❤︎ this chapter contains a slight warning x
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Sometimes I considered myself to be a rather reasonable person, other times I was the complete opposite. I couldn't help it. I mean, I'm only human. I had urges. Everyone had urges in reality and sometimes those urges were morally correct, other times they turned out to be the worst things in the world. Nonetheless, we all had them. Sometimes they mended the heart, other times... they broke it.
"Fuck, right there." I moaned grinding my hips hard against his.
All the studying was driving me insane; I needed some sort of realise. So, when Roman arrived at my door, hair messy and body pulsing with muscles from his boxing workout prior, my horny instinct took over and I pretty much pounced at him. That was my urge. Roman. Ironic, huh?
I mean, he wasn't refusing on his end either so we kind of ended up here.
"Right there?" he groaned thrusting his hips up once more.
"Yes. Right there." I bit my lip to try and supress an even louder moan as he hit that perfectly familiar sweet spot.
I know, call me pathetic for having sex with a guy who was interested in another girl and was taking said girl to the Spring Fling in just over twenty-four hours, but I didn't care. He's hot and I'm horny. Potato-potahto. Besides, Roman had really progressed in his sex-expertise to say the least. I needed something. I needed him.
"Fuck, Sienna. I'm gonna cum." He grunted, sweat dripping off his jaw. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and closed his eye, the veins strained in his neck as his hands reached back to massage my ass. "You almost there?" He practically begged.
"Not yet." I shook my head breathlessly. "D'you think you can wait for me?" please wait. Please fucking wait.
He let out a shaky breath and nodded. "Yeah... yeah just – fuck – just... just go a little slower."
I nodded and turned my bouncing into slow, tantalising grinding. His breath began to even out and he rested his chin on my shoulder, "That feels so good." He praised in my ear, his hot breath tickling my skin. He kissed my shoulder and rubbed my ass harder in his hands.
"Mmm." I hummed at the delicious feeling of him pressing against my walls, squeezing myself around his thick girth. I ran my hands up his back and felt the tenseness of his muscles. He must've been trying really hard to hold back his climax for me. "I finished that essay you set me." I decided to change the subject to something more casual so he could calm himself down a bit more, but I also loved the fact I drove him so crazy.
"Yeah." He sighed deeply into my shoulder.
"I pretty sure I aced it. You should have made it harder." I teased. He grumbled something into my skin in a low, husky tone and then spanked my ass causing a sweet stinging sensation tingling on the now red skin.
I yelped. "You've gotten way too confident now."
He chuckled lightly with a smirk, "Or maybe you've gone too timid."
"Then maybe I should go a little faster and see how long you last, hmm?" I began to pick up my pace and he sucked in a sharp breath.
"Sienna..." he groaned and closed his eyes, every muscle in his body pulling against his skin. He gripped my hips, fingers digging to the bone, "I... I can't." he buried his head in the crook of my neck.
I slowed my pace and smiled to myself. "Exactly. Did you print off the rest of the work you have set for me like I asked?"
"Yeah." He breathed heavily, still not being able to lift his head. "Why?"
"I'm going to cut off the deal."
He gripped my hips harder to stop my movements and lifted his head to look at me. "What?" it was as if he'd been throw into an ice-cold ocean.
"I'm going to cut off the deal." I repeated, this time firmer.
Confusion flooded his features. "Which means that...?"
"This is our last time... with everything." He didn't speak. It was like he couldn't. "Look," I sighed. "I'm rising good in my grades and have enough help to fight for this scholarship. You're taking Emily to the Spring Fling which means you'll probably start going out soon anyways."
"But –"
"Do you really think I have that little self-respect to let you fuck me like a sidepiece whilst you go out with another girl?" the question came out rhetorical and harsher than I anticipated.
He hastily shook his head, "No, I... I just thought that we'd agree on this together."
"When? When you're already fucking Emily? This seems like the perfect time to do it." When he's inside you. Great timing, Sienna.
Without warning, he lifted me off him and set me aside. "What the hell?" I protested.
"You're telling me this whilst I'm fucking inside of you? What the fuck, Sienna?"
"Would you have preferred me to tell you right after? Just like how you did when you told me you asked Emily?" I snapped. That wasn't supposed to come out.
He shook his head once more, giving a light, agitated chuckle. "Like you even care about that."
"Shut up." I snapped once more. I took in a deep breath to try and cool myself down and exhaled deeply. Gazing down at my hands in my lap and I explained, "We both have everything we need."
"You're lying." He sharply responded catching me out.
"I'm not –" he cut me off with a scoff and got off the bed, walking over to his sweatpants on the floor. I tried to find words as he put them on. "Look, this was going to end anyways. It's just easier to rip off the Band-Aid."
"Was it?" he asked, turning back to me.
"Was what?" I climbed off the bed and watched as his eyes trailed all over my naked body before looking away. I rolled my eyes and pulled on that over-sized, red hoodie he once bought for me. It was quickly becoming my favourite and fell just above my knees, so I was pretty much covered.
"Was it ever going to end?" he finally said, eyes burning into mine.
"I'm sorry, were you planning on fucking me like a sidepiece forever whilst you went out and tried to find the perfect wife or some shit?" I stepped back a bit to process what he said. Was that what he wanted? God, I had no clue what he wanted.
"That's not what I meant." He denied.
"Then what the hell do you mean?!" I finally burst and stalked closer to him. "You've wanted Emily since day one! Well fucking congratulations, you've got her!"
"And because I've got Emily, I've lost you!" he exclaimed. I froze. Without any thinking or hesitation, I stalked towards him and reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, fiercely pressing my lips to his.
He instantaneously kissed me back, our lips crashing and burning in heated strokes of passion. I slid my tongue into his mouth, brushing his tongue, causing him to groan. We stumbled back, making our way to the bed, hands struggling as they grabbed clothing.
Until he pulled away.
"I... I can't." he whispered, voice breaking.
"This is our last time." I protested quietly. "I want to feel you one last time, Roman." I cupped his face in my hands and stood up on my tiptoes to press my forehead against his. He leaned down to follow my lead. "I want everything. Just one last time, then it'll be over. Then we can go and do whatever with whoever. It's easier like this." I couldn't think about sex after Roman. It seemed so wrong. So lacking.
He pulled away once more and shook his head. "No." he murmured, holding himself back.
"Roman, I need —"
"I don't care what you think you need. I can't do this knowing it's our last." He ran a distressed hand through his hair and looked up at the ceiling.
"Then think of it as our first all over again." I rushed out the words. "I just... I can't... I need it all again. One last time." I walked up to him and placed my palms either side of his face so he looked down at me. "We knew this was going to end, we knew it was only a matter of time and our times up. 'The two most powerful warriors are patience and time', our warriors are tired, Roman. We're at the end of the battle." I tried to reach up and kiss him again but he shook his head and pulled away once more.
"Not like this."
"Please –" I tried to reach out be he stepped away.
"I... I think I should go." He responded and reached down to pick up the rest of his clothes, slipping on his shoes, grabbing his phone. It all felt like fast motion and soon I was chasing him down the stairs.
"Roman! Roman, wait!" I called after him. He didn't stop. "We... We don't have to do anything. Just stay. Please stay!" there was no pause in his movement. "Please!" I reached him at the front door.
"This is it, right? You just said you wanted it to end." he turned back to me abruptly. This is the end of it.
"We can just hang out for a bit? Can't we?" I pleaded. Say yes. I don't want this to end just yet. Not like this.
"That isn't what this is though, is it? I tutor you in school, you tutor me in sex. We're done now. There is nothing left for us to know. This is what you wanted." Not like this.
"But... But we're friends, right? We can still hang out as friends –" he suddenly cut me off with a kiss. A long, punishing kiss, drowning me in its desire.
And once he pulled away too soon, he whispered utterly heartbroken, "Friends don't kiss like that." Before he turned and walked out the door, slamming it shut so I was left in its sorrowful echoes fading out into a pitiful silence.
Friends don't kiss like that.
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The same sentence rang in my mind as I helped my mom with dinner that night. Well, she made dinner and I passed her the ingredients. I couldn't take my mind off it. Friends don't kiss like that.
Friends didn't kiss at all if we were speaking on platonic terms. Friends with benefits? Obviously. That's what I used to think we were, but I had a feeling friends with benefits didn't hangout as much as we did. That was where the line started to blur.
But why now?
Why did he say that now?
He was literally taking Emily Lewis to the Spring Fling tomorrow night, and he's now come out with that? I didn't get him. I didn't get what ran through his mind. You ask one girl to the dance and then kiss another so passionately and imply that the friendship has now crossed into... something else?
What was he expecting me to do? For the last couple of weeks I have had my mind occupied constantly with getting this damn scholarship to UNC Chapel Hill and then he throws me something like this? Was he trying to forever scramble my brain?
"Do you need hearing aids or something?" my mom's voice cut me from my thoughts.
"Huh, sorry?" I shook my head to zone back in.
"I said, pass me an egg." She rolled her eyes. God, Roman really was driving me insane. Maybe I just needed to talk to him? Talk about what he meant. Maybe at the dance? Yeah, great idea. Just waltz up to him and Emily making out on the dance floor to ask him the dreaded 'what are we?' question. The question everyone fears in asking.
I sighed and passed my mom an egg. She then looked at me like I'd gone mad. "What?" I questioned.
She held the egg up and sighed, "An egg, Sienna. Not the egg-shaped timer." Oh. Shit.
"Sorry!" I snatched it out of her hands and replaced it with a real egg. She shook her head and muttered something in Mandarin. My mom never taught me Mandarin growing up but I managed to pick up a few words here and there, one of the words I caught her muttering now was 'stupid'. Wow, thanks, mom.
"You look like you've got a lot on your mind." She eventually stated. She wasn't lying. I sometimes felt like parents were on opposite sides of the worlds from their kids yet at the same time could see right through them.
"Yeah, you could say that." I watched her stir whatever concoction was brewing in the pot. I wasn't paying too much attention to recognise it.
"Auntie Tina and Uncle Glenn are sad you can't make it to the dinner tomorrow night, but they said to have lots of fun at the dance." I didn't even want to think about seeing Roman at the dance, especially since I hadn't told him I was actually going. What a mess this was going to be.
"Tell them I said 'hi'." I nodded.
"I will." She hummed. "Do I need to warn them about a future boyfriend too?" she raised a brow. I stopped whatever I was doing and looked at her as if she'd grown two heads.
"What?" I blinked.
She chuckled and playfully rolled her eyes. "I may not be of this generation's dating culture, but I do know a thing or two about love and you two very much seem on the brink of it."
"Two who?"
"You and Roman who, you airhead." She nudged my side. I stumbled back a little due to my lack of awareness and shook my head at her.
"We're not in love, mom."
"Yet." She pointed a finger. "You're not in love yet. I'm not idiot, sweetheart, I was young too and in love."
"We're not in love, hands down." I denied. "It's not like that."
"It's not like that but you spend the night at each other's constantly? It's not like that but you always giggle and blush around him? It's not like that but you continuously wear his clothes?" she eyed the red hoodie I had on over my cycling shorts.
"It doesn't matter what we are, the only thing that matters is that we aren't in love." I protest, pushing her side.
"And, as I said, yet." She reminded and pushed me back.
"No, never. Besides, he's already asked out Emily Lewis." I huffed and handed her the premeasured cup of water when she gestured for it.
"A-ha!" she pointed a finger at me again.
"What?!" I exclaimed.
"Because he's asked out another girl, you've gone into the 'too late' mindset, not the 'what if'."
"Dad says to never live your life in the 'what if's'." I reminded. It was true. My dad didn't have many mottos, but the 'what if' one was one of them. He was a man who liked to live with no regrets and ponders of the 'what could have been'. He was always someone who looked forward.
"Well, your dad was really stupid when it came to love too so don't take any advice on that matter from him. Instead, take it from me. Let me ask you something, what if Roman never asked Emily to the dance?"
"That's such a stupid question." I rolled my eyes and grumbled. I didn't have time for this interrogation. Not now at least. Not after earlier today.
"A stupid question for an evidently stupid girl when it comes to love, so what if Roman never asked Emily to the dance?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed, knowing there was no way out of this unless I gave her an answer. "I don't know, I'd still be going to the dance so..."
"You'd go together."
"What?! I never even said that!" I protested.
"So what? You and Roman would go to the dance separately, and?" she tried to pry further.
"And what? We'd go to the dance separately. End of." I waved a hand to signal the end of the conversation. I seriously didn't have the time for this.
"I'm the mom, I get to say, 'end of', and we both know you'd end up together by the end of the night –"
"Mom!"
"What?!" she raised her hands in defence. "I wasn't born yesterday! And it's true! You just keep ignoring the facts." She said very matter-of-a-fact-ly.
I scoffed and brushed my hair back over my shoulder, "What 'facts'?"
"That you two always end up together. No matter what situation, it always ends up being you two. You can't escape one another, and when you can't escape someone, it's usually the universe telling you that you're meant to be with them." Dammit, she always had to make sense. Yet it was true. Roman and I always did end up together. I wondered if that was going to happen at the dance? When he already had someone. I couldn't stop wondering.
"And I see the way that boy looks at you." Her tone softened as she brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "When somebody looks at you like that – like the way he does – sweetheart, that boy would take you to the moon and back, all odds against him, if it would make you the happiest woman on earth. He's in deep, Sienna. And you have to ask yourself, maybe the reason he asked that Emily Lewis girl to the dance was because he's afraid of getting rejected, afraid of ruining everything you already have together because you, my dear, are so stuck in denial."
I wasn't stuck in denial?... Was I? Was Roman afraid of my reaction if he wanted to take things further. I thought of it. Truly thought of it. What would I have said if he asked me to be his date?
Yes. I would have said yes. I would have been the happiest girl in the world to say yes. However, saying yes meant more complications, and it were those further complications I was afraid of. I didn't know if we could make it out together and still be okay. Still keep our heads above the bitter and dark waters.
There was one thing I knew, however; tomorrow night was for sure going to be one hell of a whirlwind.
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❤︎ hello lovelies! I found this chapter so hard to write for some reason but it might be due to the fact I'm having such a busy week! Little miss author here is becoming extremely tired I'm not gonna lie and just thinking about the next chapter has me super excited but already exhausted, lol! With this comes a little bit of sad news, I'll be moving the regular Wednesday update to this Thursday just because the next chapter is going to need a lot of time and care xx
❤︎ Theories? What will happen next?
❤︎ I love you all so much and I'm so grateful for each and everyone one of you! This book has also reached over 500k reads!! *starts a dance party and gives hugs*
Please don't forget to click the little start to votes and comment, and have a lovely day (or night) xx