Light streams in through the bathroom window before settling around me like a protective halo. My eyes flutter open, but I quickly snap them shut again when I feel the intense stinging invading them. My neck is stiff from lying awkwardly on the floor. I feel the exhaustion in every fibre of my being. I try to lift myself off the floor, but I stumble and fail miserably. My body screams at me to stop moving and rest. I inhale a deep breath before listening to the eerie silence around me. The feeling of loneliness hits me like a brick, and I feel tears prick the back of my eyes. I had no idea I could cry so much in such a short space of time.
I remove Jake's clothes from me before tossing them over onto my bed.
Every movement I make takes up energy I don't have. Simple tasks like lifting my arm feels like I'm participating in an Olympic sport. Everything hurts, along with my brain. I manage to drag myself toward the shower. I sit cross legged in the bottom of it before allowing the water to run over me. I remain in the same position for half an hour. My attempt to shampoo my hair is weak, but I manage to rinse out all of the soap before crawling out onto the bathroom floor. I change into a clean set of pyjamas before sliding under my sheets. I reach for Jake's grey hoodie before pulling it toward me. It smells just like him.
I haven't felt safe in a long time, not even in my own bedroom. I thought sleeping on Jake's chest on the corridor floor was a one in a lifetime incident due to my exhaustion. As soon as I catch a whiff of his scent, my eyes grow heavy with sleep. His cologne mixed with his own scent makes an excellent cure for insomnia. The clock on my bedside table reads ten in the morning. I should be at school, but I can't do it. Not today.
I bury my face in Jake's hoodie. Within seconds, my entire body relaxes and I'm fast asleep.
*
I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing in my school bag. When I open one eye, darkness streams in through my bedroom window. I'm disorientated, filled with grogginess and confused. Did I sleep through an entire day? It takes a while for me to reach my phone. The brightness of my screen causes me to groan in protest. I need to stay in the dark for the foreseeable future. I crawl my way back into bed before scrolling through the texts. They're all from Trish, and she's becoming increasingly more worried with every text she sends.
I haven't heard from you in two days! Where are you?
Are you screwing Jake? Did you replace me with him? I can't believe you're ditching your best friend for that jerk. I'm disappointed in you.
I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I'm worried about you. Call me!
I laugh at the screen before typing out a response. I apologize for avoiding her, and promise to make things right with her when I see her again. It's nice to know at least one person would miss me if I wasn't around anymore. As soon as I respond to Trish, my phone pings with an incoming text.
I hope you feel better soon. I'm always here for you if you need to talk. I love you, Em.
My eyes fill with tears when I read her message. I lock my phone before dropping it down on the bed. My hands waft in front of my face in an attempt to rid myself of the tears. "What is wrong with me? Get a grip, Emily." I whisper, trying to snap myself out of the emotional state I'm wrapped up in. My phone begins to vibrate to signal an incoming call. I push the accept button without looking at the screen —
"Hello?" I answer, expecting it to be Trish.
"Hey," The deep male voice isn't Trish at all. My eyes grow wide with shock when I realize Jake Melvin is calling me. I pull my phone away from my ear to glance down at the unknown number showing up on my screen.
"Jake? How did you get my number?" I question him.
"I annoyed your best friend for it until she gave it to me. She's worried about you, and so am I." Jake explains. His words cause butterflies to ignite inside my stomach. He approached Trish for my phone number? I wish I was there to witness that.
"You don't need to be worried about me, I'm fine." I chew on my bottom lip before playing with the strings on his hoodie. Hearing his voice and being wrapped up in his scent is almost like having him in the room with me.
"You weren't at school today," Jake states. His voice is deeper than usual, almost as if he's just woken from a nap. I like the raspy tone to it. I feel my palms beginning to grow clammy with nerves. I can't believe Jake Melvin noticed my absence. Did he search for me? Was he planning on questioning me further over the bruise?
"I needed to stay home and rest. I don't feel great," I say to him truthfully. It's nice to be honest with him, and I wish he'd stop the questions so I wouldn't be forced into lying to him. "I have your clothes with me. I'm sorry, I should have given them back," I tell him. His response is instant, and it makes me smile —
"Don't sweat it. They look good on you. You should keep them."
My soft laughter fills the line.
"You're the only person who believes they look good on me. They're three sizes too big, I looked ridiculous wearing them."
"No, you looked cute." Jake tells me, sounding like he's smiling on the other end of the phone. A silence settles between us, and I wish he was here in person so I could soak in the sight of his smile.
"Can I bring you anything? Medicine? Ice cream?" Jake asks me. His caring nature takes me by surprise, and I feel warmth fill my chest. I glance over at my alarm clock.
"It's eleven thirty at night. You want to bring me medicine at this time?" I question him with humour lining my voice. Jake sounds like he's moving around on the other end of the line. "Yeah. Text me the address, and I'll come round."
He says the request so casually, I almost forget it's impossible to invite him round to my house. I'm never allowed to have any visitors... Not even my best friend. Trish has never seen my bedroom, but I prefer it that way. I'm embarrassed by the state of the house, and the darkness that lurks inside the walls. After the first few times of me rejecting her offer for a sleepover, she stopped asking. Deep down, I believe she knows I'm ashamed of my Mom and Trevor. If only she knew the extent of the reason I want to keep her away from this place.
"Emily?" Jake calls out my name. I forget I'm on the phone, and I quickly snap myself out of my thoughts.
"I don't know if that's a good idea." I say, hating that I can't invite my friends around like any normal sixteen year old. "I can climb through your window. Your parents never have to know," Jake tells me quietly. There's a knowing tone to his voice, and I feel like his words have captured all of the air out of my lungs. How has this boy figured out details of a secret I've been successfully hiding for years?
I don't understand.
"In that case... okay. You can come round," I whisper. I hear the clatter of keys on the other end of the line. Jake hangs up, and I text my address over to him with trembling hands. I can't believe I'm about to sneak Jake Melvin into my room. I should be wary of him, especially with his dangerous reputation. When I talk to Jake, I don't feel like I'm in danger. Vulnerable? Sure. Nervous? Most definitely. Attracted to him? Hell, yes.
I don't ever experience fear.
From a young age, I've been forced to differentiate a dangerous person from a safe person. It's the small signs to look out for. It's the empty glaze in their eyes, or a tightened muscle in their jaw. It's a twitch in their hands, or an edge to their voice. It's a gut feeling that makes you want to scramble as far away from them as you can...
I don't experience that with Jake Melvin.
I know what the rumours say about him. I've seen the way the other students avoid him. I've felt the mystery of air surrounding him, but I've never felt like I was in danger around him. It suddenly dawns on me that Jake Melvin is about to be in my bedroom. I spring out of bed before rushing over to my makeup desk. I dab concealer over my bruises before running my fingers through my damp hair. It's drying in awkward waves on my shoulders. My eyes travel down to my pink pyjama cami shirt and shorts, and I groan with disbelief. I can't present myself like this to Jake Melvin!
"Oh no, what was I thinking?" I panic-whisper while pacing back and forth in front of my mirror. He caught me at a vulnerable time, and I agreed without thinking of the repercussions. A soft tapping noise on my bedroom window snaps me out of my panicked state.
I suck in a sharp breath when I realize it's too late to change, he's already here.