𝐈. What Resembles The Grave But Isn't, Anne Boyer. 𝐈𝐈. "Origin Story", Sink, Désirée Giacomo. 𝐈𝐈𝐈. Phantom Pain, Caitlin Conlon. 𝐈𝐕. @poiaire. 𝐕. A Self Portrait in Letters, Anne Sexton. 𝐕𝐈. Crush, Richard Siken. 𝐕𝐈𝐈. Waiting for This Story to End Before I Begin Another, Jan Heller Levi. 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈. Normal People, Sally Rooney.
'' I don't want to live in a hole anymore.
And I'm gonna do something about it. ''
Kathryn Elizabeth Darcy is missing. Has been for almost two months, now. Six weeks. She would argue, because she always does, that she had been missing for far longer than that, but she doesn't find it in herself. The fire has died out. The twelve year old girl walked out of the room.
Now she was left to wonder who she could be. She wasn't straying away from the murder she committed, killing her old selves again and again, using the pieces to build herself up. But she reckons, maybe she can do without the blood. Maybe instead of destroying, she could grow.
Of course, all would be better if she wasn't currently stranded on a deserted island. There had been many, many lows during their little gold hunts. She had been kidnapped not once, but twice. But this... this was something else. This was a life she wasn't prepared to have, a life she never thought she'd had. Privilege had always been a blanket, as far as her economic means go.
At least, her friends were her. New, and old. Her boyfriend, JJ Maybank, keeps trying to remind her that this could be worse. That this is everything he's ever wanted. Everytime he does so, something wavers in her. But I want more. He has everything he needs. I need more. But she could pretend. She decided this was who she wanted to be; after making it so hard for everyone, she needed to be easy. She owed it to the people around her.
This would always blow up in their face. Perhaps they should have known that whatever the island was bringing out in them would carry out, should they be rescued. That whatever seed Luke Maybank had planted in his son's brain would grow like ivy around his heart. Kathryn would always want things JJ couldn't get her. She'd always have things better than whatever he could dream of offering.
In many ways, this island was their way to ignore the reality caving in. They were stranded with their friends, and all the problems JJ could think of disappeared. Kathryn's multiplied. He had nothing and she wanted everything.
The roles reversed when, and not without excessive grievances, they made it back to the Outer Banks. Where she had everything, and nothing was waiting for him. What about me? Well, Kathryn was otherwise engaged.
Her dad came back from the dead.
Okay, here's the thing. When people are dead, they tend to stay that way. But lately, there's got to be someone playing God out there, because Ward Cameron, Big John Routledge and Edward Darcy are back in the OBX. The noose of fatherly love ties tightly around their children's neck. Like a leash, they yank them back when they go too far. Steer them back towards their goal...
El Dorado. No, no, she means what you just read. El Dorado. Because, listen;
1. Kathryn learned when she was kidnapped – yes, again, don't ask – that Tanny's journal actually leads to it, and
2. some very, very shady guys are after it, and by shady she means criminal, because when are they not? And they follow the Pogues back to the OBX,
3. where more work awaits, because Kathryn feels like she's charged with a new mission – helping Rafe's new girlfriend, while navigating:
4. her crisis of faith when her father seems changed, and her mother, who couldn't stay in jail for a murder she didn't commit, seems changed, and God–
5. why is JJ suddenly convinced that they don't work together?
Everything is falling to shit. She thought that the island was a new low, but this, this was worse than anything she could have thought of. This is supposed to be the happiest she'd ever feel. Her father is back. And yes, sure, her uncle Henry seems less than happy about it, but at least she had her boyfriend. She'd finally let her guard down, asked for help, forgot about reason and went with her heart.
And now JJ was hiding things from her. He was the one to keep her at arm's length, but without telling her why. Without giving her a reason she'd believe. The Pogues were spread thin, with everything that happened. Not to mention their new treasure hunt, that Kathryn's dad kept pushing down her throat, and she can't say 'no', because she promised herself she'd be perfect, the kid anyone would dream of. And JJ... He was lying to her. She felt lost. She was lost.
Kathryn Elizabeth Darcy had always been lost at sea, in some way or another. A sea of grief, drowning in anger, stranded looking for herself...
... Maybe it was time to get her head above water.
Whitney Peak, Kathryn Elizabeth Darcy
Rudy Pankow, JJ Maybank
Jensen Ackles, Henry Matthew Darcy
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Edward James Darcy
Chase Stokes, John Booker Routledge
Madison Bailey, Kiara Carrera
Jonathan Daviss, Pope Heyward
Madelyn Cline, Sarah Cameron
Lola Tung, Wilhelmina Donovan
Misha Collins, Maxwell Donovan
Archie Renaux, Joshua Hill
Florence Kasumba, Caroline Darcy née Bennet
'' The Outer Banks has always been some sort of come to life dichotomy. At least, that's what Henry used to say. Kooks versus Pogues, most rigged fight of all time. But the fight was real, even if the outcome was written before he started. And, I suppose, my friends all fought it. The Merchant gold was exactly that for them, a way to even the scales, to make the Pogues win, for once. For me, it was a way to make my dad proud. A way to come back into the group too, I guess. JJ couldn't have kept me away if he actually wanted to. Not that it matters. The whole thing went to shit pretty quickly anyway. Sometimes I wonder if I could have escaped it. If I hadn't joined when I did. And then, I remember; Limbrey would have still sent that letter. My dad's work would have caught up to me. The gold hunt has always been my rigged fight against fate. I played my part, without knowing it. And now that I do, I just don't know if it was an escape or a trap. And if it was a trap... then who put it in place? ''
TRIGGER WARNINGS; mentions of trauma, mentions of rape, depiction of anxiety, depression, and graphic violence
DEDICATIONS: (inhales) veedeity, cosmicoswalds, -allonsy, bibble-senses, kekk444ontopfr, ItchyAgalea, teaganthecheese, iluvjjjmaybank, MackenzieJackson475, sky_blue_cherries, meenahwrites23, eekaye, urmomdotcomm4, elliemaemilkyway, ella_amara, gorgeousily, QBrearrangeME, sqarows ... thank you guys so, so much for sticking around through not two but three books now? you're all clinically insane but i like it.
COVER AND INTRO GIF BY: cosmicoswalds
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh dear god. I mean not that Them and I know each other or shit like that but WOAH. Lost At Sea was published in 2020, after I decided to listen to my friends and watch OBX when I reaaally thought it'd be beachy Riverdale,, which I'm not convinced it's not, but the grip on me has not faltered ever since. To say that I liked John B more than JJ at first??? A literal eternity ago, and now here we are!!!!! Still can't believe it. Book 3, the last JJKAT book. And I swear, I can't wait to show you how it ends. Welcome to Every Breaking Wave everyone <33
Intro inspired by web weavings on tumblr!