•one hundred and two•
Beatrix
The next morning, I was relieved when Daryl actually woke me up. I really thought he would leave me at the Kingdom, but I am so glad that he didn't. I wouldn't have felt safe there without him.
They offered us a vehicle to take back to the Hilltop, but Daryl didn't want to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves, so we walked. It was a long enough car ride on the way over, and walking felt like an eternity. I really didn't want to bitch about it, but I am pregnant and my feet started to feel like they were on fire. When I finally said something, Daryl sighed and put me on his back, saying we didn't have time to stop. Under any other circumstances, there's no way I would have let him carry me the rest of the way, but now I don't argue with him.
"You can put me down now, Dare," I say once the Hilltop walls are within eyesight. He walks a few more steps before squatting and letting me climb off of his back. "Thank you."
He doesn't answer, but instead throws his crossbow onto his back and picks up his pace until we're safely inside the walls of the Hilltop again.
"I thought you were staying in the Kingdom," Maggie comments, smiling when she sees us.
"We were. It ain't where we need to be right now, though," Daryl answers for us, and Maggie's smile softens even more. "Put us to work."
"Well I'm sure you're both exhausted coming over here on foot. It's a long walk from the Kingdom," she says, leading us over to one of the trailers. Inside is like a mini hotel room, and she pours us both a tall glass of cold water. "Rest for a while. Do you want some fruit?"
"Fruit would be great," I smile at her, taking a seat at the table in the middle of the room, while Daryl sits off to the side. I basically chug my water, and Maggie pours me glass after glass until I feel like I'm about to burst. "Where's the bathroom?"
"Over there," she points to the door in the corner of the room, and I sigh in relief.
I all but sprint over to the bathroom, even then barely making it in time. Pregnancy bladder is no joke. I've never felt the urge that fast before in my life. It's crazy.
When I come back out of the bathroom, Maggie and Daryl's heads both look to me, stopping whatever they were talking about. I tilt my head to the side slightly, wondering what they were talking about.
"Everything okay?" I ask, my hand subconsciously landing on my lower stomach.
"You're starting to show," Maggie says, a soft smile on her face as he eyes fixate on my stomach.
"Really?" My mood instantly perks up as I look down, pulling my shirt up so that I can get a better look. "I guess it's easy to start showing early when you're starving."
I let out a half laugh, a smile on my face as I look down at the small bump that's growing inside of me. Daryl and Maggie don't think my joke is very funny, though.
"I'll get you something," Daryl volunteers, standing up and walking out of the trailer.
"I don't know what's wrong with him," I sigh and flop down on one of the chairs around the table. "He's different, Mags. Something happened to him in there."
"He'll come around. He always does for you," she reassures me, giving my arm a soft squeeze. "You're his person."
"He thought I wanted to be with Negan," I say with a frown, looking down at my nails as I pick the skin around them.
Before Maggie can respond, Daryl opens the door, carrying a plate of food with Enid trailing behind him. I smile once I see the girl, wrapping my arms around her tightly in a hug.
"Here, eat," Daryl demands, sitting the plate of meat and vegetables down in front of my face. At least he's talking to me now. We're making progress. "Gotta eat enough for three of you now."
"You have to eat something, too," I push the plate closer to him so that he can eat some of my food too. I can tell he wants to, and after eyeing it for a few seconds, he reaches for a piece of meat. "We have to start coming up with some kind of plan, something to hit them with. We can't just sit here and twiddle our thumbs while we wait for Rick to find more people to fight."
"We're way ahead of you," Maggie replies, pulling a binder from one of the shelves and sitting it down in front of me. She opens it up to show me pages of what they've been working on. "You up to help?"
"Of course. I'm willing to do anything to take that morherfucker down," I reply, sitting up straight so that we can focus and get down to business.
//////////
The next several weeks pass by quickly, working with Maggie, Sasha, Enid and Daryl. We have been working feverishly to get the Hilltop ready to fight. Between smelting new weapons, teaching the people how to fight, and mapping out Negan's compound, we are all exhausted. We've all been working hard to get where we are.
Thankfully, Daryl has also started to come around more. We definitely aren't back to where we were, but we're on the way there. At least now we both sleep at night, together, and he stays close by. I'm not even sure if he's gone outside of the walls at all since we got here.
The one thing I've tried hard to push to the back of my mind, though, is when he finally showed me his back. It took everything in me not to throw up when I saw what Negan, that sick bastard, had done to him. I had wondered why he hadn't set me up with a place to research our bites while I was there, and as soon as Daryl pulled his shirt off, it made perfect sense.
They had been experimenting on Daryl. Doctor Carson had taken tissue samples, one square inch tissue samples, from the area around his bite. Rage fills inside of me at the thought of it, especially when I think about how I know he wasn't anesthetized or numbed at all. They tortured him, mentally and physically. Not only did they mutilate his body, but they kept him locked in a broom closet, forcing him to listen to the same song on repeat while he ate dog food and was forced to hear about mine and Negan's, excuse me while I gag, relationship. They told him so many lies about me, and I don't blame him for believing them. They fucked with his mind.
Snap out of it, Beatrix.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts, to keep myself from thinking about it. The more I think about it, the closer and closer I get to going full psycho again like I did at Terminus, and I have been forbidden from doing that, unfortunately. Apparently pregnant women shouldn't be ripping people's throats out with their teeth. Who knew?
Pushing the thoughts of Negan out of my mind, I walk over to find Daryl. As usual, he's sitting at his bench, sharpening his knives and his arrows. He gives me a nod as I approach him, scooting over so that I can sit down beside of him.
"You know what today is, right?" I turn to face him, my face beaming with joy. Usually, I'm not this happy. It's just a special day.
"Today's the day already?" He breaks his focus from his blades only long enough to read the expression on my face before looking back down.
"Yes," I smile and kiss him on the top of the head as he works. "Meet me in the medical trailer in ten."
I turn to go find Maggie, my hand lightly resting on my stomach when my world comes to a stop.
"The Saviors are coming!" The guy on watch screams to all of us, quite literally sending us into a panic.
My heart stops and I stand frozen for a moment. If they find us, we're just as good as dead. I don't get to stand frozen for long before Daryl grabs my arm, dragging me off towards Maggie an Enid.
"We don't have time to make it out," I say, realizing that the gates are starting to open. "It's too late. We're gonna get caught."
"No, we ain't," Daryl says, following Enid.
"Get in here. I'll keep them away. They aren't the same ones that were at Alexandria," she pushes us into the cellar behind the house and quickly shuts the doors behind us.
"We can't just sit out here," I whisper, looking between Daryl and Maggie.
"I have an idea," Maggie says, moving the shelving units in the corner.
I help her out, filling the shelves so that they look full and you can't see past them, while Maggie works on making a place big enough for the three of us to fit.
"Daryl, shut that," I whisper at him, watching him crack the door to look out. "Come on."
Daryl pushes us into the spot we made before shielding us with his body, pulling the shelf back as close as he could get it to us. I reach down to grab his and Maggie's hands, squeezing them tightly to try and calm myself down. My breath hitches in my throat when I hear the door start to creak open.
I press my face into Daryl's back, unable to watch as the person walks down into the cellar. I hold my breath as they walk around, taking baskets of our food off of the shelves. Take all of the food if you want it, just as long as they don't find us. I don't care.
Daryl's hand let's go of mine and I finally open my eyes to see him raising his knife. He can't do that. I can't let him do that. It's too risky. My hand wraps around his, pushing the knife down, and after a moment, he lets me push it down. Thankfully, a few more seconds and the door shuts. Daryl slides out of our hiding spot to look out the crack in the door, probably watching the guy walk away.
"You we're gonna kill that guy," Maggie says, stepping out next, leaving me standing where I am. I'm so incredibly terrified right now that I can't bring myself to move.
"He deserved it," Daryl answers, still gripping his knife tightly.
"Ever since you got here, you haven't said a word to me," Maggie frowns at him while I sink down and pull my knees to my chest. Well, as close as they can get anyway. "Would you look at me? Please?"
"I'm sorry," Daryl sniffles and I hear the soft crack in his voice as he looks up at Maggie. "I'm so sorry."
"It wasn't your fault," she shakes her head, and I know they're talking about Glenn.
The thought of Glenn makes me think back to that night, and suddenly I can't get the images out of my head. My hand reaches up to my face, and I can almost feel Lucas' blood still on me. When I glance down at my hands, for a split second I see blood covering them before it disappears.
The image of Lucas looking me in the eyes as that fucking bat hits his head replays over and over in my mind like a broken record. I can't get it to go away. The sound of his flesh being ripped apart by the barbed wire rings through my ears, so loud it's almost deafening. He died because of me. It was all my fault.
Daryl
Maggie and I break apart from our hug when we hear Beatrix. I hadn't even noticed she was still in the corner until she started screaming. As soon as she starts, I rush over and cover her mouth with my hand to try and keep her quiet.
"Trixy, you gotta shut the hell up," I whisper to her, and she doesn't even react. She doesn't even blink.
"Something's wrong," I say to Maggie. I wave my hand in front of her face, and she still doesn't even blink. No reaction at all.
Maggie comes to look at her while I push the shelves back so we can get her out easier. Thankfully, Enid comes to tell us the coast is clear. I pick her up, making a mental note of how much lighter she feels since the prison. She isn't eating right.
"Where the hell's Doctor Carson?" I call out to Jesus while I carry her through the yard.
"They took him," Jesus frowns and runs forward to open the door for me.
Once I have her laid down on the bed, Maggie starts to check her out. My chest tightens as I watch Maggie try to talk to my wife, only to get absolutely nothing in response. No blinking, no words, nothing.
"She's having a panic attack," Maggie finally says, pulling Trixy close in a hug. "I think she has PTSD."
"What do I need to do?" I ask, running my hand through her hair.
"Talk to her. We need to get her grounded," Maggie pulls away from her, sitting down on the bed beside of her. "Bea, you're here at the Hilltop with us, Daryl, Maggie, Enid and Jesus. They can't hurt you anymore."
"Trixy, what you're seeing ain't real," I tell her, not even sure if this will help or not, but it's all I've got. I grab her hand and touch it to my face and then my neck, pushing her fingers on my carotid (yes, she taught me that word) so that she can feel my pulse. "We're here. We're real."
The four of us keep talking to her, and the more we talk the more responsive she seems to be. After a few minutes, she actually turns her head and focuses her eyes on me, and I'm able to breathe a little easier. I'm usually pretty worried about her anyway, but I'm on even higher alert now that Negan's on the hunt for us and she's pregnant, with my children.
Never in a million damn years would I ever think I'd have a child, let alone twins, and sure as shit not after the world went to shit. I didn't exactly have the best role models growing up, so I wasn't even sure I was fit to be a dad in the first place. Hell, I'm still not sure, but Trixy seems to be pretty confident in me, so I guess we'll see how it goes. It's a little late to change my mind now, anyway.
"Are you back with us, Bea?" Maggie asks, and Trixy takes a moment to nod, catching her breath. "Good. What happened?"
"Lucas," she whispers, and I feel awful for her.
She loved him, that much wasn't a secret. They had a bond, the kind I'll never have with her, over their work, and it meant a lot to her. He was a good guy, too. He gave up on her after he saw he wasn't what she wanted anymore, even though he was still in love with her. I could see it on his face every time he looked at her, but he never made another move. He protected her, kept her safe after the prison. She blames herself for his death. Hell, she watched him die right beside her and got covered in his blood. That would traumatize anyone, and I would know.
"He wouldn't want you to blame yourself," I finally say, after Maggie and Enid both had their turns telling her it'll all be okay. That ain't what she needs to hear. "You know that just as well as I do. He wouldn't want you to be like this, acting like you're the one that killed him. You ain't. You can't control other people's actions."
Her face softens as I speak, and soon enough the tears start. That's to be expected, though. She's a crier anyway, and now that she's pregnant, it's worse than it ever was before. She reaches out for mine and Maggie's hands, giving them a squeeze as she cries.
"I just can't get the image out of my mind, you know?" She sobs, and at this point all we can do is try and comfort her.
It takes her another thirty or so minutes, but she finally calms down and stops crying. Maggie, Enid and Jesus have already left by now, so it's just me and her.
"You know, since we're already here, we might as well go ahead and find out," she smiles, wiping the last of her tears away.
"Yeah, I'd like that," I nod. I can't even pretend to not be at least a little excited about finding out.
"Pull that machine over here," she points to the ultrasound machine in the corner, and I pull it over. She sits up on the bed, typing away on the computer as the screen pops up. While it loads, I just stand there and watch her roll her shirt up. "Get the gel please."
I look again to where she's pointing, grabbing the gel and a towel. When I hand it to her, she lays back and squirts a shit ton of it onto her stomach. She then hands the probe over to me, and I look at her like she has seven heads.
"Ain't no way I can do that," I shake my head.
"Yes you can. I'll guide you," she has a soft smile on her face, the one that could make me agree to anything she wanted me to do, so I take the damn probe. "Just watch the screen."
When I touch the probe to her skin, it all kind of feels real. When you don't see them, it's hard to actually think about it, but seeing those two babies on the screen, it makes it all seem real.
"Baby A is doing a handstand for us," Trixy smiles as she holds my hand steady, right where she wants it. She lets go of the probe, and I hold it while she types something and takes a screenshot. "She's making it easy on us."
"She?" I raise my eyebrow at her, because I don't see anything on the screen. I couldn't even tell her ass from her head, to be honest.
"Baby A is a girl!" She quite literally squeals, leaning forward to point on the screen. "You see that? Her legs are spread, and there's no little penis. It's a girl."
"Holy shit," I mutter, looking at the screen. I still can't tell anything about it, but I'll take her word for it. She knows what she's doing.
"Baby B is being a little more difficult," she mutters, moving the probe around again, taking it all the way to the other side of her stomach. "Oh, this one is definitely going to be the trouble child, he's showing us his ass. He will definitely be like his Uncle Merle."
I watch as she takes another screenshot of the screen and pauses it, pointing at Baby B. Even a dumb ass like me can see the sack between his legs.
"So one of each?" I ask, suddenly overcome with nervousness. Trixy wanted a little girl, she always has, so I'm glad she's gonna get what she wants. The thought of a girl scared the shit out of me, because well, I'm obviously not very good with women. How the hell am I supposed to raise one? The thought of a boy scares me even more, though. What if I end up like my dad? What if he ends up looking like my dad?
"One of each, Dare," she claps her hands, beaming with excitement. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah, just can't believe it. Never thought I'd be a dad," I shake my head in disbelief, still finding it hard to wrap my head around it.
"Well, you're gonna be a great one," she smiles before pulling me in to kiss her.