Not proofread
Warnings:Reader is trans and uses He/him pronouns! Pre-transition, Emotional, Ansgt to fluff, abuse mention, panic attack, harmful fidgeting.
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"Alright Wilbur, see you in a bit!" I said as he waved me goodbye and closed the door. He was on his way to his office to do some editing on his recent vlogs he has recorded with his other friends. He tells me about them but I'm too shy to meet them though.
I sighed as I leaned back on the sofa and placed a pillow on my lap. Wilbur and I have been dating for a while now, like eight months now I think. We've moved in together and things are going pretty good to be completely honest. Thing is, we haven't even had sex before.
It's not that he doesn't want to is that I quickly change the subject and he's quick to back away and readjust to the new situation. I love that part about him, that he's quick to please the other party before himself. But part of me feels guilty for not giving him the straightforward answer.
He doesn't know that I'm actually a trans guy and that I'm pre-transition. I wear a binder for long periods of time to avoid any suspicion he might have and avoid him seeing me change at all. Wilbur still thinks I'm a cisgender guy. I have known I'm like this for years now and coming out to people has become easier as time went by. Yet my mind tends to overthink and makes these assumptions about people before even talking to them about my situation.
I know deep down Wilbur wouldn't react my mind thinks he would. I know he wouldn't kick me out or do horrible things but the anxiety I feel in my chest, in my hands and feet is just too unbearable some times. I have lost people in the past for being the way I am so a great fear is Wilbur leaving me all alone and nowhere to go.
I bit my lip as I moved the pillow away from my lap and stood up. A sharp pain shot through my back and my sides as I held the couch arm for support. "Ah!" I winced in pain as I held myself back down to the sofa. "Shoot, I've been wearing this for way too long" I said out loud remembering I was still wearing my binder for way too long.
I took in a sharp breath and stood back up and ignored the strong pain. I quickly walked over to our shared bedroom, holding the walls for support and quickly changed. I slid on a big oversized maroon shirt and put on my pajama pants on.
I looked over at the big mirror and got closer. I moved my face sideways and up and down to observe. "I need to go put on a face mask before I get more pimples" I said to myself moving any loose hairs from my forehead and saw a few small pimples forming already.
I carefully walked into the shared bathroom and looked inside one of the cabinets below the faucet sink. I found my little stash of face masks and got a random one. I applied it and set a timer on my phone on when to take it off.
I went back into the living room and sat down on the sofa with a big sigh. "I don't know how to tell him" I said as I started to bite my fingernails. A big habit I have gotten over the years that still hasn't left me. "Maybe in a note? Nah I'm too nervous to even hold the pencil right" I began thinking out loud as the tv became background noise to me.
Time flew by and my overthinking began to overtake my other thoughts. I felt soft pain throbs as I pulled my hand away from my mouth seeing I was already biting the bottom of my fingers instead of my fingernails. I wiped my hand down my pants and began to chew on my other untouched hand.
"What if he kicks me out...oh god I don't want to go back" I said my voice full of worry now. I left my parents home a year ago due to the abuse I endured throughout my teenage years. They refuse to acknowledge all the pain and suffrage I had to maintain and to add they were extremely narcissistic.
I would do anything to not go back but if I have to leave this home, my only home, I might have to. Then I shook my head. "No, he wouldn't do that. I know how he is so he wouldn't do that to me. Would he?" More thoughts and thoughts came rushing in and out of my brain trying to stay calm.
I began to think happy thoughts. Thoughts that he might actually accept me and help me transition safely with his help. "He'll see me the same after i tell him! I know he will" I said forcing a smile on my face knowing deep down it was just foolery.
I forcefully pulled my hand away from my mouth and felt my vision start to slightly blur. "Oh god what if nothing goes right? I shouldn't tell him. Fuck!" I said my leg already bouncing really loudly against the sofa and the wood floor.
The tv couldn't be heard from my warm ears anymore as soft ringing started to be evident. It was clear I was having a panic attack so quickly stood up and looked around. "Calm down (y/n)! We need you calm right now!" I said trying my best to calm down. I went back to chewing on my fingertips seeing the edges start to peel and red blood started to poop around them.
"Fuck me! I should've just told him from the start! Now look at what mess I am in" I lectured myself raising a fist and held it over my head but quickly stopping myself from harming myself even more. I kept squeezing my fist out of anger not making the attack even better.
Suddenly, a door click could be heard as I look over at the main door and see it open slightly and a tall man slide over and close it quickly. "I'm home! Guess what? My editor actually did all the work already! So I took him out to eat instead so I brought you some...food!" Wilbur said as he placed down his keys on the bowl and placed the takeout on the table.
He turned around with a big grin then it dropped slightly. "(Y/n)? You okay? Why are you just standing there?" He asked. My thoughts immediately stopped and I dropped my fist from above my head. I looked at him with a confused look. Seeing him so happy and so excited just to be ruined by me in a horrible state. I bring nothing but problems to him.
"(Y/n)?-" Wilbur said stepping closer yet hearing my own name made me burst into tears. "Woah!" He said as he quickly ran over as I fell onto my knees sobbing loudly, my tears falling down to the tip of my chin. "Hey! Hey! You're okay. I'm right here" he said as he looked over to see if I had anything wrong.
"You're fingers are bleeding, let's go clean them up quick" he said holding me up and taking me to our shared bathroom. He made me stand in front of the sink and dip my hands into warm water. "I don't want to pry anything out of you but I want to let you know I'm right here and I'm not planning on leaving" Wilbur said as he reached down and removed my mask from my face with a soft smile.
"I'll get you some cream for those small little pimples alright?" He said as he threw away the mask and got a clean rag to wipe my wet and snobby face. I couldn't see anything seeing my view be covered from my glossy eyes. He softly ran the rag down my face getting every inch of it. "There you go, all better?" He asked as he pulled the rag away with a smile. I sadly nodded.
He got some cream for fresh wounds and applied it on every finger and left me to sit on the toilet top. "Let me get you some cream to make your face less red okay?" He said, as he left the room in a hurry. I looked down at my feet in shame. Feeling worthless not being able to help myself and have Wilbur waste time helping me. The cold sensation on my fingers felt wonderful though but not the puffiness from my face.
Wilbur quickly went into the their shared bedroom and went to find the cream yet he stepped on something on the floor. He moved his leg and noticed it was a black like crop top. "I didn't know he wore crop tops?" Wilbur questioned to himself but grabbed it in his hands. He felt it wasn't a shirt since it had a different like material inside of it.
He looked at the tag inside of it and it was a name of a company. Curiosity got the best of him as he quickly pulled out his phone and searched it up on google. A website popped up and numerous pictures of models in the so called crop top were shown. "These aren't crop tops right?" He thought to himself but began reading a small paragraph at the top.
It explained that the piece of clothing he was holding was actually a binder, a compression against the chest to create a flat-like look on whoever is wearing it. "But why would he-?" He thought as his eyes shot open as he read the other sentences. 'Binders are typically worn by trans masculine people or even females do too!'
The gears in his brain began to turn and make sense. His mouth formed a small 'o' in realization and quickly put it back where it was and came back to the bathroom. He saw (y/n) still with his head hung low with occasional sniffling being heard.
Wilbur felt a sharp pain in his chest as his lips started to quiver and a sudden urged to hug his lover overcame him. He kneeled down and engulfed the other man in his arms very tightly, afraid of letting go. It took (y/n) by surprise but felt the hug was very much needed. He then started to hear light sniffles coming from Wilbur but didn't want to question it.
Finally Wilbur pulled away and held (y/n)'s arms firmly. "(Y/n), you know I love you right?" He said looking at him in the eyes even though it made him shed even more tears. (Y/n) nodded trying not to cry seeing Wilbur like that. "And that means I'll still love you no matter what you decide to do" he gave a soft squeeze on both arms.
He wiped his tears on his arm and looked back up at his boyfriend. "I'll always be here for you no matter what. You can always trust me to tell me anything and I mean anything you hear?" Wilbur said making (y/n) feel more confident on telling him by the second.
"I actually..have something to tell you Wilbur" (y/n) said clearing his throat feeling it be quite dry. Wilbur nodded taking his hands in his now. He quickly got up to get bandages and went back to kneel in front of him in the toilet to apply the multiple bandages.
"I'm all ears for you" Wilbur said with a toothy grin. It made (y/n)'s heart hurt seeing him smile like that yet tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. (Y/n) looked down and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and felt the words leave his mouth like a waterfall. "I'm actually a trans guy" he shot his eyes open waiting for rejection.
Wilbur stopped wrapping the bandaids and looked up at his lover. "Really?" He asked not being able to register actually hearing those words leave his boyfriends lips. (Y/n) nodded with fear in his eyes as he began to move away from Wilbur. "I get it if you don't want to-" he began but Wilbur shot up in joy. "I'm so happy for you! I still love you no matter what" he said hugging the other again very tightly.
"Huh? But..why?" (Y/n) asked super confused in his mind not understanding why Wilbur is happy. "Because I'll always love and support you, no matter what and I meant it. You're still my favorite boy" Wilbur said making (y/n) smile brightly. "There it is! My favorite smile, oh how I've missed it so much" Wilbur cooed making the other instantly blush and look away.
"Hey" Wilbur said bringing the other's attention back to him. Wilbur leaned in and kissed his forehead lightly and pulled away a bit. "I mean it when I say I love you.." he leaned down at the others lips lightly brushing them against his missing the sensation. "..don't you forget it, love" with that he kissed them like he never had done before, like as if (y/n) would disappear if he didn't.
He pulled away feeling the need to breathe and smiled. (Y/n) love struck by the intense kiss he just experienced with reddened cheeks. "Lets go eat your take out! I ordered your favorite with extra fries since I know you would be picking at mine" Wilbur said helping him get back up and turn off the light in the bathroom and lead both men into the living room to enjoy the rest of the night together.
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I hope this one was fine!