There will be two epilogues after this, so stay tuned for those too.
64. Someday
"I need your help. I'm pregnant."
I stood there, processing the words Paige had just uttered.
"Is it Cole's?" was the first question I asked.
She nodded.
"Where is he?"
"I don't know," she croaked. "He wants nothing to do with me. No one's seen him this past week, he didn't even show up for graduation."
So he cheats, is a pervert, and a scumbag. Triple threat I see. How nice.
"What about your parents?" I asked. "No offence Paige, but we're not in high school anymore. You can raise a child without worrying about missing third period Algebra. You have the resources. And what about Macy? Why are you asking me for help?"
I didn't want to give her my pity. She didn't deserve my pity. I wanted to leave the uncomfortable situation, but she stopped me.
"I told my parents after the ceremony," she continued to sob. "My dad couldn't even look at me, and my mom said the only money they were going to spend on me was going to be for my education and future. This wasn't a part of that."
Damn it. She was making it hard.
I folded my arms, still not showing any sign of sympathy even though I was beginning to cave. "That still doesn't answer my last question. Why me? After everything you've done, did you really expect me to feel sorry for you?"
"No," she admitted softly. "I told Macy, all she said was that she was leaving for a summer program for freshmen at Yale next week. This isn't something she wants to deal with."
"Well," I muttered. "When you put a knife through people's backs too often eventually someone's going to take it from you and stab you in yours."
I felt sorry for her, but she needed to understand that actions had their consequences. You can't be a bitch and expect life to gift you with people who would have your back.
"You're a good person Morgan," she told me. "I know that, so I came to you. I don't have anyone else."
"A good person?" I questioned. "I hate to break it to you Paige, but that's not going to cut it. You don't fuck people over and then expect them to help you because they're good people. Frankly it's manipulative. That's not how life works."
"I know I messed up-"
"Messed up?" I interrupted. "No Paige, you more than messed up. You spent the entire school year going out of your way to make me miserable. You got me all worked up so I would start fights. You knew about my relationship with my mom and you used that to cause an even bigger rift between us. You made fun of my mental health on one too many occasions. For crying out loud you turned my boyfriend's life upside down just so you could prove a point. And you know the sickest part? I don't even know why? You did all of that for what?!"
"I was jealous okay?" she sobbed.
I shook my head. "Please, save that excuse. The only reason I can think of as to why a person would do all those things is if they hated whoever they did it to. And Paige, I know we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I honestly wonder more times than I care to admit, what I did to you to make you hate me that much."
"I don't hate you Morgan," she said through her tears. "I envy you, okay? I don't know if you remember, but we were good friends once, before all the drama of high school."
She wasn't wrong. Paige's parents and mine have always been friends. I knew her even when I had been homeschooled as a kid. Shannon was my best friend, and an amazing one at that, but I had known her only four years.
I still remember waiting to see the principal on my first day when Shannon was brought there for allegedly stealing a junior's car keys and attempting to run him over in the parking lot because he and his friends kept catcalling and making inappropriate comments at her in the hallways. Well, not allegedly, there were multiple witnesses and she admitted to it without any remorse but that's not the point. The point is that even though there and then after talking to the crazy girl and deciding we were soul mates, she still wasn't my oldest friend. Paige was.
"I fitted in quite well freshman year," Paige continued with a sad chuckle. "I gravitated towards a different crowd and you were with Shannon. And then we met Mace and Sienna, and I thought that it wouldn't be so bad sharing you with other people if that meant I'd at least get a small part of you. And so I forced us into this group that I thought I could control, but I could still see the division. I know it all sounds creepy and obsessive-"
"You think?" I remarked.
"-and now that I'm saying it out loud I realize I had serious attachment issues but Morgan you were like a best friend to me, and I missed that, and us. And so I just got used to being salty, but that wasn't really justified because you were still the nice girl that everyone loved. And then you did what I never had the guts to do and started talking to Aaron."
My mouth hung open at this. "Aaron? What does Aaron have to do with this? And please don't say what I think you're going to say."
"I didn't even know his name until that day I snatched his iPod from you and watched you go give it back to him," she continued to confess. "Up until then he was just the guy across the courtyard that I liked but was too focused on other people's opinions to do anything about it. My parents wanted me with someone like Cole, who's family had connections in business and what not. People in school expected Paige Cross to be on the arm of Sterling's most eligible, no matter if they were assholes. As far as I was concerned he was just the regular guy I admired from afar, and did nothing about. That's why I was so against you going to talk to him, and why I acted the way I did after that."
As much as it made me want to throw up, it made the most sense. I wondered why she made such a big deal about the superficial divide between the kids at his school and mine. I guess it was more about her not wanting anyone else to have the guy she couldn't have.
"So...do you still...like him?" I asked.
She shook her head. "God no, I got over that when I began to see the way he looked at you. For me it was just a case of thinking he was handsome. You actually got to know him, and love him, and so I backed off."
"Yeah but then you went for Shannon's boyfriend instead," I said.
She wiped her tears and took in a breath. "I know I'm a bitch, and that I'm messed up, and that I don't deserve any help from you, but Morgan I am sorry too. I don't even need you to help me, just need you to know that. And I'll apologize to Shannon too, and Aaron, and Sienna. They don't have to forgive me either, I'm just sorry."
She started crying again and I tried to remind myself that she was a terrible person and that she was probably tricking me into believing she was sorry.
But the look on her face...God it was enough to melt my heart which was stone at the moment.
"Are you going to keep the baby?" I asked.
"I don't know...maybe not," she cried. "My parents will cut me off if I do, and I don't know where to get an abortion or how. I don't even know if I want to get an abortion."
"Okay, calm down," I said, seeing that she was on the verge of panicking
"I don't know what to do, I'm scared, I'm alone, and I'm so so sorry."
I sensed the brokenness in her voice, and my walls tumbled down.
You're a good person.
Well I fucking wish I wasn't.
I sighed. "Okay."
She looked at me, surprised at the word that escaped my lips. "Okay?"
"Okay, I'll help you," I said. "Getting an abortion is solely your decision though, but whatever you decide to do you'll get through it."
She wiped her tears, and I reached into my locker when I realized I had a pack of tissues inside it.
"Thank you," she sniffled.
"Don't thank me just yet," I told her. "There's only so much that I can do. I do know someone who'll probably be able to help, although indirectly you screwed up her life too. That just means you're going to have to be okay with telling someone else."
~~~
April Smith was the best.
After talking to Paige in school, she went home with me because she didn't want to go to hers. We didn't really speak however. In fact, she just took a nap in one of the guest bedrooms because she was exhausted, and I went out to lunch with my family. I didn't talk about my mother because I wasn't going to allow her actions to steal the joy from the day. Anyway, I woke Paige up when I got home and took her to Aaron's house. He was still working, and I knew he'd me very confused when he came home, but his mom was really the only person I could think of who could help. April was receptive, even after Paige told her she was the one who blew up her son's life.
Right now she was still talking to Paige, and I was talking to Shannon on the phone in her kitchen. I didn't mention Paige's dilemma because I didn't want her to overreact at me helping. Besides, she'd find out soon enough, when the time was right.
"So are we hanging out tonight?"
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I told Aaron I'd hang out with him tonight."
"Oh I see."
I sensed the teasing in her voice and chuckled. "See what?"
"Don't think I don't know what hanging out with Aaron means missy," she said. "And hey, you've already gotten the Nimbus two thousand, maybe this time you'll get the Firebolt."
I nearly spat out the water I had just poured in my mouth.
"Okay, you need to wash your mouth young lady," I hissed. "With soap!"
She laughed. "I love messing with you. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."
I shook my head at my best friend. "See you."
I slipped my phone back in the pocket of my shorts and re-entered the living room. The front door opened, and a few moments later Aaron walked in as well. When he spotted Paige, he froze, his eyes flickering to me in confusion.
"Hi honey," April said.
"Uh...hi."
I beckoned to him to follow me. "Come on."
"What is she doing here?" he asked once we stepped into the kitchen.
"Okay," I began to explain. "I know you probably won't think she deserves it but she needed help and I couldn't just leave her. She's basically been abandoned by everyone else."
"Help?" he questioned.
"Yes, help," I answered. "I-"
"Aaron, can I talk to you?"
I turned at the sound of Paige's quiet voice and looked back and forth between both of them. "I'll be in the living room."
"You can stay Morgan, I don't mind," she said. "I just want to say I'm really sorry Aaron, and I understand if you don't want me here."
"It's fine," Aaron told her. "If Morgan brought you here then it's fine."
Her shoulders fell in relief. "Thank you. I'll uh...explain once I'm done talking to your mom. And Morgan I'll talk to Shan and Sienna too...I know they'll have questions."
I only nodded at that.
"Well uh...thanks again," she said softly, before turning around to go back into the living room.
Aaron sighed. "Are you sure about this? Do you really believe she's a changed person?"
"I'd like to believe so, but time will tell I guess," I replied. "Right now she's alone and terrified, and I don't have it in me to be a bitch to her. She already has stuff to deal with."
He kissed my forehead. "You have a good heart Morgan, it's one of the many reasons why I love you."
I smiled and hugged him, my head resting under his chin. "I know you're trying hard to ignore the fact now, but so do you."
~~~
"Aaron, what are you doing?" I asked, holding on to a door knob.
After Paige and April were done, Paige offered to watch Ayana because April had to work in the evening. That worked out I guess, because Aaron said he was taking me on a date. The only confusing thing was that I was now blindfolded, bumping into furniture around his house.
"Are we outside?" I asked, feeling the warm night breeze on my skin.
"We're in my backyard," he answered.
I chuckled. "What are we doing in your backyard?"
He stood behind me and undid the blindfold. I stared in awe at what he had put together for me.
"Aaron..."
"Do you like it?" he asked, hugging me from behind and kissing my cheek.
I looked at the way he had transformed the place and nodded. There was a tent, and in front of it were blankets on the grass, facing a huge white sheet hung from tree branches to serve as a background to project movies onto. Fairy lights were strung about, illuminating the place, and I didn't miss the food he'd provided as well.
"I love it," I said softly.
He let me go and walked towards his work. "I thought we could have a little night picnic slash movie night slash camping in the backyard kind of night. You know, to kick off the great summer this is going to be."
Where did I find this boy?
I was still speechless.
"What are you thinking?" he chuckled.
I shook my head. "Nothing much. Just silently thanking God, the universe, my guardian angels and my lucky stars for you. I owe whichever one who decided to send you to me."
He laughed. "Come on. I thought it would be fun to paint first."
"And end up like the last time we did that?"
"I'm planning to keep my hair and clothes paint-free this time around," he chuckled.
We painted a bit, his picture obviously far better than mine, and then we sat down to eat before watching a movie.
"This is perfect Aaron," I remarked as he stroked my hair. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he responded. "You're a good person for what you did for Paige you know."
I chuckled. "Yeah I've been called that a few times today."
"Do you forgive her?"
I sighed. "I don't know, maybe I guess. With everything with my mom I just don't have any energy or will to keep going at it with people, not even Paige."
"Sorry about that though, your mom."
I shrugged. "It is what it is. She is who she is. I can't do anything to make her want me or our family."
He kissed my temple tenderly and I directed his question at him. "Do you forgive her?"
"I never really hated her or anything to be honest," he admitted. "Yeah it was a shitty move on her part but now that everything's sort of died down I can't say that it was the worst thing in the world having my secret get out. I did appreciate the privacy and having a normal life but with what I do I didn't expect that to last."
"True," I agreed. "I just hope the others don't mind her being around. I feel bad for her to be honest."
"Well that's what happens when you're a good person," Aaron laughed softly.
I sat up and kissed him softly on the lips. When I broke away, he pulled me down and kissed me once more, setting off the fireworks in the pits of my stomach.
"I thank my stars everyday for you too," he murmured against my lips.
I smiled. This was going to be the best summer ever.
~~~
10 weeks later...
I sat behind my steering wheel, my limbs completely numb. I promised myself I'd at least hold it together until Aaron was gone, but I felt like screaming until I exploded. I shut my eyes and rested my head on the wheel, praying to the divine above to turn back time for the sake of saving me from a broken heart.
My last week with Aaron was complete bliss. We'd made the most of our summer, but deep down I knew that in the back of both our minds there was the thought of the inevitable and the fear of the impending doom. I spent last night with him, but I woke up super early and left because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle looking into his eyes knowing it was our last morning together. This was a good thing for him, and I didn't want him to feel worse about leaving than he already did. Not going to sleep in his arms or waking up next to him was going to be a strange feeling to get used to. I couldn't even imagine life before him now. My Aaron.
Get it together Morgan.
Sighing, I started my vehicle and drove to his house. I spotted a black jeep, just a few feet away, waiting to carry him away. Shannon and Paige were already there as well, hugging him and Justin goodbye.
The girls had slowly warmed up to Paige, Shannon taking a bit longer. By the third week of summer all five of us, Justin and Aaron included, were hanging out a lot and doing a lot of exciting things together. Sienna had left to see the world by then, but we talked to her a lot. Paige held up her end of the bargain by being better, I could see it. She was almost a brand new person. Her parents still didn't want anything to do with her, Macy was still ignoring her wherever she was, and she had decided not to waste time looking for Cole. She decided to keep her baby, and luckily for her she had access to the money her parents had been saving for her now that she was eighteen. She claimed it before they had the chance to cut her off completely. She'd been staying with me over the summer, but we'd found a pent house close to NYU that we'd move into once school started. Granted, we were both going to be taking a lot of classes online, but it was still nice to live on our own as adults. Shannon was going to be living with us too.
I tried my best to immerse myself in things other than Aaron the weeks leading up to this one. I started my internship at my father's company, which was good for me. I shook off the feeling of dread and got out of my car, slowly walking towards them. My heart hung heavy in my chest and the traction in my feet felt like I was being pulled into the ground.
Once he noticed me, Aaron, who had just picked up Ayana, set her down. "Morgan."
I smiled softly, reaching Justin first. At once he enveloped me in one of his bear-crushing hugs, not that I minded.
"I'm happy for you guys," I whispered. "Watch out for him okay?"
"Always," Justin replied. "I'm going to miss you Hall."
"I'll miss you too," I responded. "Good luck out there."
He let me go and ruffled my hair, making me crack a smile. My eyes shifted to Aaron next.
"I'll be in the car," Justin said.
"And we will all be over there," April added, leading Ayana away along with the rest of the girls. She hugged both boys before walking away. "I couldn't have asked for two better sons. You boys take care of each other okay? Ayana and I will see you soon."
They nodded.
"We will," Justin answered, tearing up. They were very close with each other's families, and I knew he was going to miss her a lot.
She and Ayana were going to move to London at the end of the year, where Aaron would be producing for a while before touring the world.
Aaron smiled softly at me once we were alone. "There you are."
I managed a chuckle. "Did you think I wouldn't show up?"
He shook his head. "No, I knew you would. Didn't doubt it for a second. Here you go by the way, you left this."
I smiled and took the iPod from him, everything I had rehearsed suddenly evaporating from my mind.
"I'm really going to miss you you know that?" I said, my tears finally giving way.
He approached me and cupped my face in his hands. "I know, and you have no idea how it will hurt me not being with you everyday."
"Thank you," I said softly. "For everything. Thank you for being you."
He shook his head and let me go. "Fuck."
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Not really Morgan," he admitted, reaching into his back pocket. "I um...I put these words on paper but I was hoping to say them to you instead. But now, here, looking at you, I don't think I can without shattering. So maybe if you read it instead you'd get what I want to say without me fumbling through it."
I took the letter and began to open it, but he stopped me.
"Only after I leave for the airport."
I nodded, slipping it into my back pocket.
"God I love you so much Morgan Hall," he continued. "More than you know."
I saw his eyes water up as well and my heart broke just a little more. "I love you too."
He rested his forehead on mine, closing the space between us. When my lips met his I savored the taste of his love mixed with my tears, pouring every emotion I was capable of feeling into this one single moment. All our moments and experiences played back through my mind. The laughter, tears, arguments, everything. I wouldn't change a single thing ever, and even if it meant tearing my heart into shreds again like now, I would do it all over again.
"You'll do great out there," I whispered. "And you'll always have your biggest fan cheering for you right here at home okay?"
He nodded. "I could say the same for you. Give yourself the credit you deserve Morgan. You don't need me, or anyone. Promise me you'll see yourself the way I see you - strong, capable, and resilient. You're going to do amazing things Morgan Hall, I feel it."
He kissed me once more and let me go, and I had to stop myself from completely breaking down. "Someday?"
I nodded. "Someday. Good luck Aaron."
"You too Morgan, you too."
I wiped my tears as he backed away, waving to the others behind me. He winked at me and I smiled, turning around to walk away. I resisted the force pulling me back towards him, and I finally stood still, ready to turn back and run into his arms. He saw what I was about to do when I looked behind me, and then with a broken look in his eyes and a small smile, he subtly shook his head telling me not to. I nodded, knowing that it was best to just keep walking. It wouldn't do any of us any good. And so I let my feet carry me into Shannon's embrace and I rested my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes.
A few seconds later I heard the revving of an engine, and the sound of tires accelerating against the asphalt street. I listened as it diminished, finally leaving us in the stillness and quietness. That was it. He was gone.
I took in a deep breath, stepping out of Shannon's hold.
"Do you girls want to come inside?" April asked. "We could have dinner later."
Shannon nodded. "That would be lovely April. Morgan?"
I nodded as well and gave her a sad smile. "Yeah, we can do that. I'm just going to drive around for a bit. I'll be back later."
April nodded. "Of course honey."
I made my way back to my car and drove to the park, hiding out in an area that wasn't occupied. I wiped my tears and sat down on a bench before opening Aaron's letter, anxious to read what he wrote to me.
Morgan,
If you're reading this, then it probably means there was no way I could look you in the eyes a second longer without coming undone. My hands are shaking as I'm writing this, can you tell?
I smiled a bit, noticing the wobbly handwriting on the paper.
I don't even know where to start. Maybe I could tell you how much I'm going to miss seeing your smile everyday, and hearing you laugh, and holding you in my arms to make the world a bit better to live in. You changed my life in ways that you wouldn't even think of, and I love you for that. So thank you, for deciding to be stubborn that day on the bus.
I chuckled. That seemed like a lifetime ago now.
I know you're feeling sad right now, and that you're probably crying, and that's okay. It's okay because soon that feeling will fade. Your heart will heal, and you'll look around and see the amazing things in life once more. I love music, you know that, but all the songs and pieces and lyrics in the world could never come close to the melody in my heart every time I look at you. Music is timeless Morgan, and so are we. And there is no doubt in my mind that I could love you forever.
They say you never forget your first love, and Morgan, you were mine. I want you to remember me too, but not in the way you think. I want you to only think of me in the brief nostalgic moments that make you smile instead of cry. When you hear a song, watch a certain movie, when you smell a scent that takes you back to some happy moment in your life. I want you to remember me as the guy who loved you, not as the guy who left you. Thinking of me should make you smile, not cry. So wipe your tears, okay?
He was good. I kept reading, my heart tightening in my chest.
Most of all Morgan, I want you to be happy. You are so much more capable than you think, and you'll realize that soon enough. Don't close yourself off to other people because of me. If someone wants to make you feel like the most amazing girl in the world, don't run from that. Loving you is an honor, I would know. But being loved back by you, that is a feeling indescribable. Allow yourself to be swept off your feet, you deserve that and more. There's not a day that will go by that I won't love you, and I know you'll always love me too. And hey, if fate is on our side and the stars fall in to place for us, then we'll pick up where we left off someday. For now though, it's not goodbye. It's only a see you later, because if there's one thing about the future that I'm sure off, it's that we'll find our way back to each other.
I love you Morgan, forever and always.
Love, Aaron James Smith.
P.S. I can't wait for someday.
My hands were trembling slightly now, and my tears were pouring down my face.
"Someday Aaron, someday," I whispered to myself.
I folded the letter and wiped my tears, telling myself I would be strong. I sighed and took the iPod, putting my earphones in. I scrolled through the playlists he had put together when he gave it to me, smiling to myself.
When you're sad...happy...angry...
My breath hitched in my throat when I saw the latest one. He must have put it together this morning.
When I leave.
In it were all our favorite songs, starting with Aladdin's A Whole New World. Instead of crying again, I chuckled and pressed play, letting the melody take over. I shut my eyes and leaned back into the bench, inhaling deeply. I was going to be okay, in time. It was me against the world now and I couldn't wait to take it by storm.
I enjoyed the quiet for a couple of minutes, but that was interrupted by a sniffing noise. I opened my eyes and saw the most adorable Labrador Retriever nudging my legs with it's nose.
"Hi there," I smile, leaning down to pet it's all black fur. It wasn't very old judging from its size. "Are you a stray buddy?"
It...or rather he, barked and hopped onto the bench beside me.
"You're adorable," I said. "Okay, we'll see if you have an owner, and if you don't then maybe we'll see about me taking you home."
He barked again, wagging his tail, and I laughed.
"Okay, but first we can sit here and enjoy some music."
I earned another bark.
"Okay buddy, if you're going to hang with me I have one condition just for right now," I chuckled, leaning back into the seat once more. "Just shut up and watch the pretty sunset."
The End.
A/N
Ahhhhyhgerfcyfhcdrc!!! I can't believe this is finally done. Last chapter y'all, and a long one too. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you to everyone who's been reading from start to now finish. A big thank you to those who voted and commented as well.
Relax a bit though, I still have epilogues coming so be on the lookout for those. And a final author's note after that.
I've enjoyed every moment of this book and I hope you have too. You'll be hearing from me soon with those extras for you to read, but for now, I bid you adieu!
- amani