The 5th of May marked the official death of Jeongguk’s cerebrum. Of his self-regard too, maybe. Why? You’d ask. 5th of May was the day he committed himself to take action upon the operation: “Get Yoongi Hyung a boyfriend because I don't have one”. The one question that could be asked is what made the above-mentioned statement so self-loathing that, Jeongguk, Ace of Yonsei Art Department had come up with the declaration of the demise of his self-esteem? Here comes your answer, Kim. The shittiest thing to ever happen to him (Seokjin hyung’s jokes aside). Kim Taehyung. Out of all the men in his life he had to crush on the most unworthy of them all.
Kim Taehyung had the stature on campus for being a ruthless fuckboy, and he was definitely known to hop around and have a lot of partners rather than having a solid arrangement with just one person. In short, Taehyung was clearly not known for monogamy. But that definitely did not stop Jeongguk from simping around the quarterback. With the aura that Taehyung radiated, no one dared approach him. Taehyung was fabled not only for being the captain of one of the best football teams in the nation; he also had Seojoon and Jimin by his side. One was at the top of the list of the best students in the whole university and the other was known for his talent with his feet. Apart from that, Taehyung also had an instinctively emanating kind of energy, never failing to forget his dominion which others tried to fail at imitating. All of these factors combined; Jeongguk was fucked. He perfectly knew he had no chance with the elder and that increased his yearning more.
“Hyung, I want to kiss him so bad.”
Jeongguk never had terrific self-preservation tendencies and that made complete sense, for him to lie right next to his closest buddy and pretend that as long as he kept spewing out what he thought, everything in his life would magically work out.
“When’s the thesis due?”
Namjoon asked nonchalantly, skipping the part where Jeongguk just milliseconds prior, blatantly confessed to needing to fondle Taehyung. Vastly prone to his best friend's nonsense, he flipped through the menus for view. He knew they’d eventually wind up getting their regular; Jjajangmyeon and Japchae.
”What?”
Namjoon looked up to see Jeongguk looking straight into his cellphone, a little irritated from the appearance of it.
“Good lord? I testify on my deep devotion for my children's eventual bearer and you dare question when the paper is due? I’ll tell you exactly when. The day you set me up with Taehyung Kim.”
“I can’t imagine you’re hit so bad you can’t even discern visions from actuality.” Namjoon clapped back.
“I’ve every excuse not to,” Jeongguk replied.
The way Jeongguk was whipped for Taehyung didn’t seem like something that would go anywhere for a while, but in his estimation, loving the Damon Salvatore of Yonsei till the rest of eternity didn’t seem half bad.
“Sunday”
“What Sunday?”
“The paper’s on Sunday Jeongguk-ah.”
“Aren’t Sundays designated offs for the athlete and cheer main leaders? They just have that day off to touch base on their exams.”
“You know an awful lot about the fields when you aren't a member of either.”
“For heaven's sake, Hobi Hyung told me that,” Jeongguk remarked back.
“Must just be you struggling to get out detail about your Darcy, sweetie.”
“I resent you far too much Hyung you’re such a fucking douchebag.”
“It’s honesty by the way.”
~
Taehyung was shitting bricks. The fact that he completely acknowledged he was panicking, made him panic more. He didn’t know what reason he would have to render this time. He was sick of war and lies, also his timely flawless execution of them. Truth be told he was also ashamed of himself. Hell narrates, the last time his family visited Seoul he fabricated a whole relationship with Jimin. What made it even worse was that he had managed to convince them they had split hoping they won’t come back any time sooner just for them to return the next quarter.
“Calm the fuck down baby; we’ll just have Baek be your partner this time.”
“Or even worse, Hobi," Seokjin chuckled.
"If you recall the last time they came here, they argued about marrying me off, and quite realistically thinking, muscles don't matter to nothing Hobi Hyung seems minor and we all know it subconsciously,” Taehyung sighed.
"Since when did, you and Jiminie reverse roles, I thought he was the responsible one?" A pensive Seokjin asked.
“Which is why I offered you Baek as an alternative also come on don't hurt hyungie like that,” Jimin remarked back.
“You realize Hyung and my family are correlated right? You can just tell me if you want me grounded that bad.”
“I’m simply attempting to resolve your trouble what more do you need me to do, jump off a cliff?”
“Keeping in mind your IQ of 136 Min-ah, I expect better from you.”
”I’ve another idea,” Nayeon’s faint whisper squinted from somewhere.
“What,” Taehyung was exhausted.
“Tell everybody you’re asexual now.” Nayeon snickered and started laughing loudly.
“Some days I desperately wish to have my rights stripped.”
“Oppa, but think how wonderful the sex will be.”
“Yeah, I’ll just go hit the sack.”
~
Jeongguk has always hated this foreign, colonial language. He thinks it doesn’t hold enough words to describe the feeling that love accompanies. It doesn’t give love justice. He surmises that the word love itself isn’t sufficient. Sufficient enough for the times, he saw Taehyung kissing someone else, and felt miserable to the point, it turned into physical pain. Or the times he saw him smile and wanted to contain it for himself. Don’t get Jeongguk wrong, he is a self-regarding man, but something about other people making Taehyung laugh to the extremity, his eyes turn into little crescents, makes his stomach churn, forming intrinsic little knots, desperately longing to be on the receiving end. Jeongguk doesn’t call himself a hopeless romantic, but is there any harm in considering himself so? Jeongguk doesn’t believe in a lot of things. When people say love only exists in books and speculation, he shrugs them off. He gets annoyed when people materialize the holy sentiment that love is to him. For him, it exists in small gestures, seemingly forgotten for a lot of people. Love for him is a language, exchange of words, between two people, and only them. Jeongguk remarks love as something divine, that can shamble souls and repair them back to adequacy. Jeongguk is for love, but he thinks it isn’t for him. Don’t get him wrong, he feels it, in the most unexpectedly pastel kind of ways; when Yoongi comes home late and wraps his arms around him, snuggling himself to sleep. Or when Hoseok offers him an extra water bottle to quench his thirst, when he least expects it. He can also account for all the times Namjoon read to him because he himself was indolent to do so. Or maybe considering the perpetuity he has spent moping over a certain man, who he knows, will never look at him the same way. Don’t get Jeongguk wrong but for him, love isn’t a mutual concession. As long as the fire of yearning remains lit in his heart, he’ll incline towards the man he has loved since high school. The man of his dreams, Kim Taehyung.
Namjoon often states in the slightest of ways, “Find someone who returns the love.”
Jeongguk calmly replies, etched and revised, “When has love ever been about reciprocation hyung?”
“Do you stop watering a plant thinking why should you, when it doesn’t talk back?”
and Namjoon skids his lips shut.
But nothing gives grounds for the yearning, the solitary suffering he has to endure, every damn day, thinking he does not deserve to be the one to make Taehyung smile. Don’t get Jeongguk wrong, he is a selfless man. So selfless that even in pits of misery, he doesn’t think of how it would feel if Taehyung made him smile.
So when they cross paths for the first time, Taehyung stealing glances, his stomach does a mini summersault show. And when Taehyung doesn’t move his eyes, shamelessly staring for what feels like an hour, he feels something very strange and foreign. It’s the homage party Seokjin has hosted and his apartment is full of people. Yet for some reason, he can see those eyes, right at him and it makes him warm. Jeongguk knows he looks good. Dwells in it. But to look good enough for the Yonsei captain to eye fuck him, makes his body ache, heart, proud. The feeling is also quite new. He contemplates whether going to Taehyung would be the right thing to do, but he wants to, and tonight with the slow buzz of alcohol in his body, he refuses to think.
~
“I'd like to kiss you.” Jeongguk pauses for a moment. “I'd like to be kissed. I'd like to be fucked.”
“What gives you the impression that I'll give you what you want?”
“You were looking at me as if you wanted to taste the blood on my tongue, Kim. Keep staring like that and you’ll end up getting your arse pounded,” Jeongguk says, his voice sounding breathier now that they're closer.
Taehyung turns his head, his palms curling against nothing as he moves inexorably closer.
"Ahuh ?”
“I like being fucked,” Jeongguk repeated, straddling Taehyung and putting both thighs on him.
“I like being fucked hard.”
Taehyung blinked, his eyes twinkling. He pressed his palms against Jeongguk's thigh and drew him in closer.
“Want to know something, muffin?”
“Please enlighten me.”
“Bold of you to think I’ll give it to you with this attitude.”
~
But Taehyung does,
Taehyung raises his head and kisses him regardless: tobacco-laced breath. His thumb stroking over his jaw, domineering and tender at the same time. Jeongguk exhaled heavily into Taehyung's lips, tired and horny.
“Give me what I want.”
Taehyung, on the other side, has one fist on his jaw. He continues kissing him, slowly, dreadfully lazy, and elaborately to the point of agony.
He rarely permits Jeongguk to touch back; the moment he attempts to hurry, he hardens his grip on his jaw and drives him away with a flick of his tongue, quietly blinking his eyes before pulling him back in and kissing him the way he likes to; slowly, like a lover. Using his tongue to feel various pieces of him. Tracing his mouth, grabbing his lips, and licking them anytime he likes, he slips his tongue somewhere in between, before releasing him. It was the polar opposite of what Jeongguk expected.
“What are you up to?”
Jeongguk inquires, his stomach churning, after yet another futile effort to kiss him harder.
“I'm simply giving you what you wanted petal. So, where were we before?" Taehyung inquired, evidently content with his progression.
“You were about to spread your legs for me, am I right? Come on, I'd like to see you. You're stunning. I'd like to see you all desperate and wet for me.”
And Jeongguk whined, catching Taehyung's mouth in another sloppy hot embrace - heart-pounding, skin pins and needles, his whole body reacting in ways he couldn't understand. It was his crush—no, the romance of his life, he was about to fuck, and he didn't know if he would be able to hold his emotions in check now that he understood the dangers. Taehyung kneaded his ass and growled in the kiss, hauling Jeongguk forward only to drive his tongue into the latter's lips.
“I'm going to ruin you for others.” Jeongguk sighed.
“Come again darling? Keep moaning like that, and I'll have to rope in someone else to fuck,” Taehyung chastised him,
and Jeongguk felt a rush of envy run through his veins, because why did Taehyung need another guy when he was right there, legs broad and spread? He knelt on his feet, desperate to appease the elder, and yanked his pants off. Taehyung was big, but Jeongguk himself, no novice to oral sex. He just wished Taehyung to have no need for anyone else. So he let the man do everything to him. Taehyung was certainly rough. Jeongguk, on the other hand, wanted him to remember how his mouth felt. How he felt.
“Came here in all of—” Taehyung grabbed on Jeongguk's hair, causing him to raise his head up to gaze at him. “—fifteen minutes and I've already got my dick down your throat. See how well you take it—” he groused, fucking into Jeongguk's mouth once more.
“So lovely, Jeongguk, so sweet for me, love.” Jeongguk could hear himself choking, but he tightened his hold on Taehyung's leg and moaned deeper around him.
Taehyung cut him short, bending over to kiss, and it was only then that Jeongguk comprehended the tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Pinch me anytime you need to come to a halt.”
“I know,” Jeongguk exclaimed. “Pl- Just, Wanna make you come first.”
“Acting metaphorically on the promise to ruin me for someone else, I see, but you've got to work harder slut.”
Jeongguk gave a full-body shudder because he didn’t expect the degradation; never expected his first encounter with Taehyung to be like this, crammed up in a room in Seokjin's apartment, with the threat of anyone coming at any moment. He didn't assume Taehyung would have a humiliating kink, but as it turned out, he didn't know much about Taehyung. After all, he was a romantic at heart, yet God's assertion, he now thinks, they'd have to fuck standing.
A/N notes;
This is absolutely horrendous and I don't wish to continue this because writing smut is really hard. Sorry for the inactivity my loves its ramadan ,(<3