Finding April (gxg)

Part 29

"We can't do this again." Ava sat on her bed in her bra and underwear.
I put on my t-shirt. "Why not?" I asked her.
"We're on a break, technically."
"I don't think fucking exactly counts as a term of a break." I said, sitting down next to her.
It had been 12 days since we went on a break. And we weren't really talking. But on this particular day, Ava started, well, sexting me. She sent me a flirty message that took me completely by surprise...and then I got a picture of her in her bra. And I knew I shouldn't have gone over her house, but I said fuck it. But I couldn't stay away.
"That's why we can't do it again." Ava looked at me. Even now just sitting next to her felt like I was back at home.
"This break is stupid." I said, flat out. "I'll try to be less intense, I promise."
"We need to be on this break." Ava said softly.
"Okay. It sure doesn't feel like one though. I mean, I just made you cum three times." I said. My frustration was going.
"I'm sorry if I just made it more confusing."
"You did. This back and forth, Ava. It's driving me crazy." I said.
"You don't think it is for me too?"
"We can't do it. It's either we are together or we aren't. We're talking or we're not." I said, and it pained me to say it. Greatly.
Ava's eyes widened in sadness. "I-I guess we aren't together."
That felt like a slap in the face. A punch to the gut. I had to go.
I stood up. "Okay. If that's how it's going to be, then I won't expect to hear from you."  I was holding back tears.
"Josephine, I'm sorry." Ava said, but I was already walking out.
I felt completely empty as I drove home in the dark. It was a Thursday night in April, and at this point I was feeling hopeless. About everything.
I was crying as I walked into my house. I needed a tissue. I walked into my kitchen, wanting to grab a paper towel.
To my surprise, my mom was at the kitchen counter. "Hi." she said. She was reading a book. She was in pajamas and her hair was in a bun. She looked like a teenager almost, not a top Oncologist. She looked at me for a moment, looked down, and then did a double take and looked at me again. "Josephine, what's wrong?"
"I grabbed a paper towel, "I'd rather not talk about it."
My mom sighed, "Let me be here for you. Tell me what's going on."
My mom sounded like she genuinely wanted to know. And I felt so beyond lonely in that moment. I stood at the counter across from her. "Ava and I broke up."
"I thought that maybe something was going on with the two of you. She hadn't been around the past couple of weeks. And you seemed upset." my mom said.
"Yeah...we had taken a break. But tonight we broke up." I said, wiping my nose.
"You don't seem like you wanted that at all."
"I didn't. It wasn't my doing."
My mom nodded, taking it in. "May I ask why Ava ended things?"
"I guess it all was a lot for her to deal with...I was a lot for her to deal with." I said, "For her own mental health she had to do it."
"I'm not going to fault her. If she was suffering mentally and had to back away, that is up to her. It's just a shame that she didn't want to work through it with you." my mom said.
"Yeah. It is. And now I've lost my girlfriend and my best friend." I said, tears flowing again.
My mom surprisingly reached out and put her hand on mine. "Josephine- listen to me. I have a feeling things will work out with Ava. But regardless- you will find a lovely woman who will love you for exactly who you are. You're headstrong, stubborn, and confrontational. But you are so passionate, loving, caring, and generous. Any woman will be lucky to be with you."
I don't think I had ever heard my mom be so...nice to me before. I was taken aback.
"Thank you." was all I could say.
I went to bed that night feeling just empty. Empty without a goodnight text from Ava. And knowing I wouldn't be talking to her tomorrow. For the first time in an extremely long time.
But the next day I did get a call from Amira, who I hadn't spoken to in a while. I knew her and the other cops were investigating into Kenny more.
"Hey. What's up, Amira?" I picked up the phone.
"Are you alright? You sound drained." Amira said.
"Going through a break up." I said. I didn't want to get into details and saying Ava's name would probably make me cry.
"Oh...I'm so sorry." Amira said, "I'm here if you need anything."
"Thanks. So what's up?"
"Kenny isn't our guy."
"What makes you so sure?"
"He has an alibi that completely checks out for that night. One that's pretty messed up, but it's an alibi."
"Let me guess, it has something to do with Candace."
"Bingo. So he had actually been out at a bar with Candace all night. While he was texting April and everything. And him and Candace stopped at Wawa on their way back. There is footage of them at the bar together and at Wawa. The timelines don't go along with April disappearing." Amira sighed.
"So I guess he is innocent. A fucking scum bag, but innocent." I said.
"You hit the nail on the head." Amira said. "You know, Josephine. I've been really thinking about it- maybe you should become a cop."
"Um...I have an assault charge on my record now if you haven't heard." I said.
"Oh, I've heard." Amira chuckled, "But that'll be expunged. Have you thought about what you want to do with your degree?"
"Not really. I never really thought about being a cop though, to be honest."
"Well, I think you would make a really good one." Amira said, "Just think about looking into the police academy after you graduate."
"Okay. I'll look into it." I said.
I hadn't really thought about what I was going to do with degree, like I told Amira. Honestly, the one thing I always thought that was going to be a constant for my future was Ava. But now...that wasn't looking so good.
All day I just wanted her to text me. Tell me this whole thing was a mistake. But that didn't happen. I wondered what she was thinking. If she was hurting like I was. It was driving me crazy. I just wanted to know.
But I couldn't text her. Call her. See her. And it was hurting me to the core.