(Note: The header photo is a random ultrasound I found on the interwebs.)
I sat in stunned silence for what could have been minutes but was probably only seconds. Nikki squeezed my hand, knowing something had happened.
"I am sorry, could... could you repeat that?" I asked in a voice just above a whisper.
"You heard me right. You are pregnant! You shouldn't be, but you are. Your husband must have some very magical healing sperm, because I have no other explanation!" Her laughter was like music from the angels. "I need you to come in for an ultrasound. Are you available around noon today? I know you are going back to Korea any day now, but I would like to do an ultrasound on this miracle baby while you are here. I will see you during lunch if that works for you because I am booked solid this afternoon."
We set the appointment and I slowly lowered my phone. I was in shock and not sure I believed what I had just heard. Nikki was getting very concerned. I looked at her and she raised her eyebrows, asking the unspoken question of 'what?'. I looked at her and felt the words coming out of my mouth that I thought I would never say again.
"I can't believe... I am... pregnant!"
"What?!" her hands flew to her mouth as she almost screamed.
"Yes! I am pregnant! I can't... how? I mean, this wasn't supposed to be possible," I shook my head. "Nikki... I am going to have a baby! Minhyuk's baby! I am going to give him a BABY!" I was crying now, tears of joy, of course.
"Oh my... this is amazing, Sunny! I am finally going to be an aunt!" she hugged me, and we cried together. After a few minutes she said, "he is going to be so excited. You know you can't just make an announcement. We need to come up with an idea for something special."
"Well, I kinda do have an idea, but we need Celeste and her t-shirt skills. I may have fantasized about this once or twice," I laughed.
"I am positive she will be on board for this... whatever it is."
"Can you call her and see if she has any baby onesies, two to be exact?"
Nikki raised her eyebrow and smiled. She called Celeste and made sure she had the onesies and could make something on short notice. Nikki put her on speaker, and I thought the car windows were going to shatter from the scream she let out when I told her the news. She told me she would put her other orders on hold and have these for me today, probably by the time we got home that afternoon.
Nikki went in for the ultrasound with me. She held my hand as we saw my miracle baby for the first time. It was so tiny, around an inch long. But Dr. Fleming confirmed there was a healthy life growing inside me, and I was about 10 weeks along already. I cried again. I wished Minhyuk was with me, but it was appropriate for Nik to be there since we had been through so much together. She wouldn't get to be there for the next ones since I would be in Korea. Min would get all the others.
Dr. Fleming took us to her office and made sure I was aware of the risks involved for me and for the baby. I was listening to her and trying to make sure I would remember it all, but my head was still spinning. She got my permission to contact her colleague in Seoul who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. She said they had done their internship together and were roommates in college for a few semesters. They were still pretty close and spoke often.
She told me that if she herself could not be with me through this pregnancy, she would feel good about my being under Dr. Song's care. She gave me her contact information and said she would reach out to her later that night after it was an appropriate hour in Korea.
When we got to Celeste's house, she was over the moon. She had worked her magic and handed me two adorable baby onesies, made to my exact specifications. I wrapped them in a gift box and tied a beautiful silk fabric around it. We ate a late lunch with her and then headed to the hotel. Nikki dropped me off and Minhyuk came in a few minutes later. It was good that he showed up when he did, because I was going to pace a hole in the carpet.
We'd had a private birthday celebration that morning before he left, but I greeted him with a huge smile on my face and squeezed him tightly.
"I missed you too," he giggled. I took his hand and led him to the couch.
"Come open your present!" I could not contain my excitement.
"Omo, what is it? I thought you said you had given up picking out gifts for me," he said laughing as he took the beautifully wrapped package. He sat it on his lap and looked at me. He gently untied the fabric and let it fall away. I sat beside him with my sweater paws in my face, a thumbnail held firmly between my teeth. He opened the box and pulled back the tissue paper. On top was what appeared to be a blank card where I had written, "I finally found the gift only I could give you. I love you so much, Sunny". He looked at me with a questioning expression.
He set the card aside and took the first onesie out, holding it up to see the front. It had a little whale and said, "Min's Bebe" and the other was a tinier version of my Minbebe t-shirt and said "Minbebe #2". His expression brightened.
"Did you hear from one of the agencies?" he asked excitedly. I shook my head.
"Turn the card over," I pointed to the note. He turned it over and I watched his face change. He went from confusion, to shock, to joy and excitement.
"Sunny-ah, is this... is this a baby? Is this our baby? Jagi... are you pregnant?" I jumped up from the couch and almost screamed yes.
He took me in his arms and held me tightly, spinning me at first and then gently rocking me. He held my face in his hands and kissed me. I was crying again. When I saw his face, he was crying too.
"Jagi, I can't believe it, how? Is it healthy? Is everything ok?" he put his hand on my stomach.
"So far yes. I will need to be very careful and cautious, but yes." I smiled at him again, "Minmin, we are having a baby!"
He dropped to his knees and put his hands on either side of my stomach, then he kissed it. "Hello my baby. I am your daddy, and I can't wait to meet you. Please grow strong and healthy in there." He tilted his face back and he was smiling through the tears. "She is going to be beautiful."
"She or he, we can't be sure yet."
"No, I am sure. Didn't you see that she looks like a tiny rosebud?" he stood and picked up the image to show me. He was right, it did sort of look like a rosebud. "We can name her JangMi, if you like it," he smiled proudly. JangMi means rose in Korean.
"I love it. It is a beautiful name. But we should have a back-up in case she is a he."
"We don't need one." He was very confident. I laughed and let him win this one. There was plenty of time and we would know in a few weeks for sure. "How far along are you?"
"10 weeks, and I think I know exactly when this happened."
"When you visited me on tour. That amazing night in Atlanta..."
"Yes, that amazing night. Something was different, and now I know why." I paused, "Minmin, I am very high-risk. Anything could happen..." The fear returned. He took my hands and leaned down so he could see straight into my eyes.
"Nothing is going to happen. You are going to follow the doctor's orders and do whatever she tells you. This baby is going to be healthy and so very loved. This is our little miracle." He wiped a tear from my cheek and kissed me. "Sunny-ah, this is the best and most precious gift I have ever received. And it is even on my birthday!" He grinned when he realized that.
"Well, I had to something that no one else can," I laughed. "But let's not tell anyone outside of family just yet. Let's get through the first trimester before we share it. I will feel much more confident then."
"OK, no one outside of family. I guess Nikki knows already since you have been with her. We can tell the members tonight."
"The kids don't know yet, so we can tell them all together tonight. And Halmeoni. Celeste knows because she made the onesies."
"My parents and brother? I don't think I can hold back from telling them."
"I wouldn't expect you to. They are family, after all." He smiled shyly. "I think that has everyone covered. When you are ready, we will announce it, but not before that. Maybe even later. I don't think the fans need to know just yet."
We had a private room at dinner that night. Once all the presents were opened and cake had been eaten, Min stood and asked for everyone's attention. "Thanks for celebrating my birthday together. You are my family and I love you all. I wanted to tell you all about the gift that Sunny is giving me. It is the best gift of ever." Honey pouted because the gift he had given Min was very expensive and beautiful. He continued, "everyone, I am going to be a father."
Kihyun asked, "you are finally adopting? That is great news!"
"No, it is better! My Sunny-ah is pregnant! We are having a baby!"
It took a moment for the words to sink in, but then they all began yelling and hooting. I got hugs from everyone, and Wonho and Joohoney leaned down to talk to the baby in my tummy. I thought about how lucky this baby was to have all these amazing men as uncles... and I started crying again. Apparently, the hormones had already kicked in. That explained a lot recently, actually.
For the past couple of weeks, I had been moody and very tired. I thought I was just working too much and then suffering from jetlag. I had also noticed my clothes fitting a little tighter. I had been snacking more than usual and chalked it up to that. I had been nauseous a lot, but I had been sick with a stomach virus and then the thing with the adoption had gotten my nerves all worked up. I realized there had been more going on.
That night, Min just held me. He held me with his head on my chest and his hand on my stomach. He talked to the baby for a long time, telling her about how excited we were to have her and how much she was going to love her Eomma. I found myself already saying "her" and "she" because Min did. For that reason, I was hoping for a girl. I knew we would be happy with a boy too, but he was convinced we were having a girl.
I stroked his hair as he talked so softly to the baby. I admit, I was terrified. I was terrified and I was overjoyed. But he was right, this was our miracle baby. She had beaten the odds just to be conceived, so she must be pretty strong. She would have to be, with him as a father. I decided to trust Minhyuk's instincts. This baby was going to be a girl and she was going to be born healthy.
Just then he tilted his head back to look at me. "Sunny-ah, I love you so much. Thank you for this gift." He shifted so that he could give me a kiss, then resumed his spot. He whispered excitedly, "We can start decorating the baby's room when we move next month!"
"We could do a sea theme with whales. Maybe a bit like the Inkigayo mural they made for you?"
"I love that idea! I think that would be perfect." He snuggled back in and continued stroking my tummy. He looked back up at me, "and you are not to lift a finger. I need you to be careful and not do anything dangerous for you or the baby. I will hire movers to pack up everything."
I started to protest, but he looked at me and I stopped. "Ok, I promise to be careful." He made me pinky promise. That sealed it, of course.
It was hard saying goodbye this time. It always was, but this time was harder. I had been there with Nikki when both kids were born. I was there for the big events and for the little ones. I watched them grow. I would not have that, and it made me a little sad. But we would just keep up our weekly FaceTimes, maybe even do them more often. My baby would still know her 'aunt' and 'cousins'.
When we got home, the guys jumped back into busy mode. There was much to be done before the end of the year. They had performances at several awards shows so that meant never-ending practice. They all had to finalize their housing arrangements, move, and also get settled into the new company space. I knew I was going to have to add Emma to the list of people on the need-to-know list since it would affect what I could do at work. No hanging paintings or art for a while.
I took Sherman for walks all the time to keep myself active. I swam in the pool, as always. I wanted to stay healthy and fit, even though I had to watch out for strenuous activity. That might be something of a concern in the bedroom. Our activities were often quite vigorous.
I had scheduled my first appointment with Dr. Song while we were still in Atlanta. It was one of the first things we did when we got home. Minhyuk was so excited to see the baby "in person". He cried. I cried. We all cried; Dr. Song included. She had learned a lot about me and my history from Dr. Fleming, and then she and I had talked for quite a while on the phone prior to my first appointment.
I was 11 weeks now. We were able to see her tiny hands and feet! Minhyuk was glued to the screen. He touched her image with his fingers, as if he could touch her through the glass. He was in awe of the tiny life he was seeing. He looked back at me with an expression of pure wonder on his face. He wanted to touch my tummy, but the doctor shooed him away while she was doing the ultrasound. Instead, he squeezed my hand and smiled.
"I still think she is a girl. Dr. Song, care to weigh in?" he threw down the gauntlet, but she did not pick it up.
"Mr. Lee, it is still too early. We have 7 or 8 more weeks to go, and then it depends if the baby wants to show us."
"That's okay, I already know," he said with much confidence.
Dr. Song cautioned me to not lift heavy things, and to just be very careful. She wanted to see me often, just to check my progress and the baby's. These first few weeks were the most tenuous, but even after I entered my second trimester, I would have to continue to take it easy. Being high-risk sucked, but I was willing to do what I had to do to keep my baby healthy and strong.
I really felt guilty at work. I had told Emma and she was so excited for me. She also made sure I was behaving. We had a crew to do all the moving and hanging, but I had always liked to hang the smaller pieces myself. It felt more personal. Now, I just sat back and watched the crew work and gave directions. Minhyuk called or texted me almost hourly to check up on us and to make sure I was following doctor's orders.
I kept my client meetings that were scheduled, but I was exhausted. I ordered a sofa for my office that was big enough for naps. We moved the two chairs I had in there into the storage area. I took advantage of that sofa a lot. Halmeoni made sure I ate well during lunch. She sent Jinho regularly with soup and banchan. I was noticing an increase in cravings. That wasn't the problem though. The problem was what I was craving... cucumbers... in all forms.
That's right. I wanted pickles, oiji muchim (spicy pickled cucumbers), plain cucumbers... it didn't matter. Halmeoni kept me stocked at work, but what about at home? I still hadn't told my cucumber-hating husband that I love them. It was my only secret. And it was a biggie.
One afternoon, I was in the breakroom eating my oiji muchim straight from the container. I knew the heartburn would get me later, but I didn't care. I was savoring each bite, and probably looked like a wild animal protecting her prey from other predators. Suddenly, there was a hand on my back, and I startled. I swung my head around and Min was standing behind me. He had come to surprise me.
He saw what was in my chopsticks and shock registered on his face. I was caught. There was no hiding, no backtracking. I was caught red-handed... literally.
"Sunny-ah... what are you... is that... cucumbers?" he asked in disgust.
I lowered my eyes in shame, "yes, jagi. It is." I took a breath and raised my head in defiance, "I can't help it! I crave them so badly! I can't get enough. I am so sorry, Minmin."
To my surprise, he laughed. "Jagiya, I know pregnancy cravings can be intense... and weird. I have been reading. It is okay. This should pass in a few weeks. I can handle it until then. You have my child inside you. I can forgive just about anything right now." He kissed my forehead and added, "just please brush your teeth before you kiss me. Okay?"
"Okay, deal. But... I have a confession." I took a deep breath and continued, "I have always loved cucumbers. I gave them up for you. But your child has other ideas."
"Is this what betrayal feels like?" he dramatically grabbed his chest and feigned heartbreak. He took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. "It goes against everything I stand for, but I will forgive you since you are carrying my child. But just know, I feel a little sick right now," he tried to laugh. I smiled and he wiped a little red pepper from my lip.
"Well then, you might want to turn around, because I am going to eat this whole thing." I think he threw up a little in his mouth.
"Wouldn't you rather go have lunch with me?" He grinned and winked.
I actually had to think about that. He raised an eyebrow when I took too long to answer. "I guess these can wait until later." I took one more bite and put the container back in the refrigerator. He shook his head at me.
"My wife, of all people, eating cucumbers... right in my face." He looked disheartened. "You know how much I love you now, right?"
"Yes, I think I do. I am going to go brush my teeth for you." I winked at him. I felt relieved that my secret was exposed. No longer did I have to hide it.
He took me to my favorite burger place in Itaewon, and even let me eat a pickle in peace. I hated torturing him, but he was making such cute faces. Once these cravings were over, I would give them up again, for his sake. He would sacrifice for me in the meantime and suffer through my eating them. Give and take. That is what marriage is about.
I imagine a face similar to this when Sunny was eating her pickles 🤣