~For The Infinity.~
"Slowly she entered in my life, slowly she came closer to me, slowly she became someone special to me," ~ Zaid Afzal.
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(Zaid's POV)
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Dear No one,
The distance between her and me is slowly fading away.
I don't know how it happened?
Why did it happen?
Other than Ansh and Ammi (mom) I never found myself closer with anyone but she has become someone important to me. She has made her existence, a very precious and priceless part of my life.
She is my sona.
I love to call her sona because sona means gold and it suits her perfectly. She came into my dark life like a breaking dawn. At first, I felt irritated, angry with her because, after a long time the darkness of my life was vanishing, those shady nights were finally coming to an end.
After feeling such a thing, I tried to hide; tried to crawl myself back again in my darkness, my usual life, because everything felt surreal. But who was I kidding?
Did a night ever escape from the break of dawn?
Did it ever survive after the sunrise?
No, it never did.
That's what happened to me. My darkness surrendered in front of her light. The golden hues of her sunrise shone brighter than anything, that it almost made me blind but I loved that blindness. It propelled me to feel somewhat alive again.
Ansh was always with me as my first half but when she appeared, her presence became my other half, and they both completed me.
It's hasn't been even a month since she became my girlfriend, and I can already see everything to be amazing. Every day to be perfect with both of them.
I hope this will last forever...
Always,
Zaid
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It was the diary's last entry.
My gazes loomed over those words, again and again, recalling the time I read them. The roots of these words were still plunged deeper into my existence. Those roots were now have become so inveterate and entangled that they completed each other.
The first time I read these words, I didn't know what came to me; when everything in me, become so consuming.
This diary is crammed with memories that filled so much of me when I was feeling void and empty.
I skimmed through the pages and came across the first entry which made me realize who really was my family.
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Dear No one,
You are my 11th diary. Yesterday, when I filled the final page of my previous diary, I was kind of excited to express my thoughts to you, but sadly I'm not feeling excited now, not anymore.
I don't know how I'm going to put today's incident together. Right now, I'm sitting in my room, as usual alone. I'm failing to give you my full attention because my eyes are repeatedly moving to the window, just thinking and looking for something.
I don't know what that something is; it can be anything; anything different that might lead me to something called an 'escape'.
I'm seriously in dire need to escape this boring life of mine, where my colleagues and peoples get some sort of strange satisfaction by ruining my day or by calling me different names.
'The unwanted seed of Anil Grover.'
'The bastard of Grover's.'
'The illegitimate child of Anil Grover.'
These are some common and famous names, they love to call me with.
Today was no different yet I don't know why I'm feeling like It was different. I met a weird girl today. In just our first meeting, she pissed me off. She bumped into me and because of that my phone broke down. I know she did it on purpose but yet I'm the one feeling guilty, here.
I'm feeling guilty without even knowing the reason for my guilt.
Always,
Zaid.
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The diary contained only some five to six entries. It was evidently visible that I stopped writing after she came into my life.
Maybe I stopped feeling lonely and didn't see the urge to write more, after meeting her. But I do believe that there are other diaries.
Where?
I don't know. I tried to search for them but didn't find any, except the one in my hand right now.
It will be a complete lie if I say that this diary didn't help me at all. Having this diary was the first best thing that happened to me after I lost my memories.
I remembered nothing. I didn't know anyone when I woke up. The two first people I saw, introduced themselves as my family; my father and my brother. But they both were liars. They lied to me about many things. They didn't tell me the complete truth of my life.
They didn't tell me that they abandoned me when I needed them the most!
They failed to help me when I was getting tortured for a crime I never committed!
I didn't kill anyone named Ansh. His bitch stepmother did!
Unfortunately, she committed suicide otherwise I would have loved to show her with whom she messed.
A chuckle left my mouth as my eyes again found their way to her. Taking in the sight of her current state, everything I was feeling at the moment evaporated, leaving me with nothing but desperation. I was feeling desperate to see her open her eyes and look at me.
I didn't know if she can feel the time passing or not. But I can feel everything. Every passing second was pulling the strings of my patience.
I just couldn't wait to see her mesmerizing hazel orbs. I have painted these same eyes a lot. I have thousands of her photographs. But still, nothing can beat the original. Her eyes look different in person, they look more vivid, alive, and so full of emotions.
No matter how many times I try to imprint her existence on a canvas. I still need and want her with me, alive and in real.
Please wake up sona.
I pulled my chair closer to her bed, placing the diary on my lap and resting my elbows on the edge of the mattress, next to her shoulder. I quickly realized that it was not enough. I was not satisfied. Being this close to her only made me want to be closer but yet somewhere only this much nearness, blessed me with peace.
She is the solace herself and she is all mine.
Her body didn't move at all as I held her hand in mine and left a small peck on her knuckles. "You shouldn't have done this."
None of my words seemed relevant now. Because she couldn't hear me.
I stared out of the high windows---across from her and me---watching the black of night slowly giving way to a pale gray sky as the sky kept churning the flow of emotions in the negative and lonely state of my mind.
I was not crying yet I was. My tears were not coming from my eyes. My tears were the rains drops, falling from the eyes of the sky, that were filled with the clouds of sadness.
I slowly brushed my lips against her knuckles as my stares again went to her, only wishing to see her.
If I say from the point of naked eyes then there wasn't much distance between us. But if I clearly feel, see and say from the point of beyond reality then there was too much distance between us. Inside, a small part of me knew I was far away from her, between the dissimilarity of life and death.
Life and death.
Both are inscrutable and indescribably charming.
If she would not have been here right now; breathing. Then I would have made everyone---present here---see the charm of death.
Even my own self.
I can't dare to live without her.
If there is no Shravya then there is no Zaid. If her existence vanished then without her, I would also die.
"Sona, you don't know how hard it was for me to find you just by reading your two letters and some entries of a mere diary. I remembered no one and I had to lie to make everyone believe that I hadn't lost all of my memories, " the words with a soft and gentle tone flowed out of my mouth as I ran my fingers through her soft hairs. The soft silky hair slid between my fingers and entrapped my heart yet again.
Everything about her is so tender which made everything around me so unbearably painful.
I just couldn't control myself near her. It is as if she is the blazing light and I'm the moth who just couldn't help himself from reaching out to her.
"I made them think that I had a partial memory loss whereas the truth was something else," I spoke again, my fingers still in her soft locks, moving gently. This is my favorite gesture. "If I hadn't lied then they wouldn't have allowed me to stop my treatment and I wouldn't have been able to take control over the Grover's. Of course for that, I had to kill that blue-eyed creature too. But in the end, everything worked out in my favor. I own the Grover's now."
Slowly, I leaned closer to her face and left a kiss on her forehead.
I'm scared of losing her but why she is scared of me? I have always made sure to keep my insanity away from her.
I have always tried to hold my demons retained while being around her.
I have always disguised and hid the real monster from her.
The real monster that I am.
I did everything for her.
Then why?
Why she just couldn't accept me?
I'm not asking for too much.
Suddenly, anger, rage, envy, and the fear of losing her, finally rained out of my eyes, sliding down from my cheeks to my throat and neck before eventually disappearing into the fabric of my clothes.
One of my tears fell upon her cheekbone, making me wipe it off before it could cause her any discomfort.
I laid her hand back on the mattress and wiped my cheeks but it can be seen that my eyes were unable to focus anymore, the glittering and translucent tear drops continuously escaped out of my eyes as I stretched out my hand, habitually touching her forehead and neck to check her temperature. Fortunately, there was no fever.
Good.
I again wiped my tears away and slowly moved back, looking at the diary that was resting on my lap. The diary contained only a few countable entries but in all of them, there wasn't even a single page where she wasn't mentioned.
My feelings for her are beyond anyone's understanding.
Only I can understand them.
Only I can feel my pain right now.
The emotional feeling of loneliness and darkness within me, are as sweeping as when some years ago, I woke up being an amnesiac. But when I got to know about her, I had pushed away those feelings and every other desire until I couldn't imagine my life without her.
It was not debatable.
My longing was ultimately fulfilled when I finally found her. And now, it is obvious; without her existence, I will be incomplete.
I can't hope anymore for her to love me. This hope will not take me anywhere. It will only make me wait because the hope itself knows; it can't change the reality.
I won't lose her at any cost.
I love her.
My yearning for her had become more than an objective. Before doing anything, she should have known I hold the strings of many puppets and this fact can create havoc in the middle of the game, we are playing.
Carefully, I tugged back the strands of hair scattered around her face and caressed her neck with my fingertips before gradually shifting my attention down on her chapped and dry lips.
I lightly tapped my finger over her lips and sighed roughly.
My naive sona.
She is so imprudent.
Didn't she know?
A disaster is a very bizarre thing. Without any warning or news, it can arrive and can turn everything into ashes...........................
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He was obsessed with her.
His love scared her.
His embrace caged her.
His touch broke her.
His world was dark, where he trapped a glowworm like her.
She was trapped there... trapped for Infinity.
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-----[ The End ]-----
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Sequel is already out.
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