Sam said" Did you strip enough wire?"
Dean said" Yes, I stripped enough wire."
" All right." Sam did the thing and the lights came on,
" See? Told you." Bobby came in," Well, isn't this cozy?"
" Yeah. Well, Motel 6 just ain't leaving the light on anymore."
Bobby said" Well, I'm taking a page out of Frank Devereaux's bible on this. Everybody's out to get you- Paranoia is just plain common sense."
Dean said" Weeks, guys. Weeks. We've been living with cold showers, cold hot pockets, cold freaking everything. I mean, this is the bottom that we're living in. You guys get that, right?"
" How many big mouths are out there, running card traces, like Chet, or hunting us down god knows what ways? No, now's not the time to be laying our bed rolls out on the grid. Not if we can help it." Then I saw sparks, I hid behind Sam, crouching down.
" That's just great." Sam turned on a lantern," This is stupid. Our quality of life is crap. We got purgatory's least wanted everywhere, and we're on our third The World's Screwed issue in, what, three years?"
" We've steered the bus away from the cliff twice already."
Sam said" Someone's got to do it."
" What if the bus wants to go over the cliff?"
" You think the world wants to end?"
" I think that if we didn't take its belt and all its pens away each year, that, yeah, the whole enchilada would have offed itself already."
Bobby said" Stop trying to wrestle with the big picture, son. You're gonna hurt your head. So, what's the guff?"
Sam said" Well, there's been a rash of sightings all over the southern pine barrens- A strange, fast-moving, human-like creature. Locals even have a name for it."
" The Jersey Devil? I thought that was just local tall-tale crap."
" The area's history of sightings goes back more than two centuries. Some accounts have it bat wings, others horns, a... a tail. And, uh, oh, yeah, a horse's head."
Dean said" The sketch looks more like a Chewbacca head."
Bobby said" Sounds kind of mixed up."
" Yeah, kind of like it should be fighting a Japanese robot."
Sam said" Well, mixed up or not, it sounds like it might just have a body count." I walked to Dean, and laid on top of him, moving my head to lay sideways on his stomach.
Bobby said" Camping high season harshed by human burrito?"
" Yeah. Something hung a camper up in a tree, then ate him alive right through his sleeping bag. His wife hasn't been seen, either. Plus, there have been four other missing persons reported in the last three weeks. State troopers- get this- are saying it's a rogue bear."
Dean said" Yeah, of course, when was the last time you saw a bear string up its own piñata?"
Bobby said" Something's out there in the woods. Hey, we're going honest to goodness wilderness hunting. I haven't used my .30-30 in a while."
" Okay, Davey Crockett, well, safari's gonna have to wait till tomorrow and after our suit-and-tie dance. We'll make sure this is not just some backwoods crackhead who likes to roll glampers."
" What the hell's a glamper?"
" Sam?"
Sam said" High-end camper. TV, AC, Wi-fi. Back to nature, zero inconvenience."
Bobby said" That's idiotic."
" Yeah. Some people just don't know how to live." I pulled Dean's arm over my head, I nuzzled my face under his jacket a little, closing my eyes.
———
I was rubbing my eyes as I followed Bobby into Biggerson's, I was so sleepy, I don't get good sleep, I have nightmares all night.
I heard Dean say" So?"
Bobby said" Well, I took a look at the cadaver- What's left of it. Not a happy camper. Don't have any stats on a Jersey Devil, but the bite radius on the vic's wounds- It's too small for a leviathan. And he's still got a ventricle and some change, so I'm doubt we're talking werewolf. And a wendigo don't leave no scraps."
" Hmm. Lunch?" I zoned out, my head hanging forward, eyes closed.
The waiter said" Sidewinder soup and salad combo goes to Big Bird. TDK slammer to Ken Doll." My eyes glowed, breathing heavier," Grilled cheese to Kidnapped." I started to raise my hand, Dean grabbed my arm." And a little heart-smart for creepy uncle."
Dean said" What is your problem?"
" You are my problem!" He walked away,
Bobby said" Oh, Brandon's got his flare all up in a bunch." My eyes went back to normal,
Sam said" Yeah. There goes his 18%."
Dean said" Anyway, the chief ranger- I don't think he believes in the Jersey Devil."
" Oh, by the way, did he seem a little, uh, stoned to you?"
" Ranger Rick? Yeah. Definitely growing his own on the back 40 and smoking all the profits."
" He did seem to think that there was something-"
" Oh, that is a good sandwich."
Bobby said" What the hell did you get?"
" New pepper-jack turducken slammer- Limited time only."
" Bunch of birds shoved up inside each other. Shouldn't play god like that."
" Hey, don't look at me sideways from that- that Chinese chicken geezer salad there, okay? This is awesome. Like the perfect storm of your top-three edible birds."
Sam said" All right, anyways, um... The Ranger did seem to think there was something out in Wharton forest."
Bobby said" Well, then I'd day it's safari time." My eyes closed, I zoned out again, pushing the plate away.
After a few minutes,
I heard Sam say" Riv, hey, eat your grilled cheese."
I mumbled" Wanna sleep, Sammy. Go away."
" Come on, little dude, you've gotta eat something." I opened my eyes to look at him," Half." I pouted but grabbed half of the grilled cheese and began eating it, yawning." Thanks."
They came in with a thing, Bobby put the lantern and Sam's bag next to me on the couch as Sam and Dean put the thing on the table.
Bobby said" Built like a supermodel, but the thing was strong. That's for damn sure. Carried a full grown man up a tree in nothing flat."
Sam said" But it only took one bullet to bring it down."
Dean said" And not even a silver bullet, just a bullet-bullet." Then it jumped up, Sam, Dean and Bobby shot into it a lot, it dropped again.
Bobby said" First one must have just stunned it."
" All right, well, let's check its hulk pants for some ID." He pulled out a wallet," Oh, that is just gonna ruin the leather." Sam grabbed it from him,
" Are you feeling okay?"
" Yeah, I feel great."
Sam said" Gerald Browder. Uh, lived here in town, 5'9, brown hair and blue eyes... 235 pounds."
" Whoa." Dean whistled,
Bobby said" Well, apparently, he's lost a little pudge."
" Maybe it's a-a lap-band side effect." Bobby stuck a stick into one of the bullet holes, he pulled it out and the stuff on the stick didn't look like blood, it looked more like snot.
" What the hell? I think we better have a look under Gerald's hood."
Bobby said" God! It's organs are swimming in this stuff."
Dean said" You guys getting hungry? I'm hungry."
Sam said" What's that?"
Bobby said" His stomach. For a guy on a diet, Gerry here packed it in pretty good."
" That's human right there."
" That's fresh Rick. Let's see. Plus-" He held up a pine cone," Pine cone?" He threw it in the bucket," Pack of gum in the wrapper." He threw that into the bucket too,
" That's-That's older. Maybe like a- Maybe Ranger Phil or the camper."
" What's that?" He pulled up something, it looked like a cat's head, I hid half my face against Sam's side.
" Looks like a- Yeah, that's a- That's a cat's head."
" A glamper or two is one thing, but you got to be damn hungry to eat a cat's head."
" Mm-hmm."
" Well, lookit here. I'm no Dr. Oz, but... I think that's his adrenal glands."
" Okay. And?"
" Meant to be the size of hotel bar soap... and bright orange." He dropped it into the bucket, Sam groaned,
" All right, that might help explain the strength. Um, but whatever this thing is, it's not the Jersey Devil, but it sure as hell ain't Gerald Browder anymore."
Dean said" Okay, guys, seriously. It's time for dinner?" Sam quickly smiled at him, and he walked away.
We were back at Biggerson's,
Sam said" Gerald Browder, 35, self employed. Air-conditioning repairman. Missing person number 3. Disappeared 8 days ago."
Bobby said" Well, that explains all the people who got eaten in the last eight days."
" Yeah. Question is, what happened to him?" Dean was acting weird," Dean. Uh, so, what do you think?"
Dean said" I'm not that worried about it."
Bobby said" Excuse me?"
" That's funny, right? I could give two shakes of a rat's ass. Is that right? Do rats shake their ass, or is it something else? Eh." He took another bite of the weird sandwich, I looked around, everyone who had that sandwich wasn't acting normal. My eyes glowed,
Sam said" Give me that." He took the sandwich from Dean,
" Whoa, whoa! Why?!"
Bobby said" There's some funky chicken in the TDK slammer, ain't there?" I leaned up and sniffed the sandwich, I shot back, tilting my head.
Sam said" Yeah."
Dean said" This is stupid. My sandwich didn't do anything. I don't know what you think you're gonna find." Sam opened the tinfoil,
Bobby said" There's something wrong with you, Dean."
" Are you kidding? I'm fine! I-I actually feel great. The best I've felt in a couple months. Cas? Black goo? I don't even care anymore. And you know what's even better? I don't care that I don't care. I just want my damn slammer back."
Sam said" Dude, you are completely stoned, just like Ranger Rick was."
Bobby said" Just like the dinner rush back at Biggerson's. And everybody's loving the turducken."
Dean said" I think you pissed off my sandwich." It was oozing out gray goo, I looked at Sam," That-That's in me?"
Sam said" O-Only half of it."
Bobby said" Does that snot look familiar?"
" Okay, so whatever turned Gerry Browder into a pumpkin head... and is currently turning Dean into an idiot-"
Dean said" I'm right here. Right here."
Bobby said" Is in the turducken slammer at Biggerson's."
Sam said" Yeah."
" It's in the meat."
Dean said" If I wasn't so chilled out right now, I would puke."
We were watching for the meat truck, I was on Sam's lap, my head dropped and I was out.
———
Sam and I went around the building,
Sam said" There's nothing happening back here at all."
Bobby said" Yeah, okay, Sam. Well, they're pretty dug in. So why don't you finish circling and head on back?"
" Right." Bobby hung up, I looked up at Sam," Let's head back, bud."
We were nearly back to the van when we saw the cars pulling in.
I said" Something's up." Sam grabbed my arm and we ran for the van.
We got into the van,
Sam said" Hey, something's up." The cars stopped, a guy got out of one.
Bobby said" Well, I'll be a squirrel in a skirt. It's Dick friggin' Roman."
Dean said" Who the hell is Dick friggin' Roman?"
Sam showed us a video of this Dick Roman guy, and if he's one of them... this is bigger than we thought.
Dean said" Holy crap. What the hell is that?"
Sam said" That's one of the top 50 most powerful men in America, Dean."
" Says here top 35 as of last month. Now it's all making sense. Remember when Crowley kept going on about hating Dick? I thought he was just being general. Pfft!"
Bobby said" Well, if the leviathan got to him, then that means they're playing on a much bigger board than we were thinking."
Sam said" So what, then? I mean, we can't exactly outgun them."
" No, but we got the drop on them. Means we got a chance to figure out what these guys are really doing here." Bobby put together his giant hearing thingy.
Dean said" Whoa. Where'd you get that mother?"
" It's on loan from Frank's big brother collection. It'll pick up vocal vibrations from window glass at half a mile. Well, it's time to find out what these ugly bastards are up to."
Dean said" Our side's still dead, Bobby. Anything with you?" I looked at Bobby, then went back to looking through binoculars.
Bobby said" Same here. I got- hold on. Yeah, I got movement- My side, second floor, meeting room." I went to the area he said, I saw Dick Roman, a woman, a doctor and Edgar. Bobby watched and listened,
" What's happening now?"
" Wait." Then I saw the doctor start eating himself," Now I have officially seen it all."
Sam said" Bobby, what is it?"
Bobby and I said" He's making the doctor eat himself."
Dean said" What?"
" He's-" Then I saw a man, I screamed as he punched Bobby, my eyes glowed, then I was punched, everything went black.
I woke up but stayed still, I could feel the black smoke around me, circling me like it was protecting me.
I heard Dick Roman say" We both know that you're not gonna get past me. How's your head?" I got really dizzy, the black smoke wants to keep me asleep, to keep me from moving.
Bobby said" So you got Dick Roman."
" We can have whoever we want. We could have you, for example. If you were worth the effort."
" Oh, you're hurting my feelings."
" Well, it's a hard world, Bob. It's an us-eat-dog world."
" What do you got there?"
" Winning bid at auction. Beautiful. Known for their peerless sighting. I imagine you appreciate guns."
" I'd appreciate one right about now." The energy was getting too much, I couldn't think... I-I couldn't breathe-
I heard Bobby say" River, come on, son, wake up." My eyes opened, everything looked blurred," That's never a good sign." I stood up, but everything felt different now, I don't understand. The door opened and Bobby was slapped, he hit the ground, I saw a woman. Bobby shot her with a gun, and we ran out, I looked at him.
I saw Sam cornered by Dick, Bobby shot him,
Dick said" Hey. That's mine." Then Dean poured borax on him,
Dean said" Go! Go! Go!" Sam and Dean ran, Bobby followed after them,
" Would you stop it with that stuff?" I flung him back, the energy hit me like a giant rock, I wanted to whimper but my mouth wasn't listening to me. Then I saw black smoke, then I was in front of Bobby, all the energy left me, I felt like I was in a block of ice. The leviathan flung me to the side, Bobby hit him with a crowbar and ran, black smoke surrounded me again. It lifted me up, I ran after Bobby, then I was thrown into the back of the van, I hit the side and everything went black.