"𝒕 𝒓 𝒂 𝒏 𝒔 𝒑 𝒂 𝒓 𝒆 𝒏 𝒕 𝒔 𝒐 𝒖 𝒍"
SAVIOR |sav
MAY
Atlanta 📍
"He ain't like orange, Ma. He liked red. "
"But, orange looks good. Most of the family
gon like the orange better."
"It's not for them! It's for him! It don't matter what they fucking like, mama! This is for my little brother!" Rashawn screamed.
We couldn't get through planning this funeral. Nobody could agree on simple things that barely mattered. My brother could care less about the color of the flowers. He would've wanted us, at least me and Rashawn, to work together.
"You gon stop yelling at me Shawn. I just lost my son. You need to be more considerate."She continued looking through some papers.
"We just lost our brother!" He strained his voice. "Our brother is dead and you still ain't fucking doing what you supposed to be doing!" Rashawn walked out the house.
He was right.
"Y'all always wanna fight wit me. I'm not tryna fight wit y'all about this."
I was tired of listening to it, "You still don't realize what you doing wrong. You should be doing what Mani would wanted, not what people we only see every six months want."
"Oh, be quiet. Y'all are exaggerating. I'm giving him
a nice funeral, and that's all that matters."
"Give him what he would've wanted, Ma. Not everything is about you." I adjusted myself on the couch.
She always made everything about her. I was drained from being here. My mama couldn't even plan a funeral based on Mani's likes because she barely knew him as well as we did. She didn't know that he didn't like orange because she never made the effort to.
"You not being helpful either, Junior. If you came here to talk shit to me, you can leave. I don't got a problem planning a funeral by myself."
"It would be fucked up to let you plan my little brother funeral with no other opinions. I'll go talk to the coordinator myself, just to make sure it's done right. We don't need you fucking up the last time we gon see him here."
"I don't give a fuck what you do. I'm still gonna do what I feel is best."
There was no getting through to her. She was always gonna be selfish and stubborn. We were done for today. I had to leave.
I took the easy way out and got in my car. I wasn't ready to go home. I hadn't been home a lot this week because, when I got home, I had to face reality. I had to come with the terms that my brother was dead.
And, that shit hurt. It hurt more than anything.
I was trying so hard to raise him to be better than me and Shawn. I was raising him to become a respectable man, a man that could achieve whatever he wanted to. But, now he was gone because of me.
Armani wasn't meant to be shot. The shooter was aiming for me.
I should've been the one that was killed, not my little brother who had his whole life ahead of him. He didn't deserve this, any of it.
I wasn't ready to try and forgive myself, or even try to make everyone else feel better.
My brother was gone. I couldn't change that fact.
There was so much pain that I didn't have the guts to address.
These last few days were a blur.
"Hey, Sav. What's up, man?"
"Can I get like 4 shots of Henny?"
"You know I got you."
I had been here for two nights. Me and Jamie, the owner, used to be friends in highschool. He was always there if I needed a place to stay for the night.
There were a lot of people hanging out in here. The music was alright, and the space itself was alright too. But, the people that came in here never looked like they went through anything. Everyone that came in here looked like they were having the time of their lives.
On the other hand, I was in here doing the complete opposite. I came in here because my life had taken another horrid turn. I came in here because I had no where else to go.
Time was passing by too slow.
"Lemme get a shot of tequila." I had to try something else.
Maybe, it was time to go smoke. The alcohol wasn't doing what I hoped it would.
There was a tap on my shoulder.
"Hm?" I turned around from the bar.
A lady with long red locs was standing in front of me.
"You look lonely."
"For real?" I was drunk.
"Mhmm, come on." She gestured to the crowd of people dancing, "I like this song."
I was dragged by my hand into the group of people. The air was humid.
"What's your name?" She asked me over the loud reggae playing.
"Sav."
"My name Aisha." Aisha placed my hands on her hips and turned around.
I looked down to see her whining to the music. I had to think about my next move. Did I dance with her or go back to the bar?
I had to remember that the people here were happy. They were carefree. To be like that, I had to loosen up.
Aisha bent down in her red dress and I let my hands change positions. My left hand stayed firmly on her waist, but my right moved to the center of her back. She was grinding on me, and it was only right for me to give her something to work with.
The song she liked ended and she turned back around satisfied.
"You seem like fun, Sav."
I could've laughed, "I'm glad."
"I'm serious. "
"I know." Something didn't feel right. "Look, uh, I gotta go. I'll see you." I started to walk off.
"Okay. Nice meeting you." She smiled at me.
I waved bye to Jamie.
Once in my car, I sparked up a blunt. Nothing else was working. Neither drinking or dancing was distracting me tonight. So, I had to go back to what I knew best.
After a few hits, I felt more mellow. Things almost felt normal or, rather, they would have if there wasn't a replay of my brother being killed in the back of my mind.
I drove home. It wasn't far.
The door was locked, but I had the key in my pocket.
It was completely dark downstairs and quiet too.
Upstairs, it was the same. All the lights were off. It was silent.
I went into our room and turned on the light.
Jia was in the bed with Samari laying on her chest. I hadn't seen her in a bit, but that was okay. She was here and she was safe.
She woke up confused. "Savior?"
"Hey, baby." I walked over to them.
Majia placed Mari on the far side of the bed and moved away from me.
"You smell like liquor and weed and I haven't seen you in almost two days. Where have you been?"
"Don't worry about it. I'm here now. Let me see my son." I reached out for him but, again, I was stopped.
"Savior, Ion know where the hell you're coming from crossfaded like this, but you know you not finna hold my son coming in here after two days of being who knows where." She was getting irritated with me.
But, it didn't matter. I just wanted to hold my son.
"Just lemme see him, Gee. Don't be difficult about it."
Uh oh. She got out the bed.
"Samari, just went to sleep. Hold him if you're here when he wakes up."
"Ion know if Ima be here, though."
"That ain't my problem."
"Bae, don't be like that. I was out cause Ion wanna deal with everything that's going on right now. I ain't mean to not come back. I just got caught up."
"I know, and I've been understanding. I haven't called you or texted you, Sav. I've been giving you your space."
"Yea, I 'preciate that."
"But, please, do not come in here drunk and high tryna pick up Mari. He new and Ion want him to get sick." She crawled back into bed.
"My fault."
Now, my girlfriend was mad at me too. I was trying to be reckless when it came to coming home and seeing my kid, but clearly that's what she saw it as.
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yikes, y'all probably mad at me
yall sad over Armanis's death? how should savior handle it?
vote and share !
much love 💕