hey y'all, happy wednesday! this is another request fill for Aubrey_Plaza_Stole_HappiestSeason on Ao3. this chapter is 100% pure shenanigans. it did turn out more... horny than i originally planned, so if you're not into a whole lot of implied smut maybe skip this one.
also, please see the notes at the end to vote on the reward for 1K reads if you're interested!
enjoy!
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"Caddy?" Janis asks as Cady clambers into her lap so they can watch a movie.
"Hmm?" Cady hums in reply.
"Have you noticed anything weird? With everyone?"
"Now that you mention it, yeah. Nobody wants to hang out with us anymore," Cady says sadly. "Do you think we offended them?"
Janis doesn't see how they could possibly have offended every single one of their friends in one go, all of their friends are so different. "I don't think so, everyone would be offended by different stuff. But they all stopped talking to us at the same time."
"Then what did we do?" Cady asks. She looks so upset.
"I don't think we did anything, that's why I'm confused," Janis says. "It'll be okay, Butterfly, don't worry. We'll figure it out."
"Okay," Cady says. "What if you ask Dame and I ask the Plastics to come over tomorrow? We can see what they say?"
"Sure," Janis replies, pulling out her phone.
danis: hey do u wanna hang out with me and caddy tomorrow?
Cady pulls out her phone and sends a text to the former Plastics' group chat.
calculust: Hey! Do you guys want to hang out with Janis and I tomorrow? Do something fun?
Now to wait.
They start their movie and get about a quarter of the way through before their phones ping at almost exactly the same time. They show almost identical messages, too. Janis' reads,
jamian: Can I bring the plastics?
And Cady's says,
mynameisntreginaldyoufucks: Can we bring Damian?
Janis and Cady look to each other in confusion, but each text back an affirmative. They all decide to meet at Cady's house the next afternoon.
—————
"Hel-oh. Why are you guys dressed like someone died?" Cady asks as she opens the door to let everyone else in. Janis had arrived early so they could have a little bit of time alone together. She's surprised to see all her friends dressed like they're on their way to a funeral.
"All will become clear in a short moment, Little Slice," Damian replies ominously as he heads into the living room. The Plastics follow after him, and Cady notices they're all holding pieces of paper, except for Gretchen. What the fuck is going on?
All four of them sit next to one another on the couch, leaving Cady no choice but to squish into an armchair with Janis opposite them.
"What the fuck is going on?" Janis asks, echoing Cady's internal monologue. Cady grins at her and leans in for a kiss.
"I was just gonna say that," she mumbles happily against her, forgetting they're not alone.
"Ahem." Damian coughs dramatically to get their attention. "Ladies. I'm sure you're wondering why we're here today."
"Yeah, actu-" Janis tries to say.
"Bitch, let me finish! You're ruining it," Damian whines before getting back into character. "This is an intervention."
Cady and Janis both frown in confusion and look to each other.
"You two need to chill with the lovey-dovey shit," Regina adds boredly. "We thought this was the best way."
"What do you mean?" Cady pouts. She thought they were allowed to be cute together. She's only been dating Janis for four months, and Janis is leaving for a whole other state soon.
"Shall I begin?" Damian asks, brandishing his letter and looking to the Plastics for approval. They nod, so he unfolds the paper and starts. "Ahem. To start, I want to make it clear that I love you both dearly. I really do. But there is only so much a lonely, solitary, isolated gay can take. On more than one occasion, your token gay has had one sided conversations, eventually talking to himself, while you two were busy making out a few feet away. Clearly you had forgotten you had company."
-
"Did you guys see that? I've always wanted to know how they did that," Damian asks excitedly. The art freaks are all curled up together in Janis' basement, showing Cady the Matilda movie for the first time. They've just gotten to the exploding television scene, one of Damian's favorites. "Guys?"
He looks to his left to find Cady straddling Janis, hovering over her face as the two are completely lip-locked. They've clearly been that way for a while, and totally missed the scene. Damian wonders how much of this iconic movie Cady is actually watching and how much was just an excuse to get cuddles and kisses from her girlfriend.
He looks back to keep watching the movie, trying to ignore the smooches happening next to him. He gets a few minutes further in before he looks to find Janis tugging at the hem of Cady's shirt.
"Hey!" Damian calls, covering his eyes. "I don't want to see that, gross!"
Cady yelps and jumps off of Janis, accidentally crashing over the arm of the couch and onto the floor. Janis looks between both of them in concern, not sure who to address first. Cady gives a whine from the ground, so she checks on her first.
"You good, baby?"
"Absolutely not," Cady groans. "I'm sorry, Dame, we forgot you were here."
Damian stands and goes to help her up. "It's fine, Little Slice. Just be more aware next time."
"Yeah, sorry, Damie," Janis says sheepishly as Cady crawls back into her lap and tries to hide her embarrassed blush in her shoulder. "We'll be more careful."
They were not more careful.
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Janis and Cady both look very sheepish as Damian concludes his message to them.
"We're really sorry, Damian," Cady apologizes sadly.
"Oh, this is only the beginning," Damian says. They don't like how ominous he's sounded through this day so far. "Who's next?"
"I'll go next!" Karen pipes up. She seems happy to be there, at least. Janis doesn't know whether to be touched or offended that they all took the time to put this together. "I'm glad you guys are so happy together! You're totally adorably in love, like me and Gretch. I do wish you would be a little quieter, though."
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"Caddy, do you wanna go to the gym with Gretchen and I this weekend? She's bringing Karen, it could be like a fun doubles thing," Janis asks one evening while Cady makes popcorn.
"Ooh, yeah, that sounds fun!" Cady says, dumping the bag out into a big bowl. It also sounds kind of hot, getting to see her girlfriend work out. That's the main reason she's wanted to join her sometime.
-
On Saturday, Janis picks Cady up to bring her along. Cady comes running out in an adorable exercise getup and carrying a massive water bottle.
"Hey, sweet thing," Janis purrs as Cady comes rushing up to hug her. "You look cute."
"So do you," Cady says happily, tugging gently on Janis' ponytail. Janis holds the door for her to clamber into her truck, then gets in on her own side and lets Cady take her hand like always.
-
Gretchen and Karen meet them at the doors to their gym and follow them in. The two of them head off towards the treadmills and ellipticals, but Janis looks to Cady.
"Where do you want to go, Peanut?"
"I dunno," Cady shrugs, looking around at everything. "What do you usually do?"
"Weights, usually, but we can do whatever you want to try," Janis responds.
"That sounds good," Cady says. And hot, she thinks to herself. Janis leads them over to the far wall where the racks of weights and other machines are. Cady heads to look at some, but Janis grabs her and pulls her back before she can make it.
"Stretch first, baby, trust me," Janis chuckles. She guides Cady through her usual warm-ups, and then finally sets her loose to pick what she wants to do. Cady heads over and picks up two fifty-pound dumbbells like they weigh absolutely nothing. "Damn, Butterfly, look at you go."
"What?" Cady asks confusedly, turning to look at her.
"Those aren't light, most people start with twenty pounds or lighter on their first go," Janis says, pointing to the weights in her hands.
"Oh. They're not that heavy, one of my chores was carrying the water to our tent every morning, I guess I'm used to it," Cady shrugs. Janis takes them from her for a split second and puts them back.
"Do this," Janis asks, flexing her own arm. Cady furrows her brow in confusion but copies her motion, revealing decently-toned arms. "Damn, baby. You're pretty ripped already."
"I am?" Cady asks happily. "You can probably lift more than me, though."
"I wouldn't bet on it, I didn't start that long ago," Janis says, trying not to blush at seeing her girlfriend's rippling muscles. She's a weak lesbian, let her live.
"Why did you start doing this, anyway?" Cady asks as she grabs her weights again. "Not that I'm complaining."
"Honestly?" Janis asks as she grabs some of her own. "So I could punch bigots in the face with as much force as possible. Then we started dating and I kept going so I can carry you around. And it helps get stuff out."
Cady grins when she finds out part of the reason Janis works out so much is just to be able to carry her around. How cute.
Janis guides her through a slightly easier but pretty typical workout for her. She and Cady are both getting progressively more hot and bothered as they continue, staring at one another's muscles and looking intently at one another as they take water breaks.
Janis can barely contain herself through their cooldown routine before she grabs Cady's hand and hauls them off to the showers.
-
"Gretch, where did Janis and Cady go?" Karen asks once she finishes a lap on her treadmill. Gretchen flips hers off and looks around.
"I'm not sure. Maybe they're in the showers already," she responds. "Let's go see, we should wrap up anyway."
Karen takes her hand and follows her down the long hallway towards the showers. Suddenly, noises become rather apparent and Gretchen flushes.
"On second thought, maybe we should shower at home," she says sheepishly.
"Are they..." Karen trails off.
"Mmhmm," Gretchen squeaks.
"In public?"
"Mmhmm."
"Good for them."
—————
"You could hear that?" Janis asks sheepishly. Cady is now lying on the floor face-down, trying to hide from the world.
"Yeah, maybe be more careful next time," Karen says. "But I'm happy for you guys! Heart emoji! Who's next?"
"I'm the only one with a letter left," Regina answers. "So I guess it's me. Now listen up. I'm nice now. Or, well. I'm trying my best. But I swear to god if I catch you two 'using' one of my bathrooms one more time, I am never letting you sleep in the same bed again."
—————
Regina wanted to throw an absolute rager of a graduation party. Naturally, she invited all her close friends, along with the entirety of the graduating class. She's even including the Mathletes to appease Cady.
"Gina, do shots with us!" Gretchen calls from the kitchen. Regina heads in and grabs one of the small glasses, clinking them against her friends' before downing it in one go.
"Where did Janis and Cady go? Cady liked this stuff last time," Regina asks.
"I don't know, do you want us to go look for them?" Karen asks. "Spy emoji?"
"Sure. You guys check upstairs, I'll check outside," Regina responds.
Regina is bracing herself for what they might find as she checks the pool and shed. Her phone pings as she re-latches the door shut, Gretchen says she's found them.
Regina heads back inside, running into Gretchen and Karen right away. They both are blushing slightly and refusing to make eye contact with anyone.
"Where are they?" Regina asks. "Are you guys okay?"
"They're... um... in one of the bathrooms upstairs," Gretchen says anxiously.
"Are they seriously fucking in my bathroom again? Ugh," Regina groans. "Come on."
They both follow her up the stairs, working around crowds of people. She's glad she had the foresight to lock the door to her bedroom.
Sure enough, they can hear suspicious noises coming from the door at the end of the hall.
"Those bitches," Regina grumbles.
"Should we stop them or let them keep going? It's not like they can do a whole lot of damage in a bathroom," Gretchen asks.
Regina thinks about that for a second. Then, suddenly:
"Did Janis just call Cady..." Karen asks but quickly trails off.
"Daddy? Yes," Regina laughs. "Oh boy." She heads up and bangs on the door, and they hear a series of yelps and thuds from the other side. "Listen up you fucking deplorable eyeballs! Stop having sex in my house and come do shots with us! And wash your goddamn hands! Perverts."
About five minutes later, their whole group is reunited, with a very sheepish looking Janis and Cady finally added to their ranks.
—————
"We won't do it again," Janis groans, having joined Cady face-down on the ground by this point.
"Good. Gretch, do you have anything to add?" Regina asks.
"Don't," Gretchen grumbles. "Just don't. I still can't sleep in my room."
————
Gretchen also threw her own graduation party. It was much smaller than Regina's, just a few of their friends gathered at her house with a fair amount of food and alcohol.
"Where did they go now?" Gretchen groans when she realizes that, yet again, Cady and Janis have vanished.
She sets Karen loose to hunt downstairs and heads upstairs herself. None of the guest rooms give her any information, they haven't been touched.
She hears noises when she reaches her own hallway. Hoping for a miracle, she opens the door to the guest room directly opposite her own bedroom. No dice.
She heads into her room with her eyes covered. "What are you doing in here?"
This time, Janis is the one who leaps off of a topless Cady and thuds to the ground. Cady rushes to grab her shirt and yank it back on, not realizing it's both backwards and inside out. She gasps as she looks around and realizes she got the rooms wrong.
"Gretchen, I'm so sorry, I could've sworn we were in the guest room," she apologizes frantically. "I'm so sorry."
"Just... stop doing whatever you're doing, please," Gretchen sighs, still refusing to uncover her eyes. "Jesus Christ."
The two girls scramble past her and back downstairs to rejoin the actual party.
————-
"I'm still so sorry about that, I really had no idea we were in your room," Cady groans from the floor. "Is that it?"
"Is it over?" Janis moans from next to her. They're both thoroughly embarrassed now.
"Not quite," Damian says. Both of them groan into the ground. "Upright, chop chop."
Slowly, they both drag themselves back into their armchair and lean their blushing faces into their hands. "What?"
"Hand over your heart," Regina says. "Other one up." They both do so, frowning in confusion. "You have to swear to give us a fucking break from this dreamboat lovey shit, for the love of god."
Damian coaches them through a promise verbally, then pulls out a contract. "Read this and sign here."
They take it and read through each page. The rules posed are reasonable enough; stop sneaking away during group events, limit the PDA, check where you are if you're gonna get nasty. Janis sheepishly takes the pen and signs on the dotted line, then passes it to her girlfriend. Cady signs on the spot for her name and hands it back.
"You're not minors anymore, so this is legally binding," Regina says. She would make a good lawyer. "If you break it there will be consequences."
Consequences with Regina could mean anything from no dessert after a meal to legitimate homicide. "Like what?"
"Consequences." She simply repeats ominously.
"Okay. Is this... are we done now?" Cady asks in fear. This is not the way she expected this day to go.
"Yes. Let's watch a movie," Damian says. "Do you have snacks?"
"Um, yeah," Cady says anxiously. "I'll be right back."
"You guys really went all out for this," Janis comments.
"We don't fuck around," Gretchen says. Janis blinks at her, feeling something like fear around the Plastics for the first time in about a year.
"I really am sorry, guys, we'll be more... restrained," Janis says nervously.
"It's fine, Janis, don't worry too much. We are glad you guys are together. Just, like, chill," Karen says. "Ice cream emoji."
"Got it," Janis chuckles.
Cady comes back with an armful of snack packages, nearly crashing into the coffee table since she can't see. Everyone comes up to grab what they want, finally freeing her.
Karen asks to watch The Parent Trap, so Cady brings it up. She and Janis cuddle as non-aggressively as they can, and only share a few little kisses throughout the movie. All their friends look very proud, both of themselves and Cady and Janis.
Sometimes interventions can be fun.
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hope you enjoyed!
the suggestions made on the chapter yesterday were as follows. please leave a comment specifically on whichever one you want to win. you can vote for more than one, and if there's a tie i'll just pick which one i want to do most.
face reveal+some facts about me
bonus chapter (500-1k words, roughly)
another headcanon list (probably a bit shorter, i don't have too many left :/ )
whichever has the most comments after 24 hours will win!
requests have officially been PAUSED. i'm booked basically up until august right now and want to make sure i can get through all my wips now before i add anything new. they'll be opened again soon, once i weed through some of the ones i'm working on :)
thanks so much for reading!
lots of love,
ezzy