Her head throbbed, her eyes were sore, and her throat felt like sandpaper. She was pretty sure she hadn't drunk that much wine last night, but then again, she had apparently fallen asleep on the sofa.
She groaned slightly as she turned against the cushions, clutching the blanket draped over her closer against her chest as she did so. More sleep would be great right now, but something was making a noise and she wasn't sure what it was. She tried to block it out for a moment, squeezing her eyes tighter shut, but the clear sound of Derek's voice had her sitting up in an instant.
Everything came rushing back to her. The talk with Brian. The nursery. Calling Derek. Spilling everything out to him in a blubbering mess as he held her, not speaking but staying there. She must've fallen asleep here. She really hadn't meant to do that.
"Mer?" his voice was softer, closer to her and she turned her head, seeing him stood in the doorway. She swallowed, pressing her lips together as she blinked a few times. His hair was unsettled, missed up from sleep, and he only wore flannel pyjama pants that hung low on his hips. She couldn't help but appreciate how utterly gorgeous he looked. She shook the thought out of her head. It was inappropriate.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep, or even come here, I can go," she rambled, her voice sounding slightly scratchy as she started to gather herself, moving the blanket to one side.
He simply chucked with a shake of his head as he approached, taking the blanket as he sat down beside her. His hand found her shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb as he spoke.
"Nothing to apologise for, I just thought it might be best you woke before Maddie did," his grin widened slightly as he spoke of his daughter, "it's just gone eight, so she's bound to be up any minute."
"Oh, Crap, do you need me to go? I can call a cab," she said as a yawn escaped her mouth. She wanted to lean into his touch, but she didn't at the same time. Her head felt like a complete mess.
"You don't have to go," he said as his hand dropped to her thigh, "Unless you want to, Maddie doesn't need to know you slept here."
"I'll need a change of clothes before we go on our walk, it's probably best if I head home now to change and then meet you there, like we planned?" she looked up at him with a small smile.
She didn't want to leave, and she didn't want him to move his hand from where it rested on her leg. She wanted to stay here, in this moment with him.
"Are you sure you don't want a coffee or anything before you go?" he offered.
"Thanks, but, no, I should probably get going," she reached for her mobile say on the table, ignoring the few missed calls and messages on there as she ordered herself a taxi.
"Okay, we'll see you in a while anyway," he gave her a small grin as he gently squeezed her thigh, "Just call if you need anything, okay?"
"I will," she returned his grin before standing up and gathering her things, "And, I'm sorry for turning up like that last night."
"Don't apologise; I'm here whenever you need me."
****
"There was dinosaur and chick'n and they was best friend, Mer!" Maddie recalled with a gasp, her hand covering her mouth.
"That does sound like a silly dream," Meredith said with a soft laugh, swinging her arm slightly as Maddie's other hand grasped hers on their walk.
She'd met them there only ten minutes ago, and Maddie had run straight to her, instantly reeling off her dream from the previous night. Meredith had only been able to offer Derek a quick hello when Maddie had taken her hand and they started walking through the trees.
"Daddy said dino and chick'n not be friends but I think daddy might be silly cause it happened! In my dream!" Maddie insisted, looking up at Meredith with a beaming smile.
"I think daddy might be silly too," Meredith said in almost a whisper, laughing softly with Maddie.
"Are you two talking about me?" Derek chuckled from behind them, carrying the bag containing their picnic.
"Yep!" Maddie said simply, as though it was normal.
Meredith laughed a little louder, glancing back at Derek and returning his grin. She squeezed Maddie's hand a little tighter, leading them both towards the clearing she knew of in the trees, a cliff overlooking the skyline of Seattle.
"Was beach good?" Maddie asked as a change of subject.
"It was, it was warm and peaceful, very relaxing," Meredith nodded.
"Is beach fun?" she said with a slight frown.
"Beaches can be fun, yeah," Meredith confirmed.
"Seattle have beach, daddy?" Maddie asked, keeping her hand in Meredith's as she turned to look back at Derek.
"Not in Seattle," he shook his head.
"Wanna go beach," Maddie continued to frown.
"We can have a look at beaches we could travel to in the future, what do you think?" Derek offered.
"Good idea, daddy," she nodded eagerly, her frown turning into a grin again, "All go beach."
"That sounds like a great idea," Meredith found herself saying, looking up to see they had almost reached the spot, "Almost there."
"Can't see!" Maddie complained, stretching up on her tip toes.
"Here," Meredith laughed softly, reaching down and lifting Maddie up to rest on her hip so she can see better, pointing toward the opening in the trees, "See there, Princess?"
"Beautiful," she whispered in awe before suddenly getting louder and pointing ahead, "Go go!"
"We're going," Meredith found herself laughing more, soaking up the joy radiating from the small girl balanced on her hip.
"You two look adorable you know," Derek's chuckled sounded as he came up beside her.
"Cutest, daddy!" Maddie giggled, her head resting on Meredith's shoulder.
She barely knew the young girl, but she couldn't help but feel this all empowering, unconditional love towards her. She was clever, she was funny, she was gorgeous. She suddenly felt protective over her, wrapping a second arm around her to ensure she was stable on her hip as she wriggled in happiness and giggles. She blinked a little quicker as they approached the clearing, an attempt at hiding the slight watering of her eyes. Thoughts becoming present she wasn't ready to admit to herself.
"Let's get this picnic set up, then," she said as she lowered Maddie to her feet, who was all to excited to help her father with getting the blanket spread out.
"Gotta get blanket down then see food," she nodded, turning very serious in her mission to get everything put together.
"Good plan, Mads," Derek confirmed, flashing Meredith a small grin, taking her off guard slightly.
She took to distracting herself from the obvious attraction she had for him by helping spread out the blanket on the patch of grass, sitting down once directed to by Maddie who quickly climbed into her lap. She laughed softly and wrapped her arms around the small girl, pulling her into a hug against her chest.
"Comfy there?" she grinned, pressing a kiss against the top of her head.
"Yep! Very comfy with you," Maddie grinned back, giggling in response to Meredith's affection.
"Now I feel a little bit left out," Derek joked, playfully pouting across from them as he took out small Tupperware boxes from his picnic bag.
"No daddy!" Maddie gasped as she crawled out of Meredith's lap over to him, making them both laugh at her antics.
Meredith watched as she cuddled into Derek, and he mumbled something to her that Meredith couldn't quite make out, but she had a feeling it wasn't something she had any business being privy to – a father daughter moment. She busied herself with continuing to spread out the picnic food Derek had brought them.
A loud giggle startled her slightly as Derek lifted Maddie in the air, settling her in her own spot on the blanket in between them both.
"Ready to eat?" Derek asked, grinning up at Meredith.
"Ready when you are," she responded.
As they sat there, eating the food, chatting away with Maddie as she described her week in daycare in full detail, Meredith couldn't remember the last time she had felt this happy. There was no stress, no pressure, no expectation to be anyone. She enjoyed nothing more than spending time with the two of them like this.
A part of her mind was nagging away at her though. They didn't need her in their lives, bringing them down. Derek's priority was Maddie, her happiness and her wellbeing. Meredith could be their friend, but there was no way it could go any further than that, even as attracted to him as she might be.