." I whispered, trying not to make Nehemiah hear it.
Andrew nodded, "I missed you, Babe."
I laughed and shook my head. Kaya kami naiisue dahil sa mga tinatawag sa akin. Minsan mahal, kadalasan babe. Though, he calls me Lia, too. Siya lang ang tumatawag sa akin na Lia. We are not even a thing, we are only best friends.
"Tsk," Nehemiah said and ended the call.
Napatayo ako sa biglaang gulat. Did he end the call without letting me talk to my sister?!
Wow! Iniwan lang kita, Nehemiah, naging bastos ka na!
"Hey, what's the problem?" Andrew grabbed my hand and made me sit again.
I took a deep breath, "Nothing. May gago lang na binabaan ako ng tawag."
I don't have to force myself to move on from him! I already moved on from him after what he did!
But this feels nostalgic, this is what I felt when I had a conversation with him before. Iyong naiinis, naiirita, nanggigigil, at nangangati ang palad na masampal siya. The only difference is we're strangers before, but now, we are strangers with memories.
"When are you going to visit the Philippines, anyway?" biglang tanong ni Andrew.
I shrugged. I still don't know when's the perfect time to visit my home. Nehemiah told me to talked to my sister personally. I agree with him. It's better if I talk to her in person para makita ko siya nang tuluyan.
I might come back within this year.
"I still don't know."
"Come with me. I have a business to fix there..."
My lips parted out of surprise. I quickly wrapped my hands around Andrew. I'm so lucky to have a boy best friend like him!
"Thank you!"
Napabitaw lang ako sa yakap nang may pekeng umubo sa likuran ko
"Wow! Hindi pa kayo bayad sa akin, Sir, may yakapan na agad," Jelaica shook her head in disappointment, "Tapos ang isang 'to, easy to get. Pahirapan mo naman, girl!"
Umayos ako ng upo at binigyan siya ng masamang tingin.
"Don't worry, Jel. I'll pay you. Name the price," Andrew said while smirking.
"1 Million?"
Andrew nodded without hesitate, "Deal."
Napapadyak ako sa sobrang inis. I'm not fucking for sale!
Isang milyon lang pala ang kapalit ko.
"One million is waving..."
Matapos nila akong asarin ay umuwi akong mag-isa. They are really good at making me mad! Mas bagay nga sila sa isa't Isa, parehong magaling mangasar. Baka kapag nagka-anak sila ay ang anak naman nila ang pagtripan.
After taking a bath, I eat by myself. I'm alone at this huge condo. Minsan ay sinasamahan ako rito ni Andrew pero kadalasan ay hindi, na naiintindihan ko naman dahil may sarili siyang buhay at hindi n'ya obligasyong samahan ako.
I'd always wanted to be rich... To be able to buy the things I desire, but now that I can have all those things I wanted, I still felt dissatisfied. Yes, I am happy with this life but I'm not as happy as what I imagined before. I thought I'll be the happiest when I can have the things I desire in just a snap. Akala ko lang pala iyon. But don't get me wrong, I am still thankful for all of these, sadyang malungkot lang na wala akong kasama nang maabot ko ang mga ito. And until now, no one's here beside me. I am still alone.
It's still better to be with people whom I loved rather than this stuff. Ano naman kasi ang gagawin ko sa malaking condo na ito kung wala akong kasamang kumain, manood ng telebisyon, kung walang sasalubong sa pag-uwi ko, kung walang magbabantay kapag masama ang pakiramdam ko.
I'm so lonely in this place. This isn't my home.
Nang matapos kong kumain ay hinugasan ko na ang pinagkainan ko at pumasok na sa kwarto para mag pahinga.
"Ang lungkot naman..." bulong ko.
I sighed and took my phone to divert my sadness. I tried to call my friends in the Philippines, si Lady lang sumagot sa group call ko.
"Nag positive po kayo sa pregnancy test, Ma'am. Congratulations."
My forehead creased, didn't get what she's talking about at first. Natawa na lang ako nang mahina nang napagtanto ang kalokohan ng kaibigan.
"W-why did you know? Who told you?" I pretended my voice to be shocked.
Rinig ko ang gulat sa boses n'ya, "Hoy, gaga ka! Nagbibiro lang ako!"
"B-but... It's true. I was about to tell you."
"Shuta ka! Totoo ba 'yan?! 'Wag mo nga akong biruin, Jassy!"
"Totoo nga! If you want, I can send you the pregnancy test I used."
"What the fuck! Seriously, Jassy? Let me see! Mapapatay talaga kita!"
I immediately search for a positive pregnancy test result on Google and sent it to her. I bit my lower lip to surpass myself from laughing.
You started it, bitch.
"OMG. Congratulations. I-I didn't expect this," she said while crying.
Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong magsalita dahil baka tawa lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.
"Grabe. Siya ang unang baby sa grupo natin.... Your baby will be our baby, too."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi n'ya. First baby in the group? Pia has a baby already!
I was about to correct her when she speaks first.
"Tangina, Jassy! Napaka sinungaling mo pa rin talaga!"
Humagalpak ako ng tawa. She sounds like a tiger ready to eat prey.
"Bwiset ka! Umiyak pa ako! Nasayang lang ang luha ko sa 'yo."
"How did you know?" natatawa ko pa ring tanong.
"You don't have a fucking mole on your index finger! Iyong sinend mo sa akin ay may nunal!"
I laughed, "Kilalang kilala mo talaga ako, 'no?"
"Bwiset ka!"
"I love you..." pagsusuyo ko.
"Bahala ka d'yan."
I apologized for almost an hour before she accepted my apology. We are about to end our call when Pia suddenly joined.
"Si Justin na lang ang kulang," ani ko.
Lady nodded while Pia seems uncomfortable. Hindi ko na pinansin iyon, baka pagod lang siya.
"Kailan ka ba uuwi, Jas? Walong taon ka rin naming hindi nakita!"
"Malapit na."
Their face lightened up as if they heard a piece of news that can change their life.
They missed me, no doubt and I miss them too. I miss our bond, I miss our little fights, I miss everything about them. I wasn't able to witness their success. Wala ako sa tabi nila nang umiiyak sila dahil sa pag-aaral. Wala ako nang makapagtapos sila sa kolehiyo at matanggap sa trabaho. I missed lots of important events.
"At ano... Uhm, about your father's death anniversary."
Nanghina ako sa narinig ko. A piling melancholy gripped my heart.
"It's been eight years, Jas."
Yeah. Eight years of living with blamed.
Walang araw na hindi ko sinisisi ang sarili ko sa nangyaring trahedya, bago matulog ay dinadalaw ako ng konsiyensiya ko. Lots of what ifs were running through my mind every night. Galit na galit ako sa sarili ko ngunit awang awa rin. Kailan ako magiging malaya sa bangungot na ito? Kailan ko papatawarin ang sarili ko? Pero paano ko nga ba mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung hindi naman ako pinapatawad ng mga taong naging parte ng buhay ko? They blamed me for it, they were mad at me.
"Y-yeah..." ang tanging nasabi ko.
We ended the call after Pia left without bidding her goodbye. Nang makapasok si Justin ay bigla na lang siyang umalis... Bigla siyang nataranta sa presensiya ng lalaki.
I opened my cabinet and get something from it.
Tears pool my eyes and a sob rose in my throat as I read my father's letter for me before he took his own life.
Para sa maganda kong panganay, Mahalia Jassy.
Noong lumabas ka sa sinapupunan ng iyong ina ay para akong mamamatay sa sobrang kagalakan na nadarama. Ikaw ang naging lakas ko sa nakakapagod na mundo, anak ko. Kaya noong nagkasakit ka ay inubos ko lahat ng ipon ko para lang gumaling ang maganda kong panganay. Walang natira ni piso sa bulsa namin ng mama mo, doon nagsimula ang lahat. Doon siya nagalit, pero hinayaan ko lang siyang magalit dahil akala ko ay lilipas din iyon... Anak ka namin, eh, hindi ka namin kayang tiisin, pero nagkamali ako sa akala ko anak. Hindi pala panandalian ang galit ng Mama mo, panghabang-buhay na pala.
Pasensiya, anak ko. Pasensiya dahil napabayaan kita. Pasensiya sapagkat naghirap ka ng dahil sa amin. Pasensiya dahil ikaw ang tumayong magulang para sa mga kapatid mo. Hiyang-hiya ako sa 'yo. Sobrang nahihirapan na ang anak ko pero wala akong magawa para iligtas siya sa kahirapan. Gusto kong yakapin ka, pero natatakot ako na baka ipagtulakan mo lang ako. Kaya ngayong aalis na si Papa, magiging malaya ka na. Malaki na ang mga kapatid mo, kayang kaya na nila ang sarili nila. Sarili mo na ang isipin ngayon. Mag-enjoy ka sa buhay mo dahil pinagkait namin sa iyo 'yan noon. Sobra akong proud sa iyo, anak.. sobra.
Hanggang dito na muna si Papa. Mahal na mahal kita, anak.
My throat thickens and my hands trembled. I've read this multiple times but my heart still aches. I still remember the first time I read it, I almost died in crying. Hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang iyak noon, mabuti at dumating si Andrew. He saved me again.
"P-papa, miss na miss na kita," I sobbed.
"Sayang dahil hindi ko naiparamdam kung gaano kita kamahal. Papa, sana ay maayos ka na d'yan."
It's not easy to miss someone who is now a lifeless. You can't undo the things you did anymore. Hanggang memories na lang ang lahat. Hindi na makakabuo ng bagong memorya dahil paano ka gagawa kung ang taong iyon ay kinuha na ng mundo? Masakit, pero kailangang tanggapin na lahat ng mahahalagang tao sa buhay natin ay mawawala rin. That's why it's important to express how much you love that person before he dies.
"Bisitahin mo naman ako sa panaginip, Papa. Marami pa akong gustong sabihin sa iyo, I still want to say sorry for failing you... For not reaching out to you. I'm sorry for not asking how you feel, Papa."
Habang pinapaklma ko ang sarili ko ay biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I wiped the tears on my cheeks and took a deep breath.
*Nehemiah is calling*
My eyes widened and answer it immediately.
"H-hello?" ani ko.
I heard him sigh, "I talked to your sister and she doesn't want to talk to you."
Natahimik ako nang ilang segundo. Naiintindihan ko. My sister is mad at me and I honestly thank him for reaching out to my sister.
"O-okay... Thank you," napapaos kong sabi.
"Are you fine?" biglang tanong n'ya na ikinagulat ko.
He's just concern because he was your friend. Mabait talaga siya kahit sa ibang tao. Don't make it a big deal, Jasay!
"Oo."
"A-are you sure? You sounds..."
I smiled, "I'm fine, Nehemiah. Thank you for asking."
He took a deep breath, "Fine... If you want to talk about something, I'm all ears... Please, take care."
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Hi! Five more chapters before the epilogue. Thank you for reading!