C H A P T E R
T H I R T Y
F I V E
My clothes fall onto the floor, escaping from the oversized bag that I basically have my entire dresser in. I sigh annoyingly while my hands grab the rest of it on the rug. Cynthia comes in suddenly, holding a duffel bag which is tightly against her chest.
"If we leave now, we can make it there earlier than our GPS says."
"Siri never knows what she's talking about," I huff, zipping the brass colored chain closed. "Besides, we're stopping at a hotel halfway. There's no way you nor I can drive the full sixteen hours."
She smirks, shaking her head. "Mommy knows best."
I laugh. "And don't you forget it."
Ashley comes into my mind. The thought of leaving her behind, especially after the night we had at the bar. What if that happens to her again and I won't be there to protect her?
She's an adult. She can take care of herself, but that's not the point. The point is... I won't be there with her. I'm moving miles and miles away from the only home I've ever known.
That's the thing about life, you life and you learn. The life I've shared with St. Helena is complete. There's nothing here for me anymore.
Nobody except...
"Mom?" Cynthia calls out from the kitchen. I quickly brush my teeth and throw my long locks into a high pony tail before answering. "Coming!"
My feet stop near the doorway when I spot him suddenly. Standing in my kitchen while Cynthia closes the door behind him. He looks around the room, noticing the boxes piled up in just about every corner.
No dishes were in the cabinet, no television was hooked up in the wall, no furniture was resting on the tile floor.
Nothing.
Just as he opens his mouth I quickly speak for him. "Grant," my voice almost comes out like a whisper. "What are you doing here?"
"I called him," Cynthia swallows, blinking her eyes at me. "I'll give you two some privacy."
I watch as she leaves the kitchen, letting it be only Grant and I.. standing a few feet away from one another. The only thing that breaks the silence between us is the ticking from his watch.
"Hey."
His voice sounds sad. A sound I don't want to hear, especially coming from him. He deserves to be happy. He doesn't need to be upset over me.
"Hi." I tell him softly, brushing my arm up and down.
He hasn't shaved in several days, maybe even almost a week. I'm not complaining though. It favors him rather well. His shaggy hair falls between his eyes while he looks up from his feet.
"You're really leaving, huh?"
The only thing I know to do- is to just nod. He shakes his head in understanding, still rocking on both feet.
"For how long?"
"This is it, Grant. I won't be returning."
His eyes find mine, staring deep into my pupils as he makes sure he's hearing me correctly. "Why?"
I close my eyes, trying to find the words before I open them again. "There's nothing here for me anymore."
"I'm here," he pleads. "Stay here with me."
"Grant, I need this for myself. A new life. A fresh start for my daughter and I."
"Your daughter called me. That's got to mean something."
"He's right," Cynthia says, stepping slowly into the room. "I know you care about him, Mom. That's why I called him. I didn't want you to leave without telling him goodbye."
"Honey—
"Valerie, please." Grant tries to speak, but I raise my hand to stop him.
"I'm pregnant."
The voices that filled the room suddenly fades and we are left alone again... speechless. No sounds. You could drop a penny to let the room echo.. that's how quiet it was.
"Mom," Cynthia speaks first. "Are you really?"
Grant doesn't say anything. His eyes wander to my daughters and then finds mine again, still not saying a word.
"It's been a couple weeks since I found out."
"Is it mine?"
Wow, he speaks.
I quickly shake my head, keeping my head down to fiddle my thumbs like I always do when I'm ashamed. "I don't know."
He runs a hand through his hair, feeling defeated before leaning against the door. "Does Elijah know?"
"No."
"So, you were just going to leave without telling either of us?"
I swallow back the tears that try to escape my eyes and the lump in my throat that burns suddenly. I understand he's mad. But, I had no choice.
"Don't you see," my lips quiver as I speak. "Don't you see how fucked up this is?"
"Mom—
"I don't know who's baby this is. You two are brothers and I'm in the middle. This baby will be in the middle. I already have one kid out of this, now I'm going to have another." My voice breaks with every word.
My feet take a few steps back as I almost trip over them, stumbling into a million pieces until I fall on the tile floor. Grant quickly moves away from the door and brushes his hand against my shoulder.
"Valerie, I don't care if this baby isn't mine. It wasn't a mistake."
Cynthia sobs as she listens to his words. My mind races. Uncontrollable tears spill my eyes making my vision blurry. I don't know if I'm able to do this.
"I love you," he says sympathetically.. which only shatters my heart even more. "Let me be here for you."
"I have an appointment with a clinic in Montana. I wasn't going to say anything."
"You aren't keeping it?" His voice breaks. Cynthia chimes in momentarily. "You can't be serious, Mom. Don't do this."
"It's not right for a child to be brought into this mess. It's my own fucking fault."
"But, it's not the baby's."
I don't have time for this right now. My plan back fired and once again my world comes crashing down onto me.
"It's time to go," I say, standing up from my feet and quickly gather my duffel bag from the floor. Grant tries to stop me by grabbing my arm but I pull away. "I can't."
My daughter opens her mouth, but draws them back into a hard line. She has so many things she wants to say, but she brushes it off by wiping the tears from her face.
Grant stands in the kitchen, watching us as we walk out the front door. I stumble down the steps, never looking behind at him. If I see him one more time, I won't be able to go.
I have to go.
The entire drive to Montana was quiet. Neither of us said a single word. I felt like the child for once when it should be the other way around.
I never keep things from my daughter, besides the Elijah thing. But, this— I have failed her once again. I taught her something that you shouldn't do.
My mistakes laugh in my face.
Pull me down harder every damn time.
Get knocked up by the other brother... check!
How is this okay?
Cynthia's words repeat in my head over and over.
It's not the baby's fault
No, it's not. But, this baby will always be a reminder of it. A time I was stupid.
But, also a time I was in love.
Fuck.
What do I do?
• • •
The next chapter is the epilogue ❣️
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